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Humor Us: More games inspired by movie catchphrases

Drew Davidson
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William Goldman’s The Princess Bride (1987) was a catchphrase machine. Back in 2008, one of those catchphrases was turned into a board game: Storming the Castle. It was followed five years later with Prepare to Die. It must a lucrative IP, because Game Salute is planning even more games inspired by lines in the movie.
Below you’ll find some future games inspired by other famous catchphrases. See how many you recognize from the description (click on the blank ‘spoiler’ to find the title).

Auto racing game where players immediately lose if they’re lapped
Spoiler (click to reveal)
You… Shall… Not… Pass!


Yet another Medieval worker placement about constructing cathedrals
Spoiler (click to reveal)
If you build it, He will come


RPG set behind the scenes at an ultra-competitive beauty pageant that turns ugly
Spoiler (click to reveal)
I’ll Get You, My Pretty!

And its expansion, which goes behind the scenes at an American Kennel Club show that turns ugly
Spoiler (click to reveal)
Your Little Dog, Too


Wargame about the Mongolian dynasty that captured half the known world
Spoiler (click to reveal)
Khaaaaan!


Agricola-style farm-building game set in Southeast Asia
Spoiler (click to reveal)
Good Morning, Vietnam!

In the expansion, zombie hordes completely overrun Vietnam and need to be ruthlessly exterminated
Spoiler (click to reveal)
I Love the Smell of Napalm in the Morning


Reprint of the press-your-luck game Pass the Pigs
Spoiler (click to reveal)
That’ll Do, Pig. That’ll Do


New scenario for Betrayal at House on the Hill, where the traitor tries to cannibalize the other players
Spoiler (click to reveal)
I Ate His Liver

There are two more scenarios it comes with:
Spoiler (click to reveal)
Fava Beans
and
Spoiler (click to reveal)
A Nice Chianti


Children’s game that teaches the logic of mathematics
Spoiler (click to reveal)
To Infinity...and Beyond!


Children’s game that teaches good parenting skills
Spoiler (click to reveal)
Nobody Puts Baby In a Corner


Fast-paced pick-up-and-deliver game set on the high seas.
Spoiler (click to reveal)
You’re Gonna Need a Bigger Boat


Players try to run a busy deli while putting up with distractions from the customers.
Spoiler (click to reveal)
I’ll Have What She’s Having


Are there any other movie catchphrases you think would inspire a board game? Let us know in the Comments!

If you like my sense of humor, check out my previous 'Humor Us' post: Introducing Adult Swim Fluxx.
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Sun Nov 30, 2014 9:05 am
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(Humor Us) Board Game Disclaimers

Drew Davidson
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(Humor Us is an occasional feature usually published on Fridays at BoardGamersAnonymous.com)

Someone on Reddit's /r/boardgames subgroup – who goes by the GoT-sounding username littleturd – asked, “What disclaimers do you wish you could add to a game to warn people before they buy it?”
[http://www.reddit.com/r/boardgames/comments/2csi3v/what_disc...]

Predictably -- and happily -- the suggestions quickly veered into Silly territory. After all, a good Disclaimer deftly combines a portion of humor with a portion of truth…

I waded through all 400 responses on the thread and picked out the funniest 21.

Here are my 3 favorite Board Game Disclaimers:

Cards Against Humanity: You'll enjoy this game less and less every time you play it. (submitted by chipbloch)

Diplomacy: Shovels and body bags not included. (submitted by lurker69)

On all cooperative games: May cause others to realize you are a narcissistic control freak. (submitted by MashRoomBog)

You'll find my full list on Board Gamers Anonymous, at
http://boardgamersanonymous.com/2014-08-15-humor-us
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Fri Aug 15, 2014 4:14 pm
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(Humor Us) Adult Swim Fluxx

Drew Davidson
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(Humor Us is a regular series, published occasionally on Friday.)

This article was originally posted on BoardGamersAnonymous on July 11, 2014.


NEWS ITEM: Looney Labs recently partnered with Cartoon Network to create new iterations of the popular card game Fluxx, drawing on CN’s large corral of popular animated characters and shows.
http://www.toonzone.net/2014/06/pr-looney-labs-cartoon-netwo...

Polite applause, but I think Looney Labs missed the mark. By going for the kid-friendly properties of Cartoon Network, they missed the chance to layer CN’s Adult Swim lineup on top of their chaotically popular card game.

Let me show you what I mean...

