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Failure to communicate
J. Atkinson
United States
Grant
AL
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I got to thinking about this geeklist based on the fact that the US speaks the same language, but every region has their own way of speaking (dialect? or colloquialisms?).

Feel free to post a time where you failed to communicate with someone, and you still chuckle every now and then remembering it.

It can be about a game or just life in general. Keep it clean and no Busen Memo's.

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1. Board Game: The Coca-Cola Nascar Racing Board Game [Average Rating:3.50 Unranked]
J. Atkinson
United States
Grant
AL
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This story is loosely based on a true story, but in this story the Southerner is the waitress and the Northerner is the customer.

Customer: "What kind of pop do you have?"
Waitress: "Pop? What's pop, darlin'?"
Customer: "You know...soda pop?"
Waitress: "Oh sugah, we don't carry any club soda."
Customer (shakes head): "No, like coke"
Waitress: "Oh! Coke! Darlin we have all kinds of coke. What would like?"
Customer: "Umm...Coca-Cola?"
Waitress: "I'm so sorry, we only carry Pepsi products around here!"
Customer looks dumbfounded.
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2. Board Game: Devil Bunny Hates the Earth [Average Rating:4.80 Overall Rank:10902]
Joe Huber

Westborough
Massachusetts
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I remember being shocked when I discovered that not everyone knew what a devilstrip was. And even more shocked when I discovered just how narrow the range of the word is - it's an Akron area word that friends from Cleveland and Columbus had never heard of.

I fear the conversation where I first learned this wasn't all that funny. I mentioned to my wife that I'd mowed the front yard, but skipped the devilstrip - and she looked at me like I'd just spoken gibberish.
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3. Board Game: Soul Hunters [Average Rating:5.40 Overall Rank:9049]
J. Atkinson
United States
Grant
AL
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A friend of my wife's from Iowa tells this story of a lady who dialed the wrong number.

Friend: "Hello?"
Caller: "Hello. Do you know how I can get my soul tested?"
Friend: "You're what?"
Caller: "My soul!"
Friend: "What do you want tested?"
Caller: "I want my soul tested."
Friend: "Um..do you know Jesus?"
Caller: "What?! No, my soul! S-O-I-L!"
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4. Board Game: Eat Poop You Cat [Average Rating:7.48 Overall Rank:444]
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Every Man a (K-State) Wildcat!
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"Just get that sucka to the designated place at the designated time and I will gladly designate his ass...for dismemberment!" - Sho Nuff.
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Thinking my youngest child is back in her bedroom, I holler back to her to join me in a room. She hollers back, "I'm pooping on the potty chair." I jokingly reply, "Well, I'd better not find a turd sitting on top of it."

My oldest child (7 yrs) starts laughing at the word "turd." I'm surprised she's never heard me say it before. I tell her, "It's a funny word, but you probably don't want to say it at school." My wife is appalled at the increased vocabulary of my daughter (especially when we start giggling at it.) My daughter reassures her by saying, "Mom, there's worse words than 'Turd' ... like the 'S-H.' word."

The room gets deadly serious. Where did she learn that?

I said, "Umm, what 'S-H.' word?"

She says, "You know..."

I said, "Umm, can you spell it?"

She said, "Sure. S-H-U-T ..."

I interrupt, "U?"

She said, "Yes, 'U'...'Shut up' is worse than 'turd.'"
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5. Board Game: Die Macher [Average Rating:7.68 Overall Rank:95]
Robert Rossney
United States
San Francisco
California [CA]
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Coffee cabinet.

No, it's not a place where you keep your coffee. It's a milkshake made with coffee ice cream and coffee syrup. You can get them in Rhode Island and parts of southeastern Massachusetts.

Wikipedia deems as "unsubstantiated" the manifestly correct etymology: that this beverage was derived from an ice cream soda, or "carbonate."
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6. Board Game: Up a Gum Tree [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
Judy Krauss
United States
Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
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My hands are small, I know, but they're not yours, they are my own
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"Gimme a gumband."

"A what"

"Hurry up, everything's gonna fall out!"


OR

"Teacher, he stung me with a gumband!"

OR

"The belt's broken on the cassette player/turntable. Just use a gumband until we can get another one."


