Geeks Gone Wild! Cheap Skinflicks Based On Your Favourite Games
David Chapman
United Kingdom
Unspecified
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Not too long ago, a BGG user posted a Geeklist about movies which could be adapted into games. I was considering creating a counter-list of games which should be adapted into movies when a thought struck me. While it would be nice to see a Betrayal at House on the Hill movie leaping up the box office charts, any breakthrough of boardgames into mainstream culture would inevitably lead to a flood of softcore porno spoofs, probably with the word "Erotic" crowbarred into the title and all of which would star Misty Mundae. With enough success, the hardcore versions would follow and Geeks everywhere would be labelled as deviants for all eternity.

Of course, that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to get boardgaming into theatres across the globe ... but we must be clever. The people who make these knockoffs don't have the money to fight a copyright case. Therefore, we should forestall them by generating as many ideas for such films as possible and posting them here. With the intellectual property in our pockets, they won't be able to hold us back any more!

And no, there's no ulterior motive here. No sir. Not one bit.

A couple of notes first:

1) Naked Girls On Drugs Productions are hardly going to make a special effort to add porn to a game that already is porn. In other words: NO BUSEN MEMO. It would be pointless.

2) Sadly, we've been beaten to the punch on a few of them. Whore of the Rings exists, though thankfully not based on the boardgame (and I understand it even had a prosthetic makeup budget for that Hot XXX Elf/Orc Action, which only goes to show it's a funny old world). Also, there's little point in getting jiggy with Arkham Horror as the Japanese have already produced more tentacle monster porn than you can shake an Elder Sign at.

3) It goes without saying that this list has Adult Content and if you're under 18, you shouldn't be reading it. It also goes without saying that you're going to read it anyway because we can't stop you, which is why I didn't bother putting this disclaimer at the top.

4) The title of this list is not exactly coy. If you find this list offensive, please ask yourself why you clicked on the link. Because you wanted to find out exactly how offensive the list was before you complained?
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51. Board Game: Crokinole [Average Rating:7.81 Overall Rank:39]
(Chuck Singer)
United States
Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
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Cockinhole.
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52. Board Game: Loopin' Louie [Average Rating:6.98 Overall Rank:428]
(Chuck Singer)
United States
Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
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Poopin' Louie
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53. Board Game: Beowulf: The Legend [Average Rating:6.44 Overall Rank:1296]
(Chuck Singer)
United States
Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
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Beowulf-baggin'
 
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54. Board Game: Dr. Ruth's Game of Good Sex [Average Rating:3.89 Unranked]
Dan Rosewater
Switzerland
Zürich
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And patient asked Dr. Ruth what can she do to cure a dry hole...
 
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55. Board Game: Ropes and Ladders [Average Rating:1.00 Unranked]
David Heldt
United States
Harper Woods
Michigan
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Ropes And Ladies

It's bound to be a hit!
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56. Board Game: 1869: The Golden Spike [Average Rating:4.00 Unranked]
John Desmond
United States
Newark
New Jersey
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_Barely 18...
... and 69'ing the Golden Spike_

For those with one-track minds
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57. Board Game: Trivial Pursuit [Average Rating:5.22 Overall Rank:11072]
David Van de Velde
Belgium
Ninove
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Trivial Pervert ...

Who is the smartest sexually frustrated boardgamer ...
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58. Board Game: Ca$h 'n Gun$ [Average Rating:6.71 Overall Rank:621]
David Van de Velde
Belgium
Ninove
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Flash & Guns

OK boys, ready to flash your weapons in public ?
 
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59. Board Game: Go to the Head of the Class [Average Rating:4.50 Overall Rank:11043]
Chris Askew
United Kingdom
Pelaw, Gateshead
Tyne & Wear
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A family movie like you've never seen before...
 
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60. Board Game: Skat [Average Rating:7.25 Overall Rank:1102]
Chris Askew
United Kingdom
Pelaw, Gateshead
Tyne & Wear
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Kings, Queens and a whole load of ... Skat.
 