(NOTE: If you don't know all these characters very well, you can learn about the various Adult Swim programs and characters through this great Wikipedia page.)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_programs_broadcast_by_A...



NEW RULE cards

The Brak Show
Current Player must mumble incoherently on a matter of great urgency, or draw 4 cards

Carl (Aqua Teen Hunger Force)
Current Player must comment lecherously on how each card’s artwork looks like Japanese porn, or draw 4 cards

“It’s Alive!”
Every time a Robot Chicken card is played, Current Player must mock Seth Green’s pathetic attempts to be culturally relevant, or draw 4 cards


KEEPER cards

Morty
Player is sued by Robert Zemeckis for copyright infringement. Discard this Keeper.

Marco (SeaLab 2021)
Per the Affirmative Action in Animation Act, Marco is worth two Keepers.

Master Shake
Play this Keeper face down. Tell the players it allows you to discard and win. When they object, set fire to the draw pile.


GOAL cards (You win if you have both Keepers...)

Set MLK Spinning in His Grave
Black Dynamite & Uncle Ruckus

Meet the Megalomaniacs!
The Monarch & Captain Murphy

Break the Space/Time Continuum
Molotov Cocktease & Moral Orel


ACTION cards

Space Ghost
Introduce the next player while doing your worst Buzz Lightyear impression.

Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
Subpoena another player’s Keeper, who is then put into Witness Protection and promptly killed. Discard that Keeper.

Brock Sampson
Silently kill the players on either side of you; then light up a smoke & bask in the glow of a job well done.


Did we miss any of your favorite Adult Swim characters? Let us know in the Comments and we'll create a Fluxx card for them!
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Mon Aug 11, 2014 6:26 pm
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(Humor Us) Top Ten Reasons I Don’t Write Top Ten Lists

Drew Davidson
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Gotcha!

It’s all about the title. To get your attention, all I needed were the words, "Top Ten." Lists are the Internet's Catnip.

(This article was originally posted to the Board Gamers Anonymous website on July 4, 2014.
boardgamersanonymous.com/humor-us-top-ten-reasons-i-dont-wri...)

But there's another reason why there are so many lists. When a Writer is blocked, first thing he says is, ‘What can I make a list out of?’ Creating the title is the hardest thing about making a list. After that, the items on the list practically write themselves. That’s why you see so many.

This started long before Letterman. I mean, just who decided that the number should be 10? It’s the tyranny of the Base-Tenites! (I call them Los Decimalos!)

In truth, shorter is always better. So why not list 8? Or, 5? Or, supporting the Binary brotherhood, just list two. Give people a simple choice!

Now, I’m not talking about “recommendations;” they’re a different breed. For example, BGA has 4 contributors, and on any given topic we each make a suggestion.

We don't need to list 10. Recommendations should be well-thought out choices. Lists are just items you throw at a wall to see what sticks.

Anarchist that I am, this--the only Top Ten list I’m ever going write--is being published without numerical rankings. You can decide for yourselves which one should be #1….

Top Ten Reasons to Ignore Top Ten Lists
(With apologies to the Dice Tower Network, that online Moses descending from the mountain on a bi-weekly basis with two tablets of board game goodness.)

Top Ten Games I Actually Haven’t Played Yet But I'm Putting On This List Because They Have a High Ranking on Board Game Geek

I've been guilty of confidently talking about a game I haven't played yet. Believe me, I'm not the only one who does this...

Top Ten Ways to Make Money in Real Estate

Yeah, I was suckered in by this one, too.
They’re just tips for winning at Monopoly…

Top Ten Top Ten Lists

Top Ten Tips for Winning Love Letter

Play Guard & Guess Princess.
Play another Guard & Guess Princess.
Play another…

Top Ten Die Results

1 and 20 top the list, obviously
Surprisingly, 9 ranks pretty high, too.

Top Ten Tips for Harvesting More Wheat

It doesn’t matter which game we’re talking about.
They all have wheat…

Top Ten Monopoly Pieces

People seem to really care about this topic.
Maybe I’m the one who’s wrong about lists...

Top Ten Games with the Word “Game” in the Title

It’s a Retro thing.… Milton Bradley & Parker Brothers always used the formula, “The … Game,” in their titles. We don't see it much nowadays.
So, how about … The Game of Thrones Game…?

Top Ten Top Ten Lists

Did I already say that one?
You’ll often see items repeated just to make a point,
...or to check if you’re still paying attention.

