That is illogical captain! - Logical inconsistencies in otherwise fine games
Get up, get up, get up, get down, fall over.
United Kingdom
Bolton
Lancashire
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Is it just me? Look, I don't want to get tagged as some sort of green ink merchant. The sort of person that stands on street corners advising all comers to wear a tinfoil hat to stop the CIA from controlling your mind but...

Some games, just a few. The gameplay is great, neat mechanic, nice theme but...

Somehow there is just something, perhaps one action or a point you always reach that just niggles and niggles and niggles because, in the context of the theme, it is just not logical. And it gets worse over time. It builds with every play. One day you blurt it out and are ignored. Then suddenly people don't want to play this game with you. They are afraid you are going to start banging on about the same old point over and over again.

Are you following me?

Let me explain by way of an example. Then please, add more, show me I am not alone. wow
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401. Board Game: Navegador [Average Rating:7.61 Overall Rank:99]
Alain Curato
France
Albi
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This could work for many other games. I only chose Navegador because it is recent.

"Hurray! My captain, you made it! A new land! In spite of the loss of the other ship!
- This loss was necessary in order to discover this land, mate.
- Oh yes, surely the Divine Providence wanted it that way. We shall pray for our lost comrades.
- No, well that too, but I mean it is a rule that half an expedition be lost.
- But, but we could have all perished and found nothing, as well!
- Oh no, fear not, for I have this map that told me there was a land there. With two ships, success was assured.
- What? Where did this map come from? Vikings, Romans, Atlanteans, aliens, the Devil?
- Do not speak nonsense. This is, quite simply, a map of all undiscovered lands.
- This is sorcery! You can't have a map of lands we didn't even know of yet!
- Every captain has it. This is why you are not Captain."
(silence)
"Oh well btw captain, we should set to name this land, to explore it and to see if it is fit for colonization.
- No need. I already know this is Brasil. It is quite flat on the coast and fit for sugar, coffee, and mining. Its inhabitants are primitive Indians and will pose no threat.
- Er! pardon me captain, but for one, we are Germans ; so why shall we name this land in a Portuguese fashion? For two, could not these people be Chinese, Muslims or giants instead, who could smash us with cannons or thrown rocks? And, does your map also tell you all this?
- Why, yes of course. It tells me there are no threats anywhere. And as for the name, see, it is written on the map. Why change it?
- Then why did we not come with all the workers and soldiers already?
- Nonsense again! You have to discover a land before you can colonize it, this is obvious!"
The sailor drifts away thinking that all this Age of Discoveries madness should be put an end to by the Inquisition, because it reeks of sorcery.
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402. Board Game: Tikal [Average Rating:7.35 Overall Rank:155]
Alain Curato
France
Albi
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Taskmaster: So you see, we have set up a camp here. That allows more comfort, and new workers arrive here almost directly from the base camp. That way we will be able to collect valuable treasures and insteresting findings waaaaay before our rivals.
University representative: How come they can move so fast ?
Taskmaster: Ha! That's the clever part! We have opened secret paths in the forest!
University representative: Er, excuse me, but our rivals are working on pyramids all the way along these paths and they keep pacing the same regions as you do. Surely they must have found your paths and they are using them?
Taskmaster: Arh arh, fat chance! They are waaaay too stupid for that!
University representative: While I was in the bus I heard all the other teams say they, too, had set up camps. How do they get there ?
Taskmaster: Er? I suppose, via paths, too?
University representative: You never had the idea of looking for these and using them?
Taskmaster: (stares blankly)
University representative: Oh. Very well. Now, where is that helicopter landing pad you were supposed to build? This would be much more efficient than muddy paths.
Taskmaster: Er, sorry again, got too busy these days... Clearing paths, ya know.

