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Electric Turkeys: the Worst Films of Sci-Fi and Fantasy
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Despite the critical and cinematic successes of such films as Star Wars and the Lord of the Rings, movie-makers have long taken for granted the taste level and tolerance of sci-fi & fantasy fans. They have created endless rivers of drek knowing that they could make an easy buck by pasting together a shoddy space opera or adding a wizard to an otherwise meritless film. I present for you the Electric Turkeys: sci-fi and fantasy films that should have never been made.
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51. Board Game: First Contact [Average Rating:5.75 Unranked] [Average Rating:5.75 Unranked]
Ben Lott
United States
Mason
Michigan
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Contact (1997)

Good grief, did anything even happen in this film? I would have easily fallen asleep if I wasn't forced to sit in the front row of the theater (apparently dozens of other people were suckered into buying tickets as well.) The previews for the movie had me convinced that this was going to be a sci-fi movie that actually made you think. Instead it was a drama movie that actually made you comatose. This is one of the only movies that I watched in its entirety and still felt like asking for my money back on the ticket purchase.
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52. Board Game: Mission: Red Planet [Average Rating:6.95 Overall Rank:512]
J Knoerzer
United States
Chicago
Illinois
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Mission to Mars (2000)

How did we get this far and not mention this film. It had promise, some great actors and yet it was horrible. Horrible pacing, horrible dialoge, horrible plot, horrible ending and a horrioble death scene that last way to long. It takes a special director to make such a horrible film with such solid cast. He needed to stick with gangster movies. shake
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53. Board Game: Roller Rumble [Average Rating:8.13 Unranked]
Brian Schoner
United States
Norcross
Georgia
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Roller Blade (1986)

You folks clearly have a different definition of bad movies than I do. Battlefield Earth was incoherent and ill-conceived, but at least it had actors and special effects. Even the truly awful Zardoz merely approaches the soul-destroying misery that is the Roller Blade franchise.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089930/

Shot on video, with Atari 2600-quality special effects. Made in America, but still dubbed into English (or rather, Olde English, or rather, the Olde English of a guy who just started at the Renaissance Faire and isn't sure when to use 'thee' and when to use 'thou'). Containing all the plot coherence and acting ability of your average porn film, but without the redeeming value of the sex (though there's plenty of nudity).

The setting is a post-apocalyptic wasteland that looks an awful lot like present-day California. The "heroes" are a scantily-clad order of buxom nuns whose holy symbol is a smiley face (and not in an ironic way) and who fight evil with martial arts (fight choreography by a middle school drama teacher who has just suffered a debilitating stroke) before healing their wounds in the "Holy Hot Tub," which mostly involves the naked nuns rubbing their Busen Memos all over each other. (And if that description makes you think that scene might make the movie worth watching...it doesn't. Not even close.) The villain has what's either supposed to be a psychopathic hand puppet or a mutant baby for a hand, and...

I'm sorry, I can't go on. Not only does the original film plummet past B- and C- movies all the way down to Z and then wrap around to Z again, the director unleashed no less than FOUR sequels on an undeserving world. He then went on to direct such classics as Lingerie Kickboxer and Guns of El Chupacabra, apparently trying (and failing) to make his name as his generation's Ed Wood. (One of his earliest films, Hell Comes to Frogtown, was not entirely terrible, however.)

I'm just sayin'...if you want to really put "bad movies" in perspective, seek Roller Blade out (unless all copies have been destroyed for the good of humanity). But if you value your sanity...best to stay away.

[edit: punctuation]
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54. RPG Item: Swords & Sorcerers (Second Edition) [Average Rating:6.50 Unranked]
Cate
United States
Mequon
Wisconsin
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The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084749/

All of your modern movies have nothing on the fantasy movies from the '80s. My favorite dog from that era was The Sword and the Sorcerer.

What a stinkburger!

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55. Board Game: Project Pornstar [Average Rating:5.41 Overall Rank:9907]
Bob Xyzp
Japan
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Blair Witch Project 2.

If you want to make a movie, first get a good script.
Then get a good cast and crew.
Then make the movie.

