CLOSED! - Every Story Has An Auction . . . no wait, that's not right... - CLOSED!
- Cliff RobertsUnited States
COMPLETELY SUPERFLUOUS BLURBRecommend
(Yes, please feel free to skip this and just head to the bottom of the header for auction rules and such.)
So I'm at my FLGS for Friday Family Game Night and on my way into the gaming room, but I stop by their "snack counter" to grab a few goodies. (I know, a FLGS that actually allows food and drinks within 100 feet of their games?! Hey, they put the "F" in FLGS as far as I'm concerned!) Anyway, I plop my small armfuls of snacks (no, not to share, just 2 armfuls, one for each of my arms) onto the table and head over to the mighty WALL OF GAMES to see what tickles my fancy this fine evening. My fancy felt a wee giggle at Agricola, but Dice Town got a hearty chortle and when my fancy chortles, you know it's game time!
I grab Dice Town off the shelf and make my way back to my table, when there sitting in my seat is an old bag lady. No, that's not a stereotype or derogatory label. She really was an old lady (well, older than me at least), and she had a stained, smelly-looking (is that even a thing?) bag sitting next to her on the floor. But the worst part of all? She's eating my snacks!
"Excuse me," I say politely, "but that's my seat. And those are my snacks."
"No they're not," she responds gruffly. "They're my snacks." And then she pops another one of MY peanut M&M's in her mouth and flashes me a gap-toothed smirk before shoving her dirty fingers back into the bag. The nerve!
"Hey, those are my snacks," I tell her again (a bit more forcefully, but not enough to cause a scene, because I'm slightly allergic to scene-causing).
"You got a receipt for 'em?" she asks.
"A receipt?! I just bought them out front before I walked in here! Nevermind." And then I leave to find the owner. Now, Frank is cool and I've known him for a while, and although he's not the confrontational type, he's a stand-up guy and I'm sure he'll be happy to assist me here. He's helping another customer decide on their next Dominion expansion, and when he finishes, I explain the situation to him.
"Really?" he says, "That's unusual. Let's go back and see if we can't sort this out. If she's honestly that hungry, I'm sure we can get her a fast food meal or something."
We make our way back into the gaming room, but there is no sign of the old bag lady. Aha! She must have known the gig was up and that I was bringing in reinforcements, so she made a break for it! Well, that's what I thought in my head at least. Instead, what I said sounded more like, "Huh, looks like she left."
"Everything else okay?" Frank asks me.
"Yeah, I guess so. Thanks." I tell him. I then finally put Dice Town onto the table (I know, I didn't even realize I'd been toting it around the whole time either) and reclaim my seat. Honestly, it didn't smell as bad as I expected it to, but the main reason I sat there was . . . the old bag lady left her bag!
Now, I'm a pretty mellow guy most of the time, despite what my wife says. And I'm not one for pranks or practical jokes either. And revenge? That's WAY outta my comfort zone . . . but this time? Just this one time? Okay, I'll be honest, the picture of her wrinkly, grimy, gap-toothed smirking face and my peanut M&M crunching in her mouth was an image seared into my mind and I blame my subsequent actions entirely upon my lack of short-term memory loss.
I grab her bag and conveniently place it on the OTHER side of me. Then I open up the game and begin to set it up. And who do you think comes shuffling back into the room not more than 30 seconds later? Yep, can you say, "It's GAME TIME!"?
I pretend not to notice as she makes her way to my table, and I don't even look up at her until she stops near me and says, "Can I have my bag?"
Now, I know I shouldn't have said it, but out it comes nonetheless: "That's not your bag, it's MY bag." And yeah, I kinda grin a little too.
"Look, I was just in here a few minutes ago and I forgot my bag," she says a bit irritated (I wonder why?). "Give it back."
And this is where I'm slightly the most ashamed of my actions. I pause my game setup, grab a new bag of peanut M&M's (one from the OTHER armful, unstained by grimy old bag lady fingers), rip it open and pop one into my mouth. As I begin to crunch on that perfect candy shell/peanut/chocolate combination, I look up at her and ask, "You got a receipt for it?" Oh yes, there was great smirking to be had then as well.
She growls at me and then stomps back out the door in a huff. And there I sat, basking in my victory, vengeance fully realized and a brand "new" bag to boot! And how did I celebrate my triumphant battle with injustice and incivility? (stop calling me a "hypocrite" and let me finish my story you goober) Well, I've never stolen an old bag lady's bag before, and I was curious. So I opened it up and do you know what I found inside?Spoiler (click to reveal)It was completely full of crap.
(Just like this story.)
Here are the guidelines for this auction:
Auction ends Monday, October 16th after my kids go to bed, probably around 9:30pm Pacific, but no promises there. Snipe away, you snipe-ity snipers! But no crying if this closes at 9:29, just before your final bid!
Auction is open to U.S. only, or to those with physical addresses here in the U.S., but all 50 states are included! ('Cuz AK and HI deserve some love!)
Starting bids are firm, and bids should be in whole dollar amounts with payments made through PayPal. (U.S. dollars, please. No Duck Bucks, Pony Pennies or Intergalactic Zyzzlvarian Credits.)
Shipping will be via USPS, Flat Rate Priority if possible, from zip 92311. I'm happy to combine multiple items to reduce cost, but shipping is NOT included in the bid. I do my best to do same-day shipping, but that's not always possible. (No, your payment made at 4:50pm will probably NOT go out the same day.)
All items will be sold through the BGG Marketplace to make sure that BGG receives its 3%. (Because when those emotionally sensitive servers cry, BGG goes down for maintenance.)
If you have any questions at all, please ask. I promise to reply promptly. (No, I'm not on BGG 24/7 despite what my wife says, but at the latest, you'll get an answer before I go to bed.)
- [+] Dice rolls