Most of you don't know me. Hopefully, I can change that a bit. My name is Brad, and I love BGG. I spend a lot of time reading and writing in the RSP forum, and I like to discuss the strategies of my favorite games, Scepter of Zavandor, Kingsburg, Agricola, Age of Empires III, and Settlers.

I don't actually game as much as many of you on the site. I occasionally attend a public game night, and once a month I'll attend a friends/family game get-together. I have attended nearly all of the local conventions in the past ten years, but have never attended a national or international convention.

I didn't really know where to put this post. It doesn't seem to fit with the vibe of chit chat, but it isn't about religion, sex, or politics either. It isn't about general boardgaming, but I think that there is definitely an obesity streak that runs through the boardgaming community, and this is the subject I wanted to talk about. Besides, BGG is really the only internet site I ever visit anymore, so I don't have any other outlet. And since it is mostly off-topic, the winner is chit chat. I'm posting this not to be preachy, to convert the masses, or even to gloat about my successes, but mostly because my nutritionist said it would be a good exercise for me to do at this point. I've been doing pretty good following the program so far, so why stop now? Alrighty, here goes...

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One thing I always liked about board gaming was that I was never the biggest person in the room. I have been overweight for the last ten years and it steadily grew every year. Colorado is a very healthy state. Most places where I'd go, I would be the biggest person there, with the exception of the occasional Wal-Mart visit. I was definitely the XXXL wherever I went, except for game conventions where it seems as though I was a medium. Medium isn't bad.

Being really big never really bothered me. I was normal sized as a kid growing up, but both of my parents were overweight throughout my childhood. It never bothered me, and it didn't seem to bother them. I was raised in the south, and despite the fact that my parents were overweight, being overweight was sort of the norm. We fit in pretty much everywhere we went.

I stayed fairly slim through college and the beginning of my marriage, but started to get a lot bigger about a year or so before my daughter was born. I didn't get huge all at once, just a few pounds a year, so it was hard to notice. Still, I was happy and in good health, even with the extra pounds. I wasn't bothered by it.

My weight did begin to irritate my wife a little bit in the last few years when I've been at my biggest. She always wanted to get out and about and do things, and she claimed that as I'd gotten bigger, I never wanted to do much. Didn't want to go to the mall for a quick trip. Didn't want to head out for a picnic. Didn't want to walk to the local park with her and my daughter. Couldn't spend all day at a local museum, zoo, or just about anywhere without getting a bit cranky after a few hours.

My daughter took some teasing over me being big. I'd pick her up from her after school or summer program, and she would be very quiet. I ask her why she was upset. "Some people were making fun of you, and I didn't like it." What were they saying? "I don't want to say it because it's not true. I love you just the way you are." Later, I'd overhear her confiding in her mother that the teasing she endured was because her dad (me) was too fat. She never had the desire to tell this to me, and neither did my wife. Both love me, and didn't want to hurt my feelings.

When I overheard this story a couple of years ago, I decided to lose weight. At the time, I needed to lose about 120 pounds to get back to where I was in college, and that was my goal. Looked at bariatric surgery, but it is pretty scary stuff. Not only can you die from it, but your life can be changed in horrible ways pretty much forever. And the complications and expense made it a very unattractive choice. Instead, I went to see a nutritionist and got on a plan that helped me to lose 30 pounds over a few months.

But ultimately, I put it all back on an more over the next couple of years. There was never any pressure from my wife or daughter. They loved me the way I was and just wanted me to be happy. Well, I was happy, even though I was overweight, so what's the problem? Besides, my work didn't require that I be in shape (I work in IT), and my hobbies were pretty sedentary as well - boardgaming, computer gaming, watching movies, reading books, and drinking beer.

One day early in about January of this year, I got depressed. I don't think I was clinically depressed or anything, just down in the dumps. The weird thing was that I just couldn't shake it. Everything in the world seemed boring to me. Everything was like a chore. I didn't want to do anything at all, and I wasn't sure why. My wife, however, was in better spirits than usual. I asked her why. "I've decided to take off a few pounds," she said. "I've been seeing a nutritionist for a couple of weeks."

"Maybe that's what I should do, too." I told her. "I'm tired of being too this big. Maybe I could do something about it."

"No. I don't think so," she replied.

"Why not?"

