Contest: A Little Armless Fun! - Closed
Jackson Pope
United Kingdom
Newcastle upon Tyne
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The second game I've published by hand, It's Alive! is getting towards the end of it's numbered, limited edition run.

Seeing as there's some who are upset with the price of games at the moment I'm offering one lucky winner a *FREE* copy of It's Alive! including free shipping anywhere in the world. That's a saving of 38USD, 24EUR or 42AUD.

The catch? The game will go to the person who adds the best It's Alive!-themed joke to this Geeklist. I decide which joke is best, but feel free to thumb contestant's jokes to help me decide.

The contest is now closed.
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1. Board Game: It's Alive! [Average Rating:6.29 Overall Rank:2613]
Jackson Pope
United Kingdom
Newcastle upon Tyne
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To give you a head start here's the introductory blurb from the box:
It is the turn of the nineteenth century, and mad scientists throughout Europe are competing for the infamy of being the first to create life through the power of alchemy. Using only the raw materials provided by some dubious 'Suppliers to the Anatomical Trade', harnessed lightning and the services of a motley crew of unattractive servants you race to collect the eight body parts needed to create your monster and bring it to life. Unfortunately the local peasants are particularly clumsy and tend to die in freak farming accidents so the dubious gentlemen rarely find a whole cadaver in sufficiently good condition. Instead they offer the parts they have managed to salvage. Each turn you may buy the offered part, sell it to an anatomist for a meagre profit, or auction it trying to get a better deal or rip off your opponents. You might be lucky and get a coffin with a weakling clerk's cadaver in it, which can be used in lieu of any strapping villager's body part, or your involvement in the macabre trade might invoke the villagers' wrath.
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2. Board Game: For Sale: A Real Estate Game [Average Rating:7.53 Unranked]
 
Michael Barlow
Canada
Stratford
Ontario
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This weekend! Blowout cadaver super sale! Arms and legs half off!
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3. Board Game: Captain Bones Gold [Average Rating:4.90 Overall Rank:14197]
Ken F
United States
Fort Wayne
Indiana
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After paying an arm and a leg for the last body part needed for his ungodly creation, the alchemist uttered the necessary incantation binding flesh and bone together with the fusing power of gold particulates. When he was finished his assistant asked what the alchemist would name his creation.

The alchemist thought a moment and finally said, "When I need his attention, I'll just say, AU."
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4. Board Game: Das Wasser des Lebens [Average Rating:7.52 Overall Rank:5231]
Dave Wilson
United States
Pleasanton
California
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Old Dr. Frankstein had been collecting body parts for some time now. He was almost ready to imbue the stitched-together pieces with life. But he was frustrated. He wasn't done. The hands weren't right. They were each missing a pinky, and Dr. F wasn't about to use the incomplete hands. He quit for the evening, and headed down to the tavern.

When he entered the bar he walked into an argument. Pete and Jack, two longshoremen, were at it with each other, and it quickly exploded into a fight. Pete grabbed the poker from the fireplace, and crashed it into his fellow longshoreman's head, who promptly fell to the floor, unconscious.

Dr. F walked past this, looking at the fallen dockworker, and sat at the bar. The bartender, undisturbed by the dust-up, asked, "Good evenin', Doctor. What'll ya have?"

Still looking at the floor, Dr. F replied, "Two fingers of Jack."
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5. Board Game: Candle Quest [Average Rating:6.97 Unranked]
 
Brad Fuller
United States
Virginia Beach
Virginia
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Dr Frankenstien sat in a pool of blood, guts and dismembered limbs.
"This is disgusting", he thought. "Igor, why did we ever stop collecting candles?"

(click on the game if you don't get it)
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6. Board Game: The Civil War [Average Rating:5.45 Unranked]
Pete Belli
United States
Florida
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While the local peasants are probably DYING to participate, can these mad scientists wait a few years for the outbreak of the American Civil War?

There will be some very warlike limbs available:

General Howard (USA) lost an arm...

General "Stonewall" Jackson (CSA) lost an arm...

General Hood (CSA) lost a leg...

General Sickles (USA) lost a leg...

There! A full set... and if they ever need a brain try General Burnside (USA) since his was NEVER used!

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7. Board Game: Mmm ... Brains! [Average Rating:5.33 Overall Rank:14388]
Shawn Simas
Canada
Kitchener
Ontario
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Frankenstein: I’m going to need you to find a brain for this creature.
Igor: Eww… do I have to?
Frankenstein: Of course — What could a man amount to if he didn’t have a brain?
Igor: President?
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8. Board Game: Free At Last [Average Rating:6.90 Unranked]
Hank Panethiere
United States
St. Louis
Missouri
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It's Alive is a game by Reiver
It's not cheap if you want to be a receiver

Thanks to a chap named Pope
You don't have to give up hope

He'll give it to you free
Just come up with something witty

So don't plead, and cry and beg
'Cause if you win, in the end, it won't cost an arm and a leg.
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9. Board Game: Body Boggle [Average Rating:5.32 Unranked]
Daniel Rocchi
Canada
Toronto
Ontario
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Here's a little ditty from the well known Evelyn Dick "Torso" murder of 1946 in Hamilton, Ontario. Evelyn Dick murdered her husband, cut off all his limbs and dumped his mutilated torso in the side of the escarpment.

