Oh, Santa! You so funny! (A Geeklist for Sharing Santa's funny emails) 2013 Edition
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Secret Santa 2013 has officially begun! Sooo, I figured I'd go ahead and create a 2nd Edition of this list for people to post their Santa taunts! I just cut this and pasted from last year and I will add the 1st email I sent last year to my target as an example. Have fun!

Okay, so, it turns out that reading through Santa's geekmail is seriously fun. I enjoy reading through all the messages to Santa's poor targets and some of them are very clever!

I'm making this Geeklist as a way for everyone to share some of Santa's funniest, nicest, and strangest emails.

I'll add the first entry with my own very first taunt to my target to show an example... don't worry, it's safe-- my target has already followed my clues and found out my real identity! (I was lucky to have a very awesome Target who played along with me and responded to all of my taunts very quickly!)

Then, what I want you guys to do is: Add an entry with an email from your Santa that you thought was awesome or one that you've found in Santa's outbox that you've read that you thought was particularly clever.

If you would like to add an email that you sent to your target, but don't want them to know then just Geekmail me with the email and I will add it myself so that you remain anonymous.

Here is the link to last year's list (2012): Oh, Santa! You so funny! (A Geeklist for Sharing Santa's funny emails)
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1. Board Game: Secret Santa [Average Rating:7.92 Unranked]
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I'll add the first entry with my own very first taunt to my target [from last year!] to show an example...

Quote:
Subject: Every move you make; Every step you take...
I've been watching you!

Well, Tim, it seems this year that Santa has developed a drinking problem (eggnog is a dangerous thing this time of year!) so he is laid up in bed singing "adult" versions of Christmas songs...he'll probably be there 'til mid-December.

Luckily, one of the elves let me know that you're in dire need of a good/bad evaluation so I took a look at your profile.

It seems, Tim, that you are dangerously close to being thrown on the "bad" list! You haven't been very active here on BGG--- you're last play was logged back in 2010! And you haven't been keeping your owned list rated! And there are NO comments on anything in your owned or wish lists!!!

HOWEVER, it does seem that you have been a pretty good boy besides that. I saw your letter on your profile; that was very nice of you to add. Although, I wish it would have given me a little information about your family. I noticed that you have some kids... boys are they?

Anyway, I've written too much. I just want to let you know that, since your wishlist was pretty short I didn't have any trouble picking out a gift for you and it is on its way!!! It may even arrive sometime this week if Santa doesn't slip the elves any eggnog--- which he does very often, so it may be next week before it arrives.

Last thing and then I've got to go tend Santa, he's fell out of bed again and the elves are so small---they have a terrible time trying to get him back up there. If you would be so kind as to update your profile letter to include a little bit of information about your family that would be enough to convince me to send you and them a little seperate care package with some goodies for the wife and kids.

Merry (early) Christmas,

Mrs. Claus (Santa stand-in for when Santa can't stand)
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2. Board Game: Christmas Party Gift Exchange Game [Average Rating:2.20 Unranked]
Paige Watson
United States
Snohomish
Washington
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I posted a note on the Bgg 2013 Secret Santa Registration Thread about how much I enjoy this exchange (and the fun that comes with it).

Here's what I received from my Secret Santa yesterday:

Santa wrote:
Subject: Guess who made the naughty list...
...and it isn't Hitler, Saddam or Richard Simmons!

You! Yes, you... PAIGEW.... I'll give you a chance to update your wishlist now, so you better do so, because if you don't, I've got a whole closet full of My Little Pony Hide & Seek coming your way.

I like making my target do stuff to earn more, so please have the following items readily available:

- Digital Camera
- Paper, Glue & Finger paints
- Colored Pens and Pencils
- Tinsel and/or holiday wrapping
- Festive sweater or hat (if hat, must have floppy ear covers)
- Egg Nog
- Yule Log
- Spiced Cider
- Fruit Cake Mix
- Mulled Wine fixings (Wine, spices, large cooking pot)
- Long Underwear
- Small Furry Woodland Creatures (1 bunch)
- 3 Calling Birds
- 2 French Hens
- 1 large group of friends(or family)
- various and sundry board game pieces
- other (*this may be anything that I dream up on the spot)

Did I forget anything?

I love BGG Secret Santa (and he might love you too...)

Christmas is canceled as of this moment because of you! I was going to send you coal as a present, but it's worth more than what I want to give you! So feel free to buy your own!

http://itscoaltime.com

What do you have to say for yourself?!

Merry Christmas,
Big S.


My reply:

paigew wrote:
Dear Santa,

First off, I apologize if I've upset you. My post was (somewhat) in jest, but meant to convey the joy that I have for this season and the spirit of giving that goes with it.

Who knew that something I posted on the web would come back to bite me? I thought that BGG was just a series of tubes...

I have readied the below list of items, much to the dismay of my wife. The birds don't seem to like the closet and the Small Furry Woodland creature (Sciurus griseus) has already destroyed the youle log and eaten all the Fruit Cake mix, but is satiated for now...

I looked at the site for purchasing my own gift and was suprised to find that the price of coal has gone up in recent years... As I have no way of burning the coal I would receive, I would much rather put the cost of the coal toward helping others if you would be amenable to that.

And finally, I have updated my wishlist and await your visit.

Happy Holidays,
Paige


Recieved this response:

Santa wrote:
Subject: [OUT OF OFFICE MESSAGE] - Re:Guess who made the naughty list...

*********************************
This is an Automated Elf Message
Do NOT REPLY
*********************************

Thank you for your interest in Santa, we are sorry at this time that "Big Red" is out of the office on an extended vacation. Your request will be handled in the order it was received. Please wait at least 2 lunar days for your assigned Customer Service rep to be contacting you.

Your assigned Customer Service rep is:

Dinky Dinkleberry
Christmas Elf Consortium




===================================================

UPDATE 11/11

Got this last Sunday...

xmaselves wrote:
Salutations and Christmas cheer to you friend Paige!

It is I, Dinky Dinkleberry to address your Christmas questions and concerns in the holiday manner you DESERVE! Please forgive me as I'm a new elf in the Customer service department! My training is going well! I work as much as I want! Why just 5 minutes ago, I only dreamed of being Customer Service Elf! And look at me now! I am! Maybe in 10 minutes, I will TAKE the supervisor's job because I'm inebriated!

Sorry. I'm getting a bit off topic. Lets talk more about me! Before this, I was Drow elf, murdering and pillaging but I gave up the good life because the judge ordered me and assigned this nice parole officer to me, Kris Kringle. He promised me all the white powder I could ever dream of! Well, as a recovering drug addict, this sounded great. When I took this job 5 minutes ago, I also filed my first grievance letter.

Now about your needy Christmas wishlist. Was it you that was bugging me to get you a puppy? Well, tonight after work I went out and I got you one! But on the way home, I got hungry and I ate it! I'm joking! I'd never get you a puppy!

