The Kiss of Lame - Visible Clues that a Game is Really Bad
Lewis Goldberg
United States
Bonnots Mill
Missouri
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Boy the way Glenn Miller played // Songs that made the Hit Parade // Guys like us we had it made // Those were the days.
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I've noticed that some games have clues - either right on their boxes or in their ad copy, telling you, "this is going to stink, real bad". We should appreciate the warning, and heed it.

I've posted a few ideas .... looking forward to yours.

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1. Board Game: A.B.C. Educational Cards [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
Lewis Goldberg
United States
Bonnots Mill
Missouri
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Boy the way Glenn Miller played // Songs that made the Hit Parade // Guys like us we had it made // Those were the days.
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"Educational" is code for "we made a really lousy game out of something you hated studying in school, and are certain that the combination will make you want to play".

The best games are educational without having to tell anyone they're educational.
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2. Board Game: WTF (Where's The Fun?) [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
Lewis Goldberg
United States
Bonnots Mill
Missouri
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Boy the way Glenn Miller played // Songs that made the Hit Parade // Guys like us we had it made // Those were the days.
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It's "FUN".

And I'm really glad they told me, because I was having trouble telling.
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3. Board Game: The Emergency! Game [Average Rating:4.33 Overall Rank:14334]
Lewis Goldberg
United States
Bonnots Mill
Missouri
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Boy the way Glenn Miller played // Songs that made the Hit Parade // Guys like us we had it made // Those were the days.
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Named after a TV show.

Okay, there are a few exceptions to this one. But in general, you know it's true.
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4. Board Game: Batteries [Average Rating:6.50 Unranked]
Lewis Goldberg
United States
Bonnots Mill
Missouri
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If it comes with batteries, chances are it's to power a motor that spins something to distract you from the fact that the game is LOUSY.
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5. Board Game: Trivial Pursuit: Music Master Game, The Video Version (VHS) [Average Rating:2.50 Unranked]
Lewis Goldberg
United States
Bonnots Mill
Missouri
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Boy the way Glenn Miller played // Songs that made the Hit Parade // Guys like us we had it made // Those were the days.
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I have never, ever, seen a game that included a VHS tape (or DVD) that was actually good. I'm sure there is one. Somewhere. Maybe.
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6. Board Game: Cycling: A Fascinating Game [Average Rating:4.00 Unranked]
Lewis Goldberg
United States
Bonnots Mill
Missouri
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Boy the way Glenn Miller played // Songs that made the Hit Parade // Guys like us we had it made // Those were the days.
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Fascinating? Where's Spock? He needs to play this and see if it's true.
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7. Board Game: Munchkin [Average Rating:5.93 Overall Rank:3350] [Average Rating:5.93 Unranked]
Greg Gresik
United States
Bolingbrook
IL
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Anything with the word "Munchkin" in the title. Just keep walking...or better yet, run....fast.
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8. Board Game: Christian Fluxx [Average Rating:5.62 Unranked] [Average Rating:5.62 Unranked]
Jason Farris
United States
Citrus Heights
California
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There is a duck in every game. You may not see it, but it's there.
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A game that caters to one niche demographic group. Whether its religious, gender identity, or effectively a political advertisement, it is lame. I am not referring to games about politics here, but games designed to cater to a particular political group. Like other examples, I am sure there are some exceptions.
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9. Board Game: Stonehenge: An Anthology Board Game [Average Rating:5.41 Unranked] [Average Rating:5.41 Unranked]
Sean F
United States
Puyallup
Washington
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HODL
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Any package that includes more than one game in the box is going to be a disaster. Often called Deluxe or Premium Collections, these polished turds are to be avoided at all costs.
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10. Board Game: Hollywood's Reel Schpeel [Average Rating:6.00 Unranked]
Kyle
United States
San Diego
California
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Curse your sudden but inevitable action denial!
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A game that has to explain the play on words in its title.*



*Disclaimer: I've no idea if this game is actually bad.
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11. Board Game: Killer Bunnies and the Quest for the Magic Carrot [Average Rating:5.49 Overall Rank:15085] [Average Rating:5.49 Unranked]
Brian Boyle
Australia
Sydney
NSW
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Game titles with adjectives that wouldn't normally be attached to their subject matter. Crazy? Wacky? No, just rubbish.