"Because you tried it once before and you weren't successful. You spent money trying to lose weight before, and you didn't stick with it. Seeing a nutritionist is somewhat expensive, and I don't see any reason to throw good money after bad. Besides, I don't really think you want to lose weight."

I was a little shocked. It was not the response I expected. When I'd told her of my plan to lose weight before, she was very happy for me and excited about my plans and early success. She also never expressed any outward disappointment when I had abandoned my weight loss plan previously. "Well, I think I do want to lose weight. You're right though. There really isn't any reason to trust me to do this again."

It was as if she had prepared her response in advance. "Well, if you try the same things you tried before you will fail. I wouldn't be opposed to letting you spend our money to try again, but you have to tell me what you plan on doing differently this time." My wife handles most of the family finances, but she never tells me what I can and cannot spend money on. This reaction from her was very different.

I thought about that for a long time. Why did I want to lose weight anyway? I was unhappy, but I wasn't entirely sure my weight was to blame. There are some uncomfortable things about being very overweight, but in and of itself, it's not as awfully bad as one might think. The more self-examination I did, the more I realized that being overweight wasn't my problem at all. Being overweight was a symptom of my real problem - apathy. I seemed to be content to allow the world to just pass me by without getting into it, or getting anything out of it.

One thought that led me to this realization was the fact that I didn't enjoy going to amusement parks anymore. I had loved them as a kid, and loved riding on roller coasters. My parents were never fond of amusement parks when I was growing up, so I always had to go with another group if I ever wanted to be at one. I just thought adults and amusement parks didn't really go together. So not enjoying them when I became an adult was no surprise to me. I had simply outgrown them.

But isn't that sad? I mean, I didn't enjoy a roller coaster anymore. How could that get less fun? The roller coaster hasn't changed. I had changed. My apathy had led to my weight gain, and this weight gain made it uncomfortable, and in many cases impossible, to get on a roller coaster. I believed that not liking roller coasters was my preference - my own choice. In truth, other choices I had made were the ones that ultimately influenced my preferences.

I asked my daughter what she thought about going to the local amusement park. "That would be ok, but we don't have to. I don't really like all the rides." This was her statement to me despite the fact that she'd never even been on the rides. My wife's parents had taken her to Disneyland a year or so before and she had loved the rides, so why not now? Why wouldn't an eight year old kid not want to jump at the chance to go to an amusement park?

The answer was because her dad wouldn't go. Going to an amusement park with her dad never seemed like a realistic possibility to her, so she simply built up her defense mechanism. She convinced herself that she didn't like the rides and that she wasn't missing anything.

Now, my daughter is not overweight. Far from it. She is what my wife and I refer to as a "skinny-mini". She is small and eats like a bird. Half a cup of ramen (one of her favorite meals) will fill her up for the day sometimes. She doesn't have strong cravings for desserts or sweets, and eats them very moderately even when given the option for more. I'm not sure where she learned that behavior, but it certainly wasn't from me. And since she hadn't picked up my bad eating habits, I thought I was fine.

But she had picked up my apathy. She was content to allow herself to believe that amusement parks weren't fun. She couldn't control whether or not she went to one, but she could control whether or not she cared. And she had chosen not to care.

This was my first epiphany. A couple of days after I'd initially talked to my wife about making a second attempt at weight loss, I spoke to her again. "I know what I want to do differently this time," I said. "I don't want to just lose weight. I want to change my life."

"That sounds interesting," she said. "Change it how?"

"I don't want things to pass me by. We live in Colorado, but I've never been skiing. I've never been camping. We don't go to amusement parks. You had mentioned doing some bike riding this summer and I told you flat out that I wasn't interested. How can a person never want to do those things? It feels normal to not like those things, but I don't think I can trust my feelings on this. I think if I choose to like different things, maybe I will like different things. Maybe I can have the life I choose to live instead of one where things sort of just happen."

"That sounds pretty convincing to me. You have my blessing to do what you need to do in order to make your change." So, I contacted the same nutrition center she had been attending for a month and made my first appointment. I began their program on February 25th, 2009. In sixteen weeks, I have lost more than 90 pounds. I would like to take off another 40 more, and expect to accomplish this within the next four months.

