Geeks Gone Wild! Cheap Skinflicks Based On Your Favourite Games
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Not too long ago, a BGG user posted a Geeklist about movies which could be adapted into games. I was considering creating a counter-list of games which should be adapted into movies when a thought struck me. While it would be nice to see a Betrayal at House on the Hill movie leaping up the box office charts, any breakthrough of boardgames into mainstream culture would inevitably lead to a flood of softcore porno spoofs, probably with the word "Erotic" crowbarred into the title and all of which would star Misty Mundae. With enough success, the hardcore versions would follow and Geeks everywhere would be labelled as deviants for all eternity.

Of course, that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to get boardgaming into theatres across the globe ... but we must be clever. The people who make these knockoffs don't have the money to fight a copyright case. Therefore, we should forestall them by generating as many ideas for such films as possible and posting them here. With the intellectual property in our pockets, they won't be able to hold us back any more!

And no, there's no ulterior motive here. No sir. Not one bit.

A couple of notes first:

1) Naked Girls On Drugs Productions are hardly going to make a special effort to add porn to a game that already is porn. In other words: NO BUSEN MEMO. It would be pointless.

2) Sadly, we've been beaten to the punch on a few of them. Whore of the Rings exists, though thankfully not based on the boardgame (and I understand it even had a prosthetic makeup budget for that Hot XXX Elf/Orc Action, which only goes to show it's a funny old world). Also, there's little point in getting jiggy with Arkham Horror as the Japanese have already produced more tentacle monster porn than you can shake an Elder Sign at.

3) It goes without saying that this list has Adult Content and if you're under 18, you shouldn't be reading it. It also goes without saying that you're going to read it anyway because we can't stop you, which is why I didn't bother putting this disclaimer at the top.

4) The title of this list is not exactly coy. If you find this list offensive, please ask yourself why you clicked on the link. Because you wanted to find out exactly how offensive the list was before you complained?
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101. Board Game: Dune [Average Rating:7.62 Overall Rank:134]
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Doin' It: Paul Atreides learns that exploring outer space isn't half as much fun as using his giant worm to explore some inner spaces...
 
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102. Board Game: Acquire [Average Rating:7.37 Overall Rank:149]
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A Queer: a tale about how a young man gets sucked into homosexuality. He runs away from home because he can't stand the way he's being reared, but he goes back because he couldn't leave his brothers behind...
 
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103. Board Game: Andromeda [Average Rating:6.42 Overall Rank:1612]
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Androgynous: The Michael Jackson story. A poor, young black boy grows up to become a rich white woman.
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104. Board Game: Backgammon [Average Rating:6.52 Overall Rank:913]
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Crack Rammin': A young housewife soon learns to regret trying to get hubby to "try something a little different, just for a change..."
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105. Board Game: Balderdash [Average Rating:6.38 Overall Rank:1319]
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Balled 'Er Dad: When Johnny's girlfriend refuses to put out, he gets revenge by taking an entirely different course...
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106. Board Game: Blue Max [Average Rating:7.14 Overall Rank:1080]
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Blow Max: a young girl desperately wishes to preserve her virginity, and her friends hit on a brilliantly clever solution...
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107. Board Game: Campaign Trail [Average Rating:6.53 Overall Rank:4676]
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Cramping Tail: One man's sexual bliss is interrupted by his girlfriend's monthly problem...
 
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108. Board Game: Fill or Bust [Average Rating:5.71 Overall Rank:6625]
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Feel 'Er Bust: Eddie takes Linda to the movies and finally makes his move...
 
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109. Board Game: Pirate's Choice [Average Rating:5.62 Unranked]
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The Privates Of Joyce: A young girl's privates become public in a most delightful way...
 
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110. Board Game: The Princes of Florence [Average Rating:7.64 Overall Rank:62]
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The Princes That Flo Rents: An elderly widow suffers from sexual frustration until the home for wayward boys is built down the street...
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111. Board Game: RoboRally [Average Rating:7.20 Overall Rank:224]
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Robo Sally, the latest in sex-toy technology...
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112. Board Game: Rummikub [Average Rating:6.27 Overall Rank:1393]
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Cummy Rub: the most popular massage parlor in town...
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113. Board Game: Tigris & Euphrates [Average Rating:7.76 Overall Rank:33]
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Try This And You Pay Me: An instructional film about brothel ettiquette for first-time customers...
 
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114. Board Game: Time Control [Average Rating:2.11 Overall Rank:11043]
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Timed Cunt-Roll: A triumphant gold medal story from the sexual olympics...
 
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115. Board Game: Stratego [Average Rating:6.02 Overall Rank:2082]
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Strap Me, Joe: A how-to guide for prospective masochists...
 
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116. Board Game: Silverton [Average Rating:7.07 Overall Rank:957]
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Silver Tongue: the most popular girl in town reveals her trade secrets...
 
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117. Board Game: Catan: Seafarers [Average Rating:7.20 Unranked] [Average Rating:7.20 Unranked]
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The Fee Sharers Of Catan is a group of young men who can't afford to take everybody to the whorehouse, so they pool their funds...
 
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118. Board Game: Valley of the Mammoths [Average Rating:6.41 Overall Rank:1763]
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Wally Of The Man Mouths: a frustrated young man goes looking for a hooker, gets lost in San Francisco, and discovers hidden desires he didn't even mmph mmphh mmpph...
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119. Board Game: Wallenstein (first edition) [Average Rating:7.56 Overall Rank:186]
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Here's a whole 'nuther level of offensive humor:

Ballin' Stein: A young Jewish girl discovers a business opportunity that can't be beat--ya got it, ya sell it, ya still got it!

Eternal damnation, here I come....
 
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120. Board Game: Tongiaki [Average Rating:6.24 Overall Rank:1676]
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Tongue Miaki: Japanese. Sub-titled.
 
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121. Board Game: Venus Needs Men [Average Rating:6.12 Overall Rank:6216]
Skip Maloney
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Wilmington
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Speaks for itself, I'd say.
 
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122. Board Game: Trias [Average Rating:6.52 Overall Rank:1192]
Steve R Bullock
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Palm Coast
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TRI-ASS.

A woman born with a strange three-way ass turns what many would consider to be a pitiful deformity into a golden money making oppurtunity. Stars Harry Holmes and Dick Shaftner.
Watch for the cameo appearance of Rip Myass Tornhole.

Rated X for sexual content and lifelike rubbery playing pieces.
 
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123. Board Game: Betrayal at House on the Hill [Average Rating:7.10 Overall Rank:335]
Hovhannes B.
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New from Avalon Hill...

ORGY AT HOUSE ON THE HILL!!!! A unique XXX-rated game set in a house... on a hill. Six virgins enter the house, and by the time the game ends - you can bet your butt they won't be virgins any more! Find yourself caught with your pants down as you play through over 40 different endings! Will *you* be the doo-er or the doo-ee?

Find out in ORGY AT HOUSE ON THE HILL!!!
 
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124. Board Game: Blue Moon [Average Rating:6.78 Overall Rank:617]
phil parvin
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london
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Poo Spoon

Niche collector's item. Only available in Germany.
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125. Board Game: Wagon Wheels To Oregon [Average Rating:3.00 Unranked]
David Heldt
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Harper Woods
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High Heels To Orgasm

Find out why Al Bundy was ever interested in selling womens' shoes to begin with--
 
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