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Subject: I will make you laugh for tips. rss

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Derek
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NostraDouglas wrote:
So as it goes in jokes:

There is a bus full of ugly people. Ugly driver, ugly male passangers, ugly female passangers. It's driving along, all of a sudden a deer runs in front of it. Bus driver swerves, missing the deer but drives off a cliff. Everyone dies.

They all go up to heaven. God sees them there and says "My bad, that wasn't supposed to happen. To show I'm a good guy, you all get to go back down there and I'll even give you one wish to go along with it."

Everyone is super excited. First person goes up and says "I always wanted to be beautiful. I wish for that." POOF! She's a knockout. Everyone sees this and one by one they all ask for the same. POOF! Hottie. POOF! Stud. All the while in the back one guy is laughing. So finally he gets to the front.

God says to him "I don't get it, what is so funny?" The last guys says "Change them all back."


I just have to say... I did not see that coming.

Great one!
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Tare Panda
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Why numbers are afraid of the seven?


Because seven ate nine...
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Canadian Dave
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Lehi
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Wise men say, forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza.
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The famous English cat, One Two Three, and his French nemesis, Un Deux Trois, were having a race across the English Channel.

Who won?

The English cat because the Un Deux Trois Cat sank.
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Canadian Dave
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Lehi
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Wise men say, forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza.
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Ask me if I'm a tree.

Are you a tree?

No.
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Canadian Dave
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Lehi
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Wise men say, forgiveness is divine, but never pay full price for late pizza.
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What type of boat paces back and forth on the bottom of the ocean?

A nervous wreck.
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Kevin C
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How many blonde jokes are there in the world?


None, because they're all true.
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Mickey Elliott
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Did you hear about the magic tractor? It drove down the road and turned into a field!
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Some dude
Netherlands
Groningen
There dismay took them, for at the gate was a guard of whom no tidings had yet gone forth.
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Swiftly the wolf grew, until he could creep into no den, but lay huge and hungry before the feet of Morgoth. There the fire and anguish of hell entered into him, and he became filled with a devouring spirit, tormented, terrible, and strong.
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Then swiftly all his inwards were filled with a flame of anguish, and the Silmaril seared his accursed flesh. Howling he led before them, and the walls of the valley of the Gate echoes with the clamour of his torment.
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Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered a role in a new movie. He's going to play a famous composer of classical music, but he can choose which one.
After thinking about it for a while he says: "I'll be Bach"
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Man asks a lawyer what he charges.
Lawyer says it's a grand for three questions.
Man says 'don't you think that's a bit steep?'
Lawyer says 'No. What's your third question?'

A lawyers typewriter is just like a normal typewriter, except it only does small print.

Put three economists in a room, you get 4 opinions.

An economist loses his watch in a dark alleyway. His friend goes to get a torch. When he comes back, the economist is searching in the brightly lit street. He says 'I thought you lost your watch over there?' Economist answers 'Oh, I know. But this is where the light is.'
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J Fro
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I just want to say, God, on behalf of all of us thank you for all of the good things we do in your name, like charity and forgiveness. That’s an idea we would never come up with. That’s for sure. You know that better than anybody.
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We don't serve faster than light particles here. A neutrino walks into a bar.
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Some dude
Netherlands
Groningen
There dismay took them, for at the gate was a guard of whom no tidings had yet gone forth.
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Swiftly the wolf grew, until he could creep into no den, but lay huge and hungry before the feet of Morgoth. There the fire and anguish of hell entered into him, and he became filled with a devouring spirit, tormented, terrible, and strong.
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Then swiftly all his inwards were filled with a flame of anguish, and the Silmaril seared his accursed flesh. Howling he led before them, and the walls of the valley of the Gate echoes with the clamour of his torment.
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- Knock, knock.

- Who's there?

- Who let the dogs out?

- ...
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J Fro
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I just want to say, God, on behalf of all of us thank you for all of the good things we do in your name, like charity and forgiveness. That’s an idea we would never come up with. That’s for sure. You know that better than anybody.
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ok for this one to work you need to have specialized knowledge

A thurifer is the guy/or other who slings the incense in various Christian denominations. (Jfro trivia - this was my favorite ministry to perform)

They look like this


So an old church lady is running late to mass. The procession is about to begin as she hurriedly pushes past them to get her favorite pew. But she stops at the thurifer, She politely taps him on the shoulder and says, "Honey I love your dress, but your purse is on fire"
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Jon Torgoose
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I'll tip you all to stop
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J Fro
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Buffalo
United States
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I just want to say, God, on behalf of all of us thank you for all of the good things we do in your name, like charity and forgiveness. That’s an idea we would never come up with. That’s for sure. You know that better than anybody.
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metallishred wrote:
I'll tip you all to stop :p


If you don't want the RSVP don't send out the invitation!
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Faye Holliday

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Funky Disco wrote:
what's pink and slippery? A pink slipper!


I had another answer that came to mind devil
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J Fro
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Buffalo
United States
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I just want to say, God, on behalf of all of us thank you for all of the good things we do in your name, like charity and forgiveness. That’s an idea we would never come up with. That’s for sure. You know that better than anybody.
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Auramine O wrote:
Funky Disco wrote:
what's pink and slippery? A pink slipper!


I had another answer that came to mind :devil:


An earthworm?
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Claus
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I say: Bow Chicka Bow Bow...
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Auramine O wrote:
Funky Disco wrote:
what's pink and slippery? A pink slipper!


I had another answer that came to mind devil
I like the way You think...! See elsewhere on this thread...
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