(when I play this game I explain that camps actually are landing pads, who receive 'copters from the base camp.)
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403. Board Game: Fortune and Glory: The Cliffhanger Game [Average Rating:7.16 Overall Rank:508]
Jim Blanas
United States
Anchorage
Alaska
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Jake Zane: Good thing we got the Crown of Hades before the Nazis did.
Duke Dudley: I say, old boy. We sure gave Colonel Stahl what for, eh what?
Jake Zane: We should go sell this in a big city. How about New York?
Duke Dudley: Afraid not, chap. Gerry's invaded.
Jake Zane: What about London?
Duke Dudley: Sorry, the Nazis are there, too.
Jake Zane: I know! Let's sell it in Berlin!
Duke Dudley: Capital!
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404. Board Game: The Adventurers: The Pyramid of Horus [Average Rating:6.84 Overall Rank:970]
Mikey Moose
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Rasputin? RASPUTIN? HOW ON EARTH? WHY ON EARTH?
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405. Board Game: Escape: The Curse of the Temple [Average Rating:7.17 Overall Rank:273]
Lochi Lochi
Spain
Madrid
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This temple is not as cruel as expected, after all, gems needed to escape seems to magically appear in the rooms just when you complete the challenge
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406. Board Game: Star Wars: X-Wing Miniatures Game [Average Rating:7.93 Overall Rank:25] [Average Rating:7.93 Unranked]
 
Ricardo Donoso
Brazil
RIBEIRÃO PRETO
Sao Paulo
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Ok, so, the game is a combat in SPACE, so, space is 3D, you can barrel-roll over an asteroid, but you can not be on the same z axys as that asteroid...

So, the IS 3d but it is NOT 3d?
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407. Board Game: In the Year of the Dragon [Average Rating:7.44 Overall Rank:140]
Siegfried Steurer
Austria
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"alas, when will the Mongolians be attacking us this year?"

"March and June, Sir."

"Fine, than lets release our troups in July and get lucky ..."
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408. Board Game: K2 [Average Rating:7.18 Overall Rank:322]
Nick
United Kingdom
Somerset/London
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Day 7

10:30am
This ascent is brutal, and the weather at this altitude is taking a turn for the worse. I feel very weak.

11:47am
I think I shall have to descend a little way. I feel insufficiently acclimatised and am worried that I may not make it to another day.

12:37pm
When the wind died for a second I thought I saw a tent a short way down the mountain. If I can get there I'll use it for shelter and recover a little.

12:43pm
The colour of the tent clashes badly with my climbing gear. I would rather die than commit such a fashion faux pas. Rather than use the tent, I will sit right next to it instead.

[dies]
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409. Board Game: Zombicide [Average Rating:7.47 Overall Rank:169] [Average Rating:7.47 Unranked]
Brian Modreski
United States
Thornton
Colorado
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This seems like a decent game, but it has some of the most bizarre and arbitrary rules I've ever seen in a thematic game.

From least (but still odd) to most (and downright screwy):

Picky Vengeful Zombie Hordes
The zombie hordes intensify in direct proportion to the highest "level" character in the game.

Wanda: "Oh no! If I kill this zombie, the zombie hordes will get worse!"

Doug: "No stress. I haven't killed any yet, so if I kill this one they don't care."

Incredibly Unfriendly Friendly Fire
You're standing back to back with a teammate as the swarm of zombies closes in, surrounding you. Decaying flesh everywhere. You desperately raise your pistol...and every single shot unerringly ignores the horde of zombies and zips backwards to peg your buddy.

No matter how many zombies there are, shooting into a square with a survivor ALWAYS hits the survivor.

Oh, but wait...if you take a sub-machine gun and blaze away right though an area filled with friendlies, they are completely perfectly safe and in no way impede your shot.

Zomoebas
A zombie confused about which way to go splits into two zombies, and one goes in each direction.
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410. Board Game: Robinson Crusoe: Adventures on the Cursed Island [Average Rating:8.10 Overall Rank:14]
Brian Modreski
United States
Thornton
Colorado
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Hunting is a risky business in Robinson Crusoe. You might just find a tasty wild pig, but you can also run into deadly crocodile or a hunting tiger.

