Memorable quotes from the BGG community
Björn Hansson
Sweden
Bromma
Stockholm
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The entries on BGG often make me laugh out loud. My wife, my coworkers and strange people in internet cafés often wonder if I'm insane.

This geeklist will try to collect some of the finest quotes found on BGG. I thought I'd start out small and hopefully everyone will fill in the rest.

The wisdom and humor of the BGG community needs to be preserved!

Please include (if possible):

- author
- topic/game/picture that the comment refers to.

I hope this will be a long list that will bring back fond memories!

PS. I tried to find a similar list (no use in having identical ones. Couldn't find it so here goes...
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1. Board Game: Go [Average Rating:7.72 Overall Rank:61]
Björn Hansson
Sweden
Bromma
Stockholm
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"And above all else, no matter what you do, when you do win an occasional game don't think you did so because you did everything right. Remember, you still suck, you just sucked less for a few minutes that day."

- Jeff Thompson (Tompy), comment on the depth and complexity of Go.
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2. Board Game Designer: Reiner Knizia
Björn Hansson
Sweden
Bromma
Stockholm
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"Tonight, the girlfriend and I played Carcassonne: The Castle for the first time. She kicked my ass. Then I kicked her ass. Then we made love. Knizia is the Tom Jones of game designers."

- (Garygarison), re: open letter to Reiner Knizia
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3. Board Game: Through the Desert [Average Rating:7.08 Overall Rank:305]
howl hollow howl
United States
Hillsboro
Oregon
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Truly memorable:

"I find Through the Desert to be very interactive and player-manipulative as each of the players attempts to torque the incentive grid and thus the ever-changing mesh of alliances among the players to their advantage."[/q]
J C Lawrence, 2008/02/28
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Tony Ackroyd
United Kingdom
Brighton
E Sussex
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Princes of Florence

C Sandifer
United States
Lutherville
Maryland
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"If I had a time machine, I would use it to gain power in Renaissance Italy and plunge it into an era of dark warfare and anti-intellectualism - the ultimate goal being that today's game designers would be forced to invent more interesting themes. (I'm pretty sure that it would work.)"

The geeklist link is a similar geeklist I did.... wow, it was 2.5 years ago. Have I really been hanging around on this website that long?
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5. Board Game: Thurn and Taxis [Average Rating:7.15 Overall Rank:246]

Eugene
Oregon
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"Uhh...it's better than Ticket to Ride, but that's like saying poop is better than crap as far as I'm concerned."

--Michael Barnes (crackedlcd81)

Michael Barnes
United States
Decatur
Georgia
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I was on BGG for months before discovering that Michael Barnes had been previously escorted out of the building. In large part, his hugely entertaining and informative contributions sparked my initial attraction to the BGG community.

And this comes from someone who rates Thurn and Taxis a solid 7.
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6. Board Game: Risk [Average Rating:5.59 Overall Rank:9286]
Stew Woods
Australia
Cygnet
Tasmania
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"Risk is a series of waves gradually eroding a sandbar. The waves come from all directions in ever-increasing intensity until at last one washes over the sandbar completely, . . . then another, . . . then another, . . . until the sandbar is completely consumed by one final wave, and then there's nothing but water to be seen. That's Risk. "

Drew1365 - Mar 8 2007

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7. Board Game: The Whale Game [Average Rating:5.33 Unranked]
Stew Woods
Australia
Cygnet
Tasmania
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"Well, lets say you're a whale, and don't know what pies are all about. You've eaten many chocolate pies, but have gotten tired of it because that's the only desert you've ever had. Then you find out that some other whales are eating apple pies. As a whale, you don't really think about it too much because you're tired of all the pie you've eaten in the past. Then those whales as you to try their apple pie and it ends up being different and somehow more norishing. *Then* you find out that there's all kinds of pies such as cherry and raspberry and you want to try them all out. So yeah that's my best explination of what the boardgameing hobby is... it's like fruit pie for whales."

elcomadreja2 - Nov 6, 2006
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8. Board Game: Roma [Average Rating:6.87 Overall Rank:557] [Average Rating:6.87 Unranked]
suPUR DUEper
United States
Villa Hills
Kentucky
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Robert Rossney (UhhhClem)


uhhhClem wrote:
This game's like a knife fight: make one mistake and you're dead. And it's a lot more complicated than it seems. As such, it's gotten a lot of bad press from people who didn't get all the rules quite right, or who don't understand why what they did was a mistake.