Top Ten Games to Play in the Nude

Contrary to popular opinion, Dungeons & Dragons is not #1…

If you made it this far, thank you! And tell us what you think is the most unnecessary Top Ten list you’ve ever seen. I’ll publish your observations in a future post.

(Humor Us is a weekly series, occasionally published on Friday.)
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Fri Aug 1, 2014 9:05 am
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Honest Slogan for Cards Against Humanity

Drew Davidson
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The brainchild of Clif Dickens, humor website Honest Slogans (http://honestslogans.com/) shows how products would advertise themselves if honesty ruled every company's Marketing Department.

Some of my recent favorite satires include Comcast, Bic pens and Trader Joe's. But, of course, my new favorite is the card game we've all come to love... to hate... Cards Against Humanity.
http://honestslogans.com/post/93057235995/cards-against-huma...

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Mon Jul 28, 2014 6:17 am
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(Humor Us) Make Board Game Playing Sexier

Drew Davidson
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The following article originally appeared on the BGA website on 6/27/14.
http://boardgamersanonymous.com/humor-us-make-board-game-pla...

(Humor Us is an occasional series, published on Friday.)

Glamour magazine must still be ticked at Cosmopolitan for stealing its ­­­­­­mojo back when the Sexual Revolution was heating up. For years now, it seems their writers have been competing with Cosmo in penning the most banal sex columns possible.

Along comes one Gena Kaufman – in whose bio you’ll actually find the phrase “when your love life hands you lemons...” – with an article entitled “How to Make Playing Board Games Sexier.”
http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2014/06/h...

You don’t need to jump to the last paragraph to find out how this all ends. I’ll tell you now: This girl never talked to anyone who plays board games with any frequency.

Now, if she had asked me...

Here's Gena’s first suggestion:
Quote:

Play the “strip” version … (for example) Lose a piece of clothing every time you pass Go in Monopoly.
Follow her advice and you’ll lose a piece of your sanity every time you haul this ancient piece of cardboard out of the closet.

You want a “strip” version you’ll really enjoy? I’ve got three words for you: Strip Love Letter...

The writer doesn’t quit there. In fact, she ups the ante:

Quote:
Or, just play naked. ... It’s uncertain how long the game will last this way....
Okay, on an practical level, I think this could work with an RPG like Dungeons & Dragons.

Dungeon Master to Explorers: “Tiny flesh-eating maggots crawl under your armor. You must quickly strip off all your clothing or be consumed alive!”

Well, Gena was wrong on that one: it’s pretty certain how long D&D would last this way... And DMs, if any adventurers retch at the sight of their fellow players naked, dock them 10 Hit Points....

The naive naif’s next suggestion:

Quote:
Make sexy stakes. First person to 200 points gets a massage. Every time you score a point, the other person has to give you a kiss.
Um...let’s say you’re playing a typical Stefan Feld “point salad” game. Play will be stopped for a couple massages before you’re halfway through the game. And, thanks to Feld, your lips will likely be chapped raw before the 2nd round.

Quote:
Play an actual dirty game. Google “sexy board games” and about a zillion come up.
Okay, I did look up “sexy games” on Board Game Geek, and this Geeklist came up, “Big Flashy Sexy Games.”

I looked down the page…. Star Wars: The Queen’s Gambit; War of the Ring Collector’s Edition; Tzolk’in: The Mayan Calendar. I was getting positively tumescent just reading that list….

Well, Gena was right about that one….
Quote:

Or, invent a dirty version of a regular game. Scrabble with only sexy words...
You try sitting a typical hormone-fueled young couple down around a table and they’ll barely be focused enough to spell C-A-T or D-O-G.

Now, when experienced Scrabble players get frisky, a ‘sexy word’ to them is anything they can score with both an X and a Y…

Quote:
Get physical. Play a game that involves a little movement.... Jenga for example, can involve a lot of bending over (not to mention adrenaline-pumping tension)…
I’m trying to picture this, but all I keep seeing is Aunt Beatrice bending over in her powder blue stretch pants... uuuuggggggghhhhhhhhhh…..

This mental image didn’t pump any adrenaline, but it did pump my stomach....

I’m going to give courting couples one simple suggestion for a sexy Board Game Date: Invite a geek to chaperone you. And while he’s spending 45 minutes pondering his next turn in Catan, the two of you can get hot and heavy without him ever noticing...

Do you have any other ideas for making tabletop gaming sexier? Serious or silly, we’d love to hear them!
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Wed Jul 23, 2014 5:46 pm
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