Gumband (often pronounced "gumban") is another term for "rubber band"



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7. Board Game: Melt [Average Rating:5.50 Unranked]
Mike K
United States
Fairless Hills
Pennsylvania
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Went to dinner at an IHOP once. Ordered the Patty Melt.

I got a sandwich with no cheese. I point this out to the waitress:

[me] "You forgot the cheese."
[her] "That costs extra; you didn't ask for it."
[me] "It's a Patty Melt. What's supposed to melt, then?"

She took it back, added some cheese (not exactly 'melted') and gave it back.

Honestly, I wasn't going to b**** about it (was too hungry). And the manager did give me 25% off the meal for my troubles. But I still laugh at the thought.
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8. Board Game: Bubble Talk [Average Rating:5.70 Overall Rank:7908]
Jeff Binning
United States
Rollinsville
Colorado
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I grew up in Oshkosh Wisconsin. If you ever go to central Wisconsin and are looking for a drinking fountain, be sure to ask where the bubbler is.
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9. Board Game: Time Machine [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
So it goes
United States
Milwaukee
Wisconsin
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If you can't walk, crawl. If you can't crawl..... well, you know the rest.
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This conversation happened at a bar:

Friend: "I gotta hit a Tyme machine"

Guy at next table from out of town: "Excuse me. Did you say time machine?"

Friend: "Yes, I did."

Guy: "What's a time machine?"

Friend in total deadpan: "You know, a machine that allows you to travel back and forth through time. They don't have those where you live?"

Most ATM's around here were Tyme machines. It's like saying kleenex for tissue or xerox for copier. We let the guy in on that little tidbit after a moment of perplexed blinking.

Also, if you're ever in town and someone asks you 'Djeet yet?' they are asking you if you've eaten yet (did you eat yet?)
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10. Board Game: Dead Man's Treasure [Average Rating:5.77 Overall Rank:5049]
Davido
United States
California
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I had a Spanish teacher who spoke fluent Spanish, but also (and taught) French and German. Oh, and English with a serious Texas accent. We'd kid her a bit.

Class: Sra. Walker, Where do you tell someone to stand if they've been bad in class?

Sr. Walker: The Corner


Class: Sra. Walker, what do you call the guy who examines dead bodies?

Sra. Walker: The Coroner

(and yes, both were pronounced exactly the same)

She also called the big thunderstorms "Gully Warshers"

And when I delivered newspapers (on my bike, yeah I'm old), other kids would ask if I "wanted to give up my rout"

hmmm, why would I stop defeating my foes
I always called it a paper route (ROOT).
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11. Board Game: Reef Encounter [Average Rating:7.19 Overall Rank:314]
Samantha RD
South Africa
Harrismith
Free State
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A few years ago I worked at an aquatics shop in the UK called Tranquility - I remember answering the phone one morning to a particularly obnoxious and determined woman:

Me: Good Morning, Tranquility.
Woman: Yes, I've made an appointment.
Me: Alright, are you a rep coming to see the owner?
Woman: What? No, why would I be coming to see the owner. I made an appointment. I'm coming to have my nails done. I want to make sure you're ready for me, I don't like waiting!
Me: But ma'am this is a..
Woman: I made an appointment.The name's ...., well, have you got my booking?
Me: Ma'am this is an aquatics shop
Woman: A what?
Me: We sell fish
Woman: You mean that's not Tranquility nail bar?
Me: Umm, no

The phone goes silent for a few seconds before she puts it down
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12. Board Game: For Sale [Average Rating:7.21 Overall Rank:217]
Danger Mike
United States
Fenton
Missouri
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When I was in the Army a guy mystified me by asking if he could see the "sales paper." He was talking about the newspaper advertising supplement I knew as a "flyer."
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13. Board Game: Mr. Bacon's Big Adventure [Average Rating:3.72 Unranked]
John Iverson
United States
Michigan
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So I went to Subway for lunch one time. I decide to get a 6" B.L.T. (standard fare right off the menu). The sandwich preparer puts the wax paper wrapped bacon in the little microwave - 'ding' goes the timer and she pops it out. She sets the bacon down next to my bread. "What would you like on it?" "Oh, just mayo." I look around the store as I walk over to the cash register; my paper wrapped sandwich is slid over and I pay for it. I drive back to work and sit out on the picnic table. I unwrap my sandwich and salivate in anticipation as I take a bite of my.....hey what the..... grumble grumble....my bacon and mayo sandwich. Who would have thought if you ordered a B.L.T. sandwich you would actually have to specify to have lettuce and tomato put on it. Lesson learned.

