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Subject: Fast forward 'til your kids grow up, if you dare. rss

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Joseph
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"What ever happened to all those games we played, while you were growing up?" I asked.

My 31 year old daughter looked at me, as if I'd asked a stupid question.

"I have them all in a big box," she replied, "every one of them."

"How about the ones I made for you?"

Again, a strange look. "I didn't throw anything away — they're all in my closet. When I look at them, they make me laugh."

We talked for a while about those games, sharing some of our funny memories. We lived in a world where Ponies talked, monkeys took bus trips, and candy is a food group. 20 years down the line, I realized that those memories were fragile things. They might not have existed at all, if I'd followed my natural impulses.

We owned a tall stack of games; many of them rather tedious. We also owned a few winners, however, games such as Fireball Island, Fun City, and Enchanted Forest. We played, and replayed those games, until they were almost worn out.

Truthfully, I hated some of those titles. Games like Candyland nearly drove me mad. Nonetheless, we played them all. At one point, I considered culling my daughter's collection. I'm ashamed to admit it now, but I almost weeded out the games I didn't like, simply throwing them away. I felt that as a kid, she didn't have good taste in games, needing me to "rescue her" from mediocrity.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

Instead of culling, I resorted to negotiation. She'd pick one game to play, then I'd pick the next. That way, we both got what we wanted. Later on, as an adult, my daughter shared with me some of her insights regarding those years.

1. She cherished those games, even the crappy ones.

2. If I'd thrown anything out, she would have been angry with me. "If I enjoyed them," she said, "what exactly would you have been saving me from? It's disrespectful, you know — like saying I'm too stupid to have my own opinions, and that I'm somehow wrong for liking something."

Ouch.

"You didn't throw anything away, right dad?" She asked.

"No - nothing."

"Good for you," she replied, "well done."

3. She still looked at those games now and then, and laughed. They were a point of connection with me, and she valued it. Her mom couldn't be bothered to play games with her, and my daughter realized that. The time we spent together was precious.

4. She knew I didn't like some of those games, and you know what? She leveraged that dislike. Sometimes, when she wanted assurances that I still loved and valued her, she'd ask to play a crappy game. Why? Because someone's gotta love you a whole bunch, to play something they dislike. Hey, it may not make any make sense to us as adults, but to my 10 year old daughter, it was a cunning plan.

Conclusion

I missed several years of my daughter's life, while serving my adopted country. I lost several more, while engaged in a not-so-pleasant divorce from her mom.

As an adult, my daughter remembered the games and companionship, more than my absence. I would have denied her those memories, and those points of identification, if I'd chosen to save her from "bad games."

Those gaming sessions, at least in her eyes, served as examples of her father's love. She felt respected and valued, when I chose to play games I didn't particularly like. She found value, as an adult, in reminiscing over those tattered games. They served as a reminder of better times.

It may not seem like much, but Candyland may serve as my paternal legacy. Fireball Island, Enchanted Forest, and Fun City, as examples of who I was, and what I stood for. Materially, they're nothing more than some scraps of cardboard and a few dice. To my daughter, however, those silly games remind her of her dad — and I'm all for that. It's the best I could hope for.

Joseph.
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Ronnie
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We wanna be free. We wanna be free to do what we wanna do. And we wanna play games. And we wanna have a good time. And that's what we're gonna do. We're gonna have a good time; We're gonna have a party...
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Great post!

It is sad how easily one can be overtaken by boardgame snobbery...

I got CandyLand and animal upon animal for my 3yo daughter and am already really tired of playing them but she loves it which makes it worth my while.
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Chapel
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Me: "Hey Mom, remember all those games we used to play when I was young? Where are they?"

Mom: "They ended up in the same place as all those Star War toys you had when you were a kid. In the garage sale that I sold for a nickel each."
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David J
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A good post. Boardgames can provide lots of incredible memories. I still remember specific games of chess my Dad and I played even 8 years after his death. They will never leave me.
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David Boeren
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Yeah, that's what happened in our family too. We went to college, came back, and for some reason all our Star Wars stuff had been sold...

A while back I rediscovered the crappy plastic chessmen from the set I used to have as a kid (the board is gone, it's just the pieces in a ziplock). I thought about them again yesterday, rummaged through the storage boxes until I found them, and was going to set them up to play a game. But, it turns out that at some point over the years two black pawns went missing and now I'm not sure what to do with them. You can't play a game with them, and I'm not sure if I can find an exact match for replacement pieces, but I don't know if I want to just throw them out either.