See also Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Game which also falls into another category above to make it doubly lame.

Cave Farmers flirts with this territory.



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12. Board Game: Zombie! Run for Your Lives! [Average Rating:4.44 Overall Rank:15059]
Andy Parsons
United Kingdom
CHELMSFORD
Essex
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Run for your lives! It's another derivative and boring game in which a few brave men and college girls escape the shambling hoards of the undead.
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13. Board Game: Zaxxon [Average Rating:4.19 Overall Rank:15104]
Salty Skwib
United States
San Miguel
California
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Should I eat the Cuttlefish and Asparagus or the Vanilla Paste?
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Anything based off an 80s video game...
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14. Board Game: Go Fart [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
Salty Skwib
United States
San Miguel
California
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Should I eat the Cuttlefish and Asparagus or the Vanilla Paste?
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Any game that comes with a whoopee cushion.
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15. Board Game: Cube Checkers [Average Rating:5.68 Overall Rank:12472]
John Crawford
United States
Renton
Washington
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Celebrity endorsement, right on the box!
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16. Board Game: Jeopardy! Simpsons Edition [Average Rating:4.85 Overall Rank:14449]
Salty Skwib
United States
San Miguel
California
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Should I eat the Cuttlefish and Asparagus or the Vanilla Paste?
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Any game based on a television game show is likely to be awful. Any game based on a television game show tying into the license of another TV show is going to be double awful.
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17. Board Game: Slime Monster Game [Average Rating:5.40 Unranked]
Murray Fish
Australia
Canberra
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They explained everything in detail and at great length. After they finished I sat, despondent, contemplating a bleak and empty future. "I’m glad you’re depressed" said one. "It means you’ve understood the situation.”
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The players on the box are grinning like maniacs. Surely no game can be enjoyable where the box models have so obviously been scared into pretending it’s a great game.

One wonders where these kids ended up later in life...
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18. Board Game: Kick Off [Average Rating:6.50 Unranked]
Chris Wilczewski
United States
Folsom
California
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Someone on the internet is wrong!
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Any box with the Kickstarter logo is safe to run away from!
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19. Board Game: Trouble [Average Rating:3.74 Overall Rank:15340]
the manatee
United States
Burbank
California
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Pop-matic fun!!!!
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20. Board Game: Justin Bieber Backstage Pass Game [Average Rating:4.33 Unranked]
Jeff
United States
Marion
Iowa
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Similar to "Celebrity Endorsement" entry, any game based on a celebrity will be lame. The bigger the fad of that celebrity, the more lame it will be as well.
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21. Board Game: Rodeo-opoly [Average Rating:8.00 Unranked]
Jeff
United States
Marion
Iowa
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Any game ending with "opoly." Most of the time it will be a rethemed Monopoly or a game similar to it.
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22. Board Game: Euphrates & Tigris: Contest of Kings [Average Rating:6.08 Overall Rank:3239]
TJ
United States
Burbank
California
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"The Card Game"

Several popular board games have "The Card Game" versions of them, that are almost always inferior games. Just get the original game!
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23. Board Game: LCR [Average Rating:3.18 Overall Rank:15342]
Brent Boyd
United States
Chico
California
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Any game that comes in a clear plastic tube should be avoided. This game isn't even a game, you don't play it, it plays you.
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24. Board Game: Left Center Right Card Game [Average Rating:4.07 Unranked]
Brent Boyd
United States
Chico
California
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Back to any game with "The Card Game" in it's title. Especially if it based on a very lame game to begin with.
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25. Board Game: Quelf [Average Rating:5.31 Overall Rank:15192]
Brent Boyd
United States
Chico
California
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Any game that confuses "stupid" for "funny" is lame.
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