$10.00
Lies I Have Told My Wife (and how I was exposed)
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
Ross-on-Wye
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We know we've all been there. A box of goodies from a FLGS is left on the front doorstep. You know it's coming, you hurry home from work, but your wife finished at lunch and is standing there with a stern look on her face.

Or, even worse, like mine does, she confiscates the whole box and hides it in the attic (I don't like the attic, it has spiders in).

Here is a tale of my woes. Please add your own.
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1. Board Game: Agricola [Average Rating:8.12 Overall Rank:6]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
Ross-on-Wye
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This was part of a package of several games which I ordered when our small 2-player games were no longer scratching the itch. It remains the most expensive game package I've managed to put together, because there was also Caylus, Power Grid and several other high-rankers in there for a whopping £180 total.

Lie Told: "Well, you like all of Uwe Rosenberg's other games."

Lie Exposed: "I can't stand Bohnanza. Or Babel"

Effectiveness of Lie: trashtrashtrashtrash (she did like Agricola and Caylus, so all was well)
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2. Board Game: Ticket to Ride: Europe [Average Rating:7.59 Overall Rank:62]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
Ross-on-Wye
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She came home from work an hour early and caught me having a peek at the rules when ostensibly the game was hidden under her bed waiting to be given to me as a Christmas present.

Lie Told: "I thought we could take it down to your parents on Christmas Day and teach them how to play it"

Lie Exposed: "Hmmm..." (taps foot and looks stern)

Effectiveness of Lie: trashtrashtrash (her parents enjoyed playing it, but I did not get any joy in bed between then and Christmas)
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3. Board Game: Gloom [Average Rating:6.43 Overall Rank:1081] [Average Rating:6.43 Unranked]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
Ross-on-Wye
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A 'I haven't bought anything for a couple of months and am getting the itch' buy, which resulted in a slack-handful of not-great card games dropping over the doorstep, including Gloom, Wyatt Earp and Start Player

Lie Told: "I won it in a Geekgold Auction"

Lie Exposed: "But it says 'IGUK' on the box. I don't think Infinity Games participate in Geekgold Auctions"

Effectiveness of Lie: trash (not my smartest moment)
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4. Board Game: Pandemic: On the Brink [Average Rating:8.13 Unranked] [Average Rating:8.13 Unranked] [Average Rating:8.13 Unranked]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
Ross-on-Wye
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I went on a training course in Birmingham (UK), and took the opportunity to visit the local game shop, the rather wonderful Waylands Forge.

Lie Told: "I totally promise I won't buy any new games. Honest to goodness, love."

Lie Exposed: I came home with Pandemic: On The Brink, Jambo Expansion and Farmers Of The Moor. All expansions, you see? No new games at all.

Effectiveness of Lie: trashtrashtrashtrash (probably the only time she has been amused by this whole process)
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5. Board Game: HeroQuest [Average Rating:6.96 Overall Rank:493]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
Ross-on-Wye
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A very nice fellow geek was shutting down large portions of his collection and giving the less valuable stuff away. For free, no less! I couldn't resist this opportunity.

Lie Told: "Er...yeah. I'm going to Cheltenham on Monday to go bowling with some friends from work."

Lie Exposed: When I was attempting to unload the car and work out what to do with nearly a hundred 'new' games.

Effectiveness of Lie: trashtrash (doubly hurtful in that I'm not allowed to go out on vague 'bowling' trips any more either)
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6. Board Game: Stone Age [Average Rating:7.65 Overall Rank:48]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
Ross-on-Wye
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Well, you don't expect me to just walk past board game shops, do you?

Lie Told: "But I bought it for YOU, dear!"

Lie Exposed: "You never buy games for me. But it is my favourite. Thank you!"

Effectiveness of Lie: trashtrashtrashtrashtrash (effectiveness of purchase - zero)
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7. Board Game: El Caballero [Average Rating:6.55 Overall Rank:1363]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
Ross-on-Wye
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Part of a small job lot bought dead cheap in an auction, along with Attika and Too Many Cooks. Box arrives with Dutch shipping label on it.

Lie Told: "It was an auction for charity. You wouldn't deprive me the opportunity to donate to charity, would you?"

Lie Exposed: "Which charity would that be, hmmm?"

Effectiveness of Lie: trashtrash (not knowing any Dutch charities hindered me a little at this point)
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8. Board Game: Super Cricket [Average Rating:7.20 Unranked]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
Ross-on-Wye
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I'm a bit of a cricket nut, and I had fond memories of playing a half-broken set of this as a nipper, so I couldn't resist when I found it on offer at cricinfo.com

Lie Told: "It's really highly ranked on BGG!"

Lie Exposed: It's actually only ever been rated by two people (including me) and is unranked. BUT...