I bought this game solely on this recommendation. Robert is dead on- great game!
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9. Board Game: Cape Horn [Average Rating:5.99 Overall Rank:3457]
Elliott Reynolds
Canada
Victoria
B.C.
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Aleister Finchley
United Kingdom
Unspecified
Unspecified
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Don't ask the deaf old vicar if he wants to play this - he'll just tell you that sadly his VCR is broken.
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10. Board Game: Busen Memo [Average Rating:4.83 Overall Rank:10554]
KK Su
Australia
Melbourne
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http://www.boardgamegeek.com/article/1109933#1109933

The original question was "Should there be no luck in board games?"
It's the equivilent of asking "Should there be no boobs in sex?"

-- Frank La Terra (MrSkeletor)
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11. Board Game: Race for the Galaxy [Average Rating:7.80 Overall Rank:22]
Alan
United States
Trumbull
Connecticut
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"Stapling your junk to a 2x4 is also an acquired taste, doesn't mean I want to do it."

-- Thomas Taylor (Tygo), commenting on why Race for the Galaxy is not for him. (Spawned a microbadge)
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12. Board Game: Hive [Average Rating:7.36 Overall Rank:143]
Jim "git yer stinkin' themes offa my mechanic" Puccio
United States
Needham Heights
Massachusetts
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"I'm coming to think that 'Chess or Go?' is the 'Ginger or Mary Ann?' of gaming."

Bruce Padget (bapadget), in the list "Great, well designed games that I don't care to play."
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13. Board Game: Agricola [Average Rating:8.13 Overall Rank:6]
Ben Lott
United States
Mason
Michigan
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Posted in the Logical Inconsistencies Geeklist by

Branko K.
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Quote:
- All right, wifey, I'm off to plow my field.

- But, honey, you can't! Johnson is plowing his field today.

- So?

- Well you have to do something else.

- Can I go fishing?

- Nope, Smith is already on the lake.

- Alrighty then, I'll just go and build a stable on our pasture.

- Ummm... I heard the McDonalds are building a stable so.. y'know.

- Damn it all then! I give up. Come here wifey, let's stay home and make some sweet lovin'!

- Terribly sorry honey, the Browns are already doing it as we speak...
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14. Board Game: Soccer Tactics World [Average Rating:6.10 Overall Rank:3488]
Ben Lott
United States
Mason
Michigan
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I'm not going to single anyone out, but if you read the personal comments on this game it's quite a riot. Here's the general idea though:

"I've rated this game a 1 without playing it, because others have rated it a 10 without playing it, simply because others have rated it a 1 without playing it."
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15. Board Game: Warhammer 40,000 [Average Rating:6.35 Overall Rank:1712]
Jim "git yer stinkin' themes offa my mechanic" Puccio
United States
Needham Heights
Massachusetts
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This one's not so much in the humor of the quote itself, but the situation it describes (some pics of the event would undoubtedly enhance the hilarity):

"My girlfriend Anye enjoys kicking the crap out of my Orcs and Goblins with her very girly painted Dwarf army."

Jason Freer (Crim), in the review "Warhammer Up Close - Pros and Cons"
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16. Board Game: Arkham Horror [Average Rating:7.43 Overall Rank:133] [Average Rating:7.43 Unranked]
Yours Truly,
United States
Raleigh
North Carolina
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This is a long quote, but it had me laughing, it's one of my favorites I've read.

Author:
Goo
United States
Yorba Linda
California
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Regarding: Arkham Horror (Specifically, putting the cardboard player pawns into the character stands)


Quote:
1) Open game and get all excited about playing

2) Realize there is some assembly, but that's ok--we love the new game dance

3) Extract beer from fridge, open said beer, begin consumption

5) Realize your table is too small--move to dining room

5) Ruin first marker trying to smoosh it into the stand

6) If at first you don't succeed... ruin 2nd marker

7) Curse and pace

8) Bend but not totally ruin 3rd marker

9) Curse and pace some more--increase vulgarity of cursing at this point

10) Extract 2nd (or 3rd) beer from fridge--results may vary

11) Talk to game with extreme agitation

12) Contort fingers into various pressure situations to try and wedge open stand and at this time complete ruination of 3rd marker

13) Extract and consume 4th beer--cast wandering eye at the hard liquor cabinet... hold off for now, you'll be back to here later

14) Notice, while ruining 4th marker a tear that has fallen onto the board

15) Go find your wife and make her sit and listen for 30 minutes while you explain the injustice and how it is a direct reflection of your inferiority complex and how the world is going to pot and you're just one guy doing his best and for Pete sakes why isn't that enough

16) Spread remaining character markers out and pick the next one to die as though picking a bank hostage who must be done in to prove you are not effing around here and just get me a chopper and a direct line to the president and no one else gets hurt

17) While ruining this next marker begin to weep and cry out to the game itself, "Are you happy now? Huh? Are you happy?"

