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Pearls in Rulebooks
Paulo Soledade
Portugal
Leiria
Leiria
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I often see brilliant phrases in rulebooks. This geeklist is the place where you should add your discover. Please do.
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51. Board Game: Snow Tails [Average Rating:6.98 Overall Rank:449]
Morten Lund
Denmark
Århus
Denmark
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Yes, Beware the Geek bringing gifts!
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"Big Paws" Token:

You have read all this way wondering "What is the effect of the Big Paws token?" It is your reward for buying the game and teaching it to others. Simply give it to the player who takes too long to think about their turn. They can only give it away if someone else takes longer to play on a subsequent turn. It has no effect. Read the title of the token again. Laugh. This token is universal and is compatible with all games...

cracked me up
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52. Board Game: StarForce 'Alpha Centauri': Interstellar Conflict in the 25th Century [Average Rating:6.11 Overall Rank:4407]
Eric Jablow
United States
Virginia
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From the Rationale section in the rule book:
Quote:
As she turned from AID "Happy", trailing encephlinks from her preoccupied head, she stubbed her foot on "Grumpy's" console. Grumpy was supposed to be eight kilometers away. She took a number of comparative readings from Grump's link, strolled back to Happy, and finished her bunnyburger before she fainted from the realization of what she had done.


Serves her right for eating cute bunnies. SPI and Redmond Simonsen had a peculiar sense of humor.
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53. Board Game: Venture [Average Rating:6.51 Overall Rank:1974]
Randall Bart
United States
Winnetka
California
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The last two sentences of the rules: "Player with largest grand total is the winner. The others are simply multi-millionaires."
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54. Board Game: God's Playground [Average Rating:7.52 Overall Rank:793]
Paulo Soledade
Portugal
Leiria
Leiria
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Another pearl from Mr. Wallace:

"(...) I figured that even if no German bought the game that there would be enough Poles in New York to assure the sale of 1500 copies."
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55. Board Game: Paranoia Mandatory Bonus Fun! Card Game [Average Rating:5.93 Overall Rank:4218]
Randall Bart
United States
Winnetka
California
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Introduction to PARANOIA [SECURITY CLEARANCE INFRARED--CLEARED FOR ALL CITIZENS]
May I be of assistance?
Sure. Why don’t you tell me how this game works?
I’m sorry, citizen. That information is not available at this time.
Huh? Most games are really eager to teach you the rules.
Not PARANOIA. In PARANOIA you don’t know the rules. You don’t know who your enemies are. You don’t know how your equipment works. You’re never sure why you’re doing anything. One thing you do know: Everyone is out to get you. Ignorance and fear; fear and ignorance. These are your watchwords.
Uhh... The box says something about a computer.
In PARANOIA you play a Troubleshooter in service to The Computer. Trust The Computer! The Computer is your friend! You are The Computer’s trusted agent and protector of Alpha Complex, The Computer’s underground city of the far future.
Why am I a Troubleshooter?
You turned in a friend for treason. The Computer had him executed for betraying Alpha Complex. The Computer rewarded you for your loyalty. Now you root out all traitors and apprehend or execute them. You uncover corruption among The Computer’s servants and turn them over to Internal Security. You find trouble, and you shoot it.
What’s a ‘traitor’?
A traitor is a malevolent citizen who has betrayed his friend The Computer and seeks to destroy The Computer, Alpha Complex, humanity and life as we know it. You must unmask and destroy all traitors. Watch out! Traitors are everywhere! Mutants are traitors. These genetic freaks have uncontrollable abilities they selfi shly use for their own advancement, rather than to serve Alpha Complex. You must subdue or eliminate them. Members of secret societies are traitors. In organizations unsanctioned by The Computer they conspire irresponsibly to undermine the good order of Alpha Complex. You must destroy them. By the way... you are a mutant, and a member of a secret society. You are a traitor.
Wait... I’m a traitor?
That is correct. Your fellow Troubleshooters would be eager to unmask you as a traitor and execute you. You work with many Troubleshooters. They all carry powerful weapons.
Let me get this straight. My job is to hunt and kill traitors. I work with other people who have the same orders. They all want to kill me?
Not quite. They all want to kill traitors. They don’t know you’re a Commie mutant traitor. Yet. The good news is, Troubleshooters routinely get shot, stabbed, incinerated, mangled, poisoned, blown to bits and occasionally stapled, so you have many opportunities to ensure your teammates meet their just end. Stay alert! Trust no one! Keep your laser handy!
...Are you sure this will be fun?
Certainly, citizen! Fun is mandatory. The Computer says so, and The Computer is your friend. Do you doubt The Computer? Doubting The Computer is treason.
Uh! No, certainly not. If The Computer says fun is mandatory, then this certainly will be fun. Only a Commie mutant traitor could believe otherwise.
Excellent! You’re getting the idea. As a sign of its trust, The Computer promotes you to Security Clearance RED. Welcome to PARANOIA.
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56. Board Game: Arctic Scavengers [Average Rating:7.03 Overall Rank:716]
Cate
United States
Mequon
Wisconsin
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"If there is still a tie, get a bag of ice for each player and pour it in their pants. The player who lasts longer is better adapted to the cold environment, and therefore the winner."

