Everyone Needs A Shed

Life and Games (but mostly games) from Tony Boydell: Father, Grandfather, Husband and Independent UK Game Designer.

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Watch The Birdy

Anthony Boydell
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Newent. Glos
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Wed Dec 14, 2016 6:30 am
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Positive Mental Attitude

Anthony Boydell
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Newent. Glos
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Earlier this week I waxed lyrical about the gorgeousness and love in the Geek community; a shining example to the uninitiated. However...

...over on the Boardgamegeek Facebook group, in the last 48 hours, the following discussion threads have appeared:

Most overrated game and why?

What game do you most regret buying?

What game do you most regret playing?

Additionally, someone felt they needed to begin their post with: "I'm not trying to start fights. Please don't get offended if somebody disagrees with you. {QUESTION GOES IN HERE}"

And: "Serious question...Every time I, or someone else, posts something positive about a Games Workshop product, the hate flows. Why is that? " followed by 72 ranting replies.

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Sun Nov 27, 2016 9:15 am
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Twatforce One

Anthony Boydell
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Newent. Glos
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Microbadge: I love Europe!Microbadge: 5 Games for Doomsday fanMicrobadge: Talk Talk fanMicrobadge: Citizenship Recognition - Level VI -  Is six any more shiny? ... Well, it's one shinier isn't it? ... Okay, why don't you just make five a bit more shiny and then that would be the most shiny? ... Because these go to six.Microbadge: Klemens Franz fan
Here's a little curiosity that brushed my hair trigger: five (so-called) gamers have rated A Feast for Odin as a '1' and it's only been out for two weeks. I've neither got it, nor played it, but one thing I know for certain - even now, in this inexperienced position - is that it's definitely not "Awful - defies game description". Also, one of these ratings was logged in May when the files weren't even at the printers yet (probably).

From gallery of tonyboydell


Additionally, unsurprisingly, one particular user has rated this and multiple other Essen 2016 hotnesses as a '1', which suggests that he (it must be a 'he'):
a) has been massively unfortunate in spending €100s on hard-to-get-at-the-time games he found were not subsequently to his taste (ie. a spendthrift twat who doesn't understand what pre-show research means) OR
b) is just a poisonous, hateful twat who loves pissing on people's chips.

The twat.

Now, let's see where this earthy (minor) venting-of-a-little-steam takes us today...
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Fri Oct 28, 2016 6:25 am
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Ay-bloody-Eye

Anthony Boydell
United Kingdom
Newent. Glos
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Microbadge: I love Europe!Microbadge: 5 Games for Doomsday fanMicrobadge: Talk Talk fanMicrobadge: Citizenship Recognition - Level VI -  Is six any more shiny? ... Well, it's one shinier isn't it? ... Okay, why don't you just make five a bit more shiny and then that would be the most shiny? ... Because these go to six.Microbadge: Klemens Franz fan

I work in I.T so, of course, I'm fully aware of bugs in software. Mind you, it's normally just a field that mis-validates or a workflow that fails to fire or an index that drops off and needs recreating; gone are the days of the ubiquitous 'Segmentation Fault - Core Dumped' while hacking your C-way around a Sun Sparc or a PERL script or something in a RDBMS stored procedure. No; all of those things are piggywiffle and 'as gossamer' when compared to the impact of when the Agricola app disappears up it's own electron-bombarded NAND-sphincter...and it mostly does it when I'm about to win "big time"!

From gallery of tonyboydell


Yesterday, I was all set to round off a particularly-satisfying, on-work-time comfort break with a 50+ win when Mr So-Called 'Green' decided he couldn't decide between plowing a field and sowing his one grain or plowing a field and sowing his one grain and a wood he didn't have. His little collar just spun and spun and spun and spun while the phone got hotter and hotter. And the worst thing is the rage one feels; the pointless, impotent, glaring-at-the-screen fury at being gyped: A.I? F.O!
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Tue Oct 4, 2016 6:23 am
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What a state to get into.

Anthony Boydell
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Newent. Glos
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Microbadge: I love Europe!Microbadge: 5 Games for Doomsday fanMicrobadge: Talk Talk fanMicrobadge: Citizenship Recognition - Level VI -  Is six any more shiny? ... Well, it's one shinier isn't it? ... Okay, why don't you just make five a bit more shiny and then that would be the most shiny? ... Because these go to six.Microbadge: Klemens Franz fan
Back in the late Spring my eldest boy bought himself Fallout 4 but, after a couple of days trying to keep the (so-called) 'Broadband' alive while it downloaded, the thing just wouldn't work on his laptop. Patches, mods, tweaks, updates, driver re-installs and an awful lot of effin & jeffin failed to get the bloody thing doing whatever it is that it does. Due to my eldest's anxiety issues, May-into-June-into-July wasn't exactly a barrel of early-evening laughs but - thanks to a windfall inheritance from my Grandmother's passing last year - help was at hand: he was finally able to buy a new, better-specification laptop, Fallout 4 installed and (after some patch synchs) ran without a problem! Huzzah and Hallelujah! So, I come home last night and find that he's NOT, in fact, spent the day immersed in a post-apocalyptic world but - instead - been lying about in bed and generally mooching the place up. Why, then, after all that hassle and tension and frustration, hasn't he been permanently glued to the LCD smacking seven shades of Scheisse into dread beasts? Could it be that, after all this time, he'd lost his enthusiasm and excitement?

