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Subject: Never Ending Story rss

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Jeremy Kratochwill
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yells "I don't have time for this", swinging the bat and connecting with the back of Captain Priceline T. Crane's left knee. "Yeargh" he screams, his knee involuntarily folding, he tries to keep his balance as he stumbles backward.
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Lance Peterson
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At that moment, Jar Jar Binks walks up behind Capt. Jean-Luc Xavier Bullock and says, "Heysa, mesa backs in da movie hoses thisa weekend."

Startled, Capt. Bullock he swings at the Gungan, connects with the bulbous nose and knocks Jar Jar out cold. "What a hideous beast!" exclaims Capt. Jean-Luc Xavier Bullock. "Where did something like that come from".

"Um..." says Larry, "it seems we have a movie maker in this world that can't leave well enough alone." You see ....
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Lance McMillan
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...a cute and cuddly little pink pony with powder-blue spots emerge from behind the shadow of Larry's vintage wehrmacht overcoat. It glances quizzically about, shakes its opalescent mane, and says in a soft voice (that sounds remarkably like Meg Tilly), "Hey, boys, anyone seen my halter? I think I accidentally left it here last Valentine's Day."

Larry, Jean-Luc, Capt. Crane, and the others all look guiltily at one another for a few moments, and then Larry suddenly points an accusatory finger at the unconcious Gungan and says, in a squeaky voice filled with dread, "He's the one what done it! He and that cursed Professor Moriarty. I seen 'em both, skulkin' round last night in the dark and all, carryin' a big bag of turnips and a half-dozen...
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Lance Peterson
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macaroons."

"What, no fruit cake?" asks Capt. Crane.

"No" replied the little pony, "but they did pick up some Kup Kakes thrown off a trawler."

"A trawler?" asks Larry.

"Yes," said the little pony, "you see ...
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Lance McMillan
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...it was dark that night. Darker than the pits of Hades. We were running north-west, pushed off course by a storm coming up out of the Caribbean. It was one of those warm, wet blows that come up from off Bermuda every so often. One of those nasty ones you know will be bad days before they really get started. We could smell death approaching on that breeze, like it was a wind from the very gates of Hell."

Larry rolled his eyes. "Wax litterary on your own time," he sighed, "This is a serious story for serious people. Let's get back to business."

"I agree," said Jean-Luc, nodding sagely, "we have far more important things to do than waste valuable time discussing the acquisition of holiday desserts."

"I appologize," snorted the little pony. "I had no idea I was speaking out of turn."

Larry gave the little pony an icy stare and then turned back to Capt.Crane. "You were saying, sir, before we were so rudely interupted...?"

Capt.Crane massaged his now swollen left knee and shook his head, indicating that he had nothing further to add to the conversation and then motioned for Larry to continue. Larry smiled in gratitude and sketched the slightest of bows, acknowledging the polite gesture.

"Yes. Well," Larry began, lightly clearing his throat and straightening himself to his full 5'3" height whilst grasping the lapel of his overcoat with his left hand. "I have often found that on occasions like this it behooves a man to seize the reins of authority and..."
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Lance Peterson
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"... declare, hell yes, Han shot first. I don't care what Lucas says."

Capt. Crane, Capt. Bullock and the little pony exchanged glances. Capt. Bullock was about to speak when in walked The Little Man and Lothar. They all noticed that Lothar happened to be carrying a ...
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Lance McMillan
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...Fox Terrier puppy under one arm. This was odd, as everyone knew Lothar had a severe allergy to dog fur.

"Why the dog, Lothar?" Asked Larry, sounding alarmed. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh, everything's just peachy!" Gushed Lothar, in his characteristic South Philly accent. "I found this little fellow in a delightful little thrift store in Juneau. He came bounding up, gave me a big slobbery lick that almost immediately sent me into anaphalactic shock, and we've been inseparable ever since!"

Everyone smiled, and Jean-Luc clapped Lothar on the back in a profoundly affectionate but clearly non-homosexual manner. It was always reassuring to see one of their comrades rise above his physical limitations, and the group as a whole was inspired.

While this was happening, the little pony yawned a little bit, and surrepticiously trotted over to where The Little Man was standing. "How little they know." He whispered confidentially, "Little doggies like that can turn into BIG problems, given a little time."

The Little Man nodded, a little noncommittally the little pony thought.

"I'm curious," asked Capt.Crane, returning to the original subject, "If Han shot first, what are the implications that has with regard to Luke's 'Journey to Manhood' saga? From a psychological standpoint, the conflicted Oedipal issues raised by Han thus being an anti-hero would likely have a profound negative impact on his growth towards transcendence."

