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Wood For Sheep ... And Other Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't (PG-13)
Jay Little
United States
Eden Prairie
Minnesota
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ALERT: This list is PG-13ish. If you're easily offended or overly sensitive, go read something else
- = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = - = -

The concept is simple -- those comments that come up during the course of a game that, when taken out of context, sound dirty or downright disturbing. Maybe I'm just in an impish mood, but it seemed like everything that was said during my last gaming session was screened with my "dirty mind" filter.

Please post your own, but try to keep it PG-13... There's technically nothing offensive here, it's all a matter of interpretation and inference -- and I'd like to keep it that way. And please don't shoot soda out your nose -- it makes the monitor all sticky.

Extra Double Super Secret Karma Points if you read these and immediately recognize the game situation, mechanic or piece that triggers the comment.

What other blue humor comes up during gaming?
What other gaming comments are easily taken out of context?
Ever embarrass yourself in front of company with something like this?

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51. Board Game: Pente [Average Rating:6.63 Overall Rank:1052]
Dan Rosewater
Switzerland
Zürich
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This comment was entered on my list about games that do not come in rectangular shaped boxes (excerpt):

"My sister has the tube version and that's what I learned from....."
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52. Board Game: King of the Elves [Average Rating:6.25 Overall Rank:1921]
Go Take A Hike
United States
Columbus
Ohio
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Whenever anyone plays the Escort card we say that they're "protecting their region with a pair of trojans".

You can see the Escort card in the image left center and looks like two centurians...
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53. Board Game: Memoir '44 [Average Rating:7.53 Overall Rank:88] [Average Rating:7.53 Unranked]
Champion Eternal
Malaysia
Unspecified
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This was actually said in an Overlord game we had last week:

Axis player to his C-in-C: 'If you give me a Probe, I'll enjoy it!'
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54. Board Game: Queen's Necklace [Average Rating:6.45 Overall Rank:1314]
Jeff Knox
United States
Greenville
South Carolina
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On my first read through the rules:

"The three steps to a sale are:
1 - Displaying the jewels"
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55. Board Game: Survive: Escape from Atlantis! [Average Rating:7.35 Overall Rank:176]
Steve R Bullock
United States
Palm Coast
Florida
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No one understood why I snickered everytime one of our female players would say, after placing a playing piece in a boat to escape the island, "now I don't want anyone to eat my little man in the boat".
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56. Board Game: Poker [Average Rating:6.71 Overall Rank:680]
"Two snowmen beat a gay waiter."

( . . . and before someone corrects me, note that it's "waiter," singular.)
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57. Board Game: Walk the Dogs [Average Rating:6.23 Overall Rank:3043]
Laura Meyer
United Kingdom
Crawley
West Sussex
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"I'll put one in the front and two in the rear"
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58. Board Game: Hoity Toity [Average Rating:6.56 Overall Rank:904]
Lyonnel Lee
Singapore
Singapore
Singapore
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Actual phrase used in the game, "I've shown you mine now exhibit yours to me!!!"
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59. Board Game: Civilization [Average Rating:7.53 Overall Rank:133]
Tomas Inguanzo
United States
Unspecified
Unspecified
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I was in a game with a new player, and she was upset about the revalation that some earlier conflict atrition had left her with too few excess population to support a new city, which meant that most of the six-stack she put at a city site would die as well. I explained it to her by saying that there was just no way to feed a new city with her population on the board, so she would just have to accept the loss of surplus population at the city site. "Look", I said, "there's just no way you can feed a new city, so you'll just have to eat the men."
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60. Board Game: Urland [Average Rating:6.61 Overall Rank:1621]
The Seal of Approval
Austria
Vienna
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"I didn't know it takes three...!"

(based on the game rule that your creatures only reproduce when there's at least three of them)
 
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61. Board Game: Tichu [Average Rating:7.65 Overall Rank:64]
Jeff Knox
United States
Greenville
South Carolina
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At the beginning of every round: "Okay, who has Mah Jong?"