How Blair Witch 2 was made:
Disregard absolutely shit quality of everything attached to the making of the movie, churn it out and dish it up without shame. I guess they were trying to make a fast buck on the back of the original.

I was invited to the cinema to watch this by a guy who'd already seen it recently, so I'd assumed it must have been good. I regretted watching it even once, I don't know what the hell was wrong with that guy.
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56. RPG: Mazes & Minotaurs (2nd Edition) [Average Rating:6.56 Overall Rank:313]
 
Jeff Watts
United States
Mount Juliet
Tennessee
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Mazes and Monsters (1982)
IMDb rating: 4.2/10

Here is a time honored classic of bad fantasy, starring Tom Hanks and who's underlying theme is that "D&D is bad and will make you turn delusional and wonder through the Manhattan sewers".

How's that for a cautionary tale?

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57. Board Game: The Adventure League [Average Rating:6.00 Unranked]
Ze Masqued Cucumber
France
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C'est le Gomazio à crête mordorée, dont le cri annonce le soir...
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The league of extraordinary gentlemen (2003)

Ingredients :
-1 great comic book
-1 toilet roll (best if "used")
-tipex or white-out
-scissors
-a heap of $$$

Recipe :
- tipex/whiteout all the balloons of the comic book
- cut-out carefully all the comic's panels (take care of not removing the tipex in the process)
- throw away half of the previously cutted panels
- replace the missing half by toilet paper leaves
- stack the cutted panels + toilet paper leaves, then flush
- align randomly, now you should have a nice turdy sequence
- add the heap of $$$
- serve tepid, garnished with famous casting

PS : the SF/Fantasy status of this movie can be argued, but it really deserved to be in this list IMO.
EDIT : vocabulary...
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58. RPG Item: SJA2: Skull & Crossbows [Average Rating:6.67 Overall Rank:6103]
Pat Wilz
United States
Bay St. Louis
MS
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I found this backstage, an over-sized hat, it's funny!
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Skullduggery (IMDB 2.5/10)

It's like Mazes and Monsters. Only worse! I couldn't believe it. I couldn't understand it either. There was this creepy dungeon master. There was this puppet. There was a talent show or something in there. Wendy Crewson said something about a scalpel looking like a bloody dagger. What the hell was that puppet all about? Why did I sit through the whole thing? Just because you paid $2 to rent it at the video store doesn't mean you have to watch the whole thing!
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59. Board Game: Rivets [Average Rating:6.30 Overall Rank:4036]
Davido
United States
California
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A.I.-Steven Spielberg's tale of a robot who has adventures through the millenia. I am reminded of what someone asked the Moody Blues and the response:

Q: How do you guys come up with such profound answers?
A: We don't have any answers, we just ask very profound questions.

Apocryphal or no, the above EXACTLY sums up A.I. The robot is placed in a variety of interesting situations but NOTHING is ever resolved-instead just as we get some sort of perspective or point of view of some aspect of future society, it is off to the next vignette. Seriously, there are about eight plot episodes and NONE are ever actually resolved or given a definite statement about society or ourselves.

The ending is too stoopid for belief. There is, however, the unintentional comedy of the monuments of a former proud civilization protruding through the frozen ice that covers the once great city.
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60. RPG Item: Judge Dredd: The Role-Playing Game [Average Rating:6.76 Overall Rank:1256]
Bossko B.
England
Brierley Hill
The Black Country
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Judge Dredd (1995)

IMDB rating 4.9/10

As a movie I think it's not that bad.
As a Stallone movie, it's okay.
As a 2000A.D. movie it's still passable.

But as a JUDGE DREDD movie it stinks!

1) Dredd is a Judge.
So let's make most of the film where he's not a Judge

2) The helmet is iconic, he NEVER removes it.
Let's show his face within about 10 minutes

3) The Angel gang are TOUGH!
Let's have Dredd wipe them out in a 5 minute scene.

And maybe just a personal thing, but I didn't lihe that they brought in Dredds brother Rico. That was giving Dredd too much emotion (not that Stallone showed it).

