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1000 ways to leave your lover
Andrew Glassop
Australia
Dubbo
NSW
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It wasn't like it was always bad.

There were good times. No, there were great times.

Together we saved the world in Pandemic, we pedaled every kilometre of the '08 Tour de France in Leader 1, fought off the Mongols in In the Year of the Dragon, built temples in Cleopatra and the Society of Architects, cathedrals in The Pillars of the Earth, and slave plantations in Puerto Rico.

But now, well, now is different. I used to look at my group as gamers. Now I look at them as people. And they're people I don't like.

There's Bazza the Rules F#$*wit who can't even roll a die without checking the rules for what hand to hold it in. Rob the Analysis Jerk who falls into near catatonia trying decide which card to pick up in Ticket to Ride: Europe. Lucy the Rules Retard, who can't for the life of her remember the rule Rob just told her for the 6th time that evening, like “A brown alien needs a brown life support tile, not a purple one. See, this alien is brown, just like the tile.” And finally Jim, who everyone thought was a friend of someone else, but I now suspect is just some homeless guy who comes every week to eat my chips and hit on my wife.

Its time for them to go.

But I'm Andrew the Passive-aggressive Arse so I'm going to get them to finish this group for me. And I'm going to do this by only playing games guaranteed to break even the closest-knit group of gaming buddies apart.

I've got few ideas, but feel free to add some of your own. After all, we all need to learn how to let go.
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1. Board Game: Lifeboats [Average Rating:6.64 Overall Rank:884]
Andrew Glassop
Australia
Dubbo
NSW
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A game designed, it would seem, with the sole task of reducing people to tears. Sink his boat, drown her, stop him from reaching the island.

"Of course I'll vote red, you can trust me. Why would I lie to you?"

Answer: because I can.
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2. Board Game: Battlestar Galactica [Average Rating:7.83 Overall Rank:29]
Andrew Glassop
Australia
Dubbo
NSW
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Lying through your teeth with the sole aim of destroying hunamity seems a goon way to start a game. Railroad some poor innocent to the brig, then get them out again, just to frack with their mind. Insinuate everyone is a Cylon, make them swear so many oaths you make Mcarthy look like a communist. Someone rolls an 8 on a raider attack, brig 'em! If you're not screaming at someone in this game you aren't playing it right.
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3. Board Game: The Campaign for North Africa [Average Rating:5.34 Overall Rank:9900]
Andrew Glassop
Australia
Dubbo
NSW
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Full campaign - to the end. No other game till its done.
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4. Board Game: Space Alert [Average Rating:7.60 Overall Rank:76]
Andrew Glassop
Australia
Dubbo
NSW
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"I told you to fire on turn 6 you moron. Yes, it was turn 6, not turn 7. Why would I tell you to fire on turn 7? The only reason I would say that is if I was as dumb as you, or possibly her who manages to put every card the wrong way up."
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5. Board Game: Risk [Average Rating:5.59 Overall Rank:9611]
Andrew Glassop
Australia
Dubbo
NSW
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With careful planning, it can be arranged that the last player to take their turn never gets a turn at all. Do this every week to the same player and within the month they'll be gone. A slow burn, perhaps, but its a gold-plated certainty to work.
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6. Board Game: Diplomacy [Average Rating:7.09 Overall Rank:360]
Jérôme
Netherlands
Eindhoven
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If you really want to get rid of your so-called friends, give them thisd unforgettable and unforgivable treat. It felt never better not only to stick a rusty blade in the back of your partner-until-this-turn, but also to twist it around by new promises, to be broken immediately.
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7. Board Game: True Colors [Average Rating:6.01 Overall Rank:3897]
Brad Fuller
United States
Virginia Beach
Virginia
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Ahh an innocent party game to end the evening, no harm could come. This one is sure to blindside them. Start fights and hurt feelings to the point they will run away crying.
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8. Board Game: Ca$h 'n Gun$ [Average Rating:6.70 Overall Rank:615]
Andrew Hodkinson
Canada
Kemble
Ontario
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"Yeah, I didn't want to use those orange things, so I borrowed some real ones from the gun club. It's okay, I took the bullets out. Check 'em yourself. It's not like I want to kill anyone."

