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Subject: How to get the women in your life involved in gaming. rss

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Vivienne Raper
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Halfinger wrote:
veemonroe wrote:
Top tip... Women are people too. They are not an alien race goo They don't have operating instructions robot

Getting a woman into gaming is like getting your male boss or co-worker into gaming. Figure out their likes and dislikes, and pick a game to suit. If you don't know their likes and dislikes, you should! You're in a relationship with this person.


I think that was the purpose of the Op with a humorous slant. Marriage guidance is not really the purpose of BGG.


I wondered whether to take the OP seriously or not. It was by a woman, which suggested it was satire. But SOOO many posts on BGG ask this stuff seriously... So I figured it was better to be po-faced now and ask questions later! cool
 
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veemonroe wrote:
Halfinger wrote:
veemonroe wrote:
Top tip... Women are people too. They are not an alien race goo They don't have operating instructions robot

Getting a woman into gaming is like getting your male boss or co-worker into gaming. Figure out their likes and dislikes, and pick a game to suit. If you don't know their likes and dislikes, you should! You're in a relationship with this person.


I think that was the purpose of the Op with a humorous slant. Marriage guidance is not really the purpose of BGG.


I wondered whether to take the OP seriously or not. It was by a woman, which suggested it was satire. But SOOO many posts on BGG ask this stuff seriously... So I figured it was better to be po-faced now and ask questions later! cool


Fair enough

It's just that so many posts where either sex is involved often deteriorate into uninvited marriage guidance counselling sessions. The assumption is people do not know their parter or would even consider asking for advice from an amateur who knows nothing about them.

On the internet everyone's an expert and as a professional myself it gets on my nerves I suppose.

I blame Jerry Springer for all this

Sorry for the rant it's one of my pet peeves on here and other sites.
 
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Johan Haglert
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veemonroe wrote:
Top tip... Women are people too. They are not an alien race goo They don't have operating instructions robot
If only!

That would had been awesome!
veemonroe wrote:
Getting a woman into gaming is like getting your male boss or co-worker into gaming. Figure out their likes and dislikes, and pick a game to suit. If you don't know their likes and dislikes, you should! You're in a relationship with this person.
I'm not
 
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stephen
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Generally sound advice, but I was a little put out by the assumption that my wife would be the one feeding or consoling the kids.

I am sure that if I said that my wife was too busy looking after the kids and cooking my dinner to be interested in gaming then I would be given a pretty hard time.

To even ask for help getting your wife to game with you on here will generally get you a telling off, to even suggest there is a gender divide in gaming will get you into trouble too.

Yet here is a woman suggesting that a man is both more interested in his gaming than looking after his kids and that his wife is also responsible for all domestic duties.

otherwise a nice thread.
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Yup. You just never know when it comes to women. My husband never would've pegged me for a gamer since I had zero interest in video games. Low and behold, when I was HUGELY 8 months pregnant and sitting around wishing the big event would happen already, I got the itch to play board games. So I did a little research and came across Smallworld and there's been no turning back. I was so grateful to find this huge variety of awesome games after so many years of taking a cursory glance at the ho hum standard word and party games found at the bookstores. That never did it for me. Unfortunately, the crying baby thing does hold true and it was just over a year after my son's birth when we were finally able to jump back in to board games. Now, in short order, I have amassed a nice little collection and I am constantly considering which to acquire next. I have clobbered my husband PLENTY (and vice versa). The only time when I've grown a little annoyed with him is when he created this insane MTG deck that was impossible for me to play against. I'm a generalist at this point and I don't have time to create a suitable counter deck as I am too busy learning new games. Anyway, point is you just never know. Your significant other may end up getting addicted like me. I have to hide games of late because I went on a little bit of a spree. Now when he asks, I chalk it off to a memory lapse. "Don't you remember when we got that one? We were together when I bought it?" hahhahha! It worked the first time. Now I'm trying to be good and wait until Mother's Day for my next new game. It'll give me some time to catch up on what I've got. Good luck bringing your women into the fold.
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Victoria Osborne
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Awesome this is a great thread.

About the comments on men expecting wives to deal with all of the domestic issues. those things, like children, are more directed to err men that have not really gotten a GF or just got one and are new to the whole family thing. If you are a father in a marriage have children i am pretty sure you know that the kids come first.

