Wacky and Bizzare Things We've Read on the Geek (add your own!)
Burke Glover
United States
Unspecified
Delaware
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Formerly known as "Wacky and Bizzare Things I've Read on the Geek"
After a couple months of reading the Geek avidly, I realized that there are some really funny people on here. I began cutting and pasting comments and lines that were funny enough to make me laugh out loud. Here they are. There are many comments blasting terrible games, and some other more bizzare comments directed at various other games.
--Update--
Wow, this list got more feedback than I really expected, including people wanting to include their own additions. At first I wasn't planning to allow public additions, but people have left enough amusing comments that I've decided to open the list up. Enjoy! -Burke
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Burke Glover
United States
Unspecified
Delaware
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"WHAT? Did you lend your copy of Chebache to an imperial trooper? ...Didn't you know that that kind of guys are always in the mid of laser battles?"
--Luca Zaffini (LuZa)
Like most people, I used to be tempted to lend my copy of Chebache to an Imperial trooper from time to time. Now I just concentrate on LuZa's advice and think of the impending laser battle. It's just not worth it to risk my precious Chebache set.
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Randall Peek
United States
Preston
Connecticut
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From Lester Klew...
Okay I have a true story to go with this. The whole Klew family gets together for Christmas every year. Now we do it in the summer because the weather is warmer and you can do outdoor stuff, which lets face it makes a lot more sense than sticking it in the middle of winter.
Anyway we used to play lawn darts a lot until an unfortunate accident. You can hardly see the scars under my hair now, and Dad still apologizes whenever we see him on visiting days. AT any rate we needed something for fun when we gave up the lawn darts so I was put in charge of finding a replacement game.
I had played Boggle with some friends and so I went to the store to buy it. I knew that Mom would have trouble seeing those little letter dice because of her glasses so I was pretty excited when I saw Big Boggle. I buy it, and next family party we crack it open.
Are the dice any bigger than in regular Boggle? NOOOOOO!!!!! In fact, they are exactly the same small size as the regular Boggle only now there are even more of them!
Long story short, Mom tries to play, can't see the dice, gets a migraine and gets so pissed off she puts a cigarette out on my dog.
They really should have just called it MORE Boggle.
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From Gialmere's "Night Gallery" geeklist, which has the Wacky and Bizarre things we're SEEN on the Geek, is a wacky piece of writing from Thomas Donnelly:
[Quote Starts Here]
(In my best Modern Art voice...Berlin Gallery of course)
JUNK DRAWER
Ze Berlin Gallery is pleased to place into ze Nicht Gallery a seminal work by zis very famous artist. Ze piece is entitled: Junk Drawer, and as anyone with ze slightest education can clearly see, it is an exquisite work, filled with ze angst, ze anomie of ze neo pre-post-postmodern movement.
Like ze artist's previous work: "Mommy Hug, Mommy Crush" ze artist is positively obsessed with uselessness. What we have here is a carefully arranged photograph, designed to provide absolutely no useful information about ze game zat is being pictured. Notice ze seemingly random pieces scattered to and fro, of course clearly referring to ze tragic release of ze David Hasslehoff double album "Das Uberlover."
Many bidders have remarked zat ze photo seems to have been shot in quite a hurry. Others worry zat perhaps ze Internal Security forces raided ze artist's game closet in search of Scientology paraphanalia, and thus ze incredibly useless random scattering of game pieces that lie before us.
We at ze Berlin Gallery leave it for you to decide. Ze piece entitled Junk Drawer is available for bidding at ze ghastly pittance of five sousand dollars.
Geek gold happily accepted.
[Quote Ends Here]
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29.
Board Game: YINSH
[Average Rating:7.67 Overall Rank:69]
Joshua Miller
United States
Holland
Michigan
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One of my all time favorite comments:
"I rate YINSH a solid ten and don't ever expect it to drop. It is by far the best game I've never played. It has everything I could ever ask for in a game I'll never play. I'd advise everyone else to never play this game also. If you have other games you've never played be sure to not play this one. That's just how good of a game it is!"
--gee barger (capitolgee)
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Burke Glover
United States
Unspecified
Delaware
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Subject line: Self Buddyment
You can buddy yourself.
I buddied myself, and I wouldnt say it was more or less gratifying than being buddied by someone else... just different.
--Chris O'Haver (chrisohaver)
Thanks Chris. Though I'm not so sure it's a good idea to reveal that sort of thing about yourself in a public forum.
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Burke Glover
United States
Unspecified
Delaware
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"This is an abstracted wargame consisting of 26 different army unit types. Players score assembling the units into varying companies based on the allowable groupings determined by the units reference (aka Lexicon), with points scored by the commonality of the units (e.g. the more common unit "E" is worth 1 point, the rare unit "Z" is worth 10). Additionally, there are certain strongholds which grant bonus multipliers when they are captured."
