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A Modern Person's Guide to Surviving Within a Fantasy Universe
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As any watcher of movies knows, we are all only a split second away from being whisked away into a parallel fantasy universe. Why? Well, they need us. Despite having wizards, magic, and swordsmen who practice day and night, one of us humble, modern folks is their chosen one ... or is needed to guide or find their chosen one. We, you see, were born with some innate ability they lack.

With that being known, it is important to know what to do should you find yourself within a parallel, fantasy universe. Consider this list your guidebook or a travelogue. Who knows when these entries could prove useful?
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1. Board Game: Here I Stand [Average Rating:7.96 Overall Rank:83]
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Stand up. Get oriented to your surroundings. Likely you have fallen as you traversed between worlds and lie on something uncomfortable, so standing up is a must. Likely you are in a stable or within a forest. Make sure you are not in a sci-fi universe or somewhere else.

[If you do see a spaceship, flag it down. It will take you home, or to a parallel list. Ignore the rest of these instructions.]

[If you spot Cthulhu rising, know that you have taken a wrong turn and not even the best of advice can save you.]
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2. Board Game: Toledo [Average Rating:6.30 Overall Rank:1648]
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Pick up the first sword you see. It is likely to be magical. The thing may look like a rusty piece of crap, but it should cut through stone and steel. A couple of good hints to its being magical: you hear a heavenly choir in the distance; the blade glows; you spot the glint of something unusual near the pommel; there are runes along the blade's fuller.

If the sword starts speaking to you, drop it at once. It is likely to be sarcastic, and that will only bring ruin to your journey ... or, at least, put you in a bad mood.
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3. Board Game: Wizard Kings [Average Rating:6.72 Overall Rank:1226]
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It is important to know what a wizard is and how to spot them.

First, most have a dreadful fashion sense, walking around in robes (during the day!), wearing pointed hats, and often curved, pointed shoes with bells. Any wizard with good fashion sense is evil; kill them at once.

Second, good wizards hate to tell you anything. They couch all their statements within eighteen layers of bullshit, mostly to show you how smart they are -- it is all a put-on, since no wizard has managed to make it through even a single course at any accredited university. Any wizard who does answer all your questions is evil and working for the Dark Lord [TM] ; kill him at once.

Third, all wizards are loafers. They hate to work and make you do everything. They refuse to use magic to help with the chores, preferring to sit up against a conviently placed tree and smoke something from their ubiquitous pipes.

Finally, they are notoriously tempramental, likely to be suffering from some kind of mood disorder. When someone or something pisses them off, their depressed state does not allow them to try and reason with it. Instead they incinirate everything in sight with an array of Green Fireballs [TM].
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4. Board Game: Grimoire [Average Rating:6.56 Overall Rank:1471]
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That guy you meet early on who does not want to bother with you and seems to be hiding a dark secret is actually a nice guy and either a master swordsman or a wizard. In either case, make friends with him quickly by breaking down that apparently unbreakable, gruff shell. He will teach you stuff you can use.

Thieves are all good guys. They are freedom-loving partisans fighting against the Dark Lord [TM], so befriend every one meet. (That way, at least, you can keep an eye on them.)

Oh, and despite never (or nearly ever) touching a sword, you will find yourself the equal of a master swordsman in only a couple of weeks if you really apply yourself. (Maybe, that sword is magical?)

Also, you will have no problem riding a horse, conversing with people in a language you never learned, and tolerating the local cuisine.
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5. Board Game: Shadows over Camelot [Average Rating:7.16 Overall Rank:254]
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The old king who just died, or is in the process of dying, is the best king this realm has ever known, so do not talk smack about him. His son is not (yet) anywhere close to being half the king his father was. He will need you. It does not matter that you two will meet only once, he will feel the kinship of a brother for you. Did we not mention that you are a chosen one?
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6. Board Game: The Princess Bride: Storming the Castle [Average Rating:5.31 Overall Rank:10020]
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That chick at the King's court is really into you, despite playing coy or saying nasty stuff. It does not matter that you weigh 350 pounds and have horrid personal hygiene, the girl is into YOU. Write her a poem and promise her the moon. Eventually she will let you have your way with her. Being the chosen one has it perks.
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7. Board Game: The Name of the Rose [Average Rating:6.72 Overall Rank:1199]
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Ask everyone you meet their name. If they hesitate or say something like, "greedy merchant" or "guard number one", ignore them. No, scratch that. The greedy merchant is obviously a spy for the Dark Lord [TM]. Kill him. The guard will turn on you once the Dark Lord [TM]'s minions take over the palace. Kill him and all the other guards now, when they least expect it, so as to make your final battle easier.
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8. Board Game: Ea$y Money [Average Rating:5.03 Overall Rank:10412]
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Anyone who tries to befriend you and seems to be an easy going, devil-may-care sort of guy is actually an agent of the Dark Lord [TM]. Kill them now, before you have grown an emotional attachment to them.
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9. Board Game: Aladdin's Dragons [Average Rating:6.95 Overall Rank:564]
 
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Dragons come in two flavors: talking and not.