18) Send children to bed while you extract all the hard liquor--never mind with high-balls or shot glasses, go straight from the bottle as though you wish you could just climb in and beg for the sweet release of death

19) Collapse on the floor weeping and shaking and reflecting on the purity of your own mother and how could we have all grown so much

20) Log on to BGG and though you are convinced your method is the best, see if anyone else has a different way to do it, just in case.


From: http://www.boardgamegeek.com/thread/70208/page/1
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17. Amun-Re :: Session: Session Report
Michael Shaver
China
Beijing
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Gola wrote:
...Gola-hap-shet was the handsomest and most virile of the Great Men, and the favorite of the god Amun-Re. And Gola said unto Amun-Re "I shall sacrifice starlings and asses' milk to you, so that you will make my crops grow great and so that my women shall be fertile." ...
Wanted to quote the whole thing, but resisted... If you haven't read it yet, go do it!

I can hardly think about this session report without laughing...
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18. Board Game: The Ungame [Average Rating:2.69 Overall Rank:10759]
MK
United States
Albany
New York
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This one is a treasure trove of memorable quotes.

The best is from okiedokie:


Quote:

My wife purchased this. Here's the coversation when she brought it home:

She: "Look, I bought a game."
Me: "No,, you bought an UN game."
She: "Let's get the boys & play. It'll be fun."
Me: "But if it's an UN game, won't it be UN fun?"

Now we are playing, two boys and two adults.
She: "This is nice, we get to sit around talking about these questions."
Boy 1: "Can I make Joel go to that cabin? It looks dangerous, like a monster lives in the water."
She: "If Joel goes there he has to answer a question about his feelings"
Boy 1: "OK I'll make Joel go there. That'll get him mad."
She: "It's not a punishment. Nothing bad will happen."
Joel (Boy 2): "Will I have to answer a question?"
She: "Yes."
Joel: "Then something bad is happening." Punches brother in arm.
Me: "How do you win this game?"
She: "There is no winner.."
Me: "Then there is no game."
She: "You're not being very supportive. That hurts my feelings."
Me: "Well you can't talk about your feeling right now because it's not your turn. You'll have to wait to draw a card. Right now we're punishing Joel."
She: "It's not punishment!"
Boy 1: "Have you ever played Axis & Allies?"
She: "No."
Boy 1:"If you had, you would know that this is punishment."

Things got worse after that.
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19. Board Game: Talisman [Average Rating:6.42 Overall Rank:1286]
Mark Jackson
United States
Goodlettsville
Tennessee
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I'm not sure it's actually anywhere on the Geek (as it was originally posted on rec.games.board back in the day) but it's still a classic.

Here is Peter Sarrett's take on Talisman:

Quote:
Talisman is a Chinese water torture.
It is the death of a thousand cuts.
It is the stone of Sisyphus, a calliope of boredom.
It's the first 5 seconds of each day from Groundhog Day.
It's the steaming charred mass in the toaster oven at the end of Time Bandits.
Talisman is the science teacher from The Wonder Years without any filmstrips.
It's neither a floor wax nor a dessert topping.
It's a mirage in the desert, a black widow crawling up your chest.
It's a female preying mantis and you're it's mate.
It's a stale box of Crackerjacks without a toy surprise.
Talisman is the Night of the Living Dead, the Dark Side of the Force.
It's the Energizer bunny gone hideously awry.
It's that dream where you're running as fast as you can but you're not going anywhere and when you open your mouth to scream, nothing comes out.
Talisman is a naked singularity, an event horizon from which fun cannot
escape.
It's a souffle that never rose, the fault-ridden pudding skin in the back of the fridge.
Talisman is Xeno's worst nightmare.
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20. Board Game: Talisman (Revised 4th Edition) [Average Rating:6.65 Overall Rank:797]
Trencher for Life
United States
Slidell
Louisiana
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From Hivegod's hysterical Session report: http://www.bgg.cc/thread/221861

Quote:
“Okay, so a Wizard, a Warrior, an Elf and a sexually-ambiguous Minstrel--“

“That’s MANstrel to you.”

“--walk into a tavern--lemme know if you’ve heard this one before...”

Talisman is one of those ‘auto-dungeon master’ games where instead of one of your perfectly reasonable friends you get a blind, uncaring set of mechanics to act as DM. This works pretty well, especially if you like your DMs capricious, cruel, and emasculating. And, unlike your reasonable friends, completely uncaring and inflexible.

