Literary: Mark Twain
G. Gomez
United States
Chula Vista
California
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Here is my hommage to one Great American writer.
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1. Board Game: Satan! [Average Rating:6.17 Unranked]
G. Gomez
United States
Chula Vista
California
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"Satan must have been pretty simple, even according to the New Testament, or he wouldn't have led Christ up on a high mountain and offered him the world if he would fall down and worship him. That was a manifestly absurd proposition, because Christ, as the Son of God, already owned the world; and besides, what Satan showed him was only a few rocky acres of Palestine. It is just as if some one should try to buy Rockefeller, the owner of all the Standard Oil Company, with a gallon of kerosene."
 
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2. Board Game: War [Average Rating:2.19 Overall Rank:15333]
G. Gomez
United States
Chula Vista
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"All war must be just the killing of strangers against whom you feel no personal animosity; strangers whom, in other circumstances, you would help if you found them in trouble, and who would help you if you needed it."
 
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3. Board Game: Spank the Monkey [Average Rating:5.95 Overall Rank:4098]
G. Gomez
United States
Chula Vista
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" The monkey is the only animal, except man, that practices this science; hence he is our brother; there is a bond of sympathy and relationship between us. Give this ingenious animal an audience of the proper kind, and he will straightway put aside his other affairs and take a whet; and you will see by the contortions and his ecstatic expression that he takes an intelligent and human interest in his performance."
 
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4. Board Game: News Paper [Average Rating:4.25 Unranked]
G. Gomez
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" It has become a sarcastic proverb that a thing must be true if you saw it in a newspaper. That is the opinion intelligent people have of that lying vehicle in a nutshell. But the trouble is that the stupid people--who constitute the grand overwhelming majority of this and all other nations--do believe and are moulded and convinced by what they get out of a newspaper, and there is where the harm lies"
 
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5. Board Game: Adam & Eva [Average Rating:5.94 Overall Rank:8362]
G. Gomez
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"It all began with Adam. He was the first man to tell a joke--or a lie. How lucky Adam was. He knew when he said a good thing, nobody had said it before. Adam was not alone in the Garden of Eden, however, and does not deserve all the credit; much is due to Eve, the first woman, and Satan, the first consultant."
 
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6. Board Game: The Politicians Game [Average Rating:3.00 Unranked]
G. Gomez
United States
Chula Vista
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"No matter how healthy a man's morals may be when he enters the White House, he comes out again with a pot-marked soul."
 
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7. Board Game: Mississippi Queen [Average Rating:6.37 Overall Rank:1586]
G. Gomez
United States
Chula Vista
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"Presently a film of dark smoke appears above one of those remote 'points;' instantly a negro drayman, famous for his quick eye and prodigious voice, lifts up the cry, 'S-t-e-a-m-boat a-comin'!' . . . Drays, carts, men, boys, all go hurrying from many quarters to a common center, the wharf. Assembled there, the people fasten their eyes upon the coming boat as upon a wonder they are seeing for the first time. And the boat IS rather a handsome sight, too. She is long and sharp and trim and pretty; she has two tall, fancy-topped chimneys, with a gilded device of some kind swung between them; a fanciful pilot-house, a glass and 'gingerbread', perched on top of the 'texas' deck behind them; the paddle-boxes are gorgeous with a picture or with gilded rays above the boat's name; the boiler deck, the hurricane deck, and the texas deck are fenced and ornamented with clean white railings; thereis a flag gallantly flying from the jack-staff; the furnace doors are open and the fires glaring bravely; the upper decks are black with passengers; the captain stands by the big bell, calm, imposing, the envy of all; great volumes of the blackest smoke are rolling and tumbling out of the chimneys. . . the crew are grouped on the forecastle; the broad stage is run far out over the port bow, and an envied deckhand stands picturesquely on the end of it with a coil of rope in his hand; the pent steam is screaming through the gauge-cocks, the captain lifts his hand, a bell rings, the wheels stop; then they turn back, churning the water to foam, and the steamer is at rest. Then such a scramble as there is to get aboard, and to get ashore, and to take in freight and to discharge freight, all at one and the same time; and such a yelling and cursing as the mates facilitate it all with! Ten minutes later the steamer is under way again. . ."
 
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8. Board Game: The Cigar Game [Average Rating:4.17 Unranked]
G. Gomez
United States
Chula Vista
California
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"When I was a youth I used to take all kinds of pledges, and do my best to keep them, but I never could, because I didn't strike at the root of the habit--the desire; I generally broke down within the month. Once I tried limiting a habit. That worked tolerably well for a while. I pledged myself to smoke but one cigar a day. I kept the cigar waiting until bedtime, then I had a luxurious time with it. But desire persecuted me every day and all day long; so, within the week I found myself hunting for larger cigars than I had been used to smoke; then larger ones still, and still larger ones. Within the fortnight I was getting cigars made for me--on a yet larger pattern. They still grew and grew in size. Within the month my cigar had grown to such proportions that I could have used it as a crutch. It now seemed to me that a one-cigar limit was no real protection to a person, so I knocked my pledge on the head and resumed my liberty."
 
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9. Board Game: The Amusing Game of Kilkenny Cats [Average Rating:7.00 Unranked]
G. Gomez
United States
Chula Vista
California
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"I simply can't resist a cat, particularly a purring one. They are the cleanest, cunningest, and most intelligent things I know, outside of the girl you love, of course."
 
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10. Board Game: Marriage Material [Average Rating:5.36 Overall Rank:13326]
G. Gomez
United States
Chula Vista
California
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"Women cannot receive even the most palpably judicious suggestion without arguing it; that is, married women."
 