As you know Santa is a busy guy. He is willing to forgive you for your insolence in your previous letter demanding he pay tribute to help others if you fill out his standard official Christmas Gift Acquisition Request Form, number 1138.99. Please fill the form out in triplicate. Mail one copy to Santa, one copy to us elves and then mail yourself a copy because we said so in triplicate!

OFFICIAL CHRISTMAS GIFT ACQUISITION FORM #1138.99B Failure to fill out this form properly will result in the termination of your race.

1. Where do you think the north pole is located?

2. Why is Santa's clothes Red?

3. How many reindeer does Santa have?

4. Why is Rudolph's nose so bright?

5. In the event of a Nuclear War, which countries should get it first?

6. Who would win in this fight to the finish? A grilled cheese sandwich or a taco?

7. How would you like to pay your extortion fee's before celebrating Christmas?

Warmest regards,
Dinky Dinkleberry
Elf Consortium


btw


Santa waits for your response...




My Response:

paigew wrote:
Dear Dinky,

And a happy Holidays to you too!
I just wanted to you to know how excited I am to hear of your meteoric rise in status and position at "the company". I'm sure by the time that this reaches you, you will have been promoted even further!

I appreciate the effort you have put into my case and it is evident that you embody the Drow philosophy of "those who survive are strong".


Please see my answers below...

I have sent this in triplicate as requested.

xmaselves wrote:
Salutations and Christmas cheer to you friend Paige!

It is I, Dinky Dinkleberry to address your Christmas questions and concerns in the holiday manner you DESERVE! Please forgive me as I'm a new elf in the Customer service department! My training is going well! I work as much as I want! Why just 5 minutes ago, I only dreamed of being Customer Service Elf! And look at me now! I am! Maybe in 10 minutes, I will TAKE the supervisor's job because I'm inebriated!

Sorry. I'm getting a bit off topic. Lets talk more about me! Before this, I was Drow elf, murdering and pillaging but I gave up the good life because the judge ordered me and assigned this nice parole officer to me, Kris Kringle. He promised me all the white powder I could ever dream of! Well, as a recovering drug addict, this sounded great. When I took this job 5 minutes ago, I also filed my first grievance letter.

Now about your needy Christmas wishlist. Was it you that was bugging me to get you a puppy? Well, tonight after work I went out and I got you one! But on the way home, I got hungry and I ate it! I'm joking! I'd never get you a puppy!

As you know Santa is a busy guy. He is willing to forgive you for your insolence in your previous letter demanding he pay tribute to help others if you fill out his standard official Christmas Gift Acquisition Request Form, number 1138.99. Please fill the form out in triplicate. Mail one copy to Santa, one copy to us elves and then mail yourself a copy because we said so in triplicate!

OFFICIAL CHRISTMAS GIFT ACQUISITION FORM #1138.99B Failure to fill out this form properly will result in the termination of your race.

1. Where do you think the north pole is located?


The North Pole is the northernmost point on the Earth, lying diametrically opposite the South Pole. It defines geodetic latitude 90° North, as well as the direction of true north. At the North Pole all directions point south; all lines of longitude converge there, so its longitude can be defined as any degree value.

xmaselves wrote:

2. Why is Santa's clothes Red?


I found many answers to this question, but I like this one best:
He lives at the North Pole. The North Pole is in Canada. The Canadian flag is red and white. Santa Claus is Canadian. He made a special deal with Canadian Customs and the United Nations that by wearing matching clothes with the flag as identification he doesn't get slowed down crossing borders


From wikipedia:
[The red suit] is often mistakenly attributed to the work of Haddon Sundblom, who drew images of Santa in advertising for the Coca-Cola Company since 1931. Although Sundblom's work certainly changed the perception of Santa Claus, the red suit was shown on the covers of Harper's Weekly at least forty years before his work for the soda company was published.

xmaselves wrote:

3. How many reindeer does Santa have?


While the most common ones are the "Main 9", I'm sure Sanata has a who herd of reindeer.

xmaselves wrote:

4. Why is Rudolph's nose so bright?

From "The Local" in Norway:
In a study released on Monday, researchers in Norway and the Netherlands used a hand-held microscope to examine the nasal lining of five healthy humans, two reindeer and a sixth person with a non-cancerous nasal growth.

Reindeer noses have 25 percent more blood vessels than human noses, according to the tongue-in-cheek investigation, published by the British Medical Journal (BMJ) in its Christmas edition.

The tiny blood vessels provide plentiful oxygen-carrying cells and help control the body's temperature, showed their findings, which were backed by an infrared image of a reindeer after exercise.

"Rudolph's nose is red because it is richly supplied with red blood cells, comprises a highly dense microcirculation, and is anatomically and physiologically adapted for reindeer to carry out their flying duties for Santa Claus," the paper observes

xmaselves wrote:

5. In the event of a Nuclear War, which countries should get it first?

None. "The only winning move is not to play"



xmaselves wrote:

6. Who would win in this fight to the finish? A grilled cheese sandwich or a taco?


I think I would root for the taco, but in the end I believe the grilled cheese sandwich would come out the victor. I think the taco shells would crumble at the first hit, while the grilled cheese would only get tougher as it the longer it stands out....

xmaselves wrote:

7. How would you like to pay your extortion fee's before celebrating Christmas?


The same way as everyone else. I'll go downtown (or online) and give money to our corporate masters.

xmaselves wrote:

Warmest regards,
Dinky Dinkleberry
Elf Consortium


And to you Dinky.



==========================================================

Update 11/21


ANother one today:
xmaselves wrote:
Happy Holidays to you PaigeW!

I regret to inform you that Dinky Dinkleberry is no longer your assigned customer service rep. I will be taking his place, Mookie Monkleberry! I'm terribly sorry for this inconvenience!



One of our reindeer had the sniffles and a broken leg. So Santa asked Dinky to take care of the poor fella and last I heard, Dinky walked into the stable with a shotgun. Happy Endings? Who knows! Merry Christmas!

I would like to inform you that a senior Elf has evaluated your answers from the previous message. Please see the corrections in red. Super Joyous Christmas!

paigew wrote:

[SNIP] Removed quote of previous message [/SNIP]


Everything is wrong. Why might you ask? You were asked to fill out form 1138.99. You filled out 1138.99B. Attention to details young Paigew! Senior management will inform you of the consequences at the time of their choosing! Although personally I did very much enjoy your answers I one day hope to share this with others, I will have to keep these to myself until the consortium has made a ruling. Oh, and your video had elves upset. It did not work.

Btw, we'd like to update Santa's records. Where do you normally make your gaming purchases? Santa wants to destroy this place with his Festive-firebreathing-tree-zilla;



Merry Christmas and may your eggnog always bring you bliss!