We board gamers (or, at least, those of us who don't have Playboxes or X-Stations) can sometimes get a similar feeling of crushed expectation when crowdfunding...and I have experienced many of the varied states of Kickstarter:

From gallery of tonyboydell

"Placated": I am a fully-subscribed and badge-wearing Glory to Rome:Black Box-er but have yet to let the protracted arse-wittery of it's "fulfillment" tarnish my love of the game itself. I don't actually play with the BB edition - as it us much too valuable to contaminate with human contact - but the older editions suffice, and it's a relief to see it on my shelf.



From gallery of tonyboydell

"Turned Off": I have the worn patience, the bowing-shelf and the abject indifference of the Moongha Invaders: Mad Scientists and Atomic Monsters Attack the Earth!-er. Any excitement or tension I may have felt upon initial funding has leeched away to a flat, uniform end-of-the-universe-particle soup of insouciance. I don't believe I shall EVER want to play this and, ashamedly, I don't care. Oh dear.



From gallery of tonyboydell

"Schrodinger's Pledger": Coming soon! - as it has been for 15 months+ now - are the Knot Dice and if they popped up in a campaign TODAY I wouldn't back them. Not really an end state but more of a crossroads, I can probably only end up 'Placated' at best now: too much water has flowed under the (resin) bridge.



From gallery of tonyboydell

"Regretful": The creeping realization that your optimistic financial support for REDACTED has morphed into a cash-for-ordure transaction and the only way back is to throw it in to the UK Games Expo Bring-and-Buy and hope someone will give you a fiver for it.



From gallery of tonyboydell

"Pleased": ...is, of course, both a (universal) Start State AND an eagerly-assumed End State. Oh, the humanity! How wide-and-dewy-eyed we all are when the green 'button' is clicked; how tum-tinglingly trepidacious! Thankfully, MOST of the 44 backed projects maintain this state throughout their life-cycle; it must be my judgement and good sense.

What State(s) have I missed?

Should there be a special one for 'Never Fulfilled', or is that an eternally-unresolved "Schrodinger"?

Does anyone want to buy a copy of Moongha Invaders: Mad Scientists and Atomic Monsters Attack the Earth!?
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Fri Sep 2, 2016 6:30 am
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I love lamp.

Anthony Boydell
United Kingdom
Newent. Glos
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Microbadge: I love Europe!Microbadge: 5 Games for Doomsday fanMicrobadge: Talk Talk fanMicrobadge: Citizenship Recognition - Level VI -  Is six any more shiny? ... Well, it's one shinier isn't it? ... Okay, why don't you just make five a bit more shiny and then that would be the most shiny? ... Because these go to six.Microbadge: Klemens Franz fan
WRT the Ross-on-Wye club, there was some doubt as the presence of Boffo and Smudge this week on account of them moving house: from the 'earthy' delights of the 'slightly-neglected housing estate' box-terrace to the rural pleasures of a countryside bungalow (or should that be 'FUN-galow'?). There was a distinct possibility that - thanks to the standard form dickery of Solicitors/Conveyancers - they'd not have anywhere to rest their heads come Friday and have all their belongings parked up in a Herefordshire lay-by until the Legal-types managed to pull their well-manicured thumbs out of their bleached arseholes. Fortunately, this was not so and there would be no consequent need for me to go on any kind of triggered rant: *phew*

(for some reason I imagined their moving process to be somewhat akin to Messrs Hardy and Laurel - see the end of this blog - and it pleased me greatly to imagine Boffo wheezing his giant trolley of board games up a precipitous stairway only to have a 'Treasure Chest of Dominion' slide off and clonk him in the conk to the sound of a clown's car horn)

As it turned out, I arrived at the White Lion at the absolute optimum moment to grab a spacious parking space and found both Boffo and Smudge, tired-but-happy, slumped in the events room wingback armchairs. With nothing but half of a chicken and bacon pie in the fungalow, they needed to come out for food anyway and, though Smudge would be nipping off soon (she wanted to say 'hello'), at least one of the Batesons would be gaming: huzzah! Boffo's weary pseudo-snoring suggested that this might not go the full distance, however, as the poor chap was completely tuckered out: we'd take whatever we could get, then! Gary and Jobbers joined the fray - I really need a nickname for Gary* - and the four of us ('the lads') settled down to the serious business of running a comedy TV company:



Gil Hova's card-drafting, tableau-building distraction is appealing, hilarious and extremely simple to pick up: you basically have four types of card to pick from in order to create and run VP-earning shows. Shows can have their viewership improved by Actors and/or Advertising and everything can be jiggered about with the aid of the 'short cut' Network (bonus) cards. It's all about timing, of course, in all senses: getting the right shows in the right timeslots, for preference, and getting the right cards from the available pool before the other players get to them! It's a breezy, jolly and engaging puzzle where you need to keep a good eye on your aging (and viewer-declining) shows and have the next big thing ready to go and KEEP THOSE DAMN NUMBERS UP!