Effectiveness of Lie: trashtrashtrashtrashtrash (still in force because my wife refuses to look at the website in case she becomes a geek herself)
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9. Board Game: Cathedral [Average Rating:6.54 Overall Rank:1090]
Ben Bateson
United Kingdom
Ross-on-Wye
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I found instructions on how to build Cathedral from Lego, and decided to have a go at it myself over the summer.

Lie Told: "Building it yourself has got to be cheaper than going out to buy it, right?"

Lie Exposed: Er...no. I could have bought a trip to Essen for the cost of rare and hard-to-obtain lego bricks. Plus P&P, of course.

Effectiveness of Lie: trash (to be honest, I'm still trying to lie to myself about how much this little endeavour cost)
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10. Board Game: A Gamut of Games [Average Rating:7.69 Unranked] [Average Rating:7.69 Unranked]
Tony Ackroyd
United Kingdom
Brighton
E Sussex
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I was so busted two days ago.

My wife has been battling against my (ever-growing) boardgames collection for several years now.
We've made several agreements about the amount of space it can take up, which I have broken by increments, after which new agreements have been made.
For about a year now it has looked like I've stuck to this latest agreement, barely, with several games stacked where they shouldn't be for temporary periods.

But really I was just utilizing the loft void space with some very efficient stacking techniques to cater for my latest acquisitions.

Two days ago she had to go into the loft void to find some paint.

wowangryshakezombie
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11. Board Game: Quo Vadis? [Average Rating:6.46 Overall Rank:1283]
EXTRA AVOCADO! Sonderegger
United States
Folsom
CA
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So I made a promise I'd lay off getting anything for a while. She believes me (fool!). I found Quo Vadis? and Modern Art for a crazy price on amazon and I had just gotten student prime, so I buy them. Not only do I buy them, through religious checking of the shipping updates, I engineer a situation where I get home before her and manage to hide them cleverly in the bookshelf above and slightly behind my other games (in the days when I still had about 16 or so games). Of course, she has echolocation and the day AFTER manages to find them.

What the hell are these?

I won... them in... a contest?

No you didn't.

effectiveness of spur-of-the-moment lie: d10-0/trash
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12. Board Game: The Pillars of the Earth: Builders Duel [Average Rating:6.62 Overall Rank:1390]
Jeff Mays
United States
Cincinnati
Ohio
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Okay, so this is actually a lie of omission and I have (technically) not been exposed (yet).

So, I kind of have this moratorium on buying games until our finances are better (or at least, until Christmas ), but picked this up at my flgs (only there for the open gaming night... & there is a reason they have open gaming nights).

Put it away in the front closet with her none the wiser, played it with my son when she was out, put it back away before her return. Next day, I notice the rules sitting neatly on the china cabinet with some mail and other papers... seems we must have missed them when putting the game away.

Nothing has been said, but I am starting to feel quite a bit like the narrator in "The Tell-Tale Heart," (and I really need to confess because A. It is the right thing to do and I shouldn't have hidden it from her in the first place soblue & B. because I think she would really enjoy the game and she is my main gaming partner... and she knows, anyway shake).

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13. Board Game: Thrift: A Banking Game [Average Rating:6.00 Unranked]
Ziggi W
Canada
GTA
Ontario
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I have an obsession with finding old games in thrift stores, my wife started to complain when I piled a trolley so high my toddler had to walk beside it and not in it. Anyway I now semi sneak in thrifted games and when she asks about them I tell her that these are rare and collectible and that some guy over here on BGG sold his copy for a mint....I have yet to sell one and I don't intend to, but so far she's buying the lie. I think she'll snap when she realises how crowded the extra closet has become whistle
Wish me luck.
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14. Board Game: Too Bad! [Average Rating:5.50 Unranked]
Eddie B
United States
Unspecified
Pennsylvania
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I tell her flat out every Saturday I am driving out to my FLGS and that I am going to spend $300. I don't care, I am a grown ass man.

Oh, wait... I think she is walking into the basement. Still have to fold the laundry. Got to go...ninja
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15. Board Game: Conquest of the Empire [Average Rating:6.81 Overall Rank:758]
Paul Lister
United Kingdom
London
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A few years ago I woke up in hospital. Very little memory of the previous few days or how I got to be in a bed lying horizontal on a drip. However, some thing was bugging me big time and then I remembered - I was not at home ready to intercept the 200 Euro box of goodies (including a 19 Euro copy of 'Conquest of the Empire')from Germany that was about to arrive. Re- assured that I was OK, no limbs missing and nothing that was not going to be fixed the medical staff were perplexed as to why I was still so anxious. How could I tell them it was fear of my wife finding out that my board game habit was out of control? I told them that I was worried about my wife. When she visited a few hours later she mentioned that 'a large box has arrived from Germany' - for the first time I came clean and fessed up that I had bought some games that I did not need (Conquest is still gathering dust unplayed) - for some reason it seemed low on her list of priorities and i think i got away with it.
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16. Board Game: Galaxy Trucker: Rough Road Ahead [Average Rating:7.67 Unranked] [Average Rating:7.67 Unranked]
Doug Cooley
United States
Portland
Oregon
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Oh, the lies. After 25 years of marriage to a (occasionally hostile) non-gamer, there have been so many. We've finally hit some sort of equilibrium, where I've realized that I'm in the midst of an obsessive addiction and more or less manage myself, while she was willing to let me take over the larger bedroom (with closet) as a game room. But still, the lies continue:

