The story of the next #1 game
Curt Collins
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Puerto Rico has been #1 since it came out. No other game has been able to challenge it, yet it must eventually happen. This list outlines the sequence of events as I have seen them in a vision by tossing old crappy games that nobody cares about into the air and then 'reading' the contents as they settled to the ground.
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1. Board Game: Surprise! [Average Rating:5.71 Unranked]
Curt Collins
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There is practically no mention of this game before it's release. There are no fans waiting to play, there are no fans waiting to buy, it just explodes onto the scene upon release.
 
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2. Board Game: Hype [Average Rating:5.98 Unranked]
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In order for a game to be noticed, it needs a ton of hype. This particular game we are talking about is no exception. Almost immediately upon release hundreds of rabid fans emerge (15 of which have actually played the game!), and the 10's come out in droves.
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3. Board Game: Euro-game [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
Curt Collins
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This game is a euro game. There is no way that any other type of game could have come close to this type of ratings frenzy. Ameritrash and wargamers have taken their best shots and missed the big #1 a few times, but they just can't compete with the throngs of euro gamers. 2 people commit suicide over this. Since people don't agree with them over what the best boardgame EVAR!! is, they jump feet first into farming machinery screaming "the rest of the world can eat me!". Some people do, as the food they are mixed with is sold as lucky charms.
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4. Board Game: Multiplex [Average Rating:6.80 Unranked]
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The game is a multiplayer game. Two player games don't have much of a chance with the throngs of people that knock points off of any game that is only 2 player.
 
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Curt Collins
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Theme doesn't matter for this game. People that require theme don't care to play the game initially. There aren't any robots, or mutant chicken wolves or alien laser beetles to kill. Nobody is being attacked by the nazis or the japanese, and there is no civil or cold war. At first it is only eurogamers that even look at this game.
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6. Board Game: Number One [Average Rating:7.12 Unranked]
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When it first reaches number one, many people cheer at the downfall of Puerto Rico. Amritrash players and wargamers smile that the long time nemisis is dethroned. 1 ameritrash gamer that is already dead has his final wishes carried out. Upon the dethroning of Puerto Rico, the last dump he ever took is flown to the actual Puerto Rico and scattered in the middle of a city. Nobody notices it next to the other piles of crap laying nearby.

Eurogamers are split. Some love the new game, others feel bad for taking Puerto Rico from #1.
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7. Board Game: Number 2 [Average Rating:5.67 Unranked]
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The game shortly falls back to number two after the Ameritrashers and wargamers think "Oh great, now there are TWO of them!!!" The new game gets an influx of 1's that drop it's rating.
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8. Board Game: World in Flames [Average Rating:7.50 Overall Rank:943] [Average Rating:7.50 Unranked]
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Massive flame wars break out on BGG as shill 1's and 10's flood the ratings. The game drops to 5 and shoots back to 2 multiple times over the course of a month. Several users are banned, and one user is tracked down and executed (oddly, in the country the live in this is legal).
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9. Board Game: Saturn [Average Rating:6.76 Overall Rank:4266]
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Alien beings from saturn who have accounts on BGG get upset that the theme of the new number one game isn't about space exploration. They bring a small fleet of ships to earth and demand that the game "saturn" be ranked number one or they would destroy one of the worlds cities.
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10. Board Game: Unconditional Surrender [Average Rating:5.20 Overall Rank:13271]
Curt Collins
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France Surrenders Unconditionally.
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11. Board Game: Alien Contact [Average Rating:5.78 Overall Rank:12188]
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The United Nations and the United States both make contact with the aliens as the official representatives of the earth.
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12. Board Game: Space Blast [Average Rating:5.52 Overall Rank:12410]
Curt Collins
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The Saturnians destroy the city of Istanbul, and threated that Constantinople will be next if Earth doesn't comply.

Nobody the isn't dead cares.
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13. Board Game: Dallas [Average Rating:5.60 Overall Rank:12377]
Curt Collins
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The city of Dallas, TX is then destroyed when 500 trillion gallons of molten butter is thrown onto the city by the aliens. This came shortly after they declared that Dallas was "toast"

BGG is then seized by the US government and Saturn is set to the Number one game with an automatic rating of 10 no matter who you were. Nobody could change the rating, and everyone was forced to give a reason for their ten or be sent to mine asteroids for an alien drug that affects them like cocaine.

 
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