So back to crappy games... I know I'm going to have a hard time with this one. Our son is only 14 months right now so it hasn't come up yet, but later on I know he's going to want to play crappy games. That's perfectly OK when he's not old enough to understand any good ones, but once he CAN it will be hard to resist the impulse to point out that there are much better games.
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Andy Andersen
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You can't know the impact and impression you make on your kids until some random conversation comes up. This happens now and again with my sons.

A good reason for the smiles to keep recurring.
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Curt Carpenter
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Time with loved ones is precious. I've come to the conclusion it doesn't really matter what it is. Boardgames, baseball, burgers, ballet, whatever. Whatever brings us together. It's all good.
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Johan Haglert
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MWChapel wrote:
Me: "Hey Mom, remember all those games we used to play when I was young? Where are they?"

Mom: "They ended up in the same place as all those Star War toys you had when you were a kid. In the garage sale that I sold for a nickel each."
My mom's new man used our children drawings as help to start the fire for outdoor barbeque.

Used to put the Donald Duck magazines at the newspaper stack beside the fireplace to most likely as an example for how we shouldn't leave them at the toilet or something else I assume. I don't know whatever he ever burned one. They just used to be there.

My kids doll went to Poland because it wasn't as good looking as my sisters ;D

That's ok I suppose but I would had preferred if he hadn't burned our drawings.




He had no kids.

Meanwhile my dad used to have our drawings on the bedroom wall. They had been taken down when we was older but now when he's dead and I was looking through a bunch of boxes I found them and some of it is pure crap with just a few lines on them but they are still there

I think he was a better dad when he's got credit for.

Spoiler (click to reveal)
(Only reason why I'm on this site is because he had an old Monopoly from before we was born which we've "played" incorrectly there but I know it's missing some streets or something. As a teen in Greece I saw a box and wanted it but it was never purchased. I've been thinking about it since then and at some time Rusta had Monopoly City for 199 SEK so I purchased it. Though I didn't knew whatever that was a smart deal or not, they also had Monopoly Deal. Later I checked the price on prisjakt.nu and it cost over 400 SEK online so it seemed good.

But then I assumed there existed newer maybe better games so I went to Amazon to see what was popular, googled for reviews and here I am... And on the Dice tower videos =P

Now I know Monopoly isn't highly regarded and there's other games I would probably had preferred to have bought and I haven't opened that box (even though it's the first game I purchased.) The problem is I brought it in the car to visit the store but didn't used the "open purchase" option then and later I had no idea where the receipt was figuring it was in the car. Later found it in the apartment but that was way later and they don't seem like they want to take it back. Which kinda suck. Don't know whatever I should play it or try to sell it.)
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Ronnie
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We wanna be free. We wanna be free to do what we wanna do. And we wanna play games. And we wanna have a good time. And that's what we're gonna do. We're gonna have a good time; We're gonna have a party...
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curtc wrote:
Time with loved ones is precious. I've come to the conclusion it doesn't really matter what it is. Boardgames, baseball, burgers, ballet, whatever. Whatever brings us together. It's all good.


As long as it starts with a "B." devil
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Andy Andersen
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aliquis wrote:
MWChapel wrote:
Me: "Hey Mom, remember all those games we used to play when I was young? Where are they?"

Mom: "They ended up in the same place as all those Star War toys you had when you were a kid. In the garage sale that I sold for a nickel each."
My mom's new man used our children drawings as help to start the fire for outdoor barbeque.

Used to put the Donald Duck magazines at the newspaper stack beside the fireplace to most likely as an example for how we shouldn't leave them at the toilet or something else I assume. I don't know whatever he ever burned one. They just used to be there.

My kids doll went to Poland because it wasn't as good looking as my sisters ;D

That's ok I suppose but I would had preferred if he hadn't burned our drawings.




He had no kids.

Meanwhile my dad used to have our drawings on the bedroom wall. They had been taken down when we was older but now when he's dead and I was looking through a bunch of boxes I found them and some of it is pure crap with just a few lines on them but they are still there

I think he was a better dad when he's got credit for.

Spoiler (click to reveal)
(Only reason why I'm on this site is because he had an old Monopoly from before we was born which we've "played" incorrectly there but I know it's missing some streets or something. As a teen in Greece I saw a box and wanted it but it was never purchased. I've been thinking about it since then and at some time Rusta had Monopoly City for 199 SEK so I purchased it. Though I didn't knew whatever that was a smart deal or not, they also had Monopoly Deal. Later I checked the price on prisjakt.nu and it cost over 400 SEK online so it seemed good.

