Ask Lovecraft
Robin DH
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Alexandria
Virginia
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Add an item and ask a question - I'll reply in the comments and you will be astoundedwhistle as I embody the spirit of the Man Himself.


Dear 'Geeks',

This is my second time fiddling with the type-writer and I must say the instrument is not at all to my taste. It is the jangling rhythm, both to the ear and to the finger tips, which gets on my 'last nerves'. But it is a necessary evil in these times. If these missives are to be transmitted to you from beyond the wall of sleep, I will have to live with this wretched modern luxury. All said it always leaves me quite fagged.

It is with some anxiety and trepidation that I reach out to you through this medium, and humbly offer some of my limited wisdom to indulge your questions, curiosity and base intrusion. I will endeavor to answer each and every question, even if it concerns my mediocre attempts at amateur fiction.

In brief, 'Ask away!'

Yr most obedient Servt.
HPLovecraft
"I am Providence."
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1. Board Game: Cthulhu Wars: Azathoth Expansion [Average Rating:8.29 Unranked] [Average Rating:8.29 Unranked]
Jim Calabrese
United States
Connecticut
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What?
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Dear Mr. Lovecraft,

Is Azathoth so powerful that he can make a burrito so spicy that it's to hot for even him to eat? Thank you,

H.G.

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2. Board Game: City of Horror: Lawn Mower [Average Rating:6.87 Unranked] [Average Rating:6.87 Unranked]
Mal Content
United States
Caln Township
Pennsylvania
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Don't be a luddy-duddy! Don't be a mooncalf! Don't be a jabbernowl! You're not those, are you?
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Dear Lovecraft,

How do I keep those damn kids off my lawn?

Regards,
Curmudgeon
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3. Board Game: The Totally Insane Card Game [Average Rating:5.94 Overall Rank:12315]
Ronster Zero
United States
California
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Sup HP,

Why does Apple make me import my music into iTunes just to listen to existing MP3s?
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4. Board Game: The Black Hole: Voyage of Fear Game [Average Rating:2.67 Unranked]
Paul Shabatowski
Canada
Stittsville
Ontario
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Mr. Lovecraft,

If the greatest emotion of man is fear and the greatest fear of man the unknown, what is the greatest unknown to man?
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5. GeekList: Ask Lovecraft
Russ Williams
Poland
Wrocław
Dolny Śląsk
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Dear Mr. Lovecraft,

I wondered if you might comment on the recent startling revelations that the government of our fair land has been surreptitiously examining correspondence between citizens: not only postal missives, but even communications sent using the most recent electrical marvels such as the telephone and the telegraph.

As you know, this eavesdropping has been explained as a necessary measure to protect the citizenry against horrors from beyond, but what of man's right to privacy? Are there some secrets the government was not meant to know?

Yours,
a concerned citizen
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6. Board Game: Arkham Horror: Miskatonic Horror Expansion [Average Rating:7.88 Unranked] [Average Rating:7.88 Unranked]
Chad Taylor
United States
Darien
Connecticut
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M. Lovecraft,

I am gladdened by this list, as there is something I have always wanted to ask of you, but have found the fees for calls beyond the veil to be too steep (damned Verizon).

Can you, for the first time in your storied career, please describe indescribable horror?
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7. Board Game: Pi-Rats [Average Rating:5.50 Unranked]
Steve e^(iπ)+1=0
United States
Marietta
Georgia
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HP,

Do you think the beauty Euler's Identity could be used to combat the evils of the Old Ones and non-Euclidean geometry?



Sin cerely,
JK
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8. Video Game: Amnesia: The Dark Descent [Average Rating:7.52 Overall Rank:441]
Greg
United States
New York
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Dear Mr. Lovecraft,

Just what is that Thing in the woods which lives behind my house? It seems to like me.


Also, Was Mr. Howard really just a big jerk?


Thank you so much for your correspondence and hope all is well,

Gregzilla
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9. Board Game: Arkham Horror: The King in Yellow Expansion [Average Rating:7.63 Unranked] [Average Rating:7.63 Unranked]
Carthoris Pyramidos
United States
Centennial
Colorado
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Dear Grandpa,

Between you and me, it's perfectly clear that "Hastur" is not the name of the Summum Innominandum. Reading a little Chambers and Bierce makes it clear that Hastur is simply the world where His observances are maintained in Ythill. Yet "the cult of Hastur" has been mis-interpreted by the vulgar to mean that there is a supposedly terrible god named Hastur, who is in fact contemptible for doing nothing about the mention of His forbidden name.

All of which is a long way of asking, what should be done about Wil Wheaton?

By Cyttorak's Crimson Bands,
Carthoris
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10. Board Game: Nightmare House [Average Rating:5.94 Overall Rank:12045]
Chris Valk
United States
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Dear Mr. Lovecraft:

I recently moved into a new apartment and am satisfied, by-and-large. I do have one problem, however, for which I am seeking your advice.

My bedroom is of good size but queerly irregular shape and serves as a dimensional gateway. My neighbors in the adjoining dimension seem pleasant enough. We rarely speak except for the odd hello, and a dear old woman once saved the day with a cup of sulphur when I was running low. Until now, I've had no cause for complaint.