Mookie Monkleberry
Customer Service Rep
Elf Consortium



==========================================================

Update 12/04
Looks like the final installment is here...


xmaselves wrote:
Yo Paigew!

It is I, Macho Machoberry, Lord of the Elves! You may have noticed that its-bin-sum-time since us elf-gods have bin in contact! So whaddya-gunna-do-about-it? Oh, right, santa has decreed or sum bs-like-that, we elves present a picture of us, in xmas sweaters. Me and my boi's don't care for that trite much. So whaddya gunna do?! Feast your eyes on pure-awesome! YEEEEAAHHHH!! DAMN!!! I BE BALLIN!



So weez dont really noz yer name, so youve bin dubbed "Ben" from now on! Whaddya gunna do?! Badda-bing-Badda-bam! Dont like?! Suck sum gingerbread!

Oh, and anutter thing, this guy named Dinky said you'll know what all this is about;

[URL Redacted.../]

He sayz sumting to do with a form-or-sumthin? I saw a shippin label on the box, it read "A Christmas surprise or the final solution?" Yo, you be lucky!


Warning! Actualz delievery person may look a lot bigger, harrier and uglier. Your package may also not be exactly as shown!



Dooz us a favor? If yer still around after the package arrives, let us know! Mookie wants to send his pet over.


Peace Bro!
Macho
Elf Consortium




==============================================
12/07

Received my gift today.

It was two games: Takenoko and Power Grid

Thank you Santa!
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3. Board Game: Yo ho ho [Average Rating:4.86 Unranked]
NICK KOUKOS
Greece
HERAKLION ,CRETE
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Yes, I received a message from my Santa! It was saying (word by word):

Ho ho ho!

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4. Board Game: Hi-Ho! Santa Claus Game [Average Rating:6.00 Unranked]
Jarrod Murray
United States
Seattle
WA
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This is the first year I have participated in Secret Santa and until this morning I didn't even really know about taunting. I received this email from Santa:

Seasons greetings, Jarrod!

I've been keeping tabs on you, son, and it seems like you have had quite the year! oh ho ho!

You know, it seems like yesterday that I myself got into the cheery hobby of board gaming - I just hit my 5 year anniversary a few months ago! Like you, my gaming started with Mrs. Claus, but she's on to other ventures these days.

I see that you enjoy the snow sports. Good man. Little known fact about me: in the offseason, I am a competitive dog-sledder. Now, I don't own any dogs, but my elves make the cutest little terrier costumes that fit them just perfectly. Oddly enough, I still haven't won a meet.

Like you, I'm also an avid snowboarder. Unlike you, my "normal" home is in a very... shall we say... warm state (hint hint). But, every year, Mrs. Claus and I pack up and head to the glorious slopes of Breckenridge, CO. Next year, we are bucking the trend and trekking to Whistler, though. Perhaps we can stop by on the way, and I can teach you how a real man plays Eclipse.

Enough about me... let's talk about you:

Do you play games mostly with your wife/family, or do you have a gaming group too?

What are the most important aspects of a game to you? If I had to guess based on your profile, I'd say theme.

Where do you like to snowboard? What kind of gear do you have?

What do you do for a job?

If you could visit any 5 places in the world, where would you go?

Do antelopes make good pets?

Do you like sports?

Are you good at riddles?

Do you like prizes?

Would you like a prize if you solved the riddle of my identity?

Do you like games?

Do you like bidding?

How would you like to bid on the number of hints you need from me to guess my true identity?

Would you agree to receiving an extra special bonus gift if you guess correctly within your bogeyed number of hints?

My, oh my, so many questions. So few answers. So little time. Jarrod, we must move quickly.

You must answer my questions, but you must answer them on your user profile page. If any are too personal for you to post publicly, you may skip them.

Until then!!!!

HOHOHO!


I didn't realize how thorough Santa was.
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5. Board Game: Secret Santa [Average Rating:7.92 Unranked]
United States
Middlesboro
Kentucky
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Got an email with some taunts from a Santa who wanted me to add them for him/her!

Quote:
{target's name};

Your profile slid across my desk this morning. I think perhaps this was a clerical error, but the big man in red Mrs. Claus doesn't usually make mistakes. I have it on good authority you were a very naughty boy this year. As much as I would, er, love to give you presents and good will and junk, I simply can't waste time on snot-nosed little naughties. That said, I'm going to give you a few chances to get youself on the nice list.

GOOD little boys comment on their wish list to let san me know what they want.
BAD little boys share treats with their daughters instead of keeping it themselves. So you don't want to do that!
GOOD little boys leave a note for me in their profile acknowledging they received this message.
BAD little boys ignore messages from Santa (that's me), and don't care if they get swatted with birch branches. So you don't want to do that!
GOOD little boys leave some schnapps out for me (Santa) on Christmas eve. Don't think I won't check.

You have your instructions. I expect you'll carry them out asap. You wouldn't want to.. miss out, after all.

Heh Heh Heh,
Kram
Santa.


Target wrote:
Dear Mr. Claus,

I received your note today and was so very excited to get it. My excitement quickly dwindled as I realized what a bad boy I had been. As I am only on my lunch break, and on my phone, I cannot write much at this time...but I will try tonight to start working my way back onto your nice list. First off I will make certain to exclude any treats that I would have intended sharing with my daughter...how could I be so naughty. As for the drink, I make wine for fun, but I can definitely find schnapps if that's what keeps you going while up in the sleigh.

Apologetically naughty peasant {target's name},

Santa wrote:
Subject: Gruß again, Josh.

{Target's name};

Good...good... Keep up the good work and get your wishlist commented and I'm SURE you'll make Sa-er, my nice list before Christmas. Tell me which games that you REALLY want, so I can make sure they're not delivered incomplete, dirty, and stepped on. That would be such a shame. You'd be so sad if that happened. It would be really... awful. Now, I just need you to- agh, hold on...

*The sounds of chains rattling, and the click of bone or horn on hardwood floors*

Stupid things.. Ah, where was I? Oh yes...

What good is dedication to niceness without an object of temptation, I ask you? I have asked one of my intermediaries to send along a small bauble. Useless, perhaps, to you, but I'm sure your daughter would love my little, e-heh, treat. I trust you will remember my instructions regarding treats and sharing.

Speaking of your daughter, would you say she is a small girl? Like, oh say... medium-sack sized, or large? How about yourself? Would you comfortably fit into something the size of a laundry hamper? Just out of curiosity...

I will be watching your profile carefully. Get on those wishlist comments, and let me know when you receive your temptation box. Be sure to open it as soon as it arrives, or I won't know if you're truly naughty or nice before Kra Christnacht Christmas.

I will accept wine as a poor substitute for Schnapps. This time.
From,
Santa (that's me.)

Excellent. He suspects nothing. Schabmänner, why are you still typing? STOP IT AND SEND THE NOTE ALREADY, before the IT elves catch us!

