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Geeks Gone Wild! Cheap Skinflicks Based On Your Favourite Games
David Chapman
United Kingdom
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Not too long ago, a BGG user posted a Geeklist about movies which could be adapted into games. I was considering creating a counter-list of games which should be adapted into movies when a thought struck me. While it would be nice to see a Betrayal at House on the Hill movie leaping up the box office charts, any breakthrough of boardgames into mainstream culture would inevitably lead to a flood of softcore porno spoofs, probably with the word "Erotic" crowbarred into the title and all of which would star Misty Mundae. With enough success, the hardcore versions would follow and Geeks everywhere would be labelled as deviants for all eternity.

Of course, that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to get boardgaming into theatres across the globe ... but we must be clever. The people who make these knockoffs don't have the money to fight a copyright case. Therefore, we should forestall them by generating as many ideas for such films as possible and posting them here. With the intellectual property in our pockets, they won't be able to hold us back any more!

And no, there's no ulterior motive here. No sir. Not one bit.

A couple of notes first:

1) Naked Girls On Drugs Productions are hardly going to make a special effort to add porn to a game that already is porn. In other words: NO BUSEN MEMO. It would be pointless.

2) Sadly, we've been beaten to the punch on a few of them. Whore of the Rings exists, though thankfully not based on the boardgame (and I understand it even had a prosthetic makeup budget for that Hot XXX Elf/Orc Action, which only goes to show it's a funny old world). Also, there's little point in getting jiggy with Arkham Horror as the Japanese have already produced more tentacle monster porn than you can shake an Elder Sign at.

3) It goes without saying that this list has Adult Content and if you're under 18, you shouldn't be reading it. It also goes without saying that you're going to read it anyway because we can't stop you, which is why I didn't bother putting this disclaimer at the top.

4) The title of this list is not exactly coy. If you find this list offensive, please ask yourself why you clicked on the link. Because you wanted to find out exactly how offensive the list was before you complained?
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126. Board Game: Elk Fest [Average Rating:6.20 Overall Rank:1864]
Melissa
Australia
Parkville
Vic
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Felchfest.

'nuff said.
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127. Board Game: Ingenious [Average Rating:7.23 Overall Rank:215]
Matthew Barratt
United Kingdom
Royal Leamington Spa
Warwickshire
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Mingenious
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128. Board Game: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring [Average Rating:3.21 Overall Rank:10939]
james napoli
United States
Westwood
New Jersey
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Lord of the G-Strings.

Follow the tail of the throbbits on a magical quest to destroy the one and only g-string of power.


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0323108/
(i'm not that creative)
 
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129. Board Game: Nexus Ops [Average Rating:7.29 Overall Rank:224]
james napoli
United States
Westwood
New Jersey
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Sexus Ops: A Brave Tail

Sexy colonist go mining for a lot more than just ore in this lusty sci-fi thriller.
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130. Board Game: Carcassonne [Average Rating:7.44 Overall Rank:108] [Average Rating:7.44 Unranked]
Hovhannes B.
United States
Unspecified
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Cumcassonne
-----------

In this fairly pornographic tile-laying offering, players "pull" a tile from the pool and place it erotically against one of the previous played tiles. If you create a new sex object (like a vibrater, a cucumber, or a dirty movie), then you can aggressively place one of your breasts on the tile to denote your control. Breasts (called Neeples by us) cannot directly compete when placed, so to achieve some gains you must place your Neeple and use the tiles to rub up against it.

As subsequent tiles are erotically arrayed on the board, sex objects get bigger and bigger, or even merge. Once certain objects are completed, like vibrators and cucumbers, or the dirty movie is surrounded by filth, then the Neeple is returned to you and you will score at the game end (if your wife is willing).

Cumcassonne has several pornographic expansions in the spread eagled Cumcassone series:

The 2003 limited edition "package" contains the original Cumcassonne game, as well as three expansions: "The Golden River," "Seedy Motels & Cathedrals," and "Wankers & Pullers".

The 2006 "Big Boy" edition contains the original Cumcassone game and five expansions: "The Golden River," "Seedy Motels & Cathedrals," "Wankers & Pullers," "The Dildo," and "The Naked Princess & The Well Hung Horse."

Winner of the 2001 Spiel des Jahres and the 2001 Deutscher Spiele Preis.
 