Other than that it is suppose to be practical advice on helping encourage her into the hobby. Not force it down her throat and looking for options that fit her own personality and interests and then, like every other gamer here, she will grow and flower and develope her own tastes, Everyone is different and an individual those differences make us great. And by acknowledging the different interests we all grow.
 
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Ronnie Edwards
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emmersonpoole wrote:
Generally sound advice, but I was a little put out by the assumption that my wife would be the one feeding or consoling the kids.

I am sure that if I said that my wife was too busy looking after the kids and cooking my dinner to be interested in gaming then I would be given a pretty hard time.

To even ask for help getting your wife to game with you on here will generally get you a telling off, to even suggest there is a gender divide in gaming will get you into trouble too.

Yet here is a woman suggesting that a man is both more interested in his gaming than looking after his kids and that his wife is also responsible for all domestic duties.

otherwise a nice thread.


I do not see why anyone is given a hard time when they ask how to get their lady into gaming or when they imply that their wife is busy with domestic activates. There is nothing wrong with the question or with the implication. This is primarily a male hobby and a lot of guys would love to get their wives into it. My wife wants to be and has always wanted to be the one in charge of domestic duties and there is nothing wrong with that either.

It is fairly obnoxious when people offer up condescending advice about how to be a good husband/boyfriend or saying "stop trying to get them into your hobby." shake

It's silly to punish people for bringing up this topic or asking this or any other fair question.
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Tom
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Or you could just pick the right spouse...mine plays Twilight Struggle and finds Dominion boring.

There are several threads about how female bgg members are having trouble getting their male counterpart into gaming. I know too many great female gamers and their number one complaint parallels many other new gamers who complain about the hobby. Don't make them feel stupid, don't treat them like a "girl", "noob", "idiot", and play some games where they feel they can be competitive...no one likes to be clubbed like a baby seal. I wouldn't let them win, because that is insulting. However, you don't have to grind them into a pulp when you play a game.

Let them pick a game and don't give them crap if that game is too easy or not your favorite game. Be willing to play something that interestes them and soon a gamer you will have.
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To get my wife to play games, I did something crazy...I asked her.

When she said yes, because she was willing to try something new because she loved me, I told her to go pick anything that sparked her interest. She grabbed DungeonQuest (third edition) and we went from there.

If your wife doesn't want to, don't sweat it - there are lots of things she does that you have no interest in as well - would you want her to try and make you do something you didn't find enjoyable? The bottom line is that you must have something in common or you wouldn't be together, so focus on those things instead of trying to find a way to make a square peg fit a round hole.
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Vivienne Raper
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Redward wrote:

I do not see why anyone is given a hard time when they ask how to get their lady into gaming or when they imply that their wife is busy with domestic activates. There is nothing wrong with the question or with the implication. This is primarily a male hobby and a lot of guys would love to get their wives into it. My wife wants to be and has always wanted to be the one in charge of domestic duties and there is nothing wrong with that either.


It's not the asking, it's the sexist stereotypes that get wheeled out on these threads...



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James To My Friends
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Withhold sex until she gives in. She'll soon be begging for a Ticket to Ride.
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veemonroe wrote:
Redward wrote:

I do not see why anyone is given a hard time when they ask how to get their lady into gaming or when they imply that their wife is busy with domestic activates. There is nothing wrong with the question or with the implication. This is primarily a male hobby and a lot of guys would love to get their wives into it. My wife wants to be and has always wanted to be the one in charge of domestic duties and there is nothing wrong with that either.


It's not the asking, it's the sexist stereotypes that get wheeled out on these threads...


If people are actually being sexist in some way then that's not good. But I have rarely seen that happen. The problem is that people give patronizing advice or imply that the poster is being sexist when they are asking genuine questions and/or give genuine advice.

Too often genuine posts recieve silly replies like the following:
"Why is your wife making dinner anyway?!"
"Maybe you should just stop trying to force your hobby on her"
"Why do you assume that ladies don't like board games?"
"Maybe you should get off your lazy butt and help with the kids instead of whining that she doesn't play games with you"

blah blah blah... shake
 
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Sophie Morgan
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voynitsky wrote:
Withhold sex until she gives in. She'll soon be begging for a Ticket to Ride.


Don't bet on it. She might be relieved!
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Jack Smith
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johnnyspys wrote:
Or you could just pick the right spouse...mine plays Twilight Struggle and finds Dominion boring.