The police may stop by from time to time, but your gaming group won't stop by again. Guaranteed.
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9. Board Game: Mall of Horror [Average Rating:6.71 Overall Rank:826]
Guido Gloor
Switzerland
Ostermundigen
Bern
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Lots of scheming and hidden votes and plotting and intrigues. Perfect for this purpose
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10. Board Game: A Question of Scruples [Average Rating:4.58 Overall Rank:11002]
Tony Ackroyd
United Kingdom
Brighton
E Sussex
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Works well with couples. Particularly if there are complicated relationships in the room (like if someone with a new partner is someone else's ex).
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11. Board Game: Mr. Jack [Average Rating:7.12 Overall Rank:286]
Brian Boyle
Australia
Sydney
NSW
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All this sounds quite involved, why not just "Slip out the back, (Mr) Jack ?"

equally "Hop on the Bus Gus", or even "Just leave the key, Lee"?
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12. Board Game: Junta [Average Rating:6.82 Overall Rank:645]
The Grouch
United States
Tucson
Arizona
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Far more personal than Diplomacy, as this back-stabbing negotiation game involves public roll-call votes, assassinations, exile and military coups.
devil
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13. Board Game: Intrigue [Average Rating:6.38 Overall Rank:1374]
Jacob Jonsson
United States
Berkeley
California
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Looks just like a euro
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14. Board Game: Aye, Dark Overlord! [Average Rating:6.03 Overall Rank:2594]
Chad Coffman
United States
Timberville
Virginia
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This game would be great for a passive-aggressive breakup for its interruptions.

"Actually, Dark Overlord, ya see she didn't make it to the unholy swamp cause she's a ridiculous lush and couldn't stay away from the elvish wine. AGAIN."
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15. Board Game: Shadows over Camelot [Average Rating:7.16 Overall Rank:254]
Dick Hunt
United States
Ovid
Michigan
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"Why do you keep insinuating that I'm the traitor?"

"I don't know. You just seem the type."

"Then why don't you use your accusation?"

"That's just what a traitor might say to throw us off their track. You'd just love that, wouldn't you?"

"Well at least stop calling me 'Benedict!'"

"Sure thing, Mr. Arnold."
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16. Board Game: Quo Vadis? [Average Rating:6.46 Overall Rank:1282]
EXTRA AVOCADO! Sonderegger
United States
Folsom
CA
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There are no dice, no movement cards, no preset movement actions- the only way to advance is by stabbing your friends in the back. My dearest friends almost came to punches when one of them filibustered for 15 minutes.
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17. Board Game: Santiago [Average Rating:7.17 Overall Rank:343]
James Webb
United Kingdom
Canterbury
Kent
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"Why would you put the water there? Why?"

"It's in my best interest."

"But I offered you five Escudos, and it increases the value of your banana crop."

"But I want to put the water there."

"My hatred for you burns like molten lead in my bones."

Ah, good times.
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18. Board Game: Killer Bunnies and the Quest for the Magic Carrot [Average Rating:5.57 Overall Rank:10285]
Canadian Dave
United States
Lehi
UT
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'nuff said.
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19. Board Game: Im Zeichen des Kreuzes [Average Rating:5.95 Overall Rank:4772]
Blazing Apostle
United Kingdom
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Just try this pile of junk..especially the end game..a game not only to break partnerships, but entire nations.
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20. Board Game: Family Business [Average Rating:6.12 Overall Rank:1900]
Jacco Versteeg
United Kingdom
Crewe
Cheshire
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Sometimes, killing everybody is the best solution.
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21. Board Game: I'm the Boss! [Average Rating:6.87 Overall Rank:632]
Neil
Canada
Toronto
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A variant of this game has no board or components, but one rule: take turns slapping each other in the face!
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22. Board Game: Zombies!!! [Average Rating:6.00 Overall Rank:2650] [Average Rating:6.00 Unranked]
David Reed
United States
Littleton
Colorado
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This game has been the near downfall of a few friendships. It's inevitable that half the players want the frakking game to end, while the other half are having the times of their lives and keep adding zombies. I've seen shouting matches break out over this one and more than a few strained relationships.

This game will get you an instant banishment in our group, just the thing for this list.
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23. Board Game: Munchkin [Average Rating:6.03 Overall Rank:2288] [Average Rating:6.03 Unranked]
Vlad Reznik
United States
Baltimore
Maryland
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it's got "Stab your buddy!" right in the tagline. if someone isn't upset by the end, you're probably doing it wrong.

bonus points for how shitty it would be with a Bazza and a Lucy in your group. this game is intended to be heavily houseruled, and your less than brilliant friend will need to be walked through every single turn (and will still mess it up).
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24. Board Game: Machiavelli [Average Rating:7.10 Overall Rank:1018]
dave
United States
San Diego
California
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If Diplomacy is good, then Machiavelli is even better. Diplomacy on steroids is how I always describe it. Plan for the famine to soften up your ally--oh, it can just be brutal. And there's enough rules that you can nail 'em as a rules lawyer as well. 1 game should be enough. Hop on the bus, Gus...

My condolences for your group--it doesn't seem like alot to ask for a few nice people to play some games with.

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25. Board Game: Outside the Scope of BGG [Average Rating:6.77 Overall Rank:1709]
Benedikt Rosenau
Germany
Göttingen
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My life with Master does not come with a safeword.
 
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