First, a bit about the program. It is a modified fasting program designed to help overweight people lose weight quickly. The goal is to stay under 25 carbs a day, and under 1100 calories per day (preferably 700 to 900). Because of the lack of nutrition in the plan, it is required that I take a muti-vitamin and potassium supplement every day. I also have to take additional salt. Apparently, the body is like a battery and potassium and salt are the positively and negatively charged liquid parts that keep the body running. Too little salt and you get light-headed and/or pass out. Too little potassium and your heart stops beating (doh!). For this reason, the center I go to monitors my bloodwork and blood pressure to make sure I am healthy. Although I primarily consult with a nutritionist (weekly), I also see the staff doctor on regular basis. There is also an appetite suppressant available which helps to control hunger. Early on, it is very effective, but slowly loses its effectiveness over time. By the time this happens, you can skip it for a while and then start back up to get the effectiveness again, or in many cases, just stop taking it altogether. The diet guidelines are such that hunger is pretty minimal throughout the day, at least after the first couple of weeks.

Once I reach my goal, the plan shifts to a normal eating plan, but strongly guided by the nutritionist. Once I learn how to eat normally, I'll reduce the weekly visits to monthly, until I feel comfortable enough that I don't need the visits at all.

This program has been successful for me so far. But it isn't successful for everyone. The place I go has a higher success rate than a place like Weight Watchers, but not by much. Most people still struggle to find success, and the ones that do continue to have trouble keeping the weight from coming back. Despite the fact that I have lost a lot of weight, I haven't really accomplished much yet, at least that's how I feel. I haven't hit my goal, and I haven't maintained any of my weight loss for any period of time. The success I've had could be gone in just a few months if I slip back into my old ways. So why am I talking about it now in medias res? My nutritionist told me that she believes I won't have any trouble reaching my goal or maintaining my weight. She told me that I need to tell my story to people and share what I've learned because others might benefit. She believes that doing this will not only possibly benefit others, but ultimately will benefit me, too, by reinforcing what I've learned. Something about how writing it down makes it even more true. I'm not so sure about that, but she's been right about a lot of things so far, so here I am giving it a shot.

You know most of the story of how I came to my decision about weight loss, but you don't know any of what I've learned yet. That is this next part. My nutritionist has taught me a lot about how the body works - what makes you hungry or satisfied, what foods are good/bad for you, etc. It sounds simple, but if I really consciously understood any of that stuff, I probably wouldn't have gotten as big as I did. So, it was helpful to review it regularly and keep it all in the forefront of my mind. I still have a lot more to learn as I transition into eating a normal everyday diet.

But there are a lot of things I've learned in losing weight that the program and nutritionist had nothing to do with. These are the parts I think might be useful.

I talked about the first epiphany already, but I'll list it again.

1) If you don't choose to live your life a certain way, you will live it anyway, but not on your own terms.

There is nothing wrong with being fat. Morally, I find it to be pretty neutral. I think if you can't accept yourself as fat, you'll never be able to accept yourself as thin. But if you want to be fat, then actively choose that for yourself. I was fat because I hadn't chosen anything at all. I simply let life happen to me, and fat was what I became, not what I chose.

2) Fat isn't WHAT I was, it's WHO I was.

This is going to contradict the first epiphany a bit, but this is the order in which they came to me, so I'm putting them both out there. I know that I didn't choose to be fat. But I now understand that I DID choose to remain blissfully ignorant about my weight. I chose to eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I chose to make computer gaming and boardgaming my primary hobbies. I chose not to work out. I chose not to go with my wife and daughter to the park. I chose to stop enjoying roller coasters and amusement parks. I chose not to ride a bike, take a walk, or (heaven forbid) jog.

I realized that I am a product of the choices I have made. I turned out exactly the way I was supposed to be. Eating isn't the thing that made me fat. My whole life was what made me fat. More importantly, I haven't been victimized by my choices. My life is simply cause and effect. If I want different output, I need different input. Plain and simple.

3) Don't wait for a certain set of circumstances to become the person that you want. Become who you want to be now, and let circumstances change afterward.

There is a story in the Bible I'm sure nearly everyone has heard in one form or another. It's the famous Moses story when he is asking to pharoah to set his people free. Each time the pharoah refuses, God sets out a plague upon Egypt. One plague was a plague of frogs. To prove that the plague of frogs was divine, Moses allowed the pharoah to choose when the plague would end. The pharoah chose the next day, and sure enough, the frogs were gone.