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14. Board Game: Rubberneckers [Average Rating:5.96 Unranked]
Doc Bullseye
United States
Brownsburg
Indiana
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When I was in graduate school, I worked with a guy from Portugal. He needed some office supplies and went down to the store room. He got some pencils, and a stapler, and some tape...but he just couldn't find anything to erase pencil marks.

So he asked the storekeeper: "Where are the rubbers?"
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15. Board Game: King's Cottage [Average Rating:6.07 Unranked]
Mike Szarka
Canada
Oshawa
Ontario
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When it is your turn to send a VASSAL move, the wait is excruciating. When it's my turn, well, I've been busy.
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I made an American friend laugh by talking about going to a friend's cottage. That's what Canadians use to refer to any vacation home. Apparently it made her think of Little Red Riding Hood.

Also we say we are going on holidays instead of on vacation.
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16. Board Game: Flip Flop [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
James Webb
United Kingdom
Canterbury
Kent
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I'd been in Australia a few months (moved from the UK) and I was visting a place where people were working with heavy machinery.

Outside there was a sign on the wall which said...

"NO THONGS TO BE WORN AT ANY TIME."

I stood there staring at the sign for a while, trying to figure out who they would get to enforce that rule.

It was a few more weeks before I learned that Aussie call flip-flops 'thongs'.
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17. Board Game: It's All Chinese to Me! [Average Rating:6.64 Unranked]
Scott Smith
United States
Duncan
South Carolina
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This happened years ago when I was first started taking martial arts.

The style I was learning was a Korean system known as Kuk Sool Won. Nowhere close to being as well known as Karate or Tae Kwon Do, but has a solid following in Korea as well as certain larger cities across North America and several other countries.


By some strange twist of fate, it seems that the phone number for our school happened to be only one digit different from a Chinese takeout restaurant. Whenever the phone rang, the instructor would answer "Kuk Sool Won, how may I help you?" And more than a few times the person on the other end of the line would place an order for chicken fried rice, won ton soup, egg rolls, and extra fortune cookies.


You wouldn't believe how difficult it could be to explain that they had the wrong number. Probably to most non-speakers Korean sounds like Chinese, or Japanese. And it couldn't be attributed to Asian-accents of the instructor because all of them were native born Caucasian Americans. And yet the persons on the phone insisted that we were, in fact, the restaurant in question since we had just identified ourselves as such.shake


After the first month that this had been going on the instructors finally started taking there orders; " Beef lo mein and an order of egg drop soup. That will be $9.75". Pick it up in twenty minutes..."


As far as I know, no one ever showed up at the door looking for there order while I was there. But I can't help but wonder if they ever did; they'd look around at the mats on the floor, the weapons rack and the students in there uniforms and ask "Where do you do the cooking?"

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18. Board Game: King Me! The Toilet [Average Rating:6.61 Unranked] [Average Rating:6.61 Unranked]
Jared Parkinson
United States
Katy
Texas
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I just started working as an associate at a new dental practice in Eastern Texas and moved there from Washington state. During one of the morning meetings the staff was talking about an old assistant who was a bit of a bumbler and dropped her phone down the commode. Everyone was laughing but I just looked dumbfounded. They laughed even harder when they had to explain that a commode was a toilet. That was something I have never heard of. Toilet, Porcelain Throne, John, and Seeing a man about a horse I have all heard but never a Commode.
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19. Board Game: Goofy Golf Machine [Average Rating:5.84 Unranked]
Brian Mc Cabe
United States
Arizona
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I've always called it Miniature Golf, not even shortening it to Mini Golf. I can't remember if it was a friend of mine from Chicago who used Goofy Golf or I first heard it in North Carolina, again.

Brian
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20. Board Game: Counterpoint [Average Rating:2.00 Unranked]
Alain Baum
Luxembourg
Grevenmacher
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Two years ago, me and a friend were on a vacation in Australia. When we went to return our rental car at the parking lot, the attendant asked us, "Do you need to go to the canner?"