The ones that do not talk are obviously evil. Do not wait for an excuse. Find where they roost and kill them.

The other ones, the ones that talk themselves come in two flavors: misunderstood and evil. The first ones are the ones that everyone believes are evil, but were usually driven to it by losing their lovers to crusading knights, having their children killed by angry villagers, or the realm's heinous tax policies. These guys can be talked out of their violence once you find the root of their anger. The evil, talking dragons are easy to recognize. When they speak, the words come out slow, oily and condescending. They want you to know why they will kill you and everyone you love. Use their monologues to get close and stick that magic sword into their obvious weak spot already. Well. What the Hell are you waiting for?
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10. Board Game: Descent: Journeys in the Dark [Average Rating:7.39 Overall Rank:167]
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The Dark Lord [TM] is always too smart for his own, damn good. His plans are overly elaborate, all meant to point blame at everyone else but him. If this ignoramus was really smart, he would just seize what he wanted and get on with it. But no. This guy has to have eight plans spinning at once, just so he will be the person you least suspect. The way around this is easy. Kill anyone who looks non-threatening. One of them is bound to be him.
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11. Board Game: Dream Factory [Average Rating:7.11 Overall Rank:371]
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Once you have dispatched the bad guy, saved the kingdom, and bedded that girl in the palace, the annoying wizard with bad fashion sense will appear. He will say something cryptic which implies that you have to leave. Servants will rush into your room and pack up your stuff, though no one knows why, as none of it will make it across dimensions. So you say your goodbyes, and everyone thanks you, saying that they will never forget you, as the pointy-toed guy whispers some mumbo-jumbo and winks at you like he likes you or something (despite being a bastard most of the time). Next thing you know, you awake in your bed, uncertain if it was all a dream after all. Something, however, lets you know that it wasn't.

Now, listen carefully. Get up and go to the window. You need to make certain you are in the right universe. Those crazy wizards do f**k up every now and again and your journey might not yet be over.
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12. Board Game: Blue Moon [Average Rating:6.78 Overall Rank:610]
¡dn ʇǝƃ ʇ,uɐɔ ı puɐ uǝllɐɟ ǝʌ,ı
Canada
Chestermere
Alberta
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There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary: Those who do, and those who don't.
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Always be aware of the moon's phase.

Evil witches and wizards love to tie their curses up with obscure astrological events (eclipses, comets, etc.).

The woman that you're hitting on at ye olde tavern could turn ugly (or into an animal, or worse) when the sun comes up.

You also never know when the local guide leading you through a mountain pass is going to turn into a werewolf and kill you. Unless you know your moon phases!
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13. Board Game: The Kids of Catan [Average Rating:5.31 Overall Rank:10559]
Doc Bullseye
United States
Brownsburg
Indiana
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If you are asked to help rescue a small child that was abducted / fell in a well / trapped on the top of a mountain / etc., or are asked for help by a small child that lost his dog / can't find his way home / is trapped on top of a mountain, RUN! It may seem like an innocent side quest, but believe me, it's a TRAP!!!
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14. Board Game: Killer Bunnies and the Quest for the Magic Carrot [Average Rating:5.57 Overall Rank:10267]
Occasionally, you will come across groups of people like you, wandering the countryside, and killing others, apparently in an indiscriminate manner. They are easy to locate. Find a trail of bodies, and follow the freshest blood. When you find them, talk trash for a bit, and then kill them, because they are evil. Only evil people would kill so many people for trivial reasons.
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15. Board Game: Beware of the Spider [Average Rating:3.00 Unranked]
Ben Stanley
United States
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If, upon your arrival, someone asks you to clear out the basement beneath their bar, expect giant spiders. Or giant rats. But probably the spiders.

You will be fighting much more nasty things while you are here, but fortunately they start reasonable and will seem to scale right along with you as you hone your "chosen one" skills, for some reason . . .
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16. Board Game: Walking with Dinosaurs [Average Rating:5.88 Unranked]
Bob Xyzp
Japan
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Make sure you have a really sturdy pair of shoes, cause you'll be doing a lot of walkin'.