But why did the pharoah choose the next day? Why didn't he choose "right now"? Why would he want to live with a plague of frogs jumping all over Egypt, throughout the palace, in numbers so great that one could barely take a step without catching a frog underfoot? It must have been awful, but for some reason, the pharoah decided to live one more night with the frogs when he could have turned things around immediately.

And that is true for me as well. I had resolved to live a more active lifestyle, but I just needed to take some of the weight off first. Sure, I want to start on my diet, but not today. The more I thought about procrastination, the more I saw all of those frogs jumping all over the place. Why would I want to put off making a positive change in my life for even one day? I couldn't answer that question and be satisfied with it, so I decided not to wait. I pseudo-started the program a few days before I even had my appointment with my nutritionist just so that I could get a jump start on things.

4) You can enjoy whatever you choose to enjoy.

I never thought I would be a jogger. Nothing seemed more boring than running around the block for the sole purpose of tiring myself out. Sure, exercise is necessary to lose and maintain weight loss, but how could I do it if I hated it? And why the heck do all of those joggers out there claim to enjoy it? Aren't they really just lying? I'd tried jogging before, but I just pure, straight, hated it. And, it was convenient to use my large size as an excuse not to do it.

But then, I thought about beer. I remember drinking my first beer. It was terrible. It was bitter, not refreshing in the least, left an aftertaste, and made me thirsty. Why in the hell did people drink this stuff? The second beer was nearly as bad. I don't know exactly when it changed, but eventually beer became delicious.

Cigarettes had been the same way for me. I remember the first one sucked, but at least I got a buzz. The more of them I tried the better they became. I quit smoking years ago, but had tried one or two cigarettes after I quit and they tasted pretty nasty. But I remember loving them.

So, if I can learn to love beer and cigarettes, surely I could learn to love walking/jogging/biking/etc. I can't really explain it other than saying, I just told myself to enjoy these activities, and somehow it worked. Now, I get up every morning before work and do a two mile walk or jog. In the evenings I do 10 miles on the bike, or another walk or jog. I can't explain why I enjoy it, other than this is what I have chosen.

5) Don't look find reasons to not be fat. Find reasons to be thin. Positive reinforcement is the only way to really achieve any personal goal.

I would gently recommend the book "Power vs. Force: The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior" by Dr. David R. Hawkins. I came across it because I have an interest in stage hypnotism and the power of suggestion, etc. This book came up in a list of books for people who want to understand how the human mind works. I actually read it a couple of years ago before I started on my weight loss program. Only recently did I come to apply anything from it to my real life.

There is a lot of kooky metaphysical stuff in this book, and it is pretty hard to read. I don't want anyone reading any of the crazy bits in the book and believing that's how I live my life. But there are a few kernels of wisdom to be mined from its pages. Not the least of which is about whether or not we are really in control of our lives. Most people believe that their consciousness and their conscious decisions control their minds. Dr. Hawkins suggests that we are really just slaves to our biology. If you get brain damage, alzheimer's, etc, it will radically change your personality, wants, desires, etc. Thus, it is our environment that really controls our consciousness, and ultimately is the major determining factor in what we desire and dislike. The human mind works in its own way - whether you want it to or not. You can however put a "carrot on a stick", so to speak, out in front of yourself that will cause the mind to drift in the direction of the carrot.

I saw that to mean two things. First of all, you can't teach a dog to sit by hitting it until it gets into the proper position. How would the dog be expected to figure that out? Everyone knows that you hold a treat, you say "sit", and then you push down on the dog's bottom until it touches the floor. Afterward, you give it a treat. The beatings just won't work.

That is how I quit smoking. I was never afraid of dying of lung cancer. I understood the dangers, and I knew the risks, but it just never seemed real to me. I didn't really mind the coughing, either. It was just the way things were. What caused me to quit is the fact that I wanted to spend my time doing something else instead. It was a chore to have to go smoke after every meal and during every break at work. I figured out how much more time and money I'd have if I didn't smoke, and the results were staggering. I quit cold turkey, and it worked.

I think that same motivation works with weight loss. I couldn't convince myself to lose weight because I was tired of being fat. I wasn't really afraid to die of a heart attack. And not wanting to huff and puff when climbing a flight of stairs just didn't provide enough motivation. What I had to do was think about what my life was going to be like once I took off the weight. Did I want to continue playing computer games, board games, watching TV, and never really going out? If so, then there would really be no point in losing weight. The lifestyle I described is a fat lifestyle, not a thin one. If all I wanted was a fat lifestyle, then I could just have remained fat and happy. There would have been nothing wrong with that.

