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Geeks Gone Wild >> How To P**s Off Your Favorite Gamer
Jay Little
United States
Eden Prairie
Minnesota
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My tongue is firmly planted in my cheek for this GeekList... Inspired by culls fabulous "You know you're a Game Geek when...." GeekList (found here http://www.boardgamegeek.com/geeklist.php3?action=view&listi...) I decided to go another route.

Sure, we now know the crazy foibles and quirks that make gamers so, um... foiblish and quirky. But underneath the calm exterior and gaming-induced catatonia lurks a savage beast waiting to be loosed upon an unsuspecting world. Different stimuli may trigger these beast-loosening episodes... So help me make a lighthearted list of all the ways Geeks get pushed over the edge (or at least to the brink) of sanity itself due to their passion for games and gaming.

What are some fool-proof ways to make your favorite gaming geeks completely wig out?
What's the craziest episode you've personally witnessed?
What gets under your skin worse than anything else in defense of your hobby?
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1. Board Game: History of the World [Average Rating:7.14 Overall Rank:387]
Jay Little
United States
Eden Prairie
Minnesota
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Spill a full can of soda on a brand new game.

I thought I was going to have a heart attack with this one. I had just purchased a new copy of History of the World, and took it to a friend's house to play for the first time. As my friends started setting up, I went to use the bathroom. As I was coming back to the game room, I heard someone swearing, and everyone making a mad dash for some paper towels.

Gamer "X" had just spilled a full can of Pepsi all over the board, soaking the board and the flimsy event cards. I had a fit, and started hyperventilating. After several tense minutes, one of the other gamers finally said "When should we tell him it was Steve's copy and not his?"
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2. Board Game: War of the Ring (first edition) [Average Rating:7.86 Overall Rank:34]
Jay Little
United States
Eden Prairie
Minnesota
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Draw comparisons between their favorite game and Monopoly or Risk.

Few things draw the ire of gamers than disparaging remarks about their favorite games. But better to call a game horrible, stupid or just plain ol' broken than to compare it to a classic, mass market game aimed at folks that just don't know any better.

For proof, look no further than any topic thread that dares state that War of the Ring is a glorified game of Risk set in Middle Earth -- and see how quickly leagues of rabid geeks surge to WotR's defense!
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3. Board Game: Samurai [Average Rating:7.44 Overall Rank:126]
Jay Little
United States
Eden Prairie
Minnesota
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Dis Reiner Knizia.

... or Klaus Teuber
... or Bruno Faidutti
... or Sid Sackson
... or whoever that particular geek's favorite game designer happens to be. And when dissing said designer, make sure you mention how all his works are derivative, broken, repetitive, bland and themeless.
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4. Board Game: Age of Steam [Average Rating:7.73 Overall Rank:58]
Jay Little
United States
Eden Prairie
Minnesota
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Make blanket statements about entire genres based on one game.

Oh, another train game? Why would I need to play another train game? I've already played TransAmerica and Ticket to Ride -- aren't they really all just the same thing anyway?
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5. Board Game: UNO: SpongeBob SquarePants [Average Rating:5.55 Overall Rank:9065]
Jay Little
United States
Eden Prairie
Minnesota
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Bring a licensed edition of Uno, Monopoly or Clue to a game night - and really push to get it played.

Aww, but come on... We played what you wanted to play last week! Why can't we play my Limited Edition copy of Dukes of Hazzard Monopoly? Otherwise, I brought Clue: Hello Kitty edition... See, Kitty did it in the litter box with a hairball. I get to be the ball of string!
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6. Board Game: Stamp [Average Rating:5.43 Unranked]
Jay Little
United States
Eden Prairie
Minnesota
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Tell them to get a "real" hobby.

This one has really gotten under my skin before...

Instigator: Jay, why don't you get a real hobby, like golf, or fishing, or working on cars, or collecting stamps, or woodworking or demolition derby.

Me: Gaaahhh!!! Gaming is so a real hobby. It encourages creativity, problem solving and good sportsmanship.

Instigator: No it doesn't. It's lame. It's a bunch of adults sitting around in the basement pretending stuff and rolling dice.

Me: Exactly -- see how cool that is? Um... Wait. I can explain. It's actually a lot cooler than it sounds! Really!
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7. Board Game: Money [Average Rating:6.36 Unranked]
Jay Little
United States
Eden Prairie
Minnesota
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Point out how much money they'd have for other things if they stopped buying games.

This one's a bit scary. I usually try to defend my rampant game buying sprees by saying they're an investment in my happiness, creativity and social activity. And once we actually dug through all the receipts and credit card statements to see how much I spent on games that year. Um... it's a hefty investment.

