Ouch! That Hurts: Ten Horrible Ways to Die!
Charles Rayburn
United States
Cleveland
Tennessee
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Another day, another GeekList. In the midst of avoiding some severe weather this morning, I started thinking about ways I could die. Of course, no one really wants to die, but we all have to go. Dying in my sleep would probably be my choice, but if faced with the prospect of some horrible method of execution, which method would I choose? After racking my brain for some terrible ways to go and doing a little research, I present ten ways to die and my thoughts about each.

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1. Board Game: Burial Ground [Average Rating:3.00 Unranked]
Charles Rayburn
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Cleveland
Tennessee
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Buried Alive

The name says it all. This has always seemed like a horrible way to go. I know it is not nearly as painful or disturbing as some of the others, but the claustrophbia combined with the suffocation and fear would just be too much. Count me out for this one. I'm going to wait for something a little easier.
 
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2. Board Game: Fire [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
 
Charles Rayburn
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Burned Alive

Another candidate that needs no explanation. This seems painful, even though I guess after the first layer of nerves are fried, you just quit feeling anything. This still doesn't sound like anything I'm interested in. I think I will pass on this one as well. The options have to get better than this.
 
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3. Board Game: Snakes Alive! [Average Rating:5.88 Unranked]
Charles Rayburn
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Cleveland
Tennessee
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Snake Pits

Apparently popular in Europe back in the day, people were thrown into pits full of poisonous vipers. Though this doesn't sound as painful as being burned or as terrifying as being buried, I still don't like it. I have heard that poisonous snake bites can be a very painful affair. I think I'm going to bide my time. I just know that the easy stuff is still to come.
 
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4. Board Game: Rack-O [Average Rating:5.67 Overall Rank:7257]
Charles Rayburn
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Cleveland
Tennessee
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The Rack


The rack was a device used to stretch people until they talked or until their arms ripped off. Though more commonly used as a method of torture, it sure sounds like a painful to die. I would assume one could easily die from blood loss. I just don't think this method is for me. The idea of listening to my joints and tendons tearing and ripping just doesn't sound like much fun. Next!
 
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5. Board Game: Quietville [Average Rating:6.18 Overall Rank:3062]
Charles Rayburn
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Cleveland
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The Brazen Bull

Anothe form of burning, but probably more painful. Prisoners were put into a brass bull with a door in the side. A fire was then lit under the bull, thus creating a roasting effect. A complex system of tubes were used to convert the screams of the prionser into low bellowing bull-like noises.

I would rather skip this one as well. When are the good ones coming up?
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6. Board Game: Bugs! [Average Rating:5.25 Unranked]
Charles Rayburn
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Cleveland
Tennessee
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Scaphism


A slow painful death that I will not even consider. Just mark me down for no.

As described on Wikipedia:


The naked person would be firmly fastened within a back-to-back pair of narrow rowboats (or in some variations a hollowed out tree trunk), the head, hands, and feet protruding from this improvised container. The condemned was forced to ingest milk and honey to the point of developing severe diarrhea, and more honey would be rubbed on his body so as to attract insects to the exposed appendages. They would then be left to float on a stagnant pond (or alternately, simply exposed to the sun somewhere). The defenseless individual's feces accumulated within the container, attracting more insects, which would eat and breed within his or her exposed (and increasingly gangrenous) flesh. Death, when it eventually occurred, was probably due to a combination of dehydration, starvation and septic shock.
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7. Board Game: Pop Belly [Average Rating:5.26 Overall Rank:13589]
Charles Rayburn
United States
Cleveland
Tennessee
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Disembowelment

Think Braveheart. Your belly is cut open and your guts are pulled out. Owww! Not the quickest or least painful. Forget it. My choices just seem to be getting worse.
 
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8. Board Game: Tic Tac Fraction Slices [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
Charles Rayburn
United States
Cleveland
Tennessee
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Slicing

Though there are many ways to slice someone to death, there is one method in particular that really cut me to the bone. (Ha! Ha!)