But, having good enough weapons will see you through.

Unless...you have the misfortune to meet the dreaded Iguana.

Yes, Iguana.

Not only does this herbivorous lizard take 4 weapons to kill (a wild pig takes only 3; a ferocious jaguar 5), it's the only animal that automatically hurts you no matter what weapons and equipment you have.

But hey, on the bright side, as well as food, you get a fur from killing it.



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411. Board Game: Tweeeet [Average Rating:6.29 Overall Rank:3366]
Tomas Inguanzo
United States
Unspecified
Unspecified
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Eating this caterpillar will let me move two spaces, and then poop out a strawberry.
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412. Board Game: Legends of Andor [Average Rating:7.37 Overall Rank:244]
Wolfram Troeder
Germany
Bruchkoebel
Hessen
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"Ok, guys we defeated the Super-Skral, with us having a helmet, a bow, a healing potion, two bottles of water, the runestones. We also aquired a medium arial transport, are pimped up in strength and willpower.

Now we are ready to kick some butt in the mine. Equipment check!"


"Ehhh, oh. Seems like we fell under influence last night. Everything evaporated. We are down to the starting equipment and beginners stats."



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413. Board Game: HeroClix [Average Rating:6.48 Overall Rank:1384]
Brian Modreski
United States
Thornton
Colorado
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One of the powers in the first release of Marvel HeroClix was "Super Senses", which gave the figure a chance of dodging an attack.

Is your Spider Sense tingling?

When, the designer's wasn't - while this power sure sounds tailor-made for Spider-Man, the Spider Man figures didn't get the power at all!

A set of two later, they added the power Shapeshifting. They also added the character Mystique.

Let's do a little test. Ask anyone who's ever seen Mystique in a comic or movie "What's Mystique's power?" and see what answers you get.

Since you know the theme of the Geeklist, you can probably guess that The Mystique HeroClix figures didn't have Shapeshift!
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414. Board Game: Deadwood [Average Rating:6.51 Overall Rank:1418]
The Bill
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A cowboy can start a shootout at the general store, get a wanted poster, kill a man, then send another cowboy to go to the church and remove the wanted poster the first cowboy just got.

"Jimmy, Frank just killed a guy... get on over to the church so... well, I guess maybe they'll think you're so darn squeaky clean that they'll stop looking for him?"

The same weirdness applies to Town Hall:

"I know I just started a shootout here at Town Hall, but... c'mon, stop lookin' to jail me! Look, I brought us closer to havin' a train station!"
"Hear, hear!"
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415. Board Game: Legendary: A Marvel Deck Building Game [Average Rating:7.64 Overall Rank:91] [Average Rating:7.64 Unranked]
Brian Modreski
United States
Thornton
Colorado
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The amazing Hawkeye, unparallelled master of the bow, whose big schtick is shooting a bow and lots of cool arrows for his bow...has no ranged attack cards.
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416. Board Game: City of Remnants [Average Rating:7.07 Overall Rank:1060]
Tomas Inguanzo
United States
Unspecified
Unspecified
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We're GANGS!

With GUNS!

And ALIENS!

And we're sticking it to the EVIL EMPIRE!

Because we're afraid of NOTHING! YEAH!