Larry glanced around the group enigmatically, and then pointed at the still recumbant form of the prostrate Gungan. "I think Jarjar here is conclusive proof that Lucas, that beautiful bastard, was having us all on. There's simply no way you can reconcile a 'Jester' figure like him with a convoluted plotline that includes such absurdities as...
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"But, please, only write one sentence!"
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Jeremy Kratochwill
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"Where did that voice come from!" chorused everyone in the store. Jinx!
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Lance Peterson
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... various characters being regarded as heroes when we all know that the only consistent hero throughout all 6 episodes was R2D2. That little droid saved everybody's keister at least once in each movie."

The Little Pony, looking restless and bored with this talk decided to liven things up a bit by ...
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Chad
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kicking Lothars puppy as hard as he could in the head! It sent the puppies head flying off it's body and . . . .
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Lance Peterson
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... landing at the feet of Cerberus, who had quickly gated in from Hades to see what monster could have done such a thing.

Cerberus proceeded to tear The Little Pony to shreds and then restored the puppy to life. Cerberus then reconstituted The Little Pony and took her to Hades with him for a few eons of punishment.

Larry quickly returned the copy of Kittens in a Blender he had been looking at to the shelf.

"Let that be a lesson to everyone" remarked Lothar ...
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Jeremy Kratochwill
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"never kick a puppy in a game store, anything could happen."

"Yeah," replied Larry, "what is it about this place?"

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Lance Peterson
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"Maybe it's not a typical game store" said The Little Man. "I've heard about places in this world where ...
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...non-contributory A-holes, who've never once provided a post to sustaining the story, but are utterly convinced that it's okay to throw the narrative off track with ungrammatical declarations in order to complain about someone else being verbose!"

"Really?" Exclaimed Lothar, "That sounds terribly annoying. How can you tell the places where these sorts of people hang out?"

"Well, for one thing, they're all covered in gold shit and such." Snarled The Little Man. "You know, one of those clear indicators of someone thinks they're better than everyone else, 'cause they're all, like, 'I'm golden, see?' I absolutely loathe people like that. If it were up to me they'd either be tossed in the blender with the freakin' kittens, beaten to death with dusty chalk-board erasers, or...
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MungSu wrote:
"Maybe it's not a typical game store" said The Little Man. "I've heard about places in this world where ...


But before the Little Man could finish what he was saying the puppy lunged out of Lothars arms and bit onto the Little Man's hand and was just dangling there! Hades had brought the puppy back to life but it came back with Pet Semetary rules where it was different; then . . .
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Jeremy Kratochwill
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BoardGameGeek » Forums » BoardGameGeek Community » Feel the Love
Re: Never Ending Story
"Grarghhhhh" screamed the Little Man. From out of nowhere, the ever absent shopkeeper appeared, yelling "hey, who let that dog in here, what in geek's name is going on here, you're getting blood all over my store!" The shopkeep lunged for the puppy and the Little Man...
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Chad
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Realing that everyone was just looking around staring at the walls Lothar smacked the shop keeper in the head with his hammer. "Leave that puppy alone he is doing something very important; he is . . . . . .
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Lance Peterson
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stopping The Little Man from revealing the secret about the location of this game store.

"What!" cried the shop keeper. "How could The Little Man know that this store ...
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Jeremy Kratochwill
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"is the last known location of the Infinite Improbability Drive's original prototype model."

Although its existense is highly debatable, it is rumored that there exists an earlier model of the Infinite Improbabability Drive. Some theorists theororize that the earlier, less powerful model was actually created by the latter model. The theory goes that the model is in hiding lest the universe catch up to it to teach it a thing or two about how the space-time continuum is supposed to work.
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Lance Peterson
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"Yikes!" yelled Larry as he ran out the store, "I've got to get my towel out of the car."

"What's that about a towel?" asked Lothar.

"Can someone get this dog off me?" asked The Little Man.

Meanwhile, in the corner of the store ...
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Chad
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the shopkeeper was bleeding from his head with a serious concussion saying "help, someone call 911; I need an ambulance." Hearing his pleading for help . . . .
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Lance Peterson
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the zombie from the back room shambled into the front to see what the commotion was about. The crack in the shop keeper's skull was just the opportunity the zombie was waiting for. Moaning what all zombies do - "braaainnnns", the zombie rushed toward the shopkeeper. Lothar, Larry and The Little Man watched as the zombie slowly made his way across the store.

(sidebar - rushing to a zombie is slow to just about everyone else)

"Whoa!" yelled Capt. Crane as he ...
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Andy Andersen
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threw up into the landing. Recovering, he said "
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Jeremy Kratochwill
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Improbably, a pot of petunias materialized six feet in front of the zombie and started shooting Magic: the Gathering cards at it.
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