After he repeated it about 3 or 4 times, I realized he was asking if we needed to go to the office's counter (as in desk).
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21. Board Game: Snoopy's Doghouse Game [Average Rating:4.29 Unranked]
Janet Linsey
United States
Unspecified
Unspecified
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My older sister and I were with our grandma, who always had dogs, mostly chihuahuas. Grandma started talking about a "biggle" - I realized she meant "beagle" but she and my sister went back and forth 3 or 4 times until I clued my sister in!
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22. Board Game: NUTS! [Average Rating:6.06 Overall Rank:6394]
david landes
United States
oak hill
Virginia
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Where I grew up, you could order an ice cream sundae with Walnuts soaked in maple syrup. The name for that topping was "Wet nuts". I tried to order it in an ice cream place in upstate NY.

Me: A sundae please, and do you have wet nuts?
Clerk: *silence* and a horrified stare
Me: You know, the maple walnut stuff..
Clerk *relief evident* Oh, yeah, we have that.
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23. Board Game: Scrambled Eggs [Average Rating:6.17 Unranked]
Leon van Groesen
Netherlands
Apeldoorn
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During the time I worked in the Dominican Republic I once ordered breakfast in a restaurant, consisting of 2 rolls, 1 orange juice and an egg.

The waiter looked at me in a funny way, walked away to appear several moments later with my rolls and a glass of orange juice...

...to which he'd add an egg that floated on top
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24. Board Game: Ricochet Robots [Average Rating:7.00 Overall Rank:425]
Lance
United States
Moorhead
Minnesota
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The coolest best thing I have ever done in my life is being a father
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The Dread Pirate Caleb!! (age 2)
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I work in the technical area of my company. I pretty much fix anything that comes my way, along with doing real time management of around 1400 employees. I get about 100 phone calls a day at my desk with people looking for help in fixing something. Of these, I transfer out about 80 percent of them to someone who can handle the issue, the rest of the stuff I do myself. I get TONS of calls transferred to me for the basic reason that I:

1. Have worked in my position for over a 6 years.
2. Pretty much know how to fix most things that come my way, or I know someone that does.

However...

About once every three months or so, I get a phone call from someone in our Missouri department - they almost always work in fraud or risk management, and they almost always call early in the morning, and their conversation with me goes like this:

Them: Hey Lance, this is [random name], the ROBOTS aren't working this morning, can you get them fixed?

Me: We don't fix the ROBOTS here - you guys always call me to do this, I don't even know what these ROBOTS are used for, or that we even have ROBOTS.

Them: Well your name is listed as our contact for fixing them, it says you have the certification.

Me: This is at least the 10th time I have had this conversation. I don't fix the ROBOTS. I don't have any training with any ROBOTS, ever. You will need to call someone else.

Them: Who should I call?

Me: Much like my knowledge of the ROBOTS, I have no idea.

Them: OK - well...I will figure something out. Sorry to trouble you.

Me: I look forward to talking to someone else in your department in the next 3 or 4 months.

No one in my company has any idea who these people are, what they do, or what these ROBOTS are used for. It has gone on so long, I am under the impression that this is some Fringe type world that just impedes on our universe every once in awhile when the connection gets a little thin.
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25. Board Game: 42 [Average Rating:7.08 Overall Rank:3035]
Me, sin? Pf! Nah! Chill
United States
Fountain Valley
California
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Should I stop doing the whole anagram thing?
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Both my parents are from St. Louis, Missouri, and much of my extended family lives in the area, and I've spent a significant portion of my life there.

The Missouri accent is fairly standard, with not much to misunderstand. However, they do seem to have a problem with "or" words, which are pronounced "ar". So the word "fork" is pronounced "fark". Which leads to the standard joke:

"How old are you?"
"I'm farty."
"I know that, but how old are you?"

Likewise, you eat "carn on the cob". A person with bad table manners can be compared to an animal by saying, "Use your fark! Were you barn in a barn?" Although there are some words that retain the correct "or" pronunciation, such as "pork" - no one in Missouri says "park" when referring to pig meat. But you do have to pull out the "cark" in "arder" to "par" the wine.

But I still have no clue about the robot thing (item #24).
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