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57. Board Game: Bootleggers [Average Rating:6.70 Overall Rank:820]
Steve Berger
United Kingdom
Sevenoaks
Kent
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The Bootlegger manual states You lookin' for a game where opponents don't duouble-cross each other? Find a game about nuns. This one's about Mobsters.
Really great much-overlooked group game.
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58. Board Game: Bunny Bunny Moose Moose [Average Rating:6.29 Overall Rank:2479]
Tim Mierz
United States
Middletown
Connecticut
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As you might expect from a Vlaada Chvatil game, the rules have some funny elements, including:

"Players should follow along as the narrator scores and check to be sure it is done correctly, pointing out errors either verbally or by shaking their heads wildly and making inarticulate noises."

There's also a diagram showing the positions of the players:
-> Narrator
-> Other players
-> Guy who doesn't want to play a game where he might look silly
-> Girl who really liked that guy and is disappointed to learn that he's such a sour-puss
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59. Board Game: kuuduk [Average Rating:5.04 Overall Rank:10544]
ackmondual
United States
SoCal
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Games are normally played until the endgame condition where someone gets to or goes past 15pts.


Then it mentions (and I paraphrase) "you can play to 20, 25, or even 30 points for a longer game". Well d'uh.
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60. Board Game: Galaktico [Average Rating:6.80 Overall Rank:6175]
Bruce Murphy
Australia
Pyrmont
NSW
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From the setup and start rules.

"The player left to the most impatient player starts, the other players follow clockwise"

B>
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61. Board Game: Castle Merchants [Average Rating:5.83 Overall Rank:4994]
Claus Jensen
Denmark
Stenlose
Sealand
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This is from memory, but the rules as they apply to winning conditions are:

"The game is played until one player reaches 18 points. If you are that player, you win".

... well duh! OFF COURSE the highest scoring player wins... it's not like the box says Knizia anywhere on it whistle
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62. Board Game: Kings & Things [Average Rating:6.60 Overall Rank:1224]
Ian Engleback
England
Croydon
London
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Quote:
In Kings and Things* there is no bloodshed - all defeated creatures wander back to the cup, to be called into service again during the Recruitment Phase. Such creatures are called "eliminated".
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63. Board Game: A la carte [Average Rating:6.52 Overall Rank:1095]
Paulo Soledade
Portugal
Leiria
Leiria
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In this game spoons are normally used to mark the number of actions remaining - it's a game about cooking. It makes sense I guess. But...

"You may also use the spoons to beat on the table in an irritating manner to remind the active player to speed up play"

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64. Board Game: All Things Zombie: The Boardgame [Average Rating:6.33 Overall Rank:2484]
Marc-Andre Blanchet
Canada
Sherbrooke
Quebec
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If two survivors are equally close, randomly determine which one the zombie will move toward. (Roll a die, draw a staw, flip your cat, whatever it takes) [...] If a zombie bumps into a building or rough, just move him in the shortest path around it. If you need to randomly select a path, flip your cat.

p.10
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65. Board Game: Defenders of the Realm [Average Rating:7.44 Overall Rank:225]
John Cobb
United States
Conway
Arkansas
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The most aggressive player... "You all know who that is." ...goes first and play moves clockwise (to the player’s left) around the table. If you cannot decide who is the most aggressive, take it outside, or roll dice to see who goes first..."Wimps."
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66. Board Game: Mutiny! [Average Rating:5.69 Overall Rank:5804]
Todd Redden
United States
Manchester
Connecticut
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Every deck hand is described in the CREW ABILITIES section as "Clearly the most valuable member of the crew!" arrrh

(The superlative usually applies to one member of a set.)
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67. Board Game: Founding Fathers [Average Rating:7.03 Overall Rank:687]
Tony T
United States
Spring
Texas
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Quote:
The player to the dealer’s right should then cut the deck by picking up approximately half the deck from the top, placing it to one side, and then placing the remaining half of the deck on top of that.