... Nothing except the civic zoning board. Oh God, I can't build this red development in a blue zone. What was I thinking?
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417. Board Game: Fearsome Floors [Average Rating:6.67 Overall Rank:699]
Mirko
Taiwan
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'Alright, quickly. See that blood pool? You can slide in there.'
'Oh'
'Yeah, you can bloodskate that thing and get straight all the way out its end. You save time, you move faster, the monster doesn't get you.'
'Cool, I'll do that'
'Not too fast. See that guy there?'
'Yeah, he's standing at the end of the pool smoking cigarette.'
'Good. It means you can't slide anymore.'
'Why?'
''Cause that guy's there, kid.'
'So what? I could easily push him, he wouldn't mind, we are all running away from that monster after all arent we?'
'You can't. He's there. You can't put your feet in that pool.'
'But...'
'No.'
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418. Board Game: Antike Duellum [Average Rating:7.30 Overall Rank:683]
Siegfried Steurer
Austria
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"Sir, our worst enemy is arming up! We need to build some town walls!"
"Well allright, use the marble from my bathroom."
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419. Board Game: Necromunda [Average Rating:7.22 Overall Rank:621]
Angel Manuel García García
Spain
Madrid
Spain
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NOVICE GANG MEMBER: My leg! Those Goliath bastards blew my leg! MY LEG!
GANG MEMBER: Don't worry, rookie. The Van Saar have very modern skills, and we have a member with Medic skills in the gang. Just lay down. It all be over in a minute.
...
Some time later
...

MEDIC: Ok, all set. As you can see you have your leg back, perfectly fine. Unfortunately, there where some complications during the procedure. you lost an arm.
NOVICE GANG MEMBER: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?????
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420. Board Game: Sid Meier's Civilization: The Board Game [Average Rating:7.58 Overall Rank:90]
Ricardo Donoso
Brazil
RIBEIRÃO PRETO
Sao Paulo
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You have 7 armies spread around the globe map, but you don't have UNITS on those armies.

It's a ghost army!

Later you build barracks and you have the luck to get 2 Great Generals.

Now you can even destroy a city with the pressure of that military bonus you got.

Those ghost just got training and went from Casper the Friendly Ghost to the Ghost army of LotR (Dead Men of Dunharrow)!!!
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421. Board Game: Shadowrift [Average Rating:7.21 Overall Rank:1294]
Italy
Torino
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This game has some real gems for this list. And it is an awesome game, too.

