No, thats bullshit!!! Let's get a reroll in here!
Mike Norris
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Hey everyone,

This list is open to share those ridiculous timeswhere everything goes from bad to downright stupid fake. (You know, those moments that Lady Luck just basically crapped all over your face, and then rubbed it in with sandpaper.)

The title pays homage to probably the most outspoken player in my gaming group.....where everything thing bad is followed with, "No, thats bullshit! Nah, we aren't doing that. You do this instead."

Feel free to add your stories as well to the list.
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1. Board Game: Shadows of Brimstone: Outlaw Hero Class [Average Rating:7.83 Unranked] [Average Rating:7.83 Unranked]
Mike Norris
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I love Shadows of Brimstone. Its such a fun game filled with twisted monsters, evil around every corner, plenty of character growth, and.....lots of dice rolls.

Lots and lots of dice rolls.

My very first adventure, I took a Bandito and an Outlaw into the mines. I know what you are saying...Banditos and Outlaws are both outlaws! Well, lets pretend that we don't know that and move on.

I decided to give the Outlaw the special ability that comes with the bonus shotgun. A d8 for damage is nice! And extra critical is nicer. Also with 2 characters that means....1 revive.

Well, thanks to some bad luck..by the beginning of the very first fight, the Bandito was face down insane. Good thing I had that revive, right...

Now, without the revive handy...its time for my characters to take serious damage. I meant, that is usually what happens when all your revives are gone right? The real serious damage gets dished out. And they took a lot of hits...

Down went the Outlaw. Ugh! Luckily the Bandito lived and cleaned up the room. My Outlaw got barely any hits in, and 0 criticals in that battle. As he was getting up, he was thinking, "next room will be different. I will critical hit everything".

Since he was coming back up from eating dirt without a revive, it was time to roll on the injury table. What do I get? A mangled hand. No more criticals.

Lovely!

After the adventure was over, my characters were on the way back to town...and one quick roll on the travel table manages to shut down town locations. The Dr's office being one of them. Really???

So I run them through another adventure with the still mangled hand. They manage to survive and get back to town...this time with the office staying open.

The outlaw heads to the Dr's office first thing and passes the event roll. Nothing bad...YES!

Then comes the roll for the Dr. The die goes flying and scores a 6!!! A 6!!!!! YES!!!!

But....but...wait....this is the roll for the cost of the surgery....a d6x$50. Ugh...the max cost for any surgery.

So now that I am paying top dollar, it is time to roll for the outcome, and I score a whopping 1. Check the table and: This injury can never be recovered.

I'm sorry...what? I never got a critical, and if I am paying the most anyone can for surgery, I am not going to Dr. Clownshoes....House is fixing my arm.

Sorry, no.......reroll.
 
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2. Board Game: Talisman [Average Rating:6.37 Overall Rank:1806]
Mike Norris
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I have no idea how much time I spent playing this game solo as a kid. It was always out on my art table, and I would just drop the die on the next character's card so that I knew who's turn it was when I came back to it.

Very rarely did I actually play to win the game. I only used the crown of command space as a world reset button.

One game I was playing wasn't going so well for everyone....except one character. While everyone was dying and being replaced, this character was quickly becoming the running leader.

With stats well above the 2nd best character, it was time for a world reset. So, off to the Crown of Command he went.

And this is where the problem comes in......

I decided to use the "?" cards this time on the Crown of Command. This was also before I owned Timescape. Talisman players can already see where this is going...

Sure enough, he makes it to the Crown of Command and that "?" card turns over. Anything would be fine....anything but....

....Horrible Black Void.

"Your character falls into a void and is out of the game."

And so did the world at that point. Reset!

No surprise here, but this was the last time I ever used the "?" cards.
 
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3. Board Game: Blood Bowl (Second Edition) [Average Rating:6.79 Overall Rank:1652]
Mike Norris
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Oh boy, was this a frustrating one.....and my impatience caused it.

I was playing a long game of Blood Bowl......real long. The ball was not moving very far from the center. When it did, it would find its way back again quickly. Team members were dropping fast too.

Then someone broke through to the open and the ball went soaring through the air to them.

A catch! Successful!!!! The crowd and I go wild! The game is coming to a big ending.

And the run!!! No one can catch him! Fours spaces away. Three. Two. One! And.....

.....stop. That is as far as he can go with movement that turn. Unless....

....unless I dash one extra square. Now no one is going to catch him, so this game is in the bag. But lets end big. Let the die fly!

A one appears. A one? The player eats the dirt...and the ball scatters. @%^#!

Now just to add insult to injury....or maybe I should say injury to insult, its time for the armor check.

Injured. Ugh! But how bad? The next die roll will tell...

Serious injury.

No thanks. My player can wait one more turn to score.
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4. Board Game: DungeonQuest [Average Rating:6.70 Overall Rank:1317]
Mike Norris
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There are a million stories about this game. Whats one more?

I set this up for a quick two player game. What I got was a real quick two player game.

For the first player's move, he pulled his first room tile and it was a t-junction corridor going straight and right. Since right would take him closer to the center of the board, he turned his blinker on and took the corner.

Draw #2 for the turn he pulled another corridor. This time a right turn. Ok, so he started out hugging one wall and was moving towards the other. That is fine, since it was another corridor. That is another free move. Then he goes to draw again. And now the pull...

A revolving room. When it revolves, it will face the outer wall. He can't search the room. He is screwed. He will die a horrible lonely death, and the other character wins without having to do anything.

Do over!

But the best part is that no cards were touched, and no counters were drawn except 3 rooms tiles. Setup is ready for game 2 instantly.
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5. Board Game: Doom: The Boardgame [Average Rating:6.89 Overall Rank:828]
Mike Norris
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Whomever said never split up your troops was never in this situation:

I was playing a 3 character game, and the good guys were running down a hall until they came face to face with a freshly spawned Hell Knight. Being that they were all pretty low on health, this was going to be a problem that had to be dealt with fast.

Luckily they had a grenade with them. Pull the pin and let it fly!!!

And so did the dice. But when they landed, a big miss result appeared. Crap!!! Where does it scatter this time?

So I pull from the bad guy deck, and look...oh...is scatters back to us. Did I mention that all the guys are very close?

Boom!!!!!! Right in all three of their faces.

Now the roll for damage: I must have rolled every possible bullet mark available....even ones that were on other dice not being used showed up. Two of three characters died. The third down to 2 health....

....then it became the Hell Knights turn. SMACK!!!!

Needless to say, this wasn't Doom. No, I was playing Final Destination the board game, and this was all a vision of how they die. Its time to reset and disrupt death's plan. Replace everything and run away!!!
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6. Board Game: Advanced Heroquest [Average Rating:6.73 Overall Rank:2033]
Mike Norris
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I marathoned this with a buddy of mine one night....well, until it hit a big disaster. He was a big fan of HeroQuest, so trying Advanced was a no brainer.

It was the first night he was playing it, and we started around 7pm. Around 3am I was begging him to call it a night....but no. He HAD to go on.

Well, he made it to a nice size room with full health on all characters. His dwarf opens the door and finds a nest of goblins. Winning the initiative roll the little guy goes running in to kill, kill, kill! I mean....these are goblins. No threat right?

He gets to the first one and attacks. The d12 comes up a 1. Fumble! My goblin gets to attack back for free.

Goblin's swing: A big 12, Critical! Goblin gets another free attack. Another Critical! Goblin gets another free attack. A third Critical! Goblin gets another free attack. A hit! The dwarf is dead!

Right then my buddy throws his arms up in the air and shouts, "I'm never going to play this game ever again."

Its been 20 years, and sure to his word....he has never played it again.
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