Glad they cleared that up for me. It's fortunate they didn't say "exactly half the deck".
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68. Board Game: Sid Meier's Civilization: The Board Game [Average Rating:7.58 Overall Rank:89]
Børge N
Norway
Porsgrunn
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"Before playing Sid Meier’s Civilization: The Board Game for
the first time, carefully punch out the cardboard components,
making sure to keep them away from small children and
animals."

In case you out of habit keep your dog or 2-year old around when you unpunch your new games.. I certainly don't!
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69. Board Game: Puzzle Strike [Average Rating:6.83 Overall Rank:876]
Ido Abelman
Israel
Hod Hasharon
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In this case the geeklist title don't fit - it's not a "pearl" but a "gem"!
Anyway, immediately after reading the following sentence I thought about this geeklist:

“A card game played with chips instead of cards that simulates a puzzle game (that doesn’t exist) that simulates a fighting game (that also doesn’t exist).”
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70. Board Game: Innovation [Average Rating:7.29 Overall Rank:202]
Scott Pizio
United States
Fall River
Massachusetts
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Under game terms:

Quote:
FUN: A mandatory rule. You must have it, or else.


Or else what?
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71. Board Game: Yomi [Average Rating:7.26 Overall Rank:411] [Average Rating:7.26 Unranked]
Ido Abelman
Israel
Hod Hasharon
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An answer to the question "what if I run out of cards in my deck":
Quote:
A: This question really doesn’t matter because it’s not going
to happen.
If it does, no special rule is needed. Keep playing
as usual without drawing. If you run out of cards in hand
too, simply play your only legal move each turn--no-card--
and you will almost certainly lose. If both players run out of
cards in deck and in hand, an event more unlikely than a
meteor destroying the Earth during your match
, then the
winner is the player with the highest life total (or a draw if
the totals are equal).
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72. Board Game: Dungeon Lords [Average Rating:7.49 Overall Rank:113]
Ultra Bithalver
Hungary
Budapest
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I am not sure my quote is exact:
Quote:
If you don't like the news, press your own.
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73. Board Game: Merkator [Average Rating:7.03 Overall Rank:608]
Steve Zamborsky
United States
Cincinnati
Ohio
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"Ah, Denny, I've hardly seen you this episode."
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In the Solitary Version, under Playing the Game:

"You can't join other players' travels as there are no other players. Don't be ludicrous."
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74. Board Game: Battle of the Halji [Average Rating:5.33 Overall Rank:9079]
Greg Wilson
United Kingdom
Bristol
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A very odd game with a very idiosyncratic rulebook that spoke directly to you. Although 'speak' isn't quite the right word. Insult and threaten are closer to the mark. Click the image to read the front page, which sets the tone nicely.

Quote:
So! You dare to break the seal. I see you have taken no precautions. The wrapping is on the floor. I feel your naked finger upon my page. YOU ARE A FOOL. If this were Thross I would devour you.


The rest of these are paraphrased from memory, sadly, as I had a copy but can't find it. It's possible it went astray in one of the house moves.

Quote:
You win by becoming the Supreme Halji. You ask me how? Think! How can you claim to be the Supreme Halji when there are others who will do so? Yes. You must destroy the other Halji.


Quote:
Q: Can I appeal to the Halji to reroll failing an appeal to the Halji?

A: Are you really so stupid as to think this is possible?


Quote:
Q: But I only have two dice!

A: That isn't a question. Besides, just roll the dice, remember the total, and then roll them again as necessary. You can remember a simple number, can't you?


Quote:
[Sapius] is rather a pathetic Cretoid. I wonder who it reminds me of.


If anyone has a copy of the rulebook to this, please consider scanning it. It'd be a shame if this were lost to posterity.
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75. Board Game: Dominant Species [Average Rating:7.90 Overall Rank:25]
Richard Morris
Scotland
Harrogate
North Yorkshire
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This user had more :gg: than sense
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Place the board – face up! – in the center of the table
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