Every Man Needs A Shed

Life and Games (but mostly games) from Tony Boydell: Dad, Husband and Independent UK Game Designer, Agricola fanboy and jealous admirer of Carl Chudyk.
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FLGS 59 (Returns)

Anthony Boydell
United Kingdom
Newent. Glos
Unspecified
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Every homo sapiens needs an outbuilding within the curtelage of their property
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Welcome...to my Shed!
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Microbadge: I love Europe!Microbadge: 5 Games for Doomsday fanMicrobadge: Talk Talk fanMicrobadge: Citizenship Recognition - Level VI -  Is six any more shiny? ... Well, it's one shinier isn't it? ... Okay, why don't you just make five a bit more shiny and then that would be the most shiny? ... Because these go to six.Microbadge: Klemens Franz fan
(we are in a game store which is both 'friendly' and 'local'; a close inspection of the structural elements will reveal that it's comprised of bricks and mortar and a great many other resources besides. An elegant sufficiency of social interactions are completed on a face-to-face basis. The cashier is perched on a generic swivel chair and spinning, slowly, around and around and around and around and around and around and stopping for a split second to change direction and then spinning, slowly, around and around and around and around and around and around. A customer enters carrying a parcel.)

Doorbell: *klong!*

(the cashier fixes his gaze upon the customer and maintains it as he spins, flicking his head around like a dancer)

Customer: Good, er, morning?

Cashier: (still rotating) Good morning, Sir; how can I help?

Customer: Well, I - (puts parcel down on counter) - bought this from the shop a couple of weeks ago -

Cashier: - Nice -

Customer: - um, yes - and when I got it home -

Cashier: Is it a good home, Sir?

Customer: Well, it's not too bad really.

Cashier: (slowing down notieceably) Needs a lick of paint, windows washing, weeding between the paving stones - that kind of thing?

Customer: I suppose so, yes.

Cashier: Great! Well, don't let me keep you...have a great day!

(with a tremendous push-off, the cashier whizzes around like a dervish; the customer moves to walk out then changes his mind and comes back to the counter)

Customer: (pointing at the parcel) Actually, I really need to sort out this game.

Cashier: (grabs the counter top, bringing the chair to a sudden and violent stop; he topples from the seat on to the floor) Ouch!

Customer: (leaning over to see if the cashier is okay) Oh dear! Are you okay?!

Cashier: (standing up and rubbing his head) I'll be fine, Sir.

Customer: Good. Now - I'd like to sort out a couple of broken bits that came with 'Alubari: A Nice Cup of Tea', please?

Cashier: (pointing) THIS game, Sir?

Customer: Er, yes. Several of the worker pieces are stuck together with the paint, some snapped completely in two and the English rulebook is completely missing.

Cashier: Goodness me, Sir; that's quite the list.

Customer: Indeed.So, what are you going to do about it, please?

Cashier: (strokes chin) That's a difficult one, Sir.

Customer: (peeved) Is it, though?! Quite clearly this is a defective product under the terms of the Sale of Goods Act (1979)!

Cashier: That's as may be, Sir

Customer: What?!?!

Cashier: In this situation, I am forced replace the parts or, indeed, the whole game -

Customer: - as one would expect -

Cashier: - but all of this would be at my own cost!

Customer: So?

Cashier: Well, under new distribution rules I will be unable to claim my own recompense from them, Sir; I would need to go back to the original publisher, Sir.

Customer: Again: so?

Cashier: They're not supplying 'spare parts' either, Sir; only complete games.

Customer: Well, I'll take a complete game then!

Cashier: There's the rub, Sir; I would need to pay for sending to the Publisher and they would send me a replacement which would, in all likelihood, generate a customs/postage charge - which I would have to pay - leaving me considerably out of pocket!

Customer: BUT!

Cashier: (sniggers) You said 'butt', Sir.

Customer: But I have a game that's entirely unplayable!

Cashier: That's not true, though, is it, Sir? You could snap or saw the stuck pieces, apply glue to the broken ones and download/print a copy of the English rules from BGG.

Customer: (indignantly) A broken game loses all of its value!

Cashier: (air quotes) "Value", Sir? This sort of game is printed in the tens-of-thousands and is readily available in both the New and Second-hand markets. Like an expensive car, the game instantly-depreciated by a third the moment you handed over the original purchase price, Sir.

Customer: (spluttering) Never have I -

Cashier: To be honest, Sir, you'll probably find this 'broken' copy is more unique than the other twenty nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine copies that rolled off the conveyor belt in the Summer, Sir. I'd hold on to it 'as-is': it's a collector's piece!

Customer: (furious) This is a disgrace! I shall complain to my local Trade Association! You've not heard the last of this, young man!

(the customer storms out, leaving his parcel behind; a new customer enters)

Customer 2: Good morning.

Cashier: Good morning, Sir.

Customer 2: I bought a copy of Alubari: A Nice Cup of Tea from you, yesterday, and I'm seven rubble cubes short according to the list of components.

Cashier: (picks up the copy that was left behind) Well, you're in luck, Sir - I happen to have a box of spares right here...
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