For the past several nights, my ears have been assaulted by a cacophony of chants, screams, Brian Eno music, and the shuffling of naked feet. I am a reasonable person, but, as a light sleeper in the best of times, I am finding it increasingly difficult not to give them what for in the strongest of terms. However, I do not wish to antagonize my neighbors and unleash unimaginable horrors upon the human race. Also, they strike me as litigious.

How should I proceed? Please help. I am fast becoming a pale shade of my former self.

Sincerely,
Weary in the Witch House
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11. Board Game: Unspeakable Words [Average Rating:6.24 Overall Rank:2817]
Ryan
United States
ATX
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Dearest H.P. Lovecraft,

On behalf of the Royal Order of Followers of the Great Old Ones, Chapter MCVII, I fell compelled to propose this query: What words are so horrific, so odious, perhaps even so awful that you dear not even think them...much less commit them to paper?

For example: Bieber.

Yours in Cthulhu,

REDACTED
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12. Board Game: Honey Nut Cheerios Spelling Bee Game [Average Rating:3.25 Unranked]
zoten zombie
Germany
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Some people prefer the finer things in life... I'm alright just hanging out with the ghost of Vincent Price.
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Rejoice... The great God fear is dead!
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Dear Mr Lovecraft,

WAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZUP??

Sincerely,
A disciple
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13. Board Game: Pirates vs. Dinosaurs [Average Rating:6.16 Overall Rank:6468]
Chris Flux
United Kingdom
Cropwell Bishop
Nottinghamshire
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Dear H P Lovecraft

Please explain this.....



Regards
Tadpoleface
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14. Board Game: Gears of War: The Board Game [Average Rating:7.47 Overall Rank:387]
Kelly N.
United States
Richmond
Texas
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Dear old dude,

How do I get my lousy family (wife & son) to play games other than GoW with enough attention to detail that is doesn't tick me off and cause me to yell and gripe at everyone which then makes them hate board games because I'm being such a horse's arse all the time?
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15. Board Game: Cthulhu Fluxx [Average Rating:6.12 Overall Rank:2909]
Mark Rickards
Australia
Hobart
Tasmania
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Dear HPL

Please explain how THIS was ever allowed to happen!!!
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16. Board Game: Monty Python's Really Silly Board Game [Average Rating:4.25 Unranked]
Simon Brand
Scotland
Edinburgh
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Dear HP,

What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Kind regards,
Bridgekeeper
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17. Board Game: Cthulhu Dice [Average Rating:5.22 Overall Rank:16925]
Bob Bob742
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Dear Mr Lovecraft,

Why is this the least fun of ANY game based upon your works?

And I ain't no SJGames hater.

Yours in dimensional shambling,
Bobobob
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18. Board Game: Felinia [Average Rating:6.49 Overall Rank:3370]
Maverick Reborn
United Kingdom
Brighton
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Dear HPL

As an avid fan of your work and a lover of cats should I name my cat after yours or is it racially insensitive for the modern era?

Regards,

M.
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19. Board Game: Electronic Dream Phone [Average Rating:5.84 Overall Rank:13754]
Michael Erb
United States
Parkersburg
West Virginia
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Mr. Lovecraft,

I carry a small box in my pocket. When I put it up to my ear I hear voices. When I look at it I see images, sometimes kittens, sometimes people falling off bicycles. When I ask questions a woman's voice answers. She says she is my friend.

I know I should throw the box away, but instead it consumes my time and my thoughts. Sometimes I shun human companionship in favor of its dark images. At dinnertime I barely converse with my wife because the box tells me of the weather in Istanbul or that someone has given me a thumb.

Am I going mad?

Yours truly,

ME
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20. Board Game Publisher: Games Workshop Ltd.
Brian Lucid
United States
Mountain House
California
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HPL, I came across this peculiar glyph whilst I was perusing Frazier's The Golden Bough. A curious glyph that fills me with loathing and dread for some unknown reason. Could this be the depiction of what you describe as the indescribable horror? Could it have some other esoteric or nefarious meaning? Alas the description had been hastily ripped out of my copy of the Golden Bough leaving only this picture on the page. I have no idea what Frazier meant by including it in his work.

Yours, etc...
Ali B
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21. Board Game: The Ungame: Christian Version [Average Rating:3.37 Unranked]
Steven Parsonage
United States
Missouri
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Dear Mr. Lovecraft,

Not to be a busybody, but it seems like the stories you write reflect your own struggles with personal demons. I too wrestle with unresolved family issues, and I wanted to ask for your advice on something.

I've heard that this game, when played in a nice, safe, non-confrontational environment, can really help a troubled soul get in touch with their inner child.

I found this game in the local library stuffed in between a copy of the "King in Yellow" and "50 Shades of Grey" (Oh Snap! LOL! blush)

I plan to bring it to our annual family reunion next week. It's at the The Knights of Columbus and Order of the Silver Dawn meeting hall here in Innsmouth. I have a few questions about the family history, and I'm hoping this game will help "break the ice".

What are your thoughts on the therapeutic merits of playing this game with close family members?

Yours,
W. Whateley
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