Target wrote:
Dear Santa,

I feel like I've been put through the ringer today. It's been a while since I've read/watched so many reviews in an effort to determine what I would really like to get next...such hard work. After doing so I have come up with a much better idea of what I'd really like and thus have noted items with comments in my wishlist.

My Christmas list is broken down by tiers, and I specifically noted Secret Santa next to many of the items in the first two tiers. Tier 1 is just a few games...the ones I want the most. The ones I'd really prefer over stuff I'd get to play with my daughter. Tier 2 are games I think I'd really like, but are just not quite as desired as the tier 1 games are. Beyond that, Tier 3 and 4 as ranked by BGG wishlist ranking are all games I would play, but find myself unlikely to get soon. If you need me to break it down further then this just let me know.

As for my daughter, small sack...say 30-35 lbs nearly 3 years of ripeness...but a clever little potato that one...as for myself, I might be able to fit in a laundry hamper...if it was tall...and I spent more time doing Yoga in the mornings instead of hitting snooze like I have as of late...on second thought this whole line of questioning seems rather ominous. What were those rattle and click sounds I heard?

Also I snagged something for you this evening while I was out per your request...and don't worry I have learned my lesson. No sharing with my daughter.



Optimistically not so terrible peasant {Target's name},

Target wrote:
Santa,

I've been re-reading your messages and I'm starting to get this feeling that somebody let Krampus out...and that maybe he hacked your network.

I doubt that is the case, as I know you have a wonderful team of IT elves on staff but I thought I'd bring it up.

Nervous peasant {Target's name},

Santa wrote:
Subject: Lügner

{Target's name};

I notice you have been spreading some vile rumours about me. How naughty! I assure you the, er, my IT elves are top-notch. They would never do something so stupid as to set my account password to "password."

My intermediary informs me your first package should arrive between the 19th and the 23rd. Would Krampus, that devilishly handsome devil, actually send you a present, and one before Christmas?! Your actions regarding the first bauble will determine your final list placement. And you wouldn't want to be on the wrong list, would you?

That crack about the sack was just... a joke. Haha. My sack is so full on Christmas I doubt you'd even fit, yoga or no. Full of toys, I mean. Of course. Full of toys. The clanking was... the reindeer. Their hooves, you know. Scratch up the hardwood something fierce.

The apple schnapps are acceptable. This tomfoolery is not. No one will believe you anyways.

Watching you carefully,
-K

PS: That stands for Kringle. Don't get any more ideas.

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6. Board Game: Secret Santa [Average Rating:7.92 Unranked]
United States
Middlesboro
Kentucky
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I got another email from an anonymous Santa who sent the following taunt to his/her target in France... I have no idea what is says, but it LOOKS funny!

Quote:
Subject: Joyeux Noël!
Cher Choubi,
Je te remercie de ton message, même si c’était difficile à trouver entre toutes les lettres que je reçois dans mon mail (c’est pourquoi je t’ai dit d’écrire ton réponse dans ton profile sur BGG).

Excuse-moi, mais je n’ai pas bien vu l’information dans ton premier message (mon âge et beaucoup du travail excusent ce défaut…).

Mais, comme je t’ai dit j’ai trouvé et lu ton dernier message et je pense que tu auras des nouveaux jeux pour jouer dans ton nouveau appartement à Melbourne.
(…)
- Rudolph ! Tu es sûr que ce paquet doit être envoyé en Australie ?
Excuse-moi, je dois parler avec mon petit cerf.

A bientôt
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7. Board Game: Secret Santa [Average Rating:7.92 Unranked]
Nick ChemE
United States
Kalama
Washington
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My secret Santa went through a lot of effort to dig through my posts to craft this clever taunt:

Subject: MEЯЯУ CHЯISTMAS, MУ CAPITALIST FЯIEИD
HELLO MУ DEAЯ COMЯAD.
THIS IS ЯUSSIAИ SAЙTA SPEAКIИG. I AM CALLED DED MOЯOZ IЙ MУ MOTHEЯLAИD. I DOЙ'T HAVE ELVES LIКE УOUЯ SAИTA, IЙSTEAD OF THEM I HAVE КGБ. КGБ КИOШS ALL SO I КЙOШ ALL TOO, I AИD КGБ COЙGAЯTULATE УOU ШITH JOIИIЙG FБI AИD ШISH УOU LUCК IЙ УOUЯ CAЯEEЯ, КGБ HOPES THAT УOU ШILL OИLУ SEЯVE FOЯ THE GOOD OF УOUЯ COUЙTЯУ AИD ШOЙ'T CAUSE OUЯ GLOЯIOUS MOTHEЯLAИD AЙУ TЯOUБLE. I SEE УOU HAVE A GOOD LIST OF БOAЯDGAMES. БUT I THIИК УOU MUST TЯУ SOME ЯUSSIAЙ GAMES, THEУ AЯE GOOD, LIКE EVEЯУTHIИG ЯUSSAIЙ! ШHAT УOU SAУ IF I SEИD УOU SOME ЯUSSIAЙ GAMES, COMЯADE?
I ШISH УOU A HAPPУ CHЯISTMAS. STAУ GOOD.

УOUЯ DED MOЯOZ.

P.S. IF УOU ШAИT TO AЙSШEЯ MУ LETTEЯ SEИD AЙD EMAIL TO...


Well played Santa! Thanks for the fun message, whoever you are. I am sure you probably intercepted this message as I posted it though. ninja
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8. Board Game: Secret Santa [Average Rating:7.92 Unranked]
Rene Bro
Denmark
Bogense
Denmark
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Hello fellows.

I received this letter from my Santa:

- Contribute to this side with at least one thread, reply to a thread, one geeklist item (you can post it here and hopefully get some geek gold as a new boardgamegeeker! YES, IF YOU - OTHER PARTICIPANTS - READ THIS, SPEND SOME GG TO THIS POOR SOUL FOR SOME BADGES FOR HIS/HER PROFILE!!! - thanks) and reply to a geeklist item.
- tell me something personal about your (gaming) habits and hobbies
- Do something good and tell me about it.

The faster you are, the faster my elves work



So please help to make by making my Santa happy...


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9. Board Game: Secret Santa [Average Rating:7.92 Unranked]
United States
Middlesboro
Kentucky
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Someone asked me to post this funny story :

Quote:
So, I have a friend of mine who is a metalhead and forgot to enter into the Secret Santa before the deadline. I couldn't resist and sent him the following from the Santa account.

Thou hath forgotten to enter into that most puissant of benefactions, the BGG Secret Santa.
But thou hast been delectably despicable unto all in thine era, thus the man of blood red and pure white hath chosen to deliver unto you thine's object of desire. Achievement of wishlistification shall be achieved! Thus it has been spoken. Thus it shall be.