JUDGE DREDD is great. And I like this movie, just not as Judge Dredd.
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61. Board Game: Jurassic Park III Island Survival Game [Average Rating:5.87 Overall Rank:7200]
Conrad Lumm
United States
Brooklyn
New York
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Who is bought and sold? Who is beyond the law? Who is free to choose? Who follows orders? Who salutes longest? Who prays loudest? Who dies first? Who laughs last? -Barbara Kruger
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"Now a question of etiquette: as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?"
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Jurassic Park II probably should not have been made. But the followup was just plot hole after plot hole, characters with no believable motivation... horrible. And OF COURSE there's an annoying kid in it. It's basically Tea Leoni running around doing everything she can to get herself killed for three very long hours. After a certain point, you're just begging her to fall prey to some pterosaurs.
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62. Board Game: The Awful Green Things From Outer Space [Average Rating:6.48 Overall Rank:1240]
Patrick Kruse
United States
Richmond
Texas
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Nukie

How are we this far into the list without a mention of Nukie?

Widely considered to be one of the worst movies ever made (that was made by an actual production company, unlike Manos).

1.9 / 10 on IMDB.

If you've seen it, you know it belongs on this list. If you haven't, please see it. It's a special brand of terrible.



I have trouble imagining a movie that tries as hard as Nukie and still fails. There are worse movies, usually due to poor production values (Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell, Manos the Hands of Fate), but there's something special about a movie that contains a disco rape-gas sequence with an E.T. knockoff, followed shortly by a mainframe telling someone to "be the clown."
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63. Board Game: Knight Rider [Average Rating:4.15 Unranked]
Chris Stanton
England
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KnightRiders

King Arthurs court, jousting ....on motorbikes

Just...no
(6.2 on IMDB- why??)
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64. Board Game: StarCraft: The Board Game [Average Rating:7.35 Overall Rank:235]
Robert Lee
United Kingdom
Harrow
Middlesex
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Starcrash, I'm suprised this hasn't been included in the list, made in the late 1970s it had ex-Bond girl Caroline Munro ( a truely beautiful but bad actress who's voice was dubbed in this Turkey) who wore a different bikini on each of the planets she visted, David Hasselhof in his pre-Knight Rider and Baywatch days and Christopher Plummer as the emperor of the Galaxy whose secret power was to reverse time.

It also had stars which looked like Christmas tree decorations and bad science , on a cold planet we are told the tempreture would tumble to 1000s of degrees below zero ! This movie will be coming out in Blu-ray.
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65. Board Game: Age of Steam Expansion: Sun / London [Average Rating:7.74 Unranked] [Average Rating:7.74 Unranked]
Robert Lee
United Kingdom
Harrow
Middlesex
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Solaris , I didn't see the George Clooney version but saw the original Russian version which was really boring. If this passes for entertainment behind the Iron Curtain, no wonder Communism fell.
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66. Board Game: Grave Robbers From Outer Space [Average Rating:5.76 Overall Rank:5045]
Richard Piesse
United Kingdom
Bristol
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Plan 9 from Outer Space

directed by Ed Wood, possibly the worst director ever. it is the worst watchable film i have ever seen. thats why i love it. it is truly so bad its entertaining.

this film puts every other so called 'bad movie' to shame. TO SHAME.
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67. Board Game: BloodLust [Average Rating:4.46 Unranked]
S S
United States
Unspecified
Unspecified
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BloodRayne:

BloodRayne is sooooo bad it's good. Uwe Boll is either a genius or a drooling moron. The whole movie looks like a high-school fantasy play, where the actors rummage through their closets for cool outfits that they think look medieval--you know, trench coats, leather vests and long leather skirts with slits up the side.

And the gravitas of the acting makes you wish you were drinking milk--just so you could snort it out. Ben Kingsley sits apparently all day on a throne waiting for things to happen. Michael Madsen puts on his best wrinkled brow or "oh my 'roids are killing me" look. And the random moments of gratuitous flesh scenes--awesome.

