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She's just like Hit Girl from Kick-Ass. Only with games and not weapons. And less cursing. And she's even younger. And doesn't have that costume. But other than that, they're like the same. Or maybe she's like Conan, driving opponents before her...
Paul DeStefano
United States
Long Island
New York
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My daughter, Cassie, is 8.

Usually, at this age, the word "innocent" applies.

But no.

She has been bred and trained like a shark with a friggin laser beam on her head to care about nothing but crushing her opponents.

And she does it with casual ease while spouting one liners that only giant men in action movies are comfortable with.

Trash talk is encouraged at our house. It adds spice to the games. However, we don't allow direct personal attacks on other players. We're starting to think that she comes up with the lines, then asks to play the games just to make us all feel like fools being beaten by a little girl.
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1. Board Game: Crokinole [Average Rating:7.80 Overall Rank:39]
Paul DeStefano
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Long Island
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This is one of her favorites. And with good reason.

Now, every now and then, she let's the actual 8 year old girl that she passes herself off as get that stupid shot that ruins everything.

We pray for that shot. That one where she accidentally wipes out half her scoring pieces.

Otherwise...

There were 7 players. Heated tournaments. Round Robin.

The final game: 100-90. Her favor. Her win. Her tournament.

In one game she had a single round score 110 points. Her alien ability to land 4 bullseyes in that round is uncanny. Yes. 4. Her very first shot and 3 where she rebounded in off of opposing biscuits.

Her best line:
How many points do I have off the board? 80? Boy I hope I don't get anymore in. I don't know my math past 100.
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2. Board Game: Zooloretto [Average Rating:6.90 Overall Rank:427] [Average Rating:6.90 Unranked]
Paul DeStefano
United States
Long Island
New York
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We introduced this game to my brother and his girlfriend.

The first game was fairly instructional. At the end, she hadn't won. She looked to the two newbies and smiled "Do you understand the game so we can really play now?"

In a flash of wooden trucks and cardboard animals, she left us laid out in a swath of destruction so cruel in her single minded pursuit of breeding baby animals that none of us had a chance.

Her best line:
I wonder if I like the babies because they're so cute or because they make me win.
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3. Board Game: Sorry! Sliders [Average Rating:6.49 Overall Rank:1048]
Paul DeStefano
United States
Long Island
New York
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See Crokinole. Whatever variant we use, somehow, the laws of friction and gravity bend to her will.

Best line:
I would say "sorry", but its bad to lie.
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4. Board Game: Neuroshima Hex! [Average Rating:7.43 Overall Rank:160] [Average Rating:7.43 Unranked]
Paul DeStefano
United States
Long Island
New York
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My older brother and his friend thought it was cute when she wanted to join a game of Neuroshima.

"It's one of my very favorites" she smiled, baiting the trap. "But I have to be yellow." This is true. Hegemony is the team she loves. With all of their nets and defense.

After the first few battles, it became clear. This was not a game where each player was trying to win. This was a game where the target was Cassie. She stood untouched as other teams lost fighters and took base damage. There was a hesitancy to not pound on the little girl. However, her patented trash talk kicked in:

"Have you guys played before? The idea is to do damage to this piece here."

Too late. She had them pounded so badly and had control of the board through her beloved nets.

Best line:
You know, if you guys can't figure out how to play, there's like play tips on the back of the cards.
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5. Board Game: Thunderstone [Average Rating:7.09 Overall Rank:335] [Average Rating:7.09 Unranked]
Paul DeStefano
United States
Long Island
New York
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The first game she played, she came in third of five players. The next game, second.

The resulting trash talk after game 3:
This game is complicated. It took three tries to figure out how to beat everybody.
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6. Board Game: Hey, That's My Fish! [Average Rating:6.83 Overall Rank:465]
Paul DeStefano
United States
Long Island
New York
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It took a while for her to learn the balance between denying other players their moves and getting points yourself.

After quietly letting two other players battle it out as she picked up low scoring tiles, she went from harmless to deadly as she cut everyone off and left us stranded.

Her closing line:
They should have called this "Hey, That's Cassie's Fish"
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