I decided however, that I wanted my life to be very different from how it was in the past. I wanted to teach myself to enjoy new things. I wanted to be open to experiences I haven't had, and to enjoy things I didn't know I might enjoy. And this became my motivation. Epiphanies 3 and 4 combined with number 5 to allow me to start being who I wanted to be right away. I can tell you that losing weight while weighing 300 pounds felt a heck of a lot better than gaining weight and weighing 200 pounds. The difference was that I was living a life that I had chosen.

6) Live the change you want to be.

I've spent a lot of time around fatter people. I think socially, it's just easier. Lately though, I realize that I have no idea what thin people do. What life do they have to live to remain thin? So, I do a lot of people watching. Where do the thin people shop? What hobbies do they have? Where do the fat people shop? What hobbies do they have?

I made a few observations. For example, at my local Super Wal-Mart, they have a lot of those Rascal carts available for people with physical problems. These carts you can drive around and pick up your groceries and items without having to walk all over the stores. With a few exceptions, these Rascal carts are used by morbidly obese people. I always wondered if they became morbidly obese because they couldn't walk and had to use the Rascal, or if they had to use the Rascal because they became morbidly obese? I didn't know. More importantly, the Super Wal-Mart shoppers generally all seem kind of pissed off. Maybe they are pissed off because they are poor, maybe it's because Wal-Mart sucks, maybe it's because they are morbidly obese, who knows. But unhappy-looking people outnumber happy-looking people in my Super Wal-Mart about 5 to 1.

Then, I went to the Whole Foods supermarket. I noticed that there were no Rascal carts to be found, which was fine, because there weren't any morbidly obese people looking to pick up free range chicken meat or kashi cereal. The clientele consisted of a lot of really healthy looking skinny people and a couple of hippies that smelled like patchouli. There were a couple of neurotic looking hypochondriac types that looked like they needed to eat a a roast beef sandwich or two, but again, by and large folks walked around with smiles on their faces and pleasant demeanor.

So, armed with epiphany number five, where should I shop? It's not really about the food. It's about the environment. If I surround myself with people who are pissed off, what will I become? If I surround myself with people that are happy and healthy, will I be any different? I know it may sound like a lot of crap, but believe me, it works. You don't find a lot of recovered alcoholics hanging out in bars. Why? Because they would rapidly become un-recovered. If they don't want to drink anymore, they have to live the change. Same thing for me. If I want to be different, I have to live differently.

This particular epiphany yielded a startling result. I no longer missed the things from my former life. Sure, I'd like to have a slice of pizza, but I don't miss it. I don't crave it. I remember having fun playing computer games like World of Warcraft, but it just holds no appeal for me anymore. These desires and interests leaving me didn't happen slowly like I expected. It was kind of sudden. I used to eat several thousand calories a day, now I don't. I used to spend 15 to 20 hours a week with computer games, and now it's pretty much zero. I'm not really better or worse for any of it either - just different. I don't think there's anything wrong with eating an entire large pizza, drinking a sixer of beer, and playing World of Warcraft until four in the morning, I just don't have the desire to do that anymore.

7) Weight loss isn't the problem, it is a symptom of a different problem.

As I began to take off significant amounts of weight, I noticed something else new about myself. I started doing more house chores. My wife always had to complain at me to do one thing or another around the house. The real reason I didn't do it is because I just didn't notice that it needed to be done. "How can you not notice that?" my wife would ask, and I would have no good explanation. Once I started getting thinner, I started to notice the same things she would notice.

For one thing, I started doing the dishes almost every day. The dishes have mostly been my responsibility, but I tended to let them pile up for three or four days before doing anything about them. But a few weeks ago, I noticed I was doing them every day. My wife noticed too and thanked me. It wasn't really a conscious decision on my part. I just became aware of the disorder and fixed it. My wife and I even started making our bed every day. This is something I've never done, even as a kid. Now it seems like a natural thing to do, and doesn't at all feel like a chore.

