An Interview With Derk
Charles Rayburn
United States
Cleveland
Tennessee
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In case you missed it, last week I interviewed Aldie. http://www.boardgamegeek.com/geeklist/44173 It was so popular that in the spirit of fairness, I felt it was my duty to also interview Derk. Unlike Aldie, I know Derk is not even remotely busy; however, I still feel that it is in his best interest for me to supply all of his answers.
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1. Board Game: Name Game: The Celebrity Guessing Game [Average Rating:5.52 Unranked]
Charles Rayburn
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Cleveland
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RR: I couldn't help but notice that your name is Derk. That's Derk with an "E" not an "I", correct?

D: That's right.

RR: I had a friend in high school named Dirk.

D: Really? That's cool.

RR: He was a real asshole.

D: Oh.

RR: Shouldn't your name be spelled with an "I" My friend spelled it that way. Douglas Adams, God rest his soul, spelled it that way in his Dirk Gently books. In my eyes, that means you're spelling it wrong.

D: I'm not sure that there's a standard way to spell "Derk". I don't think it's that big of an issue.

RR: So you're going to play dumb just like Aldie did? Well two can play that game.

D: So you're going to play dumb too?

RR: Let's just move on.
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2. Board Game: Music Maestro II [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
Charles Rayburn
United States
Cleveland
Tennessee
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RR: When it comes to your music badges, it's sort of good news/bad news. You don't have any bands that I love like Aldie did, but at least you don't have a bunch of lame crap on there either. Let's see. Tenacious D is OK in short increments. Metallica, I can take or leave. The Beastie Boys are tolerable. The trombone? What the hell is that doing on here?

D: I like the trombone, and it is a musical instrument.

RR: The trombone is not a musical instrument. Everyone knows that the trombone is located right under your clavicle.

D: No it's not. The trombone is a brass instrument with the big slidey thing.

RR: Oh. Sorry about that, I must have been confused. Either way, the trombone still sucks.
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3. Board Game: The Big Idea [Average Rating:6.36 Overall Rank:1964]
Charles Rayburn
United States
Cleveland
Tennessee
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RR: I couldn't help but notice some of your idea microbadges. "Peace", "Respect", "Religious Tolerance"? What a load of garbage. How do ever expect to take over the world with that kind of namby pamby bull crap?

D: I'm not planning to take over the world, Rowdy.

RR: Oh, I see. It's reverse psychology. You try to pose as a peace loving wimp, and then when everyone's back is turned, you can gun them all down like the vermin that they are.

D: No. I'm just a peaceful guy.

RR: Ok, Derk, whatever you say.



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4. Board Game: TV Wars [Average Rating:5.52 Overall Rank:8762]
Charles Rayburn
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Cleveland
Tennessee
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RR: Under your pop culture badges you have a "I don't watch TV" badge. That looks really convincing right next to all your badges for TV shows. How do you even attempt to explain this?

D: Hey what can I say? I'm a complex guy.

RR: As far as your badges go, I particularly like Lost. My favorite part was when HI was stealing Huggies from the convient store.

D: That's not from Lost. That's from Raising Arizona.

RR: Are you sure? I don't even think I've seen Raising Arizona.

D: Your avatar is from that movie. My god! Are you a moron?

RR: Get out of here. My avatar is from My Name is Earl.

D: (akward silence as Derk looks disgusted)

RR: Let's move on.
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5. Board Game: Computerized Arcade [Average Rating:2.67 Unranked]
Charles Rayburn
United States
Cleveland
Tennessee
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RR: Your Video Games badges are interesting. You're really old school. You have the M.U.L.E. and Zork microbadges. I must admit that's pretty cool.

D: Finally. Something that you don't have a problem with.

RR: Well of course, the graphics on M.U.L.E. are pretty crappy. I wonder why they didn't make it more like Halo or Oblivion. You know where the graphics make you feel like you're really there.

D: I would guess because the technology wasn't advanced enough at the time.

RR: You know, you always have an answer for everything. That gets pretty annoying.

D: Well, I don't know that I have ever met someone as ignorant as you.

RR: Thanks.
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6. Board Game: Baffle Gab [Average Rating:5.05 Unranked]
Charles Rayburn
United States
Cleveland
Tennessee
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RR: Under Arts and Literature you have a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy microbradge. The only thing that bothers me is the fact that the badge itself is just the number 42. What the heck does that have to do with the books? It should be a big thumb or something cool like that.

D: (heavy sigh) 42 is the central joke in the series. It's the answer to life, the universe, and everything.

RR: What's the answer?

D: 42

RR: No it's not!

D: Yes it is!!

RR: No. I specifically don't remember anything about the number 42.

D: AAAAGGGHHHH! YOU ARE AN IDIOT!!!

RR: Ok. Ok. Just calm down. I'll take your word for it.
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7. Board Game: Games of the World [Average Rating:8.05 Unranked]
Charles Rayburn
United States
Cleveland
Tennessee
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RR: Your taste in games is pretty decent. I notice that Tigris and Euphrates is one of your favorites. Is it true that you once killed a man over a game of T & E?

D: No. That is absolutely not true.

RR: Now wait a minute. I specifically remember hearing about you stabbing some guy after he won a internal conflict. You need some anger management.

D: That never happened.

RR: I believe you are in denial. Do you also deny that you posed for that avatar where you are clad in tight leather?

D: I didn't pose for that either. If you look closely, you will see that the body has breasts. The photo has obviously been altered.

RR: If you are going to continue with this endless string of lies, you leave me no choice but to conclude this interview.

D: Thank God!

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