Then someone counters that if all that money had been actually invested, I'd be living in a mansion, or I'd be driving a gold-plated Escalade, married to a swimsuit model and eating caviar for breakfast.

I mean, that's so completely unfair and inaccurate. I'd never eat caviar for breakfast.
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8. Board Game: A Game of Thrones: A Clash of Kings Expansion [Average Rating:7.86 Unranked] [Average Rating:7.86 Unranked]
Jay Little
United States
Eden Prairie
Minnesota
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Open one of their brand new games that's still in the shrinkwrap -- before they get a chance to.

... Must ... control ... fist of ... death ...

Dude. That is not cool. Do not mess with another gamer's pristine, shrink-wrapped copy of a game. And don't even think about popping those tiles out of the sprues. That is my job. Mine! Mine!
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9. Board Game: Air Baron [Average Rating:6.40 Overall Rank:2037]
Joe Steadman
United States
El Paso
Texas
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We were using a Styrofoam cup for the random chit pull and a dude refused to not have his coffee at the table. You can guess it, towards the end of the game another player dropped the previously draw chits into his coffee cup rather then the empty cup! ARRHHH
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10. Board Game: Titan [Average Rating:6.99 Overall Rank:528]
Fredrik Sievert
Sweden
Helsingborg
Unspecified
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Play one of the geek's favourite games without inviting the geek.

Preferrably it should even be the geek's copy of the game that you have borrowed.

And even better if you know that the geek has nothing in particual planned that day.

Then give the geek a call halfway into the game and say: Guess what, we're playing...
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11. Board Game: War of the Ring (first edition) [Average Rating:7.86 Overall Rank:34]
Wilfred Berkhof
Netherlands
Veenendaal
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After a very exciting 3 1/2 hours of play Frodo and Sam had made it half way up mount Doom whilst the forces of Darkness were converging on Rivendell, the final stronghold they needed to take to cover Middle Earth in darkness.

When suddenly out of nowhere this enormous drunk giant appeared and swiped both the forces of good and the forces of evil from the game board screaming in a drunken slur 'only kids play board games!'.

That day i learned two things. One i'm stronger than i thought i was and two don't play in a pub on a saturday night.
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12. Board Game: Empires in Arms [Average Rating:7.51 Overall Rank:592]
William Paris
United Kingdom
Straiton
Midlothian
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All day gaming session at my friend's house that started at 8am. There were 4 of us playing through and doing quite well. We broke for lunch and when I came back to the basement room where we were playing I caught my friend's highly dysfunctional cat squatting on the gameboard (western) relieving himself. Errrr...that's numero uno and dos.

Obviously he didn't care for Napoleon's politics either.

It took me 6 more years to replace my copy with another that was reasonably priced.

PS The cat's name was Wolverine.
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13. Board Game: Rummikub [Average Rating:6.27 Overall Rank:1386]
Denise Patterson-Monroe
United States
Carmel
Indiana
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Tell them you have already tried board games and you didn't like them

My stepmother thinks I'm insane. I bring games to family gatherings. She always refuses to play because she has 'a closet full of games from when I was young, and I didn't like any of those, so I can't see that these are gonna be any different.' Never mind that everyone else is laughing and having a blast, she's firmly convinced that Apples to Apples and her dusty old copy of Rummikub are on a par.
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14. Board Game: Carcassonne [Average Rating:7.44 Overall Rank:108] [Average Rating:7.44 Unranked]
Gone Fishing
United States
Unspecified
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Stack components disinterestedly as they try to explain the rules to you.

Extra points are scored when the stack inevitably falls over and pieces fly accross the room.

Extra extra credit for sending one or more of those pieces down a floor vent, and the sound of it taking a wild ride to the furnace.
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15. Board Game: Diplomacy [Average Rating:7.09 Overall Rank:357]
Pat H
United States
Oak Park
Illinois
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Cry.

It's really only happened to me once, but it's pretty annoying when someone actually cries when they get screwed in a game. This was during a game of Diplomacy played 20 years ago, although I think I've seen some close calls in a couple of games a Citadels.
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16. Board Game: Acquire [Average Rating:7.38 Overall Rank:143]
art cohen
United States
Unspecified
Unspecified
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"Let's see what happens if I play THIS tile!"