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131. Board Game: A Victory Lost [Average Rating:7.67 Overall Rank:595]
Paul - the
Sweden
Lund
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A Virginity Lost - Goes well with the red cover.
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132. Board Game: Beaveropoly [Average Rating:5.00 Unranked]
Glauco Micsik Roberti
Brazil
Sao Paulo
SP
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Same title...

Who's gonna rule beavertown?
 
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133. Board Game: Agricola [Average Rating:8.13 Overall Rank:6]
EJ Holleman
Netherlands
Hengelo
Overijssel
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A Greek o-la-la!

About a poor farm girl on her first holiday in Greece.
 
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134. Board Game: Carcassonne: The River [Average Rating:6.94 Unranked] [Average Rating:6.94 Unranked]
Neil Ikerd
United States
Lakewood
Colorado
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Carc A$$ One: The Great Red River

Just don't drink the water.

An expansion of Ronaldo's Carc Series.
 
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135. Board Game: Carcassonne: The Princess & the Dragon [Average Rating:6.67 Unranked] [Average Rating:6.67 Unranked]
Neil Ikerd
United States
Lakewood
Colorado
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CarcA$$One: The Princess and the Dragon

When our sweet, innocent, Occidental princess is married to an Oriental warlord to cement an alliance, she finds out there's a lot her people don't know about their rapacious neighbors.
 
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136. Board Game: Carcassonne: Traders & Builders [Average Rating:7.59 Unranked] [Average Rating:7.59 Unranked]
Neil Ikerd
United States
Lakewood
Colorado
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Using the German name: Carcassonne: Handler und Baumeister

CumAsOne: Handles and BraMasters

In an ongoing attempt to constrain the meeples and their privacious ways, the Lords of the Monastaries begin constraining the women of the populace in ever more restrictive undergarments. However, the meeples are not so easily deterred from their lusty ways. A new genre of kink is born as variations on the undergarments appear in silks, satins, leathers, and begin to feature handholds, clever releases, and hidden pockets. This undercover and behind-closed-doors scene soon grows and members begin meeting in out of the way places to share their fetish, discuss how the church is supressing their natural heritage, and ritualize their practices.
 
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137. Board Game: Carcassonne: Count, King & Robber [Average Rating:6.79 Unranked] [Average Rating:6.79 Unranked] [Average Rating:6.79 Unranked]
Neil Ikerd
United States
Lakewood
Colorado
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CumAsOne: Cunt, King, and Cult

In response to the Church's recent attempt at sexually repressing the populace, a rebellios cult to the sex goddess Neeple has arisen. They have friends in high places and rituals in secluded temples that are challenging the dominance the monastic church.
 
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138. Board Game: Carcassonne: Inns & Cathedrals [Average Rating:7.60 Unranked] [Average Rating:7.60 Unranked]
Neil Ikerd
United States
Lakewood
Colorado
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CumAsOne: In the Cathedral

The Cult has managed to penetrate the holiest sanctums of the church. It seems the church is not so much interested in saving the souls of the meeples, but rather in keeping the meeples guilt ridden and discourging the secrets of their depravity and lustful ways. The High Priest seems to be the worst of them- convincing young women that only he can show them the light of salvation, but that they must earn it on their hands and knees.
 
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139. Board Game: Carcassonne: The Discovery [Average Rating:6.54 Overall Rank:1194]
Neil Ikerd
United States
Lakewood
Colorado
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CumAsOne: Dicks and Ovaries

In this thrilling climax of the CumAsOne saga, the cult of Neeple exposes the church. Freed from guilt over their hedonistic desires, the meeples erupt in a celebration of orgiastic splendor. Within months cities and farms are growing at astronomical rates as the meeples enter into a golden age of dickscovery and sexploration.
 
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140. Board Game: The Hunt for Red October [Average Rating:5.78 Overall Rank:6161]
Neil Ikerd
United States
Lakewood
Colorado
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The Cunt on Red October

Not looking forward to several months at sea with no women, and disgusted with his Communist master, Captain Ramius sneaks his wife aboard the Red October. However, the KGB commisar discovers her, and to keep her secret he extracts a price from her. Unable to keep the secret any longer when his XO discovers her, Ramius has no choice but to surrender her to the crew- unless he can get rid of them first.
 
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141. Board Game: Election [Average Rating:6.76 Overall Rank:4592]
Mats Blohmé
Sweden
Simlångsdalen
Halland
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Starring Rinda Roverace
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