Every Man Needs A Shed

Life and Games (but mostly games) from Tony Boydell: Dad, Husband and Independent UK Game Designer, Agricola fanboy and jealous admirer of Carl Chudyk.
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FLGS 64 (Merch)

Anthony Boydell
United Kingdom
Newent. Glos
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Every homo sapiens needs an outbuilding within the curtelage of their property
Welcome...to my Shed!
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(we are in an FLGS and it's a sunny Autumn afternoon; and, as one would expect and fervently hope, a customer enters. There is a steaming cup of tea and a small stack of biscuits on the counter..)

Doorbell: *shpingle-dingle-dong*

(the cashier is elbow-deep in a piñata shaped after Chris Handy, merrily stuffing chewing-gum-sized boxes in to the back end)

Customer: (approaching the counter, cheerily) Good morning, shopkeep!

Cashier: (pulling his arm out) *Phew* Excuse me just a tick, Sir; I've been packing these Pack O Gamess for nearly an hour and there's still plenty of room in "Chris". Probably best that I take a break!

Customer: (a flicker on his furrowed brow and it's gone) Indeed.

Cashier: How can I help Sir, Sir?

Customer: Well, I've been playing modern board games for a while now: Carcassonne, Stone Age, Wingspan and so on -

Cashier: - Good for you, Sir -

Customer: - and I think that I'm very much ready to go to the next level!

Cashier: (delighted) Splendid, Sir! What excellent news! Might I suggest Agricola? Terraforming Mars? Or, perhaps, a foray into the Gloomhavens for Sir. Mrs Sir and Sir's gaming group?!

Customer: (a little doubtful) Well, yes, um - of course that type of game is laudable, yes; but I was thinking of something a bit more...well, um, "merch"-y.

Cashier: (confused) "Merch-y", Sir? As in Merchants of Venus? Merchants and Marauders? Dale of Merchants?

Customer: (shifting his weight from leg to leg) Not really. More like Tee-shirts, Badges (pin, cloth or button), stickers and/or dice.

Cashier: (still confused) Do you mean promos, Sir? We do have a variety of Essen and Gencon 'specials' but only for a limited number of games.

Customer: Again, no; I was thinking more of a Drickerslips eye-patch, a Hadron Shouts Thru mousemat, an Uli Lusts After Wargames "I'm only here for the Critical Misses" sleeveless tee, an Anarcho Syndicalist Meeple Shanty Town Podcast Cookie Cutter. That sort of thing?!

Cashier: Well...(looks about)...I'm not really sure that we -

Customer: (points to a high shelf behind the counter) What's that up there?

Cashier: It's a spare teapot, Sir.

Customer: Oh - I thought it might be a self-straining leaf-tea porcelain mug with the printed signatures of the "Shut The Fuck Up, Sit The Fuck Down And Play The Fucking Game" YouTube Channel presenters.

Cashier: No, Sir.

Customer: (perks up) Well, that's exactly the kind of thing; you don't have any Official Licensed Material for No Pus Included, do you?

Cashier: Well not really, Sir; this is a game shop -

Customer: (a little indignantly) That seems a little narrow-minded, if you don't mind me saying?

Cashier: Eh?

Customer: This is the digital age, after all! Where would designers and publishers be without the enormous community of supportive media types?

Cashier: Well, they'd be exactly where they are al-

Customer: - they'd be stuck with warehouses full of product and empty Bank accounts!

Cashier: That's not strictly -

Customer: - this is the 21st century! Folks don't wander about in shops / surf the wide Internets just buying things!

Cashier: Well, that goes rather against why you're here, Sir -

Customer: - one has to be told, nowadays! To be frank, I have absolutely no respect for my own opinions - I don't even go to gaming websites unless its by following a Social Media-posted link! I depend, entirely, on the auspices of the media community!

Cashier: I'm not sure I can help you, Sir.

Customer: Surely you must have a Rules of Gaming! coaster, at the very least?! I mean, Phil is everywhere nowadays.

Cashier: Sorry, no -

Customer: A My Brain Hurts! Dennis the Hippopotamus musical jewellery box? A The Apocalypse Playlist mirkin?

Cashier: None of those things, no.

Customer: (disappointed) Well, that's disappointing -

Cashier: (has an idea) Hang on a moment, Sir! (picks up his mug, tips the hot tea on to the floor and grabs a marker pen) By sheer luck, I've just found a very rare 'FLGS' mug (scribbles on the ceramic); it might even be (scribbles) one of a kind!

(the cashier hands it over to the customer)

Cashier: That'll be £39.99 please!

Customer: (reads out the fresh writing) "My FLGS thinks I'm a proper mug!" - that's BRILLIANT! Thank you ever so much! (the customer pays and leaves)

Cashier: (picks up his remaining biscuits then realization dawns) Bugger!
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