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11. Board Game: Adultery [Average Rating:3.50 Unranked]
G. Gomez
United States
Chula Vista
California
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"By temperament, which is the real law of God, many men are goats and can't help committing adultery when they get a chance; whereas there are numbers of men who, by temperament, can keep their purity and let an opportunity go by if the woman lacks in attractiveness."
 
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12. Board Game: Game of Baseball [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
G. Gomez
United States
Chula Vista
California
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"At the great baseball match on Tuesday, while I was engaged in hurrahing, a small boy walked off with an English-made brown silk UMBRELLA belonging to me, & forgot to bring it back. I will pay $5 for the return of that umbrella in good condition to my house on Farmington avenue. I do not want the boy (in an active state) but will pay two hundred dollars for his remains."
 
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13. Board Game: Monster Medic [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
G. Gomez
United States
Chula Vista
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"To ask a doctor or builder or sculptor for his autograph would be in no way rude. To ask one of those for a specimen of his work, however, is quite another thing, and the request might be justifiably refused. It would never be fair to ask a doctor for one of his corpses to remember him by."
 
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14. Board Game: Ants in the Pants [Average Rating:4.27 Overall Rank:15221]
G. Gomez
United States
Chula Vista
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"As a thinker and planner, the ant is the equal of any savage race of men; as a self-educated specialist in several arts, she is the superior of any savage race of men; and in one or two high mental qualities she is above the reach of any man, savage or civilized!"
 
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15. Board Game: The Clairol Beauty Game [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
G. Gomez
United States
Chula Vista
California
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"There are women who have an indefinable charm in their faces which makes them beautiful to their intimates, but a cold stranger who tried to reason the matter out and find this beauty would fail."
 
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16. Board Game: Napoleon [Average Rating:5.79 Unranked]
G. Gomez
United States
Chula Vista
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"Bonaparte instituted the setting of merit above birth, and also so completely stripped the divinity from royalty that, whereas crowned heads in Europe were gods before, they are only men since, and can never be gods again, but only figure-heads, and answerable for their acts like common clay. Such benefactions as these compensate the temporary harm which Bonaparte and the Revolution did, and leave the world in debt to them for these great and permanent services to liberty, humanity, and progress."
 
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17. Board Game: Bibleopoly [Average Rating:3.66 Overall Rank:15054]
G. Gomez
United States
Chula Vista
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" The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same; but the medical practice changes...The world has corrected the Bible. The church never corrects it; and also never fails to drop in at the tail of the procession- and take the credit of the correction. During many ages there were witches. The Bible said so. the Bible commanded that they should not be allowed to live. Therefore the Church, after eight hundred years, gathered up its halters, thumb-screws, and firebrands, and set about its holy work in earnest. She worked hard at it night and day during nine centuries and imprisoned, tortured, hanged, and burned whole hordes and armies of witches, and washed the Christian world clean with their foul blood.
Then it was discovered that there was no such thing as witches, and never had been. One does not know whether to laugh or to cry.....There are no witches. The witch text remains; only the practice has changed. Hell fire is gone, but the text remains. Infant damnation is gone, but the text remains. More than two hundred death penalties are gone from the law books, but the texts that authorized them remain."
 
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18. Board Game: Skittle Pool [Average Rating:5.79 Unranked]
G. Gomez
United States
Chula Vista
California
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"The game of billiards has destroyed my naturally sweet disposition."
 
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19. Board Game: Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots [Average Rating:4.69 Overall Rank:15189]
G. Gomez
United States
Chula Vista
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"A round consists of only 3 minutes; then the men retire to their corners and sit down and lean their heads back against a post and gasp and pant like fishes, while one man fans them with a fan, another with a table-cloth, another rubs their legs and sponges off their faces and shoulders and blows sprays of water in their faces from his own mouth. Only one minute is allowed for this; then time is called and they jump up and go to fighting again. It is absorbingly interesting."
 
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20. Board Game: Bike About [Average Rating:5.54 Unranked]
G. Gomez
United States
Chula Vista
California
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" It was on the 10th day of May--1884--that I confessed to age by mounting spectacles for the first time, and in the same hour I renewed my youth, to outward appearance, by mounting a bicycle for the first time.
The spectacles stayed on."
 
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21. Board Game: Cannibal Pygmies in the Jungle of Doom [Average Rating:5.77 Overall Rank:8597] [Average Rating:5.77 Unranked]
G. Gomez
United States
Chula Vista
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"I regard the poor man, in his present condition, as so much wasted raw material. Cut up and properly canned, he might be made useful to fatten the natives of the cannibal islands and to improve our export trade in that region. I shall recommend legislation upon the subject in my first message. My campaign cry will be: "Dessicate the poor working-man; stuff him into sausages.""
 
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22. Board Game: Golf Masters [Average Rating:4.79 Overall Rank:14305]
Richard Irving
United States
Salinas
California
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Golf is a good walk, spoiled.
 
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23. Board Game: Smokers Wild [Average Rating:5.09 Overall Rank:14053]
Richard Irving
United States
Salinas
California
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Quitting smoking is the easiest thing I have ever done. I have done it thousands of times.
 
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24. Board Game: Busen Memo [Average Rating:4.80 Overall Rank:15116]
Richard Irving
United States
Salinas
California
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
 
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25. Board Game: Scrabble [Average Rating:6.29 Overall Rank:1504]
Richard Irving
United States
Salinas
California
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For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g
j" anomali wonse and for all.

Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.

Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud
hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.
 
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