Grimdark it up
Patrick
Germany
Herne
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As we all know some games are just too cheery. Too happy. Not enough mature themes. Little to no bloodshed.

How could a mature adult ever enjoy those games?

We have to do something about it. We have to... grimdark it up. This is what this list is for.
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1. Board Game: Loopin' Louie [Average Rating:6.83 Overall Rank:759]
Patrick
Germany
Herne
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Monday: Woke up to a huge ruckus. Someone - or something - has scared my chickens right off the barn. I have found the bloodied remains of three, maybe four hens - it's hard to tell. Their bodies have been torn to shreds and strewn across the yard. We are, understandably, on edge.

Tuesday: Tonight I was roused from my sleep by a loud hollering, followed by the anguished cries of more of my chickens. I grabbed my gun and raced out to check, only to see an old-fashioned plane vanish in the distance. The whole farm was doused in chicken blood - I would wager a guess that this madman has actually dashed striaght through the poor animals, ripping them to a bloody pulp with the propellor. Tomorrow night I will lie in wait for him.

Wednesday: I can't believe it. This madman, this psychopath... he seems invulnerable. He returned, shouting his own name in disdain of all things living, and headed straight for my livestock. I could tell that he would not hear me, so in desperation I fired at him. Once, twice, then three times. The crazy pilot just evaded, apparently not even acknoledging my existence, doing flips, then rolling through the air as if possessed. I don't know what to do; by now he has utterly destroyed all of my chickens.

Thursday: A quiet night and a quiet day. We are on edge, but so far nothing has happened.

Friday: The madman has returned. This unreasonable hellspawn has taken the top of my barn right off, cackling all the way, doing his barrel rolls right through my livestock. Now that my chickens are dead he seems to have come for the rest. I fear for the safety of my family.

Saturday: He has destroyed my whole barn and cut down all of my livestock. I tried to call for help, only to find out that he has, in one of his insane romps, completely obliterated any and all cables for a few miles. What a time for my car to be broken down! We will sleep in the hurricane shelter tonight.

Sunday: The Frenchman has returned. This demon, this beast has obliterated our house. All that I have build, gone in a single night. Who is this scourge that has been sent to torment us? How can his plane, his machine of destruction, tear right through the walls and come out none the worse for wear?
I can hear him again. He is coming back.
Loopin' Louie....
Loopin' Louie....

He sings while he kills. He seems content.
Loopin' Louie...
Loopin' Louie...

I can hear the engine of his plane. It complements his voice, really, it's amazing.
Loopin' Louie...
A perfect canon of destruction.
There is nothing left for us. Whatever we have, this curse will destroy. I have locked my wife and two kids in the shelter. I have siphoned the remaining fuel from my car, spread it around, and I have opened all the gas valves. You will never get what remains of my life, you wretched scum.
Loopin' Louie...
I hold my lighter in my hand. It feels heavy. Elizabeth, I am so sorry. Billy, Mandy, daddy loves you. Daddy loves you always.
Loopin' Louie...
I have my gun with me. There is a single bullet remaining. A single bullet is enough. I won't shoot at him, what's the point?
You cruel force of nature.
LOOPIN' LOUIE...
You are beautiful, in a way.

(These were the last entries in a diary found near a burnt-down farmhouse. Four bodies - a man, a woman, a boy and a girl - were found nearby.)
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