Oh my melting bits
John G
United States
Salt Lake City
Utah
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Four months ago I took a flier and said yes to managing a project in South Africa for six months. In a three week span I quit my old job, sold my house and jumped on a plane with nothing but two pieces of luggage. Unbelievably, I brought mostly clothes, not many games. The rest of my collection was hauled away by the movers and left in storage.

As the door was shut and the airplane began to push back from the terminal, I sat up with a start. You know that moment when you realize you left the iron on? I had that exact same feeling, only worse.

You see four months ago was July and my games were now in a moving van headed across the country to a storage facility - July is very hot where I live. Cardboard curling hot. Plastic bits melting hot. MY BABIES!

Here's a list of games that I did not get a chance to play before they went into storage. It is a list of games that probably hate me right now and may be in disgusting condition in two months when I breathlessly, shamefully open the storage container to see what I've done.

I'm sure you have two questions right now:
1) What kind of moron are you?
2) How did you own these games and not play them (surely everyone has a favorite on this list?)?

Well, in memoriam, here are they are.
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1. Board Game: Goa [Average Rating:7.62 Overall Rank:107]
John G
United States
Salt Lake City
Utah
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I love to cook. I know very well that spices should be cycled every six months to maintain freshness. My wonderful spices are surely all dried up.

When I first got married, my wife and I got a "great deal" on spices at Costco. Ten years later we were eating flavorless chunks of green labeled Parsley, Basil and Oregano before I had the heart to throw them out. Is this what my Goa has come to? Are you now flavorless? [insert Goa-hater comment here]
 
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2. Board Game: Die Macher [Average Rating:7.65 Overall Rank:185]
John G
United States
Salt Lake City
Utah
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A few years ago I spent my vacation in Austria during July. The sun was out; a few large Germans in speedos (or less) were out. I saw first hand what heat can do to a German. Visualizing the condition of this game makes me shudder. Please let Die Macher not become Die Melted.
 
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3. Board Game: China [Average Rating:7.02 Overall Rank:626]
John G
United States
Salt Lake City
Utah
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I love chinese food. My wife likes it even more than I do. However, we both agree it must be eaten right away because we'll spend the next week trying to make the other eat the leftovers. Here sits my poor China. What once was a delightful dish of Szechuan Chicken is now a four month old heap of MSG. I'm afraid it won't even do as a simplified version of El Grande.

Besides, what hope can I have that the theme will still be stuck to the game, pasted on as it is?
 
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4. Board Game: Tide of Iron [Average Rating:7.24 Overall Rank:582]
John G
United States
Salt Lake City
Utah
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I know. I know.

What was my most exciting purchase at the time never got played. It is punched, bagged and has some slight warping from the drool. Now I fear the only thing left to do will be to wad it up, smash it down, cut a hole in the middle and use it as a 45 lb weight in my home gym.

I'm quite certain that amount of plastic cannot be disposed of without a permit.
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5. Board Game: A Game of Thrones: A Clash of Kings Expansion [Average Rating:7.84 Unranked] [Average Rating:7.84 Unranked]
John G
United States
Salt Lake City
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Is it an expansion or a remedy? We got Storm of Swords to the table, but not CoK. I fear the ending for Ned Stark may be even more brutal than in the books.
 
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6. Board Game: Catan: Seafarers [Average Rating:7.17 Unranked] [Average Rating:7.17 Unranked]
John G
United States
Salt Lake City
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Three or four years ago I was introduced to a little game called Settlers. I found a delightful little site where I could get a 35% discount and free shipping on orders over $125. FREE SHIPPING! Clearly I had to add a few items to my cart. So my order for Settlers of Catan suddenly became an order for all things Catan. This baby still sits unplayed. Not much guilt in this one.

If it can't cool the heat with all those water hexes it deserves what it gets.
 
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7. Board Game: Shogun [Average Rating:7.56 Overall Rank:127]
John G
United States
Salt Lake City
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OK, the next three aren't virgins. I've played each a time or two. I fell in love with each. Now each sits in storage wondering why I never called.

Look at the padding on that guy! How can he possibly be alive at this point? I can picture the little followers all climbing the battle tower to jump off and put themselves out of their misery. Too bad it is stored horizontally. Be patient followers, you're made of wood! Only the drummers need worry about spontaneous combustion. The rest of you will be all right.
 
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8. Board Game: Twilight Struggle [Average Rating:8.35 Overall Rank:4]
John G
United States
Salt Lake City
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How ironic that the theme is the COLD war. Can a game about cold survive the heat? Then again, can these components get any worse? I realize they are good for a wargame, but what could possibly happen? I already put the board under plexiglass! I can put the cards in sleeves. This one should survive.
 
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9. Board Game: Arkham Horror [Average Rating:7.32 Overall Rank:237] [Average Rating:7.32 Unranked]
John G
United States
Salt Lake City
Utah
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Finally, you can imagine the horror I feel welling up inside me to open this box. Who knows what my eyes might behold!? Who knows whether I'll be able to grasp that one last thread of sanity I'll feel as I open this game that we only got to play enough to dream of expansions galore? The horror! The dread!
 
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