IMDB 2.7
Rotten Tomatoes 4%

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68. Board Game: This Terrible Sound [Average Rating:7.93 Overall Rank:3191]
Brian Mc Cabe
United States
Arizona
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A Sound Of Thunder

I must be the only one on the geek who saw this monstrosity, and that was by accident. I went down to the local multi-plex and looked at the marques, and this looked like good sci-fi.

The premise is terrific. In the near future, 2055, time travel has been perfected. A company puts together hunting expeditions with a twist, travelling to prehistoric times to hunt T-Rex.

To get around the butterfly effect of changing history, they kill a dinosaur just seconds before a volcanic eruption would have killed it anyway.

So far so good. Something goes horribly awry when they get there a few seconds late and the T-Rex spots them. Panic ensues. They get away, but the world begins to unravel, and, at this point, so does the movie.

The discovery of what went wrong is so horribly ridiculous as to defy belief.

Even though I give this a negative three stars, I won't spoil the ending for those who refuse to heed my warning.

DON'T DO IT! NOT EVEN THE $1 BIN AT WAL-MART

Brian

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69. Board Game: Planet Steam [Average Rating:7.37 Overall Rank:403]
Bob Z.
United States
Rockville
Maryland
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I call fail on this list for missing my three next posts - all HORRENDOUS.

Plan 9 from Outer Space

Seriously. It's Plan 9. It's the worst movie EVER.
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70. Board Game: Hi Ho! Cherry-O [Average Rating:3.49 Overall Rank:11035]
Bob Z.
United States
Rockville
Maryland
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Cherry 2000
A horrendous future romp where a guy tries to get a part for his sex robot and falls in love with the real girl that helps him.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092746/

The only good part...well...funny part is a guy talking about pulling a strand of popcorn from a girls...nether parts...'pop-by-pop'. At least...I think it was this movie. If not, it was in something equally as terrible.
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71. Board Game: BattleTech [Average Rating:6.91 Overall Rank:659]
Bob Z.
United States
Rockville
Maryland
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Robot Jox
It LOOKS like it's going to be a cool BattleTech inspired movie.

It turns OUT it's Rocky IV with giant robots. Except worse. Much...much worse.

Well, at least it had Gary Graham in it.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102800/
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72. Board Game: Black Powder [Average Rating:7.30 Overall Rank:3833]
Doc Bullseye
United States
Brownsburg
Indiana
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POWDER

It is not possible for a movie to be this bad without having everyone...the writer, the producer, the director, and all of the actors, hell, even the key grip constantly thinking "We...are...creating...the most AMAZING...piece of cinema EVER!"

Holy sh1t. Every single scene dragged out into twenty minutes so we have time to think about how powerful and amazing it is. Twenty minutes of him watching some long-haired dude in the shower??? What tough guy takes long luxurious showers anyway? Followed by twenty minutes of the kids trying to molest him.

All of Jeff Goldblum's speeches stand out, too. Excuse me, every one of his damned pontificating monologues on just how amazing everything is, and how the audience should be amazed, because they're looking at all of this amazing amazingness.
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73. Board Game: Matrix [Average Rating:6.33 Unranked]
Joe Thomas
United States
Coshocton
Ohio
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The Matrix Reloaded

It's unbelievable that no one put this up yet! The movie is SOOOO bad that I still can't bring myself to watch the last one! What happen?!?! Don't know!! Don't care!!!
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74. Board Game: The Johnny Bravo Catch Him If You Can Game [Average Rating:2.50 Unranked]
Joe Thomas
United States
Coshocton
Ohio
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Johnny Mnemonic

Another Keanu Reeves stinker. It took a whole group of people, and a dolphin, to beat Dolph Lundgren! A dolphin! WTF!!!!
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75. Board Game: Muppet Babies [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
Glenn Martin
Canada
Ottawa
Ont.
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Solarbabies (1986)

In a post-apocalyptic future a band of teenagers finds an alien artifact and escape from their prison-like orphanage run by the authoritarian 'Protectorate' and flee into the wastelands....

...on rollerskates!!!

What? No sand or rocks in the wilderness?!
And what's with the name?
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