Trash talk and board games: Two great tastes that taste great together
Matt Lewis
United States
Royal Palm Beach
Florida
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The great thing about board games, other than the face-to-face social interaction that is oh-so-lacking in today's society, is the trash talk that inevitably is going to happen. To that end, I have compiled this list of some of the greatest trash talk moments i have had, both giving and receiving.

Please feel free to add your own.
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1. Board Game: Axis & Allies [Average Rating:6.56 Overall Rank:1194]
Matt Lewis
United States
Royal Palm Beach
Florida
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To kick this list off, I have chosen one of my favorite games, and the one that by far has seen the most trash talking.

The best trash talking moment for me with this game happened in high school. I was playing Japan and was not doing well at all, as the dice were just not going my way. As my buddy, who was playing USA, prepared for the final assault on the homeland, he came up with the greatest trash talk quote I have ever heard in my history of gaming. Since it happened more than 20 years ago, I will probably be paraphrasing some of this, but to the best of my knowledge this is what he said:

"After I have destroyed your army and laid waste to your cities, I will take your remaining pieces, devour them, digest them for a good 24 hours, crap them out onto a hot stove, fry them golden brown and feed them to your children!"

To this day I still want to put this on a t-shirt.
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2. Board Game: Fortress America [Average Rating:6.69 Overall Rank:1351]
Matt Lewis
United States
Royal Palm Beach
Florida
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My second favorite moment:

I was playing the USA and had just lost the game by a close margin. I was so frustrated that I just dropped trou and farted right on the board.

To this day, whenever I lose I'm often asked to "bless" the board.
 
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3. Board Game: Magic: The Gathering [Average Rating:7.46 Overall Rank:154] [Average Rating:7.46 Unranked]
Matt Lewis
United States
Royal Palm Beach
Florida
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This game is almost tailor-made for trash talk.

I don't play this anymore, but when I did I was a huge fan of the Eldrazi cards (those of you who have played, you'll understand.) I used to play at lunch with some coworkers and there was one in particular who was, shall we say, very cocky. To be fair, he was a good player. Anyway, my favorite deck had a few Eldrazi in it and I managed to get a big one out (sadly I don't remember which one), but as I played it, knowing there was no way he could counter it and victory was assured, I blew him a kiss. He flipped out, threw his remaining cards at me and stomped off spewing a tapestry of obscenity which I'm pretty sure still hangs in the air.

Needless to say, he never played with us again.
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4. Board Game: Monopoly [Average Rating:4.39 Overall Rank:15666]
Matt Lewis
United States
Royal Palm Beach
Florida
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No list like this would be complete without this game. I can't even begin to count how many times I made my siblings cry playing this.

My favorite moment, though, was when my sister landed on my Boardwalk, with a hotel no less. I just started laughing.

Sister: "Stop it! It's not funny!"
Me: (continues to laugh uncontrollably)
Sister: "I'm telling!"

Most games ended like this.
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5. Board Game: UNO [Average Rating:5.35 Overall Rank:15564]
Matt Lewis
United States
Royal Palm Beach
Florida
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See above.
 
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6. Board Game: Settlers of Catan: Gallery Edition [Average Rating:6.77 Overall Rank:3069]
Matt Lewis
United States
Royal Palm Beach
Florida
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I was playing this with my son and visiting sister-in-law. I rolled a 7 and moved the bandit to block her brick production for the umpteenth time, and with a devilish grin said "Gimme."

My sister-in-law, whom I had never before heard swear, looks at me and says, "Damn you."

It was all the more funny because her 4 year old daughter was in the room and did the whole "Ohhhhhh!!!! Mommy said a bad word!!!" routine.
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7. Board Game: Ticket to Ride [Average Rating:7.46 Overall Rank:127] [Average Rating:7.46 Unranked]
Matt Lewis
United States
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My mother is the sweetest human being on the planet. Until she plays this.

I was this close to completing a high-point-value route when my mother goes ahead and blocks it. There is no other way to complete the route.

Since I have no poker face ability whatsoever, I shake my fist at the heavens and curse the TtR gods.

What does my mother do? she laughs. That's all the trash talking she needed to do.
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8. Board Game: Risk [Average Rating:5.58 Overall Rank:14924]
Jerry Wilkinson
United States
New Castle
Indiana
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When asking "What would Jesus do?", remember that flipping over tables and using a whip are within the realm of possibilities.
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Back in the mid 1980s my sister and three of our friends played this a lot. At one point I went on the attack and told one of the friends, "I'm bringing body bags."
 
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