Every Man Needs A Shed

Life and Games (but mostly games) from Tony Boydell: Dad, Husband and Independent UK Game Designer, Agricola fanboy and jealous admirer of Carl Chudyk.
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FLGS 60 (Corona)

Anthony Boydell
United Kingdom
Newent. Glos
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Every homo sapiens needs an outbuilding within the curtelage of their property
Welcome...to my Shed!
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(we are in an FLGS; it is quiet outside in the main street and it is quiet inside this shop. The cashier is alone and sat behind the counter reading a copy of "Black Market Entrepreneur Monthly"; it has cover stories about "Medicines: storage for the long-term" and "The Apocalypse doesn't have to mean the End of the World". The cashier is wearing a WW2 gas mask and, occasionally, mutters dialog from The Empire Strikes Back in a booming baritone. Presently, a customer - wearing a HAZMAT suit replete with oxygen tank and litter-picker - enters.)

Doorbell: *tingle-a-ling*

Customer: (waving the litter picker claw in the air) Mm-mmff-eh-mmmm-nnnn-umphh!?

Cashier: (putting the magazine down) Mmmf-wumphh?

Customer: (points to a general area of the shop and then cups his palms) Ymmph-nnnnn-ummpha-doomph?

Cashier: Umph?

Customer: Wahhh-wuh-umphh-de-doomph.

Cashier: Ah, Umph (he points to the window)

(the customer walks over to the window, leans in and picks something up with the litter picker; he stumbles back in to a stacked display of miscellaneous Escape Room/Mystery games and they collapse)

Cashier: (shouting) Imm-dooo-umph-de-plooooomphh?!

Customer: Oh! Imm de troomph-boomph-umph-mmmmfff.

Cashier: (ringing it up in the Till) Umph?

Customer: (points at the Match Attax boosters on the counter) De-dumph, wumphhhhhhhhh?

Cashier: Mmff.

Customer: Mmmffff.

Cashier: (chuckling to himself) Oo-umph-de-floomph-de-boomph, eh?!

Customer: (chuckling too) Boomph? De-floomph!!!

(both the customer and the cashier begin howling with laughter: slapping their thighs, bending double and steaming up their masks)

Cashier: Ah-ha!

Customer: Ah-ha!!!

(eventually they calm down)

Cashier: Klummph, eh?!

Customer: De-floomph!

(there is an exchange of monies; the customer takes his items and leaves with a cheery wave)

Cashier: (removing his mask) Well, I have absolutely no idea what that was all ab- (he clutches, suddenly, at his throat) eurgh!

(the cashier falls behind the counter, gasping)

Narrator: (stepping in to shot, he is wearing a Victorian diving suit; at the bottom of 'the screen' there is a scrolling banner with the words "Public Service Announcement") So! (he raises a thickly-gloved hand) Umph pluumph de-doomph-er, eh? De-mmmff-wumphh-unk-bumphh im mmmph-nnnnnff!

(he points at us directly)

Narrator: Umph?
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