SNEAKY!
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10. Board Game: Man Bites Dog [Average Rating:4.70 Overall Rank:16213]
Jeff Pratt
United States
Anacortes
Washington
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Just admit it already, Small World is not a fantasy wargame...it's a Mancala variant!
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My secret Santa dropped this on me:

Quote:
Hi there!
Santa apologises for his tardyness. The Elves have formed some sort of 'union' and have gone on STRIKE at the WORST time of year, meaning that santa is really busy. Even Mrs. Claus has got her wonderful bum out the kitchen to help with the packing.

Now, this does mean that some people are going to have to be given the MILLIONS of copies of 'Man vs. Dog' which the elves created. So santa is throwing out his 'naughty/ nice' lists and is creating 'man/dog' lists for all of his gamers.

Now, needless to say, you don't want to be on the Dog list. So, what can you do to get onto the Man list?
1. Take 'Man vs Dog' off your least favourite games, and write a wonderful review about all the best bits in it (after all, it's about to be the most owned game in the community).
2. Sort out these Elves, write a stern letter for Santa to hand to these naughty people, and send it on to me.

Further instructions may be sent.

If you'd prefer to be on the Dog list, just say so on your profile. Santa gets that everyone is busy!

Santa


I replied with this: Man Bites Dog: The World's Most Versatile Game

And my note to the elves:

Quote:
ATTN: TOY ELVES

That little stunt with the Man Bites Dog was not only wasteful, but incredibly irresponsible. It's bad enough that Santa has to deliver 20,000,000 copies of Battleship and Sorry! every year, so you're going to exacerbate the problem by slipping in something that looks like a game, but clearly is not? Why couldn't you just make a few million copies of Mille Bornes if you wanted to throw a tantrum and crap out a giant pile of irrelevant gaming. At least that one pretends to have some competitive elements. This is your last warning. If you try replacing all the Small World orders with Mancala kits...you will NEVER work in this town again.

Capice?

-The Boss
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11. Board Game: Secret Santa [Average Rating:7.92 Unranked]
Matt Miller
United States
Brunswick
Maine
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an interesting exchange with Santa this year:

Quote:
Subject: Ho ho hold on, where is my letter!
Ho ho ho merry Christmas Matt!

At least that is what I would be saying if you had taken the time to write poor old Santa a letter.

Santa gets so lonely in the lead up to Christmas, he takes a vacation down south to the south pole just to get away from the busy elves and the hot workshop.

Although it is nice to spend some quality time away with Mrs Clause, the fact of the matter is I am quite frankly a workaholic. You need to feed my addiction! I have to have my hit of letters to read or I won't be able to cope. And you would want to distress all of the children who'd miss out on presents when Poor Old Santa doesn't make it to their doorstep.

Yeah, that's right. I AM blackmailing you! And if I don't see that letter to me on your profile quick smart there are going to be consequences and repercussions you didn't even know I was capable of!!!!



Lots of love Santa



to which I replied:
Quote:



Quote:
Subject: O' Claus & Associates
Dear Mr Miller:

RE: Attempted Murder/Death Threat


Please be advised that our firm represents the individual S. Claus. We Have reviewed the evidence of your attempted murder/death threat of one Mr S. Claus, and have determined that you tried to poison and extort Santa for a board game.

Luckily, the individual that consumed the milk captured in your photographic evidence was merely a S. Claus associate - commonly seen in shopping malls and, for the lead up to Christmas purposes, as trial "house enter" Santas.

My client has provided this statement

Quote:
It is unfortunate that we lost one of the team due to Mr Miller's naughtiness as the trial Santa was ill-equiped to cater to Mr Miller's demands. Being only a trial 'house enter' Santa he was carrying no gifts but rather substitute foam blocks. He never stood a chance. Luckily, Mr Miller wouldn't have had the chance to discover the secret down under Santa's present bag as all trial Santas are rigged with magic explosives to remove any evidence in the face of a mishap; because, of course, we wouldn't want to spoil Christmas for anyone


We have evaluated your actions and according to Christmas protocol placed you on the naughty list. You may appeal our findings with S Claus himself. A letter on your profile will suffice to contact him.

Very truly yours,


Santos A. O' Claus



Quote:
11/16/2013

Mr. Santos A. O' Claus,
It appears that there is a conflict of interest in your representation of Mr. S Claus. After further research it has come to my attention that one "Santos A. O' Claus" and "S Claus" are indeed the same person.

Furthermore "Santa's present bag ... rigged with magic explosives" made Mr. Miller uncomfortable having a "trial santa or house enter santa" bringing unregulated explosives onto his property.

To prevent further legal action against S Claus, Mr. Miller's name shall be transferred from the "naughty list" to the "nice list."

Thank you for your prompt attention to the oversights of your "client."



Quote:
Subject: ARRGHH!
Of course it was actually me, did you really think I could get legal representation when everyone thinks I am fictional!!??!!!!

ARRGGHH!! This life is so hard, first there is the one night to get the entire world covered aspect and then I have to deal with clowns like you!

Well THAT'S IT!! I am firmly placing your name permanently on the naughty list, and nothing you say or do can change my mind. Hahahahaha! WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT Mr Matt!

No presents for you socceroo!

Actually, no. I am going to send you something. But I won't be a gift - no this will be a punishment. YEAH THAT'S RIGHT - A PUNISHMENT!!!

I won't send you a gift, I am going to send you something that is horrifyingly horrific, that will haunt your dreams and crush your soul!! I am going to send you something that is pure evil that will drive you to complete despair - then we will see who is laughing.
MWHAHAHAHAHA!!! Now it has been sent. Quiver and tremble in fear little man because your world is about to be torn apart!!!!!
MWHAHAHAHAHA!!!
MWHAHAHAHAHA!!!
MWHAHAHAHAHA!!!



Lots of love,
Evil Santa



Quote:
11/20

Nooooooooooo, Munchkin wasn't on my wishlist!!!!!!!



Quote:
Subject: Apologies
Dearest Matthew,

I am so terribly sorry for the correspondence you have received from me, well not actually from this me, but we will get into that in a moment. Let it just be said from the outset that I can only hope for your forgiveness and I truly wish that I can make up for the awful start you have had to this Christmas season.

So I am Santa, it is lovely to speak to you. Thank you so much for being a good, playful, humourous man this year. I can assure you that according to the list I have right in front of me you have been good and are more than deserving of a gift this Christmas season.

It seems that the previous incarnation of my being was a little temperamental. And, for reasons which could only be speculated on, the Santa you were speaking to previously turned naughty. Some would even go as far as to say he became "criminally insane" - however it is not in the manner of my being to pass such hard judgements upon any individual.

Regrettably, this "Evil Santa" abused his powers. He made demands that you write him a letter, he spoke cruel words, he attempted to blackmail you, he intruded on your personal property, falsely posed as legal representation, and made threats against your person. This Santa turned to his worst however when he unleased upon you and your family and friends an ultimate evil.

