Adventures in the Office: The chronicle of one man’s fight against the madness

Here’s the scoop. I'm the head of the Accounts Payable Department at a small company. I work in a rundown building for a boss who doesn’t understand the concepts of organization, time management, or cleanliness. Some of my coworkers seem to naturally emanate stupidity, absurdity, and randomness and the 200 or so vendors I work with on a weekly basis are obviously the main source of material for Scott Adam’s Dilbert cartoon. Combine all this together and you get a constant reminder of just how ridiculous life can be. The fact is, I need something to help me cope with it all and this blog is the answer. Why let life get you down when you can just laugh it off. That’s what this blog is about; this is the chronicle of one man’s fight against the madness

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How to make a simple task very un-simple

Jonathan Hersey
United States
Peoria
Illinois
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Step one: look over the very simple, concise, organized spreadsheet with only 3 invoices on it that I sent several weeks ago requesting 3 invoices to be closed.

Step two: choose not to respond

Step three: after being asked several times on the status of the issue reply with the answer to a question that wasn’t asked

Step four: after being asked what you are talking about choose not to reply

Step five: After being asked a 3rd time why the information originally requested hasn’t been resolved look over the well crafted simple spreadsheet that asks you to close 3 open invoices on our account. Take these three items and put them in a new spreadsheet. See step six for details.

Step six: add the three listed invoices on the simple and organized spreadsheet, combine them with every invoice that has been inquired about over the past six months, all of which are already closed mind you. Highlight various lines in different colors without explaining what the colors mean. Add extra columns that do not contain any information what so ever for good measure. Then put three blank rows in between the highlighted rows. Add several more invoice rows that are not highlighted at all. Roll it all into one massive spreadsheet and reply to original email request with the instructions "see if this works for you"

Step seven: wait several hours to let the confusion simmer, then send another email out asking why a reply has not been given.

Step eight: wait for the confounded Accounts Payable guy (that’s me) to reply once he realized all you were really saying was "yes I can close these 3 simple invoices".
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Wed Feb 16, 2011 10:58 pm
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Character Introduction: The Hostage Taker

Jonathan Hersey
United States
Peoria
Illinois
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Microbadge: Follower of JesusMicrobadge: In love with my spouseMicrobadge: Elder Sign fanMicrobadge: Glory to Rome fanMicrobadge: A Game of Thrones LCG fan
The first Coworker I will introduce is the Hostage Taker and what better way to make his grand entrance than to tell about this little situation.

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Situation 1: The Hostage Taker

The Hostage Taker is a coworker who holds you captive with his or her unending ramblings. Discontent there are no longer opportunities to hear a broken record, the Hostage Taker takes it upon them to uphold this ancient era. The Hostage Taker can hold more air in their longs than a blue whale and has no comprehension of the words: repetitive, unnecessary, annoying, and losing-the-will-to-live.

Situation 2: Un-ignorable urge to use the bathroom.

The un-ignorable urge to use the bathroom is characterized by panic, frustration, and determination to reach your goal at all costs. Moving beyond the typical recognition of one’s bodily needs, the un-ignorable urge to use the bathroom is a state in which one’s body has provided many unheeded warnings. Reaching this state is foolish but can happen on a particularly busy day when there is a Blizzard Warning threatening to make the work-day short on a day you have a mountain of paperwork and have to find some way to only spend $400,000 on $650,000 worth of invoices.

Combine situation 1 with situation 2, mix in the fact that being fat limits the speed at which one can run, and you have a near cataclysmic disaster.

By some miracle the disaster was adverted.
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Wed Feb 16, 2011 3:42 pm
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