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61. Board Game: Pirate's Cove [Average Rating:6.62 Overall Rank:770]
Chris Askew
United Kingdom
Pelaw, Gateshead
Tyne & Wear
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Butt Pirate's Cove

6 salty men, lots of "Arr" and the quest for a secret, special place full of brown lumps...
 
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62. Board Game: Under the Shadow of the Dragon [Average Rating:6.53 Overall Rank:1897] [Average Rating:6.53 Unranked]
Chris Askew
United Kingdom
Pelaw, Gateshead
Tyne & Wear
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Return of the Homos: I'm Shatting a Dragon

The morning after, and how it must feel...
 
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63. Board Game: War of the Ring (first edition) [Average Rating:7.85 Overall Rank:34]
Chris Trimmer
United States
Houston
TX-Texas
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Whore with a Ring.

Those hobbits won't be gay for much longer...
 
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64. Board Game: A Game of Thrones: A Storm of Swords Expansion [Average Rating:7.86 Unranked] [Average Rating:7.86 Unranked]
Ian Peters-Campbell
United States
Santa Cruz
California
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A Game of Bone: A Storm of Whores Expansion

In a fantasy world where porn stars form aristocratic clans, noble-folk take part in vicious sex competitions for control of the country's flesh trade.
 
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65. Board Game: Domino's Pizza Delivery Game [Average Rating:4.86 Unranked]
David Heldt
United States
Harper Woods
Michigan
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Dominatrix's Pizza Discipline Game

Oh my--The pizza place forgot the anchovies again! Now the poor delivery boy has hell to pay--
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66. Board Game: Hammer of the Scots [Average Rating:7.59 Overall Rank:177]
Vernon Harmon
United States
Fairport
New York
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Hammers of the Scots

Two buxom young co-eds search for the answer to the age-old question: what does a Scotsman wear beneath his kilt?
 
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67. Board Game: Trias [Average Rating:6.52 Overall Rank:1193]
Vernon Harmon
United States
Fairport
New York
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Menage a Trias

The box cover is already suggestive.
 
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68. Board Game: The Bridges of Shangri-La [Average Rating:6.78 Overall Rank:835]
Vernon Harmon
United States
Fairport
New York
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The Bitches of Shangri-La

An airplane crashes high in the Himalayas. Our well-endowed hero finds himself enthralled by a group of dominatrixes with a philosophical bent.

"To truly understand pleasure, one must first truly understand pain."

"What is the sound of one hand slapping?"
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69. Board Game: Vegas Showdown [Average Rating:7.24 Overall Rank:274]
Tim Bass
United States
St. Charles
Missouri
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Vegas Blowdown
 
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70. Board Game: Knights of Charlemagne [Average Rating:6.36 Overall Rank:2214]
Tim Bass
United States
St. Charles
Missouri
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Knights in Charlemagne
 
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71. Board Game: For Sale [Average Rating:7.21 Overall Rank:220]
Tim Bass
United States
St. Charles
Missouri
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Whore Sale
 
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72. Board Game: Family Business [Average Rating:6.12 Overall Rank:1888]
Felix Adam
Canada
Sherbrooke
Quebec
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What happens in the family, stays in the family...

devil
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73. Board Game: Colossal Arena [Average Rating:6.83 Overall Rank:543]
Chad Winter
United States
Farmington
Utah
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Colossal Weiner

An all-star lineup is cast into a pit where only the fittest survive. Who will be crowned the Colossal Weiner?
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74. Board Game: High Society [Average Rating:6.80 Overall Rank:618]
Chad Winter
United States
Farmington
Utah
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Thigh Society

A billionaire wins an auction for a pretty young girl for the purpose of sacrificing her to the thief who is sure to strike.
 
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75. Board Game: Aladdin's Dragons [Average Rating:6.95 Overall Rank:566]
Chad Winter
United States
Farmington
Utah
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Aladdin's Drag Queens

Daring raids into their lairs unveil the mystery of Aladdin's Drag Queens.
 
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