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Kingdom Death: Monster – Gorm Expansion» Forums » Reviews

Subject: KD:M--The Gorm, A Late to the Party Review rss

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Curtis Adams
United States
Concord
North Carolina
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(Author’s note: This review assumes you’re already familiar with Kingdom Death: Monster. If not, read my Pulitzer prize winning review at https://www.boardgamegeek.com/thread/1596709/kingdom-death-m.... Mild spoilers may follow; if that bothers you, please remember that you’re reading a review. What did you expect?)

After six fun-filled months of eight-hour a day torture sessions in a nightmarish hell dimension, the presidential election is finally over and I can stop self-medicating and start playing Kingdom Death: Monster again. If I was late to the party before then I’m even later now, but sometimes the world makes you drink your weight in Scotch whether you want to or not. But I’m back, baby, so let’s dig deep and explore, together, the earliest expansion that can be enjoyed in a KD:M campaign. Let’s dive into the Gorm.


Pictured: Diving into the Gorm.

And yes, Edward R. Murrow, I know that picture is a fraud, but so was the DNC nominating process and my parent’s love for me. Let it go.

What is the Gorm?
Well, boys and girls, the Gorm is a cross between an anglerfish, an elephant, the dismembered arms of four stoned surfers, a dead baby, a giant pair of balls, and the vagina dentata myth.



Yeah, it’s pretty nasty.

Stop, wait, hold on. Time out. Seriously, Adam Pootz, what the f**k? What the LITERAL f**k? Were you not held as a child, or were you held too much? Did an angry cousin wipe his bum with your stuffed Dumbo? Did your parents force you to watch Ally McBeal marathons? Have you seen Lady Gaga naked? What kind of trauma could cause someone to come up with an idea like this?

I really need to know, because this thing looks like a design H. R. Geiger tossed into the waste basket for being too overtly sexual; it looks like something a bored Marlin Perkins doodled while watching pachyderms packing it in; it looks like the type of sexual fantasy John Wayne Gacy felt guilty about having. In short, this is the kind of sick, perverted filth that every single God-fearing, descent human being should recognize as detrimental to the very fabric of our society and wholeheartedly condemn.

In other words, it’s my favorite miniature in the game by far.


Back up. Give us the Basics:
The Gorm is a single quarry monster expansion to KD:M that can be added to the game’s timeline in Lantern Year One or at any other point to an existing campaign. It includes the Gorm miniature, new gear, resources, disorders, innovations, and settlement locations. It also includes an eleven-page booklet that features five new expansion-specific events. The artwork, as usual, is alternately gorgeous and haunting, using either a hyper-realistic or an anime inspired comic book style. The art presents the Gorm as both ferocious and sad, a once proud and mighty beast that is now somehow only worthy of our pity.


“Basically me, then?”


Gameplay:
The Gorm adds a completely unique experience to the base game. The feel of a fight with the Gorm is completely different from its same-power-equivalent, the White Lion; trying the same tactics that let you skin Albino Cecil with ease will leave you pissed off and your survivors pissed on, then flattened. In addition, unlike other prey in the KD:M bestiary, each time the survivors hunt higher levels of the monster they will have to deal with a specific story event—don’t worry, though, because as everyone knows from playing the base game, nothing bad ever happens during story events. This adds an extra dimension to the decision to go after a tougher Gorm, but since the best Gorm gear gets grabbed from Granddaddy Gorms (alliteration!) the risk/reward factor just adds another layer to an already packed decision making process.

There’s a bunch of new armor, weapons, and locations to build. One of the locations, the Gormchemist, has a unique advancement system and can give you one-use potions. The miniatures you will assemble for your survivors have a “Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome” feel to them, and if that doesn’t make you want to glue a midget to the back of a gigantic, mentally disadvantaged killing machine then I don’t know why you’ve even bothered to read this far.

Of course, this game wouldn’t be the soul crushing masochistic beat down we all know and love if it didn’t punish you for daring to try and enjoy it. In this case, introducing the Gorm also triggers a reoccurring Settlement Event that happens automatically each year in addition to whatever awful Settlement Event you would normally pull. Thus, there’s a good chance that all the resources your survivors bled and died for in previous Lantern Years will get wiped out. Even the Story Event’s “good outcome” that kicks off this cycle of pain has the hidden disadvantage of leading to bloat in your early innovation deck. Want to pull Symposium or Inner Lantern? Good luck, because now half your deck consists of Hovel-related crap. Beds? Sure, lay down while acid rain wipes out your supplies!


What KD:M thinks of ‘good results’


Final Thoughts:
For its price tag, The Gorm expansion is an absolute must for any KD:M player. It has beautiful art, a disturbing monster, a unique fight experience, and several mechanics that add tons of replay value to the game. This expansion is a good experience the same way that finding out your hooker has a penis is a bad one.


“Wait, why are you showing me again?”
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Thorsten Schröder
Germany
Bonn
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Loser at the 'Pursuit of Happiness Contest'
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Very nice!
As someone who is even later to the party than you (in fact I missed it) I am so looking forwar to the Kickstarter... FIngers crossed Gorm will be availible as an AddOn!
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Curtis Adams
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Concord
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Good point. After all, so many people go there, I'm sure it would be seen tons more. Just goes to show what happens when you drink a whole carton of almond milk before posting...s**t gets crazy, yo!
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Purple Octopus
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fezzikthedoor wrote:
Good point. After all, so many people go there, I'm sure it would be seen tons more. Just goes to show what happens when you drink a whole carton of almond milk before posting...s**t gets crazy, yo!


Look, we all know that almond milk is an artificial enhancer so you can make funny but insightful reviews on the internet about board games.

I thought you were legit Fezzik, but the nut juice has you too strong. I'm going to need your gun and your badge.
 
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Curtis Adams
United States
Concord
North Carolina
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...and we're now in expansion page Hell. If you happened to find this here, welcome. Look further up the page to see who to mail dead cats to for helping to make sure we ended up here, and I hope you enjoyed my nonsense.
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David
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fezzikthedoor wrote:
This expansion is a good experience the same way that finding out your hooker has a penis is a bad one.


What's with your obsession with transgender people?
 
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