Geeks Gone Wild! Cheap Skinflicks Based On Your Favourite Games
David Chapman
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Not too long ago, a BGG user posted a Geeklist about movies which could be adapted into games. I was considering creating a counter-list of games which should be adapted into movies when a thought struck me. While it would be nice to see a Betrayal at House on the Hill movie leaping up the box office charts, any breakthrough of boardgames into mainstream culture would inevitably lead to a flood of softcore porno spoofs, probably with the word "Erotic" crowbarred into the title and all of which would star Misty Mundae. With enough success, the hardcore versions would follow and Geeks everywhere would be labelled as deviants for all eternity.

Of course, that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to get boardgaming into theatres across the globe ... but we must be clever. The people who make these knockoffs don't have the money to fight a copyright case. Therefore, we should forestall them by generating as many ideas for such films as possible and posting them here. With the intellectual property in our pockets, they won't be able to hold us back any more!

And no, there's no ulterior motive here. No sir. Not one bit.

A couple of notes first:

1) Naked Girls On Drugs Productions are hardly going to make a special effort to add porn to a game that already is porn. In other words: NO BUSEN MEMO. It would be pointless.

2) Sadly, we've been beaten to the punch on a few of them. Whore of the Rings exists, though thankfully not based on the boardgame (and I understand it even had a prosthetic makeup budget for that Hot XXX Elf/Orc Action, which only goes to show it's a funny old world). Also, there's little point in getting jiggy with Arkham Horror as the Japanese have already produced more tentacle monster porn than you can shake an Elder Sign at.

3) It goes without saying that this list has Adult Content and if you're under 18, you shouldn't be reading it. It also goes without saying that you're going to read it anyway because we can't stop you, which is why I didn't bother putting this disclaimer at the top.

4) The title of this list is not exactly coy. If you find this list offensive, please ask yourself why you clicked on the link. Because you wanted to find out exactly how offensive the list was before you complained?
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26. Board Game: Goa [Average Rating:7.70 Overall Rank:55]
 
M Dornbrook
United States
Arizona
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Goa Head
All Bollywood, All the Time.
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27. Board Game: Stellar Conquest [Average Rating:6.35 Overall Rank:2537]
Davido
United States
California
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Stella Conquest-following the erotic romps of our heroine throughout the galaxy
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28. Board Game: El Grande [Average Rating:7.83 Overall Rank:26]
Gabe Alvaro
United States
Berkeley
California
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El Grande starring Mandingo
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29. Board Game: Ra [Average Rating:7.48 Overall Rank:95]
Gabe Alvaro
United States
Berkeley
California
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RAW
It wasn't all work and no play in the dry arid lands of ancient Egypt. As you can see from this picture, ancient life could become a wet sea of pleasure deep within the Pharaoh's palace where things could get pretty wild.
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30. Board Game: San Juan [Average Rating:7.31 Overall Rank:162]
N/A
Sam's Wand

Deep in the slums of Puerto Rico, a young man named Sam discovers a magic wand that causes nubile women to remove their clothing.
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31. Board Game: Siege of Paris [Average Rating:5.25 Unranked]
David Heldt
United States
Harper Woods
Michigan
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Siezing Paris

A quiet, severely introverted guy kidnaps Paris Hilton, takes her to a remote country cabin, chains her to a wall, and mercilessly flogs her until, competely broken and in tears, she agrees to shut the hell up and become an introvert too.
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32. Board Game: Mystery of the Abbey [Average Rating:6.55 Overall Rank:864]
Steve Berger
United Kingdom
Sevenoaks
Kent
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MYSTERY OF THE LABBEY

The peaceful Bonkers' Abbey is a rare (s)haven of tranquility for road weary travelers. And so Nancy the Nympho Nun found it when she arrived late last night. That serenity was shattered this morning with the discovery of the limp and lifeless body of Brother Shagme at the foot of Nancy's bed. Did the usually nimble brother slip to his death? Or did someone help him in his fall?

A Nights Of Wonder Production starring Bruno and Serge
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33. Board Game: Up Front [Average Rating:7.84 Overall Rank:197]
Jason Farris
United States
Citrus Heights
California
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Up front: and From Behind

The new world War II bio (biology) pick that shows what Hitler was really doing with Eva Braun!

Look for the sequel with Triple Detente between Churchill Roosevelt and twin double D nazi pinup girls!
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34. Board Game: Tikal [Average Rating:7.35 Overall Rank:155]
Jason Farris
United States
Citrus Heights
California
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Tickle:

What starts out as an expedition with 30 horny men and one woman quickly devolves into a race for domination. Who can dig their pyramid the deepest into Lolita Canyon's lush jungle? You make the call!
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35. Board Game: Mare Nostrum [Average Rating:6.77 Overall Rank:762]
Jason Farris
United States
Citrus Heights
California
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Bare Nostrum:

The tale of great leaders of the ancient world and their fetishes for wine, sheep, oil, and slaves. Find out why the Romans were really famous for their pilums and see the Carthiginians with their rough trade.