No, this was no mere Munchkin; neither the annoying minion kind OR the game we play and get quite a bit of enjoyment out of in the workshop down here. No - this is an unspeakable horror, something that even the brightest of good souls would be challenged to defeat.

Matt, it is absolutely imperative that you do not head this warning lightly - do not attempt to fight this evil unless you are absolutely sure you have the strength of heart and the assistance of righteousness needed to defeat it. Additionally this evil will return many, many times; so be ready for a long life of fighting.

Unfortunately, it was too late once I was instated as the new Santa for me to stop the evil from heading your direction - even Santa has limits to his power. It is a hard truth to have to speak to you but this evil is going to be something you will have to fight.

That being said, Santa doesn't want you to grow weary in your battle. The best that I can do is to provide a beacon of hope. A present of beauty and peacefulness that will bring joy to your heart. Hopefully this simple gift can guide your path and set you on the way to victory.

I will use every resource and all powers available to me to rush this gift to your doorstep, for who knows at what hour the unspeakable evil will confront you. At worst we can hope that both this gift of peacefulness and the 'gift' of horror will arrive simultaneously. For this reason do not feel restricted to wait until Christmas day to open your gift, for who knows? It could be the difference between success and failure in your quest.

I do wish that I could do more to help, and if there is anything worrying you please do not hesitate to contact me further. Santa is always here to listen.

I wish you, and your family and friends, a truly joyous Christmas season.

Merry Christmas!
Lots of love,
Santa



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12. Board Game: Secret Santa [Average Rating:7.92 Unranked]
United States
Middlesboro
Kentucky
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Another great entry from a "Secret" Santa...

A bit of research into my target showed that she was very much into Sherlock Holmes and other crime/mystery games. So I thought I'd run with it...

I've had a lot of fun creating this unfolding Holmesian story.

My first taunt to Aneirin:

Santa wrote:

"A new case, Watson! Our client has just left. A rather pedestrian case on the surface, but it has it's own intricacies. Let us review the problem. Go over the details for me, will you? A fresh perspective is always helpful."

"Of course, Holmes. An hour ago, whilst we were breaking fast, you suddenly advised that we were about to receive not only a new client, but a female client, carrying a package as well. How did you know this, Holmes?"

"The voice of the driver pulling up the cab at our doorstep was very distinctive, not that of a Scotland Yard driver, but with an accent common among the Hansom Cab employees. So, not police business, then. And of course, the footsteps on our stairwell indicated our visitor was a woman. The package was simplicity itself - the delay between our client reaching the door and knocking, and the sound of the floorboards creaking as our client of the fairer persuasion shifted her weight from one side to the other indicated she was holding a package of some kind."

"Astounding, Holmes!"

"Merely deduction, Watson. Please, continue."

"The lady refused to offer her name and charged us to deliver the package to a certain party, without disclosing her involvement. She mentioned she had received instructions from a group known as 'AUNZ SS'. Suspicious behaviour, don't you agree?"

"Perhaps, Watson. Many a criminal plot in London begins with such simple but duplicitous behaviour. However, a secret delivery does not guarantee criminal involvement."

"And the mysterious party we are to deliver the package to?"

"We have been given a name, Aneirin, but little else. What of the 'group' our client mentioned? Your thoughts, Watson?"

"Surely more proof of a criminal gang. The 'AUNZ SS'? Sounds sinister to me."

"Not a name that I have come across in my consulting work with Scotland Yard, nor in my own personal investigations into London's criminal underground. But that is not to say that it is not familiar. Look at this, Watson!"

"The personals in today's paper? 'Couriers wanted. Discretion required. Contact AUNZ SS'."

"Similar entries have been placed in most London papers over the last few weeks. I was expecting to cross paths with this group in some way, and have been proven correct."

"So, Holmes, what is the group, and who is their leader?"

"As to the purpose of the AUNZ SS, I have solved cases with similar circumstances previously, but this appears to have some new components."

"And the leader?"

"Why, none other than Aneirin herself!"

"What? Aneirin? Are you sure?"

"Of course, Watson. The package is professionally tied with hemp twine, not the usual jute. Very few department stores can afford to use the more expensive hemp, with Kendals and Harrods being the most obvious choices. Whilst you bid our client farewell, I performed a quick search of the recently published London Business directory. A 'Mrs Ysabelle Gododen' is listed as a major shareholder. 'Y Gododdin', it so happens, is the Welsh poet Aneirin's greatest work. Not a coincidence, I am sure. So, a woman, being a major force in the greatest British department store, sending packages in secret? What can she be but the ringleader?"

"But having a package sent to herself?"

"Strange, yes, Watson. We shall see."

"What shall we do now, Holmes?"

"We shall deliver this package, Watson. I have some thoughts on who our mystery client is, and why we are to deliver it, but I shall not theorise without data. We have a busy day ahead of us! Come!"


My next taunt:

Santa wrote:

"So Holmes, how goes the "AUNZ SS" case?"

"Slowly, Watson, but not for lack of footwork. I have engaged the Baker St Regulars to sniff out any of the gang's members, to no avail."

"What about the package? Any ideas as to it's contents?"

"I have not resorted to opening it as yet. I have relied on observation and deduction. The package is on the credenza there - take a look, Watson, and tell me what you can about the package and it's contents. Do not worry - it does not appear to be fragile".

"Well, it seems to be a wrapped box, with what feels and sounds like multiple items. It is not too heavy, so perhaps some books, or individual boxes? If the latter, that would make it difficult to determine the specifics".

"Excellent, Watson! Your suggestion of books could very well be right on the mark. You remember my comment about the twine? Well, the package's paper itself is also very revealing. At first glance, it appears to be common brown wrapping paper, used by almost every department store in the country. But look closer - at the bottom, near the corner".

"A water mark? Who would watermark brown paper?"

"Not just any water mark. You know of my many treatises I have had published?"

"Of course, such as your cigar ash treatise".

"Not only do I have the originals in my library, but they are also for sale through a prestigious bookstore that specialises in rare and one off books. This watermark is from that same bookstore."

"So, the package contains a rare book, among other things, Holmes?"

"Quite possibly, Watson. Although, the bookstore not only sells rate books, but also prints and makes one off books - excellently bound, of course. Many volumes in the library's shelves have been printed and bound by this store. So, the package may contain a rare, hard to find book, or a one off printing. We may never know without inspecting the contents."

"And do you plan to do so?, Holmes?"

"Not unless our client's delivery request involves criminal activity, and so far, I have seen nothing to indicate this. We will continue as planned, Watson."


Aneirin's excellent reply:

Aneirin wrote:

Aneirin set aside her copy of Beeton's Christmas Annual and accepted the telegram she was proffered.

She dismissed her servant, and waited until the door to the library was closed before she unfolded the paper.