There are several threads about how female bgg members are having trouble getting their male counterpart into gaming. I know too many great female gamers and their number one complaint parallels many other new gamers who complain about the hobby. Don't make them feel stupid, don't treat them like a "girl", "noob", "idiot", and play some games where they feel they can be competitive...no one likes to be clubbed like a baby seal. I wouldn't let them win, because that is insulting. However, you don't have to grind them into a pulp when you play a game.

Let them pick a game and don't give them crap if that game is too easy or not your favorite game. Be willing to play something that interestes them and soon a gamer you will have.


I'm more worried about the female gamers in my family grinding me to a pulp

As Lance says you shouldn't force anyone to game but that is true of men and women. I think kids can be put off too sometimes.

The Op's post does a good job of showing how it can be done assuming some latent interest is there though, that goes without saying.
 
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Chris Small
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What TV shows/movies/books does she like? Quite a few good games out there based on these forms of media. Find a game that has theme matching a favorite film or book and see if she'll give it a go!
 
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Vivienne Raper
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Redward wrote:


If people are actually being sexist in some way then that's not good. But I have rarely seen that happen. The problem is that people give patronizing advice or imply that the poster is being sexist when they are asking genuine questions and/or give genuine advice.

Too often genuine posts recieve silly replies like the following:
"Why is your wife making dinner anyway?!"
"Maybe you should just stop trying to force your hobby on her"
"Why do you assume that ladies don't like board games?"
"Maybe you should get off your lazy butt and help with the kids instead of whining that she doesn't play games with you"

blah blah blah... shake


It's possible I don't notice those threads. I've been scouting for two-player recommendations for a while now, and I notice a lot of:

'well, my female gamer friend likes x so maybe that would suit your wife'
'I always recommend Lost Cities to people's girlfriends'
'why not buy your wife Takenoko because girls like cute pandas'
'get Forbidden Island because women don't like playing nasty'

That sort of advice is as silly as telling someone to buy Arkham Horror because men like it! You could have a wife who, if she just knew it, wanted to play Campaign for North Africa... and you buy Takenoko.
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veemonroe wrote:
Redward wrote:


If people are actually being sexist in some way then that's not good. But I have rarely seen that happen. The problem is that people give patronizing advice or imply that the poster is being sexist when they are asking genuine questions and/or give genuine advice.

Too often genuine posts recieve silly replies like the following:
"Why is your wife making dinner anyway?!"
"Maybe you should just stop trying to force your hobby on her"
"Why do you assume that ladies don't like board games?"
"Maybe you should get off your lazy butt and help with the kids instead of whining that she doesn't play games with you"

blah blah blah... shake


It's possible I don't notice those threads. I've been scouting for two-player recommendations for a while now, and I notice a lot of:

'well, my female gamer friend likes x so maybe that would suit your wife'
'I always recommend Lost Cities to people's girlfriends'
'why not buy your wife Takenoko because girls like cute pandas'
'get Forbidden Island because women don't like playing nasty'

That sort of advice is as silly as telling someone to buy Arkham Horror because men like it!




Yes it's the casual assumptions that I find irritating. It's as if us men mustn't worry a woman's pretty little head with complex things. What's even more ironic is gaming is not that complex anyway.
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Ronnie Edwards
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veemonroe wrote:

It's possible I don't notice those threads. I've been scouting for two-player recommendations for a while now, and I notice a lot of:

'well, my female gamer friend likes x so maybe that would suit your wife'
'I always recommend game x to people's girlfriends'
'why not buy your wife Takenoko because girls like cute pandas'
'get Forbidden Island because women don't like playing nasty'

That sort of advice is as silly as telling someone to buy Arkham Horror because men like it!


I wouldn't call that sexist or offensive. If someone keeps running into woman who like games with cute themes but don't have direct conflict then they may assume that games with that description are a good fit for most woman. If someone gives advice like this, it is not necessarily sexist advice, it may simply be based on their experience.
 
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Halfinger wrote:
veemonroe wrote:
Redward wrote:


If people are actually being sexist in some way then that's not good. But I have rarely seen that happen. The problem is that people give patronizing advice or imply that the poster is being sexist when they are asking genuine questions and/or give genuine advice.

Too often genuine posts recieve silly replies like the following:
"Why is your wife making dinner anyway?!"
"Maybe you should just stop trying to force your hobby on her"
"Why do you assume that ladies don't like board games?"
"Maybe you should get off your lazy butt and help with the kids instead of whining that she doesn't play games with you"

blah blah blah... shake


It's possible I don't notice those threads. I've been scouting for two-player recommendations for a while now, and I notice a lot of:

'well, my female gamer friend likes x so maybe that would suit your wife'
'I always recommend Lost Cities to people's girlfriends'
'why not buy your wife Takenoko because girls like cute pandas'
'get Forbidden Island because women don't like playing nasty'

That sort of advice is as silly as telling someone to buy Arkham Horror because men like it!