"I have a straight, Jong through the Queen"
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62. Board Game: Panzer Leader [Average Rating:6.53 Overall Rank:1494]
Just call me Erik
United States
Waldorf
Maryland
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During a game of Panzer Leader, my opponent destroyed one of my Tanks, and said "Now i need to place a wreck tile..."

Well you, can guess what "A Wreck Tile" sounds like if you say it too fast. I suggested "Wreck Counter." instead.
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63. Board Game: Battle Cattle: The Card Game [Average Rating:5.29 Overall Rank:10269] [Average Rating:5.29 Unranked]
Jamie Capach
United States
Keene
New Hampshire
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While playing the first player of the game played Milk Bomb (Rear) and said:

"I Milk Bomb you in the rear."

To which she replied:

"Okay, I guess I take four in the rear."
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64. Board Game: Shadows over Camelot [Average Rating:7.16 Overall Rank:254]
Joe Schlimgen
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I don't want to draw a card because I don't want to lay any more black knights.
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65. Board Game: Snatch [Average Rating:6.38 Overall Rank:3555]
Red Dragon
United States
Willows
California
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You don't have to say anything while playing it for this game to qualify for this list, do you? But supposing you did, what would someone say, asking to play it when someone else owned the game?
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66. Board Game: Pirate's Cove [Average Rating:6.62 Overall Rank:765]
benjamin
United States
West Des Moines
Iowa
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"My pirate fires his cannon at your hull" and
"The purple pirate pounds your hull"
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67. Board Game: Time's Up! [Average Rating:7.40 Overall Rank:245]
benjamin
United States
West Des Moines
Iowa
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Well into a long session of play...

The clue: "He's got three balls and comes in the winter!"




The answer: "Frosty the Snowman"
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68. Board Game: My Dwarves Fly [Average Rating:5.57 Overall Rank:8740]
dave boulton
United Kingdom
etchingham
E. Sussex
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Never thought of it afore but certain race cards in this game say on them soemthgin like when I come someonelse goes you can see it in the picture ifn you blow it up

Look another list I have added this game too!

Walker Red Eye
 
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69. Board Game: Mississippi Queen [Average Rating:6.40 Overall Rank:1207]
Karl Gallagher
United States
Saginaw
Texas
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"Just grab the ladies and run!"

Actually a strategy we've used successfully.
 
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70. Board Game: Risk 2210 A.D. [Average Rating:6.74 Overall Rank:744]
Paul Szilagyi
United States
Parma
Ohio
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It's almost a shame to add any more items, but...

"I'm going to attack you in the Ministry of Djibouti (pronounced 'Digi-booty', in my house)"

Also: (for the same reason) "They've got an entire ministry for that?"

Or simply "I want your digi-booty"

There's a joke in there about New Tomatoes (Nuevo Timoto) too, but I'm not sure how it goes...

-ZZ
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71. Board Game: Caylus [Average Rating:7.90 Overall Rank:20]
Julien Van Reeth
United States
Unspecified
Unspecified
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"So, what's your royal favour going to be ?"
 
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72. Board Game: Modern Art [Average Rating:7.32 Overall Rank:181]
Julien Van Reeth
United States
Unspecified
Unspecified
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"For this one we'll go closed fist."
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73. Board Game: Connect Four [Average Rating:4.81 Overall Rank:11028]
Diane Close
United States
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I auctioned off a wooden version of Connect Four called The Captain's Mistress. I went to email the purchaser that his game was on its way, but somehow plugging the game name into my standard boilerplate phrasing didn't sound right:

"The Captain's Mistress is now on her way to you. She's been lightly used and is in excellent condition. I hope you enjoy her!"

Oh dear! blush What would the Feds think?
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74. Board Game: Doom: The Boardgame [Average Rating:6.94 Overall Rank:550]
Zach Ginn
United States
Portsmouth
Ohio
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This was one coming from the guy with double Spec Ops the other day:

"I'll fist the Cyberdemon."
 
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75. Board Game: Spank the Monkey [Average Rating:5.98 Overall Rank:3013]
Ivan Ng
Singapore
Singapore
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How could anyone forget this game???
"I a not tall enough to spank it"
 
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