The baker is returning home, grumbling about the price of flour, the rats, and now there are also these monsters coming to our reality throught those -ing shadowrifts...
A dragon jumps to the middle of the street, roaring, smashing a nearby cart with its tail.
Baker: "AAAARRRGGGHHH"
Dragon: growl
After a while some people gather there attracted by the screams and find the corpse.
"Make way! Make way! Hero of Legend here! Make way please!"
Hero: "So, what have we got here? Oh. A corpse. All right..."
[casts Resurrection]
~~~~zzzoiiinnnnnng~~~~
Bystander: "Oh! He's alive! And who would have thought he was the prince all along?"
Prince: "Thank you, my good man. Here, have 3 cards."

Rules explanation
Every time a monster kills a villager, you put a Corpse card in the town discard pile and put the killed villager on the bottom of the Travellers deck.
The card Resurrection lets you remove a corpse from town. The basic effect ends there, and just this is somewhat weird.
But Resurrection has an optional ability, if you can pay for it: you can look at the top card of the Travelers deck, and then you may put that in play for free.
So it is possible that your baker is killed, you reshuffle the deck, you draw a corpse (his or of one of the half dozen people killed meanwhile- none of which probably is the Prince) and when you Resurrect it you get the Prince.
...yes, the Prince's ability is to let you draw three cards.
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422. Board Game: Up Front [Average Rating:7.84 Overall Rank:197]
Edward Kendrick
United Kingdom
Redditch
Worcestershire
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In Up Front, if you eliminate an enemy soldier in Close Combat, you can take and use his weapon. Fine. I've seen this happen with MPs, flamethrowers, demo charges ...

It would be possible to capture and use a radio set which is tuned in to the enemy's artillery. So you can imagine the dialogue ...

German soldier: "Hallo, hallo, is zer anyvon zere?"
British Artillery Battery: "Royal Berkshire Heavy Artillery, roger, give us your fire co-ordinates"
GS: "Er .. over zere! Ze British Group B mit der heavy machine gun!"
BAB: "Roger .. wait a minute, who's that on the line?"
GS: "Zis is zer British Artilleriebeobachter speaking ... I mean, zer Forward Observer! Ve need zer support immediately!"
BAB: "I don't believe you! Who won the FA Cup in 1936?"
GS: (thinking quickly) "You are impedink zer war effort! I demand to speak mit zer arsenal manager!"
BAB: "Well Arsenal did win but I still don't believe you! You're a bloody German aren't you?"
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423. Board Game: Hare & Tortoise [Average Rating:6.67 Overall Rank:821]
Clay
United States
Alabama
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Alright, so we're in a race and eating carrots the entire way as some sort of fuel. Fine, it takes energy to run and if you pace yourself for shorter sprints you can probably conserve energy so the cost progression is passable. However, if I run forward 6 spaces that will cost me 21 carrots, again presumably eaten to preserve the require amount of energy. If I then run back those same 6 spaces not only does it not take any energy but I actually have time to pick up the 60 carrots that were laying on the track the entire time? And all of this in the same amount of time it took the run forward? That actually sounds a lot more strenuous, not less.
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424. Board Game: Poseidon [Average Rating:7.13 Overall Rank:882]
Ian Kelly
United States
Longmont
Colorado
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Allow me to introduce myself. I am Hexachlorophene J. Goodfortune, Kidnapper-At-Large, and Devourer of Tortoises par Excellence, at your service.
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If you can read this, then this sentence is false.
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In this game you're so wealthy that you buy and sell merchants. Whoever owns the most merchants of a kingdom gets to be its king. Being the king does not entitle you to raid the kingdom's coffers, however. If a kingdom ever runs out of ships and can't afford to build one, it can raise the money by spontaneously generating more merchants.

I love me my 18XX, but the theme just doesn't fit here.
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425. Board Game: Talisman (Revised 4th Edition) [Average Rating:6.63 Overall Rank:843]
Chris Brua
United States
Michigan
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http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2007/03/28
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Knight: “Come Squire, let us visit the village Blacksmith to buy a shield with these two bags of gold I have taken from that wolf I just killed.”
Squire: “Those saddle bags sure got in his way during the fight, sir.”
“Yes, well, that was fortunate.”
“As fortunate as running into that orc with the Runesword that fought without using it.”
“Yes, well, they are not the brightest of…”
“And then there was that snake carrying the Holy Lance. Quite remarkable how it…”
“Enough Squire. Let us be off. I can see the village just across those fields there.”
“Of course, sir.”

[time passes]
“Sir, we have passed the village. We are in a graveyard.”
“Yes. I must have taken a wrong turn. Let us double back.”

[time passes]
“Sir, we are in the forest. We passed by the village some time ago.”
“We did? Why did you not say something? Let us turn around.”
“Of course, sir.”

[time passes]
“Sir, we are…”
“In the damn fields past the bloody village. Yes Squire, I can see that.”
“Very good, sir.”
“The village is right next to us. Let us go.”
“Yes, sir.”

[time passes]
“How did we get to these ruins?”
“You had a sudden burst of speed, sir.”
“I did?”
“It would be best if you dispatched that lion over there guarding the mule, sir.”
“Well you do not see that every day.”

[combat ensues]
“Finished. Right then, let us head back to the village.”
“Yes, sir.”

[time passes]
“This graveyard is a bit familiar, sir.”
“Damn it, Squire. There is only one village in the entire land, correct?”
“Yes, sir.”
“I have been there twice before. Why the hell do I keep walking past it?”
“Perhaps if you try to approach it indirectly, sir."
"Indirectly?"
"Yes, sir. Perhaps head out towards the chapel?”
“The chapel? Do not be daft, Squire. If we go that way we will have to walk around the entire world to get back to the village.”
“Uh, yes, sir. Of course, sir. Though we could start going that way and then double back if the mood suits you?”
“You mean if I suddenly remember how to stop walking.”
“Precisely, sir.”
“Very well then, let us be off. It is a good thing we are not riding horses, eh Squire? Then this would be doubly difficult."
"Indubitably, sir."
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