1) The Old "Going To Game Night" Switcheroo. Sometimes I'll stop by my local game store on the way to game night and pick something up, then I unwrap it before coming in and "allow" her to think it was a game I took with me.

Effectiveness: Pretty good, at least I think so. Since I usually leave before she gets home from work, it's been effective.
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17. Board Game: Beer! [Average Rating:3.68 Unranked]
Doug Cooley
United States
Portland
Oregon
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Lie #2:

"At least I'm not blowing my money on strippers and beer!"

And even after 25 years, I'm not. On strippers *and* beer. Just the beer.

Effectiveness: Stopped working after the first five years of collecting from overuse. Clearly I should start spending money on strippers too! kiss
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18. Board Game: Junk in the Trunk [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
Doug Cooley
United States
Portland
Oregon
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Lie #3:

"Let's put that in the back seat, I've got music equipment in the trunk!"

If by "music equipment" I mean "Games I bought three days ago and haven't had the opportunity to sneak in the house yet."

Effectiveness: Rarely comes up anymore, but for a while there it worked pretty well. Fortunately, I often *do* have music gear in the trunk, and sometimes there are games there as well.
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19. Board Game: Order Up [Average Rating:6.10 Overall Rank:6222]
Doug Cooley
United States
Portland
Oregon
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Lie #4, and my personal favorite:

"Oh, I preordered that years ago! I was wondering when it would get published!"

Only works with wargames, which I do admittedly preorder en masse.

Effectiveness: My favorite because it almost always works, and because sometimes the preorder *was* ordered years ago!

Of course, after 25 years, you have either learned to tolerate your spouse's idiosyncrasies and neuroses or one of you is dead, so I assume my spouse "allows" me to have my little deceptions so long as they are the only deceptions I commit. Because it *could* be blow and strippers! gulp
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20. Board Game: Railways of England and Wales [Average Rating:7.98 Unranked] [Average Rating:7.98 Unranked]
Ole
Denmark
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Oh yes.. I’m a BoardgameSmuggler too, - trying to hide my relatively few games around in the house, on shelves, in the dresser drawer, at the attic, (danish ver. of Monopoly forever buried there!), and even some, right in front of our open eyes - but okay, boardgames are often made of trees - and trees sometimes can hide the whole wood.
Fortunately, my dear wife have a passion for bikes, which gradually have turned the garage into some kind of Christmas-tree, with bikes on the walls - this opens for some sort of understanding, that there actually do exist boardgames, without which, life certainly can not continue in the form we know it!shake
I think this was made clearly evident to my little Springflower last month in Cambridge, when I managed to carry 7 kilos of games on the handlebars of a rented bike - from the gameshop Inner Sanctum Collectibles, and down to the rail station, delivering the bikes back, and reaching the train to London - all in 20 minutes. Now remember... we are talking about England, where all these nice people are driving in the other side than right - which I'm not very used to! This almost killed me in one of the last challenges, bringing my treasures home: The small roundabout next to the station - going shaking left, with this retinal image, of me, lying there on the ground in front of Cambridge Railstation with Railways of England & Wales spread all over the road, and my wife saying: "After all - He couldn't have had a more beautiful dead".
Well, luckily it didn't turn out that way, and in a few days I'm ready to introduce the games for the kids.

And now - How Nemesis hit me:

Lie Told:

14 days ago, I really got a bloody smart idear. Some boardgame stores do their deliveries through Blockbuster in Denmark.
Hmmm... this is quite simple: "My Little Sugar Chili, we need milk & bread, (+ a Blockb. visit)!" arrrh

Lie Exposed:

Sometimes, I really need to sleep after a nightshift.
"Morning my dear Runaway train.... kiss You received this SMS message a few hours ago from Boardgamer.dk - saying something about some sort of package or so!!........

Effectiveness of Lie: ........thumbsdown

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21. Board Game: Sherlock Holmes Consulting Detective: The Queen's Park Affair [Average Rating:7.41 Overall Rank:2998] [Average Rating:7.41 Unranked]
Hunga Dunga
United States
Portland
Oregon
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I'm always up front and honest with my wife about the games and magazines I buy or subscribe to.

However, I did have an affair with the local butcher's wife that has remained a secret.
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