--Scott Reed (skelebone)
I'll never look at this game the same way again! Next time I'm getting out the old unabriged units reference.
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Brad Durandetta
United States
Unspecified
Unspecified
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This is by Koldfoot from the "Join in all of Reiner's games (Knizia)" list.
"I've played this many times. Never realized it was by Sir Reiner.
Doesn't have that 'Knizia feel' at all. Feels like something he came up with on the spur-of-the-moment... laying sick in bed... with the flu... while talking on the phone... with a retard... who only spoke Adlungese... poorly... "
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Darrell Pavitt
United Kingdom
Unspecified
Unspecified
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Looking through the PDF rules for this game, one comes to the line:
"However, geese cannot be left alone at sea: a
goose at sea will always follow a transporter moving out
of its tile, if no other transporter remains with the goose
(but geese can be dropped on an oil-rig, of course)."
Of course! I should have known!
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34.
Board Game: Go
[Average Rating:7.78 Overall Rank:44]
Dave Dyer
United States
Playa Del Rey
California
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comment by "lesterklew" on "Worst Game I Ever Played" geeklist:
Absolutely the worst game I have ever played. I sit down to play a game with a name like Go and I expect maybe a racing game or something equally action packed. What I got though was putting flat rocks on a board and I can't even freakin move them! Where is the go in Go I ask you? False advertising at its worst. I would sue the publisher if I knew who it was. No theme at all and to top it off someone screwed up and gave this a negative 2000 as the year of being published. Buncha morons...
... shows a fine appreciation for the game. No kidding!
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vincit omnia amentia
United States
Howard County
Maryland
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The original geeklist (at bottom) was about variations to make hard games harder, and they all pretty much involved adding in the Wallenstein tower. Sheylon explained his love of the tower:
Quote: The tower has been incorporated into my whole life! I keep my change in it at night, only eat the part of my meals that make it down the tower, use it to pick my lottery numbers. It's a very helpful tool in life. And to think some people use magic-8 balls, astrology or tea leaves. Sheesh! People are weird.
Here's the original geeklist:
http://www.boardgamegeek.com/geeklist.php3?action=view&listi...
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Grant Johnson
United States
Cedar Park
Texas
Well me known for eating cookie when me don't they shout
Look! He try to throw loyal fans a curve!
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Gola's been quoted a lot on this list, how did this not come up?
"And the great God Amun-Re said unto Gola "for your devotion, I shall grant you three wishes."
And Gola thought long and hard, and he said to the God: "I would like three bricks with which to build another pyramid, so that I will have as many as Martin, and I shall be as great as he."
And the great God Amun-Re granted this wish, and Gola had as many pyramids as Martin, and equal glory. And Gola threw radishes at Martin's shabby pyramids, and put party hats on his mummies, and he did crap in Martin's weaving-hut. And Martin said "who has done this thing?" and he did go over to Gola's pyramid and knock on the door in anger, but Gola stayed inside and pretended not to be home."
http://www.boardgamegeek.com/thread/24697
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Carey Grayson
United States
Seaside
OR
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"Jack Bauer grinned as he gripped the man who called himself Carey Grayson in his deadly armlock. “So you hid the code in a game about me, have you? What is this evil plan of yours, and why do you want to release the deadly Elvis virus in a wedding chapel in Reno and kill millions of innocent Elvis impersonators?”.
“No, all is a misunderstanding” screamed Grayson, “it’s just a game, just a game, you see...”.
“Stop! Why don’t you shut-up and show me what the heck you’re talking about!”.
“It’s in the bag” said Carey.
Bauer pulled out the hefty box with a clock tower. Hell, it didn’t even have a picture of himself on the cover. That was clearly a case of bad merchandising."
http://www.boardgamegeek.com/thread/136699
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¡dn ʇǝƃ ʇ,uɐɔ ı puɐ uǝllɐɟ ǝʌ,ı
Canada
Calgary
Alberta
There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary: Those who do, and those who don't.
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Just a snippet of the fun entry from Christopher Brandon (fenway5) in the "Reviews" section for this game:
At this point, he unstraped the hammer (mini stick) from my right hand (Mjolnir my friend we savaged many, wait for me in Valhalla!)and wrapped it about my head. Placing a plastic car from the box onto the ground he bade me push it with the mini stick on my head. Dropping to my knees I placed the hammer behind the car ready to see what sort of game this might be. A sharp kick to my hind qurters sent the car and myself flying. The rough guffaws of the neighbor and my bretheren from that moment haunt me to this day.
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Even has Euro in the name."
Black Hawk
South Dakota
Berkeley
California
Mississauga
Ontario
Unspecified
Delaware
The Revenge of Wacky and Bizzare Things We've Read on the Geek
http://www.boardgamegeek.com/geeklist/10369