I remember reading about blade that was attached to some sort of saw horse type base. The victim was forced to straddle the blade and had weights attached to his or her feet. Needless to say, gravity took care of the rest. I read the article in a copy of Mental Floss magazine, but I can't remember the specifics. Something tells me that this would hurt. I will say no to this one as well.
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9. Board Game: Official Skins Golf Game [Average Rating:4.00 Unranked]
Charles Rayburn
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Cleveland
Tennessee
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Flaying

For the uninitiated, this is being skinned alive. Nope! Next choice please.
 
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10. Board Game: Guillotine [Average Rating:6.53 Overall Rank:1001]
Charles Rayburn
United States
Cleveland
Tennessee
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Beheading

If it's the Guillotine variety, it might not be so bad. If it's the crosseyed executioner variety, I would have to pass. One fell swoop would be good. I would try to talk right before the blade hit, so my head could say its final words after leaving the body. That always creeps them out.
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11. Board Game: Breaking Point [Average Rating:4.98 Overall Rank:13432]
Joe
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Atlanta
Georgia
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The Breaking Wheel

Breaking on the wheel was a form of torturous execution formerly in use, especially in ancient Greece (where it originated), France, Germany, Sweden, and Russia.

The wheel itself was similar to a large wooden wagon wheel, with many radial spokes, but a wheel was not always used.

In France the condemned were placed on a cart-wheel with their limbs stretched out along the spokes over two sturdy wooden beams. The wheel was made to slowly revolve, and a large hammer or an iron bar was then applied to the limb over the gap between the beams, breaking the bones. This process was repeated several times per limb. Sometimes it was 'mercifully' ordered that the executioner should strike the criminal on chest and stomach, blows known as coups de grâce (French: "blow of mercy"), which caused lethal injuries, leading to the end of the torture by death; without those, the broken man could take hours, even days, before shock and dehydration caused death. In France, a special grace, called the retentum, could be granted, by which the condemned was strangled after the second or third blow, or in special cases, even before the breaking began.

Afterwards, the condemned's shattered limbs were woven ('braiden') through the spokes of the wheel which was then hoisted onto a tall pole, so that birds could eat the sometimes still-living individual.

Legend has it that Saint Catherine of Alexandria was to be executed on one of these devices, which thereafter became known as the Catherine wheel, also used as an iconographic attribute.

(from Wikipedia article)

Ouch.. Repeated breaking of the bones of one's limbs, and having the mangled remains twisted around the spokes of the wheel before being left to die of eventual exposure, dehydration, and/or shock.. Not fun.
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12. Board Game: Quarters [Average Rating:5.17 Unranked]
Brett H
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Ann Arbor
Michigan
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Drawn and quartered


How about having a different horse tied to each different appendage then... "YAHHHH!!," All four horses go in four different directions. Heyyy Stumpy!
 
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13. Board Game: Vlad the Impaler [Average Rating:7.00 Unranked] [Average Rating:7.00 Unranked]
Joe
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Impalement

Classic form of execution, and favorite of Vlad Tepes, who served largely as a model for Bram Stoker's Dracula character, who was often referred to (especially by his enemies) as Vlad the Imapaler.

Having a large spike or pole shoved into your abdomen, mouth, or other sensitive bodily orifice. Frequently, the pole was set into the ground after partial impalement was complete so that the victim's weight and struggles would serve to slowly force the pole further through the vital organs of the body. Death could take days.

Oooof.. Not a good way to go. gulp
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14. Board Game: Murder à la carte: Chinese Takeout [Average Rating:6.50 Unranked]
pronoblem baalberith
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Pleasantville
Massachusetts
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Leng T'che or Slow Slicing - execution. Probably not too painful due to the opium dose that keeps your hear rate low enough so that you are alive but not bleeding to death while the chop you down to just a skinless torso and head.

China outlawed the practice in 1905.

http://turandot.ish-lyon.cnrs.fr/Event.php?ID=10
 
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15. Board Game: Fireball Island [Average Rating:6.48 Overall Rank:2351]
Blue (They/She)
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Run over by a giant fireball

Crushed and burned alive. Ow.
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16. Board Game: Lifeboats [Average Rating:6.60 Overall Rank:1230]
Dennis Parsons
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Alto
Michigan
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Drowing

To me this would be the worst way to go. Being able to see the source of your release, looking up to see the sun in the sky and realizing the you can't get there. Ever accidentally have something go down the wrong tube when you're drinking? Imagine that as you instinctly try to breath water and your lungs fill with water.