Also, bring a geographical dictionary so that you can describe every dell, dale and dingle in excruciating detail.
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17. Board Game: Animal Express [Average Rating:5.43 Overall Rank:8950]
Me, sin? Pf! Nah! Chill
United States
Fountain Valley
California
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Take note if you're in a world where animals talk. If you are, that can give you some useful information. Cute animals and herbivores are good guys (bunnies, beavers, deer, horses, mice). Snakes, wolves, hyenas, tigers, and ravens are always bad guys. Heraldic animals in the real world (eagles and lions) will be good guys.
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18. Board Game: Army of Darkness [Average Rating:5.50 Overall Rank:9027]
Sean Westberg
United States
Ventura
California
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If you *are* sucked into a fantasy world, rest assured: These screwheads' primitive intellects wouldn't understand alloys and compositions and things with... molecular structures.

Oh, and remember to say the words... basically. I mean, you can't be expected to remember every little syllable, but if you can basically say them, you should be fine.

"Hail to the king, baby"
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19. Board Game: Riddle of the Ring [Average Rating:6.69 Overall Rank:4003]
Tony Ackroyd
United Kingdom
Brighton
E Sussex
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When you arrive at the fantasy world and you've got one mundane item from your world that is something that doesn't exist in that world, then it is probably an all-powerful magical artifact. Or if it isn't then it is a commodity that you've got a monopoly on. Work out how the darn thing works.
Don't give it to anyone else. The single exception to this is when you meet an incredibly powerful *good* mage, offer it to them. They will refuse to take it and shower you with gifts instead.
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20. Video Game: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy [Average Rating:6.41 Overall Rank:2182]
bran mcmillin
United States
Houston
Texas
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Silly. The first thing you do when whisked away to another world is to pull out your trusty guide book and read the front cover: "DON'T PANIC!"
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21. Board Game: Tavern Brawl [Average Rating:6.00 Unranked]
Shane Beck
Australia
Not Applicable
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Rule XXXV- Someone spilling ale on you or goosing the bar wench is grounds for a tavern brawl. Actually one is going to happen latter in the night so you might as swing a punch while you are sober.....

Rule XXXVI- When opening secret magical door you may as well start with the obvious passwords....

Rule XXXVII- Wishes always turn out good for the hero and bad for the villain...

Rule XXXVIII- Heroes always have sidekick that is either a)cute b)annoying, c) hyperintelligent d) possibly all three.
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22. Board Game: Tally Ho! [Average Rating:6.09 Overall Rank:2110]
Daniel Tallarek
Norway
Bergen
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The fauna in most fantasy worlds functions totaly different from our universe. Push your evironmental concerns aside, kill and skin every animal you see. You can sell the fur in the next town without being charged for poaching or you can learn leathercraftig and craft your own elvish styled armor within a couple of minutes.
And you will see that the population of animals has wondrously recovered when you leave the town, so.....

KILL THEM ALL AGAIN! angry
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23. Board Game: Funny Friends [Average Rating:6.49 Overall Rank:1194]
Chad
United States
Minnesota
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Don't Blink.
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Meet friends. Be on particular lookout for friends that are either A) a different species, B) obviously enchanted for some reason, or C) ridiculously good looking. These are the people that will drag you along from point A to point B because, let's face it, you can't read a map (and even you could, they're not very accurate) and don't understand the culture enough to understand context in normal conversation. Plus at least one if not many of these friends will die on your behalf on your journey.*

*Warning - no matter how callous you are in the real world, you will become incredibly emotional over this and others in your party will likely hate you...temporarily. All will be good by the next day. Any dead party members will return later through use of magic or via dreams/visions/alternate versions.
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24. Board Game: Torch [Average Rating:7.25 Overall Rank:5076]
Nick Case
England
Epsom
Surrey
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When you have chased the baddie to the end room and he has disapeared into think air, grab onto that iron torch holder bolted onto the wall and give it a tug before frantically searching the room, losing your temper and kicking over some furniture before leaning against it to catch your breathe.
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25. Board Game: Adventures in Toothland [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
Germany
Osnabrück
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Oral hygiene is important, and how do you clean your teeth if your toothbrush did not get sucked into this parallel universe? Wikipedia suggests chewsticks, tree twigs, bird feathers, animal bones and porcupine quills.
I think I should print http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teeth_cleaning_twig and always take it with me, so I don't have to use animal bones
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