Every game that uses the auto-DM ends up with, believe it or not, a personality--the cold mechanics tend to give the game a specific feel irrespective of the theme: Arkham Horror’s Keeper likes to pile it on and then hand you a flask of whiskey for your troubles; Runebound is probably the sanest and most stable of the bunch.

But what of Talisman? What’s that auto-DM like?

He’s...

a mean drunk

a bed-wetting twelve-year-old with ‘anger issues’

a three-legged dog you’d like to call ‘Hopalong Cassidy’ if only he didn’t growl so much and chew up all the things you love and then poop on the rug, right in front of you, looking you dead in the eye while you’re screaming, “No! No! Bad dog!”

No, the Talismangler is none of those things alone--the Talismangler is ALL.

He’s Runebound’s angry Grandpappy with a touch of dementia and a bad marriage--he never got her to ‘stump broke’ status and so there was no never-ending stream of nookie like all the abstinence literature said--and as if that wasn’t enough, he’s got a parasitic twin, a gnarled mass of teeth and hair grown over a testicle on his neck, not much more than a sentient mole, really--and the twin knows it, just having discovered girls who have discovered that he's hideous.

And now he's here to take it all out on you.
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21. Board Game Publisher: Winsome Games

Eugene
Oregon
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No

--John Bohrer, in response to a BGG user's innocent query about whether the corrected rules to the misprinted 2002 Age of Steam could be downloaded.

John Bohrer
United States
Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
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That's "No", as in...

"No tact"...
"No courtesy"...
"No punctuation"...

By the way, Mr. Bohrer, the corrected rules to Age of Steam can, in fact, be downloaded. That's how I got mine. I look forward to grafting them onto Martin Wallace's Steam.


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Byron Collins
United States
Suffolk
Virginia
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I can't possibly "GROGify" the first post in this thread, created by
Robert Wesley
Nepal
Aberdeen
Washington
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after (I believe) he was a bit upset at someone wanting to set "Ignore User" on him after they couldn't understand a post of his.

Now, I'm not a qualified GROGnads interpreter, but I do find many of his posts "colorful" and entertaining.
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23. Board Game: Xhenor [Average Rating:4.82 Unranked]
Dave L.
United States
Portland
Oregon
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BGG's greatest undiscovered poet is without question Fredowulf, whose body of work only includes the best geeklist comment and the best game comment.

frederic dumont
France
Lille
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-On Xhenor
I read the rules, those ugly rules printed in "4" size font, as clear as some muddy water.
I tried once to find players for it, and organized a "xhenor evening", long time ago. I loved this game, despite its heavy rules, it's one of the more complex games I have, more complex than republic of rome, for instance.
This evening was a drama. A real one, one of the nights you could make a movie on. I flew from my friends house, holding xhenor in my arms like a wounded child, friends were pursuing me, I lost some pieces...
I throw it away some weeks ago, my eyes full of tears.


-On Democrazy
I was drunk and lonely when I paid for this.
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Jim "git yer stinkin' themes offa my mechanic" Puccio
United States
Needham Heights
Massachusetts
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Balthus_Dire wrote:
Quote:
You mean I won't win until I spend hours and hours losing to other players?

That's right. But you're missing the fact that there is a MORAL VIRTUE in losing as an abstract player--it's almost religious. To lose another game makes you a simple dice/wooden cube/chit groping sucka-chump-chimp. To lose an abstract: divine! Closer to the one-ness of the ALL.

Luckily, my ears are so full of the chorus of DVONN-shaped angels from being a devotee that I barely hear the plaintative mewing of abstract haters. This must be why abstract lovers ('the chosen') usually fail so completely to defend their games from attacks. We just can't hear you!

That reminds me, have I spread the word of Go recently? It's not a game, but a nonpropositional transliminal experience of syzygy...
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Jared Miller
United States
New Jersey
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Quote:
Virgil stared at me, as unperturbed as Reiner Knizia at an actuaries' meeting. "I have no power--your punishment will be meted as Divine Justice deserves. If you do not wish to suffer such a fate, then change thy ways, O tratior!"

I ran screaming, and was lost for a time in the dark caves of the Ninth Circle before I came to a door... Suddenly, I was back in Catan, staring at a stack of wood.

I had a brief thought about trading a bunch of wood away and then using the monopoly card to get it back, but remembered the Ninth Circle, and resolved to change my ways...


This is just but a segment of Diis's most amazing epic on BGG to date. Although I would like to display the whole thing, there is simply not enough room.
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