From gallery of tonyboydell

The ratings war: Aftermath - Moo TV (and Chief Exec 'Tiny' Boydell) reign supreme!


The Networks ended with a satisfying Boydellian victory after Jobbers had got a Seasons 1 & 2 flyer only, like Garrington, to lose momentum in the mid-game. Everyone - including Boffo (who seemed to have dropped off for forty winks on occasion)) - pronounced themselves impressed by this media-themed treat!

Jobbers had, for the first time in ages, brought along a (tatty, plastic) bag of games including Modern Art (Gazzup doesn't 'do' numbers), Blokus (Tony doesn't like abstracts much) and Cosmic Encounter (not at this time of night, FFS!); but it was his well-loved copy of Puerto Rico that caught the eye and made it, without any objection, to the table:

From gallery of tonyboydell


For some reason, Boffo seems to think I have taken agin P.R but this is not so! I often find myself involved in every other game of it that's played in the Club, so always feel in need of a quick rules refresher ie. let's just get started and it'll all come back! As very much usual, the game was pushed forward by Boffonian and Jobbersian stratagems - and tactical advice to P.R noob Ga-Ga - but I kept myself on a steady (if unremarkable) path to edge in to a comforting second place behind the John: 55-43-42-42. Garrup pronounced himself 'well impressed' by this indisputable classic and will probably - because that's what he does when he likes a new-to-him game - buy himself a copy in the next day or so!

Although it was only 22.15, Boffo could fight his fatigue no further and departed; this also signaled 'going home time' for the rest of us. We may not have packed the session to it's nooks and crannies, but two deliciously-diverting Euros were enough to keep us more than happy for a few more days.

Now...scratch out the next 30 minutes and settle in to this timeless work of genius:



*Gaz? Gonzo? Garibaldi?

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What should Gary's nickname be in the Shed blog?
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Sat Aug 27, 2016 11:13 am
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Vlaada Against Humanity

Anthony Boydell
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Newent. Glos
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From gallery of tonyboydell


From gallery of tonyboydell


So it seems that Codenames is extending it's brand beyond words and pictures to now include specifically-naughty words for people too stupid to come up with puns and sous entendu themselves. Why crack an off-the-cuff remark because 'Helmet' and 'Purple' happen to be in the same tableau when the game now preprints 'Bell-end', 'Clam' and 'Jugs' under the explicit, box-printed intention of 'let's all be rude!'.

Why the hell does a smart, infinitely explorable Spiel des Jahres need to pander to this crass, lowest-common-denominator, Cards Against Humanity 'adult' bullshit? It's not 'adult', it's adolescent.

I like a rude joke, I like a double entendre - i'm always happy to give you one - but I like to think I aspire to 'wit' rather than just saying 'Boobs!' loudly in a bus queue. This is lazy and insulting...to ACTUALLY PRINT IT! What next Vlaada? Sex Dungeon Lords? Through the Vulva: A Story of Penetration? Galaxy Fuckers? Bunny Bunny Cunt Balls?

Oh dear oh dear oh bloody dear.
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Sun Jul 24, 2016 8:57 am
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Asmodee = Asmodeus?

Anthony Boydell
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"Asmodee in Negotiations to Acquire F2Z Entertainment" it says in 'the news' and lo! doth the whine-y bitches descend in their (hopefully) sky-proof hats declaiming the ominous portent of a business conducting itself in a business-like fashion: "Oh but they'll have a monopoly now!" guff the wounded and the ever-so-tender-hearted, as they fear Mammon's scaly grip upon their wallets (clue: what about Hasbro and Mattel, eh? But they don't do 'proper' board games do they, so they don't actually count).

Apparently all prices will go up (again) and small businesses will go into bankruptcy (again) and how can we possibly stop them from stealing our children and raping our hamsters when THAT happens? (clue: none of this will happen). In reality you'll have to pay a fair price for Pandemic Legacy: Season Two so suck it up, ya big babies.

From gallery of tonyboydell


But wait! No 'free and intelligent' discussion* of this evil conglomerate is complete without the 'geek with real legal training' wading in and suggesting you log some official complaint with some official body OR others pronouncing that "I will never buy another Asmodee game again!" (who fucking cares?) OR others wringing their hands/gnashing their teeth at the sheer horrible oppressiveness of it all.

Here's a thought: it will either be fine or it won't...I just don't want to hear you bealing on about it (in that squeaky voice that I imagine you use while you're doing it). Asmodee are not evil, they make stuff and sell it; Recep Tayyip Erdoğan is evil, that fat twat lording it over North Korea is evil...

Anyway, bollocks to all of the geeky arse-gas; you should be doing something like this instead:



or, maybe, this:



A good day to you all.

*ie. exactly the same discussion they all had the LAST time Asmodee did something in tune with their mission statement/business plan
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Sat Jul 23, 2016 7:10 am
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