So I started to wonder. What does weight loss have to do with making my bed every day? The answer is "nothing". So what is the bed making about then? I realized that the reason I was doing it is that I had cultivated a new sort of personal discipline. I wanted my life to be different, and it was. In fact, the weight loss isn't the thing that has opened things up for me. It's all of the other epiphanies. The weight loss is only one benefit of the lifestyle changes I have made. Self-discipline is another. All of the good things happening in my life are under a bigger umbrella than I even realized I had raised. The desire to be different hadn't just changed the things I expected it to change for the better. It had changed a lot of other things for the better, too.

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And that's it. That's all I have. For those of you who may have seen me at my biggest, you wouldn't recognize me. For people who knew me 10 years ago, I look pretty much the same as I did then.

I know probably sound as nutty as the self help folks I used to make fun of like Tony Robbins. I have never believed in any of that self help/personal power junk, but I'm starting to understand what people get out of it. I still don't think anyone needs a program though. I think people only need to realize this: You are whatever you have made yourself to be. If you're happy with the result, then don't go changing for anyone. But if you aren't, you are the only one who can change your life. May as well start right this second.

When I tell people about my weight loss, they always want to know what program I did, and I always tell them. But I'm now believing that the program I'm on matters very little. It is just one of many possible successful paths. It was the decision to change and the desire to put that plan in motion that was most important of all.

So what does the future hold for me? Well, I still have more weight to lose. But I am out of the "morbidly obese" category, the "obese" category, and now solidly in the "overweight" category. I hope to be in the "healthy" category in the next four months, and then for the rest of my life. Am I finished with boardgaming? Absolutely not. Despite the fact that there are a lot of overweight gamers, there are plenty of perfectly healthy gamers, too. I can still be one of those. But I have to find the right balance and set my priorities correctly. Boardgaming won't be a hobby I have because I am too heavy to enjoy much of anything else. It will be one I choose because it's something I truly enjoy. (and I still truly do).

Thanks for reading the ramblings. It was a little more therapeutic than I thought it would be. My nutritionist was right after all.

I read every word of this and all I can say is that I am really happy for you. Lots of people want to change various things about their lives, but all too often they are looking for shortcuts. The paradox is that there are no shortcuts, yet there is one shortcut. The shortest path is simply to change today and be the change you wish to see. I really do think it is that simple.

Congratulations! I've been losing weight recently also, although by comparison my goals (and achievements) have been meager: I've dropped from 156 down to 144, which is in my goal of 140-145. Mostly I decided it would be easier to lose 10 or 15 pounds now, and keep it off, instead of wait until I need to lose 30 pounds or more. But I think it's amazing that you have lost so much in the last few months, and I think your attitude is a good one, if you can keep on it you should be able to lose the last pounds then stay that way. Keep it up!

Was this the right thing to post in the land of bacon?





Seriously though, great post and quite thought provoking.

Inspirational, thanks for posting this, and congratulations on the weight loss!

Of course - thumbs from me (another fat fighter ). I just started some weeks ago so i'm on the begining of my new way of life i hope i will lost ca. 60 pounds till next year (already lost 10p).

I belive this will work now - i totaly change my life, i try to spend some active time everyday. I failed 1000 times (and about 8-10 years ago i won one time - minus 60 pounds but till now i get even more back).

CONGRATS M8!

Congratulations and thanks for sharing!!

I have struggled with my weight all my life (overweight child with poor eating habits). Long story.

I always say that if it was EASY, then everyone would be thin, but they're not, they're overweight.

I once read that the moment you actually decide that you really want to lose weight, that you actually begin losing it. Not wishing, hoping, or thinking about it, actually making the decision.

Activity is important and as you grow older, your range of possible activities decreases. Nutrition is important and small, attainable goals as well.

Rewarding yourself with non-food rewards is also important.

Keep it up!!! I'm sure your daughter will appreciate the extra years you are adding to your life!

Love & kisses from
MMB

I've been skiing (cross country) twice - the day in the Rockies near Golden (?) is something I'll remember till I die. Gliding past 10 foot high pines with the rest of the tree under 30 foot of snow, sliding down long gentle slopes. Amazingly beautiful.

Well done mate. those numbers are impressive. I'm feeling the same apathy right now, after I put a lot of weight in college. I went from a healthy 75kg to 115kg in 8 years. Got down to 85kg once but I'm "stabilize" at 94-97 right now. And I need that snap you had to put back and go back to 75.

I think I just burned 400 calories just reading that.

Wow. The geekgold contributions were unexpected and appreciated. Thanks for all of the encouragement and support.