But then I assumed there existed newer maybe better games so I went to Amazon to see what was popular, googled for reviews and here I am... And on the Dice tower videos =P

Now I know Monopoly isn't highly regarded and there's other games I would probably had preferred to have bought and I haven't opened that box (even though it's the first game I purchased.) The problem is I brought it in the car to visit the store but didn't used the "open purchase" option then and later I had no idea where the receipt was figuring it was in the car. Later found it in the apartment but that was way later and they don't seem like they want to take it back. Which kinda suck. Don't know whatever I should play it or try to sell it.)


Great story - play the game
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Joseph
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Today, we're all Spaniards!
aliquis wrote:
My mom's new man used our children drawings as help to start the fire for outdoor barbecue.


Johan, I must confess: I'd happily punch that man in the nose.

I've still got everything my daughter every drew for me. She looks at the games, and I look at her drawings and cards; they both have the same effect.

On the other hand, your real dad sounds like a prince of a man. Must've been an honor to know him.
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Johan Haglert
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falloutfan wrote:
On the other hand, your real dad sounds like a prince of a man. Must've been an honor to know him.
Well, they divorced for a reason - Poor dick control. (But I'm close to say who can blame him considering I myself has been single for my first soon to be 33 years and I guess maybe you may want to compensate for that / get some adventure / whatever later. And I wouldn't be surprised if his early years was pretty dry on that front to.)

But yeah, it's sad I didn't meet him more when I was older. Stupid and I've got no-one more than myself to blame for that.

You can't say he didn't appreciated his children / our company / our gifts though.

Crap. Sad panda.
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Simon Lundström
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I throw away my own old toys that I realize I have no connection to any longer. I don't throw away my daughter's toys that I know she has handled at all.

What I should have an easier time throwing away, is old stuff that "maybe my daughter'll like some day".
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David Boeren
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It's possible to go too far though. My wife's mother is always trying to give us old junk from when she was a kid. Not cherished childhood items, but things that are in fairly bad shape that she had no particular connection with. Sometimes we can talk her into throwing them away. Sometimes we take them and then throw most/all of them away ourselves. Rarely is there an item she chooses to keep.
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Josh
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Redward wrote:
curtc wrote:
Time with loved ones is precious. I've come to the conclusion it doesn't really matter what it is. Boardgames, baseball, burgers, ballet, whatever. Whatever brings us together. It's all good.


As long as it starts with a "B." devil


http://www.boardgamegeek.com/geeklist/139473/item/2081824#it...

cool
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Andy Andersen
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We're having a bit of a battle here. My wife wants to get rid of all of the kid's sports trophies. I say "no." Sons (25 & 27) say they don't want them, but too bad. They're getting them
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Johan Haglert
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dboeren wrote:
It's possible to go too far though. My wife's mother is always trying to give us old junk from when she was a kid. Not cherished childhood items, but things that are in fairly bad shape that she had no particular connection with. Sometimes we can talk her into throwing them away. Sometimes we take them and then throw most/all of them away ourselves. Rarely is there an item she chooses to keep.
My mom want to give us/me junk she's saved since we were kids or things we've made.

Yeah. Great. More crap. Just what I need ;D

Reminds me of what the board games will become
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David G.
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Little dusty in here....
 
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David C
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MWChapel wrote:
Me: "Hey Mom, remember all those games we used to play when I was young? Where are they?"

Mom: "They ended up in the same place as all those Star War toys you had when you were a kid. In the garage sale that I sold for a nickel each."


I kid you not, this happened to my cousins... first run star wars toys. I remember coveting and being envious of all those little figures when I was a wee lad---must have been at least 100 or so that were played with, but very well taken care-of, I wasn't just pissed on their behalf, I was pissed directly.
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Johan Haglert
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Guess that's the best reason to get an iPad / not buy any games whatsoever.

Having items suck.

Imagine how nice it would be to more or less own nothing and know you could go anywhere without caring / could move at any time / whatever.

Not pack, move, store, ... crap.
 
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Lewis Wagner
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aliquis wrote:
Guess that's the best reason to get an iPad / not buy any games whatsoever.

Having items suck.

Imagine how nice it would be to more or less own nothing and know you could go anywhere without caring / could move at any time / whatever.

Not pack, move, store, ... crap.


My mom was fond of saying "Possessions possess." It's true.
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