I've always been a good swimmer, so not being able to get to fresh air would be especially frightening for me.

Makes me shiver.
 
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17. Board Game: Lord of the Fries [Average Rating:5.96 Overall Rank:3571] [Average Rating:5.96 Unranked]
Tiwaz Tyrsfist
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Worst possible death I could come up with.

Being drowned in a running deep-fryer.

The searing pain of 350 degree F oil, combined with the torment of drowning.

And then, if you're really unlucky, you survive long enough to inhale the oil...

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18. Board Game: The End of the Triumvirate [Average Rating:6.81 Overall Rank:1309]
Jordi Ros
Spain
Cerdanyola del Valles
Barcelona
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Molten metal

Just like Crasus after Carrhae; he was killed by having molten gold poured down his throat to sate his thirst for wealth.

At least you leave a precious corpse...
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19. Board Game: Red Christmas [Average Rating:4.58 Unranked]
Mike Cooper
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Lewisville
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Crucifixion:

Being nailed through the hands (wrists actually) and feet to a cross and left to the elements; until, hopefully, blood loss and exhaustion would cause you to pass out until the end.

Bonus: There are people who actually endure this as a test of their faith.

Me? I'm hoping to go in my sleep, like my grandfather did - and not like the passengers on the bus he was driving.
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20. Board Game: Zombies!!! [Average Rating:5.85 Overall Rank:4468] [Average Rating:5.85 Unranked]
Jeffrey Goetz
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I mean, seriously!zombie
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21. Board Game: The Downfall of Pompeii [Average Rating:7.13 Overall Rank:447]
M Hellyer
United States
Aurora
Illinois
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HIT BY LAVA then TOSSED INTO VOLCANO

It's great fun doing it to your opponent(s), but not quite as much fun when you get lava tossed on you and then get tossed into the volcano.
 
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22. Board Game: Der schwarze Pirat [Average Rating:6.61 Overall Rank:2613]
Craig Somerton
Australia
North Ryde - Sydney
NSW
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Keelhauling

From Wikipedia...

(from Dutch kielhalen; "to drag along the keel") was a severe form of corporal punishment meted out to sailors at sea.

The sailor was tied to a rope that looped beneath the vessel, thrown overboard on one side of the ship, and dragged under the ship's keel to the other side. As the hull was often covered in barnacles and other marine growth, this could result in lacerations and other injuries. This generally happened if the offender was pulled quickly. If pulled slowly, his weight might lower him sufficiently to miss the barnacles but might result in his drowning. If the rope snapped, the Captain could conclude that the punishment was not done properly and order it carried out again.

Keelhauling was legally permitted as a punishment in the Dutch Navy. The earliest official mention of keelhauling is a Dutch ordinance of 1560: the practice was not formally abolished until 1853. While not an official punishment, it was reportedly used by some British Royal Navy and merchant marine captains, and has become strongly associated with pirate lore.
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23. Board Game: Arkham Horror [Average Rating:7.32 Overall Rank:237] [Average Rating:7.32 Unranked]
 
Nicolas Acosta
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Florida
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Being Cthulhed... I seriously think this
 
SHOULD be on top of this list.
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24. Board Game: Lightning Reaction Extreme [Average Rating:5.81 Overall Rank:10815]
David McCarson
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Brunswick Hills
Ohio
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Electrocution

Being shocked is bad enough...being shocked until dead is something I'll really have to pass on.
 
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25. Board Game: Creepy Freaks [Average Rating:5.13 Overall Rank:14371]
Dwayne Hendrickson
United States
Oklahoma City
Oklahoma
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Freak Accident in front of your family

Back in the late 80's I read about a German tourist that was travelling on Interstate 40 out west. He was driving to California with his family when his car struck an automobile jack that was on the highway. The jack tumbled under the car and then came up through the floorboard and impaled him through the groin with the jack shaft going through the back of the seat. He managed to get the car stopped, pulled the jack out of his groin and then bled to death in front of his wife & kids....on vacation.

That still gives me shivers.
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