Also, check out the sequal with unbelievable 8 way kraken love.
 
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36. Board Game: Reef Encounter [Average Rating:7.19 Overall Rank:316]
Jason Farris
United States
Citrus Heights
California
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Beef Encounter:

A sexual odyssey on the stunning coral reefs of Hawaii. Can Ron Parrot and his jumbo shrimp multiply while avoiding various different types of birth control? Watch it and find out!
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37. Board Game: Mission: Red Planet [Average Rating:6.95 Overall Rank:514]
Curt Collins
United States
Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
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Mission: Red Wings

This is simply the messiest film of the year. Period.

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38. Board Game: Carcassonne [Average Rating:7.44 Overall Rank:107] [Average Rating:7.44 Unranked]
MGS
United States
Fitchburg
Wisconsin
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Carc***One

In this first movie of the series, the protagonist "Carc" sees a lot of action from behind. blush
 
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39. Board Game: Hungry Hungry Hippos [Average Rating:4.08 Overall Rank:11150]
N/A
Horny Horny Hippos

Two chubby-chasers from Texas embark on a countrywide road trip, seeing if there's any meaning behind the old adage, "the more the cushion, the better the pushin'".
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40. Board Game: Genoa [Average Rating:7.22 Overall Rank:293]
N/A
Panty Raiders of Genoa

Hilarity ensues when the local college fraternity embarks on the sexiest sorority panty raid in Italian history!
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41. Board Game: Totem [Average Rating:5.38 Overall Rank:9413]
N/A
Scrotum

Ahhh, never mind.
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42. Board Game: Royal Carpet [Average Rating:4.50 Unranked]
Curt Collins
United States
Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
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Royal Carpet Munchers:

It gets boring sitting around in a harem all day, this documentary exposes just what goes on behind closed doors at the palace.

Warning: several hairy situations are encountered. The film crew did escape, but it was a close shave.
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43. Board Game: Thurn and Taxis [Average Rating:7.15 Overall Rank:258]
Jim Cote
United States
Maine
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Turning Tricks in Taxis

The hos are out on the town. The cameras are rolling.
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44. Board Game: Cape Horn [Average Rating:5.98 Overall Rank:3567]
Donovan K. Loucks
United States
Providence
Rhode Island
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Gay Porn
Wasn't this obvious?
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45. Board Game: Twilight Imperium (Third Edition) [Average Rating:7.88 Overall Rank:31]
Peter Schott
Germany
Nürnberg
Franconia
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Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.
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Please fondle my bum.
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Twilight Pimperium
See several horny races try to control Megadoll Rex, empress of the ancient Latex.
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46. Board Game: Gagline [Average Rating:5.40 Unranked]
Rob Robinson
England
Rotherham
South Yorkshire
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I open my mind, need flesh, fear mine
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This one's Sometimes a little too difficult to swallow.
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47. Board Game: Elsie's Milkman Game [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
David Heldt
United States
Harper Woods
Michigan
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Ilsa's Milkman Game

In this prequel to the legendary Ilsa, She-Wolf Of The SS, we learn how our lady perfected her techniques on various delivery men in her hometown.
 
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48. Board Game: Ticket to Ride [Average Rating:7.50 Overall Rank:84]
Daniel Karp
United States
Rockville
Maryland
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100 geekgold for OverText, and all I got was this stupid sentence.
Ticket to Ride. 'Nuff said.

And, of course, it's sequel, Ticket to Ride: Europe.
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49. Board Game: Memoir '44 [Average Rating:7.53 Overall Rank:88] [Average Rating:7.53 Unranked]
Ray Brown
United States
Palm Bay
Florida
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Sexual Memoirs of '44: A game of a randy American Butt,er, Buck Seargents sexual exploitations during the invasion of Norman, er, Normandy in 1944. Dont miss the expansions: Sexual Memoirs'44: Eastern Whore Hunt and Sexual Memoirs'44: Pacific Porno Theatre
 
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50. Board Game: The Hunt for Red October [Average Rating:5.79 Overall Rank:6181]
Ray Brown
United States
Palm Bay
Florida
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Hunt for Head in October, The.The Hunt is On!! A card driven game about a Soviet Commander of a Russian Boomers quest for sexual gratifaction amongst his crew during a 3 month patrol. Example of cards: "Up Periscope" and "Flood the Tubes!!"gulp
 
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