Aneirin toyed with the locket at her throat as she read the message. She was pleased - the message from her informant reported that the courier had delivered the parcel safely to 221B Baker Street. It was professionally tied with hemp twine, in accordance with her instructions, and also wrapped in the specified watermarked brown wrapping paper.

She wondered idly whether the consulting detective, Sherlock Holmes, and his colleague Dr John H Watson had already made the connection to Kendal, Milne & Faulkner and to Ysabelle Gododen. She assumed so - it really was elementary. Perhaps the detective had also correctly deduced the contents of the package!

Aneirin put the telegram into the fireplace and watched as the paper burned and turned to ash. She smoothed her scarlet gown and returned to the armchair and her magazine.

The game is afoot!


Another taunt from me:

Santa wrote:

"That woman?"

"What was that, Holmes?"

"I apologize, Watson, I was just wondering aloud."

"You said something like 'that woman'. You usually only refer to Irene Adler in that way".

"Never mind that, Watson. It is the Aneirin woman who currently occupies my thoughts. All further investigations I have made into this matter have led to naught. The department store, the book store, Mrs Gododen, all the clues that we were given vanish like a Baker Street Irregular in the fog when pursued".

"Clues that we were given, Holmes? Not ones that we observed or discovered?"

"I mean exactly that, Watson. Given! All of these clues were handed to us. Every other explanation has proved impossible, and as I have mentioned once or twice before..."

"...when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?"

"Exactly, Watson".

"But to what avail? And by whom?"

"To toy with us, or perhaps, with me, Watson. There appears nothing criminal about this matter, and yet I have been led around like a bull by the nose. And by Aneirin, from what I can deduce".

"And your thoughts about 'that woman' - do you believe Aneirin to be Irene Adler? The psuedonym 'Aneirin' shares many letters of the alphabet with 'Irene Adler'. An anagram, perhaps?"

"She is Mrs Irene Norton, now, Watson, having married Godfrey Norton. However, I have considered this possibility. She may have gotten bored in the country, and have decided to have some fun at my expense. But if she were to leave a clue in her selection of the name 'Aneirin', I believe it would have been more elegant. Some missing and some extra letters in the anagram do not become such a mind as hers."

"Which leaves us..."

"Which leaves us where we are, Watson. Back to square one."


And my latest:

Santa wrote:

"Holmes, I have it!"

"Indeed, Watson, and what is it that you now have?"

"Aneirin's identity!"

"Go, on, Watson. I am all agog."

"You mentioned earlier that you believe you were being led around, toyed with, by a woman. How many women do you believe would be able to do so?"

"Only one that I know of, Watson. And only one man, for that matter, not including my dear brother Mycroft".

"Professor Moriarty, of course. However, you state that it is a woman that is orchestrating these events, and that only Irene Adler has the mind capable of doing so?"

"I do".

"Well, I have used my own methods of deduction to confirm this, Holmes. You say that if Irene was to create the pseudonym 'Aneirin' out of an anagram of her name, it would be elegant. What if she were to use her married name, Irene Norton?"

"You are still missing some letters, Watson. There are no 'A's and only one 'I' in 'Irene Norton'."

"True. But why only the one word pseudonym? What surname would Irene choose for the pseudonym, and why would she not provide it? I conjectured that it would have to be a reference to yourself, Holmes, so I experimented with words."

"Such as?"

"'Violin', 'pipe', 'Baker', 'deerstalker', 'Sherlock'. Nothing worked. I then tried variations of these. And I came across a curiosity. The deerstalker is a hunting cap used in the country. An early form of the hunting cap was the 'montero'."

"A Spanish headpiece, which was later issued to the Oxford Army."

"That's the one. What anagrams can you make from 'Aneirin Montero', Holmes?"

"Excellent, Watson, most excellent. 'I am Irene Norton'. Your deductive skills are progressing nicely!"

"You knew? For how long?"

"Before our last chat, Watson, but I had no proof, so I was keeping quiet. I wondered if you might come to the same conclusion."

"So what will you do now that you know it is Irene?"

"Nothing yet, Watson. I will ponder further."



To be continued...[/q]
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13. Board Game: Secret Santa [Average Rating:7.92 Unranked]
Mikolaj Laczynski
Poland
Warsaw
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I created a geek list - My Secret Santa 2013 Taunt - which describes my hilarious conversations with my Secret Santa.
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14. Board Game: The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug [Average Rating:6.67 Overall Rank:5187] [Average Rating:6.67 Unranked]
Katherine Boag
New Zealand
Auckland
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I think my Santa was pretty funny:

Santa wrote:
Subject: Santa's Post Thanksgiving Hangover
Santa wakes with a start, letting out a small yelp in the process. He sits half upright, then grips his head in pain.

Too much eggnog, he groans.

Looking around the room, he soon realizes he was sleeping not in his bed but on the living room floor. The elves are all over the place: a few are lying in a drunken heap in the corner; another snores loudly, covered in mistletoe and permanent marker; two sit up at the table, drinking eggnog and singing carols.

Straining up to a sitting position, Santa does his best to ignore the unexplained ache in his side, and puts on his spectacles. He takes a bite from a slice of cold pizza off the floor, then staggers to his feet.

I’m getting too old for these Thanksgiving parties…


After shuffling across the room to his desk, he takes a seat and opens the lid of his laptop. The light of the screen makes his head throb but he knows he has to get his important messages sent.

A click of the mouse and his task list opens. “Message Kactus04” sits at the top of the list.

Not another horticulturist, he sighs.

But then, after giving himself a few moments to consider how good or bad his message recipient has been in 2013, he begins to type…

Dear Kactus04,

You have an interesting name. Do you live in a desert? I guess I should know the answer to that, but I do tend to get my geography mixed up, (especially when I’m hung over!), and I can’t remember if New Zealand even has any deserts? Or desserts, for that matter. I do like desserts.


Santa gets up from his desk to look for some dessert. A few moments later he returns, a slice of last year’s Christmas cake in one hand.

He continues…

Anyway, how has New Zealand been this year? I saw a documentary in the cinema that seemed to suggest you’re still plagued by medieval fantasy characters, and now a dragon! I’m a bit worried about entering New Zealand air space. Will Smaug turn my sleigh into ashes? Does Smaug accept bribes gifts? I would offer him coal, but I think he probably already has enough…

Santa takes another bite of cold pizza, then realizes the cake is so much tastier, so he takes a bite of that too. (He wouldn’t want to play favourites!)

I’ve been looking through your wishlist and there are some great games on there. Can you recommend and New Zealand retailers? Freight from the North Pole to your desert costs quite a bit!

And tell me something about you that I don’t know from reading your profile! (And your profile is where you can write a response.)

Santa has every intention of writing more, but he is far too busy falling asleep!


