Stuart Burnham(vk1980)United Kingdom
I know this song, above, was written long ago and has been recorded by many artists but I've always loved the performance given by Beverley Knight on Jools Holland's show. I'd urge you to press the button and give it a listen right now. It plays in my head whenever I am in a contemplative mood and especially when I think about the future. It has indeed "been a long time coming" and I do know that "change is gonna come."
I've somehow been working for the same company for over five years, doing a job that I don't like and that I don't want to do and that has no future. I gave up a good job to do it, partly because I just needed to earn money whilst I studied to be, I hoped, a teacher; and mostly because I was stressed and suffering from anxiety issues and had become depressed (I wrote about this 901 entries ago, way back in post 100!) That was going ok until, in 2015, I failed a module, and got caught in the trap of rising OU fees (yeah, thanks for that Conservative/Lib Dem government) that meant the cost of getting my degree was going to rise sharply and so I stopped to think about things. And then Mrs B was diagnosed with MS (most of you probably know about that already, but you can go back and find the post where I first talked about it if you wish). Things were topsy-turvy and emotional and so I kept my head down and got on with it and put my own future to one side whilst we discovered our new normal.
But now it needs to change.
There is nothing "wrong" - I am not feeling down in any way, and Mrs B's health, whilst not great, is ok. But I am tired. Until I find another job I'll have to keep doing this one and putting up with the draining effect that has on me. I do need to do increasingly more around the home to keep on top of things and provide support to all in my family. And I need to put myself first in some instances and I will need to devote more time and effort to finding and getting that new job, and to other things concerning my well being. I've less and less time it seems to spend on things that are my interests. I've not "gone off games", I'm not "stepping back from the hobby" - I'll certainly still be playing as often as I can.
But, as far as this daily blog goes...
I first decided to stop writing this blog early in 2017. I felt like I'd run out of things to say but then had a change of heart and tried to find ways to make it less of a challenge and less intrusive on my daily routine. Writing a post might take me 20 minutes, on a good day, if I've got an idea already perfectly formed in my mind and photos sitting ready on my phone. But usually it takes twice that, at least, and sometimes an awful lot longer if I count the amount of time that I spend thinking, writing, deleting, cursing and restarting the wi-fi, taking and editing pictures, uploading them (which can really be a pain) and then reading and sense checking (yes, indeed! who knew eh?) what I've written.
I started keeping a list of ideas and titles for future posts, I tried to get regular features on particular days going so that I had structure and I aimed to get at least 2 or 3 weekday posts written at the weekend and set up to automatically appear on the correct days to take the "pressure" off. Sometimes that happened and worked, but mostly it didn't and I found myself slipping back into the same pattern, writing the evening before, after dinner when I could and should've been doing something more useful or relaxing, or else I'd be writing after Mrs B had gone to bed (she needs extra rest) with half an eye on the TV and it dragging on until quite late, often 11 or even midnight (and I get up for work at 6!)
We'd sometimes play a game just so that I could write about it, and there's no question that I was seeking out new or different things, new to me at least, just so I could write about something that I hadn't before. I've certainly bought games just so I could write about them (usually second hand, often cheap - it's not been a "problem") to try and keep things fresh on the blog. Over the latter half of 2017 I could tell that I wanted my gaming to become less broad and more in depth. I don't think that writing (or reading) about the same things all the time would be that interesting either.
So as I could see the 1000th post looming I decided, around August time I think, that I'd stop when I reached that arbitrary milestone. I knew that as the date got closer and closer I might find I was feeling reinvigorated about it all and change my mind. But I don't and I feel not "relieved", that wouldn't be the right word, but I do feel content and happy about my decision and the future.
And there is a future. I do want to write about board games and the industry still, and what we are doing in the family from time to time. But not every day. When I first started this blog a wise man told me to "say what you're going to do with your blog and then do what you said". I said I'd write a daily blog and I did, 1000 times, never missing a day. And now I will write an occasional blog, when I feel I've got something useful or funny or want to rant about or take the piss out of something. There might even be an improvement in quality, you never know!
However there won't be one for a little while now, and when there is they won't be a regular thing. I can't and I won't commit to something where I might not be able to keep my word. So do please keep yourself subscribed, It Beats Watching The TV will pop up, from time to time, and I will still be active around BGG generally.
And so, for now, I'd just like to say; so long. And thank you so very, very much. You've been brilliant. I'll see you around.
A daily blog about games, family and occasionally random other things. Well, it gives me something to do, and you something to read doesn't it!?
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