I have a dear, dear friend who, if she doesn't have a good move for herself, will just merge two other players' chains so that "something happens". Inevitably, one of the chains is the one I've been setting up for my master stroke for the last 10 turns...
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17. Board Game: Twilight Imperium (Third Edition) [Average Rating:7.89 Overall Rank:31]
Really? REALLY?!
Canada
Kitchener
Ontario
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You and one other player know the rules, so the two of you will talk as load as possiable while the new players try to hear the rules.
A six player game wher three of us had played before. I am trying to explain the rules to teh other three players, all the while the other two are laughing and talking, getting loader so they can hear each other over my explanation.
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18. Board Game: Monster Squash [Average Rating:6.00 Unranked] [Average Rating:6.00 Unranked]
Nigel Buckle
United Kingdom
Thornton Heath
Croydon
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Lose it completely and destroy components - especially carefully painted minatures

Saw this once at a wargame club, a friend of a friend was playing a figure battle (can't remember which, but it was Napoleonic), guy got really stressed when he kept rolling box-cars and his unit of old guard cracked and fled the field.

He threw the dice & tape measure at the wall and then picked up a couple of bases of figures and then stomped on them ... *crack* ...

Deadly silence - everyone looking shocked ... guy mumbles something and leaves - never to be seen again (fortunately).
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19. Board Game: The Napoleonic Wars [Average Rating:7.06 Overall Rank:1197]
Jay Little
United States
Eden Prairie
Minnesota
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Never help clean up

This one really peeves me. Especially for a huge game with a zillion chits, cards, dice and counters that all need to be separated, tagged n' bagged. Few things frustrate me more than hearing "you clean that up and we're going to go start a game of X..."

"Why don't you stick around and help?"

"You know we'll just mess it up. You've got some bizarre ritual about putting sh!t away."

Well... I can't necessarily argue the latter. Sometimes my AR/OC habits kick in and things have to be sorted in such-and-such a way, or put back in a very specific order. Still... It's pretty darn annoying to get stuck with the set up and the clean up all by yourself.
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20. Board Game: Yu-Gi-Oh! Trading Card Game [Average Rating:5.75 Overall Rank:6888]
Matthew Fisk
United States
Spanish Fork
Utah
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Sitting in your local gaming store playing a board game only to have all the Collectible card players looking totally baffled because they simply CANNOT relate to a game with a board on it.

We were playing Shadows over Camelot at a local gameshop and a couple of guys were intrigued to see some swords laying on the table. What commenced was the following dialogue:

Yugite: So... what are you trying to do there?
Geek: We are working together against the forces of evil in order to keep Camelot from falling to the forces of evil.
Yugite: What is that then?
Geek: The quest against the Black Knight
Yugite: Can't you just summon Obelisk the Tormentor and Wipe him out?
Geek: Ummm it doesn't work that way.
Yugite: I don't get it.

It was simply impossible for him to relate to the game without some context within Yu-gi-oh. It went like that for the next 20 minutes.
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21. Board Game: Bohnanza [Average Rating:7.09 Overall Rank:277]
Jenna Sunderlin
United States
Niagara Falls
New York
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Spend the whole game whining "I don't get it", while simultaneously playing just fine and rudely correcting other newbies on their play (and ending the whole thing with "Why can't you guys just play Taboo?"
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22. Board Game: HeroQuest [Average Rating:6.96 Overall Rank:488]
Matthew Fisk
United States
Spanish Fork
Utah
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CHEWING ON A PIECE

In the middle of a game of HeroQuest and I notice one of the players absent mindedly chewing on one of the skeletons scythes...

"Is that... are you... CHEWING on one of the skeletons?!?!?"

Player comes out of his daze

"Ummm Uhhh sorry was thinking about my next move"

Silence ensues and finally I just look back down at the GM book and continue with the dialogue...
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23. Board Game: Power Grid [Average Rating:8.00 Overall Rank:11]
Eric Mowrer
United States
Vancouver
Washington
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Pose the question "Can we just play?" during rules explaination

This one really kills me. Drives me batty! Invariably, it's the same person that has rules problems later on during the game.

I've actually fealt that way once or twice, but I'd rather bite my own tounge off than interrupt rules with the forbidden question.
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24. Board Game: Road to the White House [Average Rating:6.01 Overall Rank:4828]
Jay Moore
United States
Lake Saint Louis
Missouri
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Ooo, I have one! Go to the Gamer's house to play Game X, which the Gamer very much wants to play. When you get there, after the game is all set up and ready to go, decide that you don't want to play that one after all because it looks too boring. Then suggest that everyone play Settlers of Catan instead. Again.
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25. Board Game: Union Pacific [Average Rating:7.27 Overall Rank:286]
Eric Mowrer
United States
Vancouver
Washington
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Suggest that UP isn't a train game.

This is garunteed to tick off half of the boardgame geeks.
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