Kactus04 wrote:
Dear Santa,

I hope you manage to sleep off your hangover, I know how nasty they can be! To answer your questions:

New Zealand doesn't have what you would call a proper desert; there is a portion of the north island that is a kind of volcanic tundra, with a road through it called 'the desert road', no cactuses though. We do have a dessert called Pavlova which I think you'd like - don't listen to any Australians claiming to have invented it. I'll leave some in the fridge for you. My name is Kactus because cactus is about the only plant that I don't accidentally kill by forgetting to water it. I hope that doesn't put me on the naughty list

I don't think Smaug will bother you on your way over. I don't want to spoil anything, but you won't want to miss the 2nd and 3rd parts of the documentary you saw. In any case, I live a reasonable distance away from the mountain.

A fantastic NZ retailer is Seriously Board - the owners run a series of board gaming conventions all over NZ and I'm still recovering from the last one. Another online retailer is Mightyape.
I did see a few international stores offer free shipping as well, though they might be dependant on amount spent.

Something you might not know about me is that Nathan (linked above) has joined up with me on this secret santa since we were both feeling a bit poor this year but still wanted to make christmas come true for someone (the wishlist is a joint one). Nathan and I usually play games at a bunch of different local game nights. Apart from Nathan, the other person I mostly play games with is my partner Ryan, who isn't on BGG, but his collection of games is included in my collection and commented with his name.

Regards,
Kactus & co.

PS: it is summer here at the moment; you might want to pack some shorts or something.


Santa wrote:
Subject: Entering Recovery Mode
Santa is feeling a lot more relaxed now. Leaning back in his chair, wearing a tweed jacket and smoking a pipe, he manages to steal a few moments to himself to recover from a chaotic Black Friday.

But with most of the bargain hunters out of the way, he can focus on the desert cactus in New Zealand and her pet dragon Smaug…

Dear Kactus “Plant Killer” 04,

Do you have Black Friday in New Zealand? I’m guessing you don’t, because it’s tied up with Thanksgiving…?

It’s a major sale that happens the day after Thanksgiving, and it’s a bit crazy. There are great deals to be had, but people tend to get a bit nutty about the same thing, which I don’t like, being allergic to nuts. (But seriously, people get into fights and all sorts – not really “reason for the season” material!)

Anyhoo, it’s a good way to let the nuts sort out their own presents. That way I can cut a lot of people off my gift list and focus my efforts on those who have been good all year.

Santa leans back, cracks his knuckles, takes a bite of his Pavlova dessert, then starts typing again.

I thought your decision to share Secret Santa with your friend Nathan was a good idea. That way you still get to contribute to someone else’s Christmas! It also means I get to increase my frequent flyer miles…

Thanks for your suggestion of SeriouslyBoard. I’ve been chatting to them about a few different options. Although I’d like to know if there’s any issue with you getting something that has been already opened? It hasn’t been played and is still brand new – but it was opened so SeriouslyBoard’s supplier could take photos. I hope that’s okay?

I’m also hard at work on something of a more personal touch that I’m hoping to send to SeriouslyBoard on my behalf. Do you have a sweet tooth?

No promises, though – I’m still considering my options!

One other thing – I had a look at your collection and it seems Ryan has more mainstream games. Does he play the sorts of games you play with Nathan?

Okay, I’ll keep pondering my options while I wait for your response…

Stay good- Santa is watching!

S.

P.S. Mrs Claus insists I wear woollen pants, even in summer. Apparently my legs are too skinny and white!


Kactus04 wrote:
Dear Santa,

We don't really have Black Friday here, but then I am not particularly shopping-minded. I spend most of November complaining that the Christmas decorations are already up and avoiding the mall (not that I hate Christmas, but I prefer to celebrate it in its correct month).

I (we) certainly don't mind getting something that has been opened; I'm sure SeriouslyBoard and their supplier were extra careful with it.

Yes, I absolutely have a sweet tooth (so does Nathan)! On that note I see you got hold of some pavlova. I hope you like it!

Ryan plays all the same sorts of games that Nathan and I do, and enjoys most of the games in my collection (and those of Nathan's that he's been exposed to). Just his collection is quite small, and I've been bolstering my own by listing every game that has ever graced our flat. Ryan particularly likes the Power Grid franchise, which I think is pretty non-mainstream. Of the other games that I own, he also quite enjoys Quarriors and Gosu, and I convinced him to play Agricola once: he enjoyed it even though I beat him by a mile.

Thanks so much for your letters, I really appreciate the thought that you are putting into this.

Regards,
Kactus & co.

PS: Don't most gamers have very white legs? I would think it would be quite useful to temporarily blind people, then they can't see you to try to steal your sack of games presents.


Time passes...

Santa wrote:
Subject: Lost In Trans...ylvania?!
Cold fingers, red and numb from the blistering cold, tap haphazardly on Santa's smartphone...

Dear Kactus04,

By now, you've probably realized that something has gone awry with your gift.

It would be all too easy to blame My New Zealand contact - my understanding is that your gift was ordered from the New Zealand supplier, but the supplier was swamped with the Christmas rush and didn't send it to SeriouslyBoard!

I hope you're not as prickly as your username because the truth is much more terrible than that...

I'm lost.

Mrs Claus thinks I should ask for directions, but I'm a man. We don't ask for directions.

I have a GPS on my smartphone but I can't figure out how to use it.

Mrs Claus thinks I should read the instruction manual, but I'm a man. We don't read instruction manuals.

So...the supplier opens again on January 6, I'm told. In the meantime, I have sent one of my elves ahead with a small something to keep you occupied until the other gift arrives.

It will, I hope, appeal to not just you and Nathan, but to Ryan as well. With it is a little treat that you don't have to share with anyone if you don't want to!

So hang in there! I think I'm on a ring road so I should be able to get your gift to you once I figure out where the exit is...in a week or so!

S.

Santa rubs his freezing nose - now almost as red as Rudolph's - sighs deeply, and reluctantly pulls out the GPS instruction manual...


Kactus04 wrote:
Dear Santa,

Absolutely no worries on the timeframe, I know things get hectic around Christmas for everyone. It's good to know your main item won't get here while I'm away - I will be out of town for just a few days and will be asking a nice neighbour to keep an eye out for any earlier parcels.

Regards,
Kactus

Kactus04 wrote:
Dear Santa,

Received your 'tide me over' present just before I went on holiday, good timing! That will definitely go down well with everyone. I look forward to the next present and I'll post on the thank you geeklist once I've got that, I want to post it all at once

Regards,
Kactus


Santa wrote:
Subject: Finally Found My Keys!
Ho ho ho!
Not long to go;
Santa's on his way!

Sorry for this
Arriving so late,
But Santa lost his way...

The gift he brings
Is on your list
And there are no more;

To be found
Upon the ground
In your land of Tolkien lore!

- S.

P.S. Please don't tell Smaug I'm here!


Click here to see what Santa got me!
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