Yes it's the casual assumptions that I find irritating. It's as if us men mustn't worry a woman's pretty little head with complex things. What's even more ironic is gaming is not that complex anyway.


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Robert
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Valairia wrote:
hence the disclaimer at the first part of the article....this is generalities and every woman will be different. The only pretty sure thing about women is that they are rather unpredictable.

That caveat doesn't really excuse such repulsive stereotyping in the guise of "helpful suggestions". The only pretty sure thing about women is that they are people. Treat them like people instead of like some special mystery entity and you'll do fine.

There is so much filth in your article, it's hard to call anything out in particular, but the fact that you can actually suggest, in the same paragraph, that you definitely should not let her win, but you should lie to her and handicap yourself so you can let her win... That would be a high point of crazy if the very next paragraph weren't advising that "Of course you don't play against her like you would against men."

And then Point 8, which pretty much demolishes any credibility you will ever have saying how to treat women. If this article is not poorly marked satire, it's purely embarrassing. Either way, nasty stuff.
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Valairia wrote:
And finally the final law that applies to all women. All of the above rules can and will be changed without any notice and you will be expected to know what those changes are. These changes can happen immediately or over a series of days. We are women we have the right to change our minds, behaviors, habits, and goals and are under no obligation to inform you of said changes, we do instead expect you to know and understand them right way. It is always and forever a woman's prerogative

This is not how anyone should expect to be treated, and I definitely don't see why women should get a special pass on such behavior. Ick. As a woman, I find this idea unfair and disturbing. I believe that there is an obligation to tell others how you feel or what you're thinking when you want them to know, because otherwise, how are they supposed to know? It's your responsibility, and yours alone, to interpret and communicate your feelings. No one is obliged to guess and serve you.
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violetchimaera wrote:
Valairia wrote:
And finally the final law that applies to all women. All of the above rules can and will be changed without any notice and you will be expected to know what those changes are. These changes can happen immediately or over a series of days. We are women we have the right to change our minds, behaviors, habits, and goals and are under no obligation to inform you of said changes, we do instead expect you to know and understand them right way. It is always and forever a woman's prerogative

This is not how anyone should expect to be treated, and I definitely don't see why women should get a special pass on such behavior. Ick. As a woman, I find this idea unfair and disturbing. I believe that there is an obligation to tell others how you feel or what you're thinking when you want them to know, because otherwise, how are they supposed to know? It's your responsibility, and yours alone, to interpret and communicate your feelings. No one is obliged to guess and serve you.


I think that the OP was speaking in jest but you are very correct. No one can read minds.
 
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Vivienne Raper
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Redward wrote:

I wouldn't call that sexist or offensive. If someone keeps running into woman who like games with cute themes but don't have direct conflict then they may assume that games with that description are a good fit for most woman. If someone gives advice like this, it is not necessarily sexist advice, it may simply be based on their experience.


Approximately 50% of Earth's population are female. You can't excuse someone generalising to 3.5 billion people based on their co-workers and friends, can you? Heck, if I did that, I'd assume 1/2 the UK population had a science PhD and the other 50% were doing postgraduate courses in creative writing!
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Ronnie Edwards
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veemonroe wrote:
Redward wrote:

I wouldn't call that sexist or offensive. If someone keeps running into woman who like games with cute themes but don't have direct conflict then they may assume that games with that description are a good fit for most woman. If someone gives advice like this, it is not necessarily sexist advice, it may simply be based on their experience.


Approximately 50% of Earth's population are female. You can't excuse someone generalizing to 3.5 billion people based on their co-workers and friends, can you? Heck, if I did that, I'd assume 1/2 the UK population had a science PhD and the other 50% were doing postgraduate courses in creative writing!


There is a difference between saying "you could try insert random advice here it has worked for me" and saying "well I know 2 woman who think insert annoying sexist stereotype so that pretty much sums up all woman on earth everywhere." Obviously the second statement is sexist. the first statement is simply friendly advice that worked for that guy. That is not sexist. It's simply advice. There is nothing wrong with giving advice based on personal experience as long as you are humble about it (at least IMHO).
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