Every Man Needs A Shed

Life and Games (but mostly games) from Tony Boydell: Dad, Husband and Independent UK Game Designer, Agricola fanboy and jealous admirer of Carl Chudyk.
 Thumb up

FLGS 58 (Spoiler)

Anthony Boydell
United Kingdom
Newent. Glos
flag msg tools
Every homo sapiens needs an outbuilding within the curtelage of their property
Welcome...to my Shed!
Microbadge: I love Europe!Microbadge: 5 Games for Doomsday fanMicrobadge: Talk Talk fanMicrobadge: Citizenship Recognition - Level VI -  Is six any more shiny? ... Well, it's one shinier isn't it? ... Okay, why don't you just make five a bit more shiny and then that would be the most shiny? ... Because these go to six.Microbadge: Klemens Franz fan
(we are in an FLGS – ‘G for Geek’ - it is festooned with tinsel and baubles, fake boughs of holly and sprigs of mistletoe; there is quite a crowd of browsing punters drifting, in a slow-current, around the stacks and shelving. Through the large, plate-glass window, one can see a grey-lit street outside with a gentle dusting of snow settling in to the gutters and on to the cobbles. A customer (be-scarved and be-bobblehat-ted) trudges in to view, glances at the window display, pauses and then changes direction to enter the shop)

Doorbell: *dink* (there is a scratch and then the chorus of ‘Last Christmas’ by Wham! Plays loudly)

Customer: (looking up at the door jamb) Oh shit on it!

Cashier: (smiling from behind an edition of Spielbox with a promotional Eric Lang ‘Frizz-Wig and Pointy Beard’ mask stapled to the front ) Oh dear, Sir! What seems to be the trouble? (he tenderly strokes the soft, downy beard)

Customer: (pointing at the bell apparatus) Your bloody door just Whamageddon-ed me!

Cashier: (chortling) Well sorry about that, ho ho ho, Sir; just trying to maintain the ‘Exmuss Atmoss’ and so on.

Customer: (unravelling his scarf, removing his gloves and muttering) I’d managed to make it through three weeks –

Cashier: (cheerily) Well, it’s all just game, isn’t it Sir? A jolly jape a bit like that one where if you think about ‘the game’ then you’re knocked out of ‘the game’!

Customer: (looking up) What?! Sweet Jesu you’ve done it again! (throws his gloves on to the counter)

Cashier: (crestfallen) Oh my stars, Sir; I am most dreadfully sorry.

Customer: sighing() Well, ok; never mind about all that as I couldn’t help but notice, as I was walking by the premises –

Another Customer: (calling out across the room) At least he didn’t mention the chicken game!

(everyone else in the room turns to that customer and their mouths drop open)

All: Oh for Fuck’s Sake!

Another Customer: (blushing) oh, er, um –

Cashier: (trying to change the subject) Well, what – in the window – can I help you with?

Customer: Yes indeed. Can you tell me more about The Christmas Game, please?

Cashier: Certainly, Sir! It’s a Euro-game take on all the tropes and clichés of this most special time of the year: it mixes traditional customs, historical facts and all of the usual fictions and made up stuff we associate with the Festive Season.

Customer: Fictions? Such as?

Cashier: You know: ‘Krampus’, ‘The Grinch’ and – of course – ‘Father Christmas’

(a small child accompanied by her Mother by the Haßa display bursts in to tears)

Child: (wailing) Mummy – that horrible man just said Santa isn’t real!

Mother: (scowling at the Cashier) Don’t listen to him, dear! (they hurry, quickly, from the shop)

Doorbell: *dink* (‘Last Christmas’ starts up again, followed by the door slamming)

Customer: (tutting loudly) Christ on a fucking bike!

Cashier: (mortified) Um –

Customer: What have you got to say for yourself, eh?!

Cashier: (burbling) Er, um, eek

Customer: Well? Speak up!

Cashier: (embarrassed) I wish the ground would swallow me up, Sir - (pauses, briefly) - like it does with that girl at the end of the movie ‘Drag Me To Hell’, Sir.

A Further Customer: (holding a DVD copy of ‘The Complete Sam Raimi) What the actual fuck?! (throws the box-set down and storms out)

Cashier: (picks up the promotional mask and puts it on) Oh dear, Sir. Oh very dear.

Customer: (softening) Actually, that last one was very niche; I’m not sure you can be blamed for the unfortunate serendipity there.

Cashier: You’re very kind, Sir.

Customer: At least all Hell didn’t break loose! (chuckles)

Cashier: Indeed no, Sir – unlike at the end of Seafall, eh?

Twitter Facebook
Subscribe sub options Fri Dec 20, 2019 6:50 am
Post Rolls
  • [+] Dice rolls
Loading... | Locked Hide Show Unlock Lock Comment     View Previous {{limitCount(numprevitems_calculated,commentParams.showcount)}} 1 « Pg. {{commentParams.pageid}} » {{data.config.endpage}}
    View More Comments {{limitCount(numnextitems_calculated,commentParams.showcount)}} / {{numnextitems_calculated}} 1 « Pg. {{commentParams.pageid}} » {{data.config.endpage}}