Good luck to everyone who is trying to lose weight, or generally just change their life. I'm definitely not going to become one of those militant preachy health nuts. Annoying. I didn't become a militant ex-smoker, or ex-drinker, and I don't plan on starting now.

I have learned one more interesting thing from writing all of this that I thought I would share. I used the word "epiphany" to describe the ideas, thoughts, and realizations I had. I chose that word carefully because an epiphany is a sudden, sometimes unexpected enlightenment. And that's what I had. The epiphanies didn't come slowly. The idea just popped into my head suddenly. When I accepted the thought, it felt like a knot untwisting in my brain. I think maybe I'd had these epiphanies before, but I just ignored them instead of embracing them and turning them over in my head.

This would be my advice. When your epiphany comes, don't ignore it. Think about it and accept it. Good things will happen.

Stick to the plan! The maintenance was the hardest part for me. I did a program that sounds very similar to yours--went from 235 to 180 in less than four months. Soon afterward, my wife and I successfully walked the Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco (yes, I had to wear the "I Run Like a Girl" tee shirt they provided us, and got the Tiffany silver medal given to us by men in tuxedos at the finish line.). Anyway, I couldn't change my habits, and am basically right back where I started from. I do have a nice Tiffany pendant though. You sound like you have a better grasp of the reasons you are doing it, so relapse will be less of a problem for you. Again, stick to it!

Best of luck,
Rick

Congrats! How tall are you? 1100 calories seems extremely low--dangerous even. I hope for your sake your nutritionist is certified!

After having gained 25 pounds since my wedding last year, I've been on the path of tossing it off. So far, it's been 20 pounds in three months, though I'm hoping to lose another 10 to bring me to post-college levels.

The thing I've noticed most is I'm feeling better. Before I got on this diet, my daily intake involved quite a bit of sweets and booze. Now I'm surprised to find myself declining to split a bottle of hard cider with someone. Instead of handfuls of raisinets, I'll only have 4 or 5. Not only am I having less of these things, but I'm enjoying them more as a result.

I am 5'10" and a have a higher than average lean body weight due to dense muscle fibers. According to measurements, my lean body weight (without an ounce of fat) is supposedly 182. I think maybe those estimates are a bit high, so I am shooting for a goal weight of 190, which is what I weighed in high school. I know that 190 and 5'10" may sound very heavy, but that puts me at a 36" waist, which is plenty thin enough. If I weighed 160, you'd be able to see my ribs through my back.

As for the 1100 calories, it's really more like 900 most of the time. But it is safe. It's not just a nutritionist I'm seeing, it's a medical doctor and a team of nurses making sure that everything is on track. The center has a team of nutritionists on staff, but I just see one of them, kind of like a counselor. For the record, they told me that my results aren't typical. They believe the lifestyle changes I've made have been the number 1 contributing factor to my success so far. They also tell me that those lifestyle changes are the primary indicator as to whether my weight loss will remain permanent, or whether I will put it all back on.

The diet itself pretty much the same diet they put you on after you have gastric bypass surgery. The difference is, you don't have the surgery. They found that the diet without the surgery is nearly as effective as the diet with surgery. But none of it will matter if lifestyle changes don't accompany the weight loss. That's what I am doing now. Figuring out ways not just to make temporary lifestyle changes, but permanent ones. I don't want to get hung up on diet specifics, because honestly I don't think it matters. For me, I wanted faster results, because those can be a big motivating factor, and they have been. I'm not sure I would have followed this plan if I had only 20 pounds to lose, and I'm not sure I'll stick with it all the way to my goal. The center I go to has many different options, right through plain old normal eating. I may switch up when I am within 15 or 20 pounds of my goal, which is hopefully not far off.

As for folks who only need to lose 20 pounds or so like yourself, I think that's great. It means your 'poor-lifestyle threshold' is much lower than mine was. Some people see 5 extra pounds and decide to make a change. Some of us see 120 extra pounds and make that change. I know there are people out there at 400 extra pounds overweight that decide to make a change. I don't think it matters when we decide to turn things around, just that we decide to turn them around at all. Like I said before, 300 lbs and losing felt a lot better than 200 lbs and gaining.

