Gamers: A Field Guide
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Gamers. Truly one of the more mysterious and puzzling of nature's creations. They come from all walks of life and can vary wildly in personal preference, but they all share a common affection for little bits of wood, plastic and cardboard.

In this guide we shall attempt to identify the common types of gamers that one might encounter in the wild. Keep in mind that years of cross-breeding has created many variations of these types, but presented here are the base archetypes of almost all gamers.

Gamers in general are docile and usually quite timid, however, when their brood of games become threatened they can all become quite dangerous and resort to their only true defense mechanism: sarcasm. Many who observe gamers in the wild have been reduced to crying wrecks confused by the many references to obscure movies. So remember, while a gamer may just appear to be a jolly creature in a colorful t-shirt featuring a cartoon character they are, in fact, wild animals.
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1. Board Game: Monopoly [Average Rating:4.39 Overall Rank:15329]
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Gamerus-Comminus

The most common breed of gamer, Comminus is rarely encountered outside of the safe and familiar hunting grounds of the Target game isle. This type of gamer lives for family gatherings when it will force family members to partake in it's strange rituals.
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2. Board Game: Agricola [Average Rating:8.03 Overall Rank:16]
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Gamerus-Eurosius

This species of gamer is typified by the presence of little bits of painted wood. Evidence suggests Eurosius believe these odd bits of lumber to be everything from locomotives to people. This species can become quite hostile when presented with dice or a rulebook longer than ten pages.

Eurosius is the natural enemy of Gamerus-Ameritrashicus.
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3. Board Game: Twilight Imperium (Third Edition) [Average Rating:7.90 Overall Rank:47]
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Gamerus-Ameritrashicus

This species of gamer is often found cocooned in bits of plastic, cards and wrapped in large sheets of rules. Ameritrashicus often spend hours simply staring at complex rules documents occasionally stopping to 'setup the board.' We believe this to be some sort of primitive religious ceremony.

Ameritrashicus is the natural enemy of Gamerus-Eurosius.
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4. Board Game: Magic: The Gathering [Average Rating:7.45 Overall Rank:156] [Average Rating:7.45 Unranked]
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Gamerus-CeeCeeGeeCollectavious

Usually found in 'hobby' stores stalking it's prey: small cards wrapped in a thin layer of shiny foil. Once captured CeeCeeGeeCollectavious take and savagely strips the protective outer-layer and quickly devours the contents. Almost immediately it begins the hunt anew for yet more to satisfy it's ravenous hunger.
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5. Board Game: Go [Average Rating:7.66 Overall Rank:121]
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Gamerus-Snobbicus

This species of gamer is frequently seen trying to justify the 'clear' superiority of it's chosen game over all others. Snobbicus is only truly content when in the presence of like-minded Snobbicus.
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6. Board Game: The Annoying Thing Game [Average Rating:4.62 Unranked]
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Gamerus-Badtasteicus

This species of gamer typically drive away all other species of gamer by frequently presenting unfavorable games choices. The mating call of Badtasteicus is a haunting sound: 'but it's lots of fun!'

Sadly it rarely works.
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7. Board Game: Dead of Night [Average Rating:7.07 Overall Rank:5007]
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Gamerus-Insomnius

This species of gamer seems to be able to function almost completely without sleep. Found commonly overlooking angered looks by other sleep-deprived gamers.
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8. Board Game: Soap Time [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
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Gamerus-Hygenus

This species of gamer never grooms itself. Very little other information is known as most researchers refuse to get near this species of gamer. Truly a mystery.
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9. Board Game Publisher: Cheapass Games
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Gamerus-Cheapskateis

This species of gamer survives by never spending any of it's own money on games. In a manner similar to a parasite, this gamer uses the games of others exclusively to survive. This species of gamer is often shunned by other species once identified.
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10. Board Game Designer: Reiner Knizia
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Gamerus-Knizius

This species of gamer exhibits cult-like behavior in it's worship of Knizia. As of this writing the existence of 'Knizia" cannot be verified by science.
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11. Board Game: Pass-out [Average Rating:3.60 Overall Rank:15186]
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Gamerus Inebrious - This species loves drinking games, regardless of quality. If presented with a non-drinking game, he will attempt to create a drinking game out of it, and will "play" with the drinking rules whether others are or not. Most commonly observed in males in their late teens and early twenties. Often evolves into another form of gamer by late twenties.
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12. Board Game: Ingenious [Average Rating:7.15 Overall Rank:328]
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The Abstractus.

First gamer species to walk upright, they hold bizarre rituals to unknown and unknowable gods. Within their villages, built upon either square grids or hexagonal ones, the structures all mirror the perfect angles of the street design. The Abstractus mostly shuns the other species, as they cannot communicate in its highly symbolic nature. This severely limits its mating potential. To resolve this, Abstractus kidnaps and converts other types, therefore perpetuating this species.
 
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