I think in America we tend to glorify the "big comeback" like a guy taking off 100+ pounds (me), or someone who recovers from alcohol abuse, or a person who is a recovered drug addict. The real heroes are the ones who never get to the point where they need to lose 100 pounds, the people who never abuse alcohol, and the folks that never experimented with illegal drugs. Living a good life doesn't make for much drama, and a lack of drama makes for a bad story. But they are the ones who deserve the praise. If you want to learn something about living a healthy lifestyle, definitely don't ask me about it. If I knew anything, I never would have gotten so big. It feels nice to get a "job well done" from somebody when they see how much weight I've lost, but I feel really guilty about it mostly. The truth is, I never should have needed to lose that much in the first place.

I've never really been comfortable discussing personal issues like this. I'm not a group therapy type person. I try to never bore my co-workers with stories of my personal struggles. The only reason I shared this is because someone who knows a heck of a lot more about good health than me suggested that I should share. And I have to thank everyone here for making it a not too painful experience.

Hehehe...

Thank you for this post. I've heard some of the things you wrote in other forms in other places, but hopefully this time the advice will stick.

Now if those same points of advice could be used to help solve money problems or career problems, that'd be spectacular, and exactly what I need to read right now.

Pretty much all personal problems not founded in biology or physics have that same solution.
1. Identify the problem correctly
2. Behave in a way to solve the problem
3. Stop internal (mostly) and external (sometimes) dialogs that tell you you can't do what you want to do.

Money
1. Most people misidentify the problem:
I don't have enough money
I don't get paid enough
: I spend more than I make
Audit your life and figure out where your money is going.
2. Start crossing off things until you're spending as much less than you make as you can stand. Cut your expenses until you're living below your means.
3. Ignore commercials, peer pressure, stereotypes--all that.

(A friend bought his first home. A condo. It had a 20' x 20' patio. However, his stereotype of a homeowner included buying a riding lawn mower. Truth.)

Career
1. Are you doing something you like or something to get the money you think you need because of the problem above? Happiness is the score card, not money. Money is just a tie-breaker, if that.
2. Make a plan to get to where you'll be happy. Success follows happiness or terrible, personally destructive obsession. Pick one.
3. Don't let anyone, especially yourself, stop you. Need to wear a suit, wear one. Need to go to school nights, do it. Make it happen.

(My brother tried for a long time to be what my father wanted him to be but he had no interest in. Happily, he moved to West Virginia, lived in a trailer, married a nice lady, and hunted a lot. From impressive ranges.)

(A close friend is terrified of "wearing a white collar". He's brilliant, so he always succeeds. He then insults his boss until he's demoted or fired. If he would just refused the promotions saying he's happier as blue collar, it'd be good. The roller coaster bit, not so much.)

Your post is one of the most well written and inspiring things I've read in a while. Congratulations on your success thus far!!

I've had some weight loss experiences during my life also. For most of my childhood, I was the fat kid. Then one day in junior year, I decided somehow to change. I went for a bike ride everyday and changed my diet drastically. I lost about 100 pounds that summer. I came back to school senior year and no one recognized me. It was kind of funny.

After that I gained some weight in college, but didn't get back up to my former weight. Time passed.

Last winter (3 years out of college) my weight got up to a point where I decided again to do something about it, and I started on the Hacker's Diet. I've been on it ever since.

There is a web page on which you can track weight trend and that has made all the difference. It's the only time in my life that I've weighed myself everyday and written down that number somewhere.

However, I think sometimes I still think like I'm fat (fat is who I am, as you put it). For instance, my girlfriend would really like to go out dancing, but I'm having problems getting into the mindset of wanting to go with her. It's like I don't want to be on display or something. I know the answer is probably just to go do it, but I haven't been able get over that anxiety yet.

Anyways, I just wanted to say that I find your epiphanies to be very inspiring, and I hope that I can try to change my mindset in a similar way.

" You can enjoy whatever you choose to enjoy. "
" Live the change you want to be. "

I will try to do this.

When I was in college, I went from 255 to 180 over the course of 6 months without even trying (literally--weight loss was not on my mind). What happened was 2 years of eating nothing but fast food at school just got to me and the only things I could eat over that six-month period was turkey sandwiches for lunch and pasta and salad for dinner. I didn't even exercise.

When I was 255, I always assumed I'd be that weight forever. I didn't want to be, but just figured there was nothing I could do about it. When it came off, I recognized my good fortune and started becoming more active to keep it off.

The last year was the first time in 10 that I've been over 200 pounds, hence my most recent efforts. I don't want to waste that 75-pound cosmic gift!