A popular children's playground ryhme of the time went like this...

You cut off his legs...
You cut off his arms...
You cut off his head...
How could you Mrs Dick?
How could you Mrs Dick?


Get it??

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10. Board Game: Body Tag [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
Hank Panethiere
United States
St. Louis
Missouri
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Three graverobbers dig up a body in the graveyard.
They dig up the body of a freshly deceased young woman.

Suddenly the police arrive.

To cover their guilt the first guy drops his Spurs hat over one breast.
The second guy, a Liverpool fan, places his hat over the other breast.
The Manchester United fan then places his hat over the woman's
private part. They explain they just happened upon the situation while walking through the graveyard

The policeman starts checking over the body.

He picks up the Spurs hat and quickly puts it back. He then picks
up the Liverpool hat and returns it. Then he picks up the Man United
Fan hat, puts it down, then picks it up again inspecting the hat more
closely, and then puts it down. Then he picks it up a third time.

By this time, the Man United fan is a bit irritated and asks,
"Why do you keep picking up that hat? Are you some kind of pervert or
something?"

The policeman responds with a wry smile, "Son, I can't figure this one
out. Usually when I come across one of these Man United hats, there's
an a**hole under it."


Edit: you can substitute any sports teams you like and the joke still works.

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11. Board Game: BANG! [Average Rating:6.54 Overall Rank:1018]
Richard Campbell
United States
Augusta
Georgia
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A three-legged dog walks into a saloon, goes up to the bar and orders a whiskey,he turns around and says.."I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!!"
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12. Board Game: Headache [Average Rating:4.42 Overall Rank:15091]
Aloha!
United States
Kalamazoo
Michigan
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AAGH! YOU'RE TOUCHING ME!
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Dr Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It's a new pill consisting of 50 per cent glue and 50 per cent aspirin.
Igor: But what's it for?
Dr Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.

Thank you! I'll be here all week! Tip your waitress! Try the veal!
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13. Board Game: Parts Unknown [Average Rating:5.95 Overall Rank:7091]
Tim Harrison
United States
Cleveland
Ohio
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What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein's creation?
Here lies Frankenstein's monster. May he rest in pieces.

What did Frankenstein say when he was struck my lightning?
Gee, that felt good!

What did Frankenstein say to his sweetheart on Valentine's Day?
It was love at first fright!
 
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14. Board Game: Power Grid [Average Rating:7.92 Overall Rank:28]
Alexandre Freitas
Brazil
Lauro de Freitas
Bahia
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Dr. Frankenstein: "Igor, call the energy company know to check WHY THE HELL THE ENERGY IS DOWN TODAY. There is no storm coming. I can´t wait for a Lightning Bolt my whole life."

Few minutes after:

Igor: "My lord, they told that since player 4 had no money to buy uranium in the last round, he didn´t power up all his cities"

Dr. Frankenstein: "What?"
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15. Board Game: Punch Line [Average Rating:6.26 Unranked]
VETRHUS of Rogaland
United States
Milwaukee
Wisconsin
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An ash I know, Yggdrasil its name. With water white is the great tree wet; thence come the dews that fall in the dales. Green by Urth's well does it ever grow.
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With the hopes of getting ahead in the proverbial arms race, several scientists of macabre intentions decided to dig up something to socket to their colleagues.

Each went out on several limbs of sorts, in trunk-aided paths toward completion of their grotesque bodies of work.

But some didn't stick to their corpse ideals, and they embarked on more underhanded pursuits, often finding themselves coffin uncontrollably or in grave circumstances.

Needless to say, their assistants were hunched over with grief about the condition of their brilliant master's creative efforts, and often tried switching strategies to spark life into their separate projects.

No flash of light would wrest their pieces from the drawing boards. But the scientists would not give up their complex need for creative inspiration and they resurrected their projects from the ash heap.

Therefore, each put their heads into their research, hoping that their sacrifices would give their ideas a leg up on the competition.

Eventually they began to see their undertakings take shape. Their handiwork was now ready for the most difficult of challenges. Would they be able to get their opuses to stand on their own merits?

Long hours pacing their hearts for this moment hadn't given their brains the inspiration which they needed. Maybe the jarring had been too much for them previously.

Nevertheless, lightning did strike for them all, and their work took upon lives of their own. The scientists had defeated the naysayers, and broken the bonds of natural law.

But they had also broken several municipal laws, and eventually were all incarcerated, while their creations took jobs as tax auditors.


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16. Board Game: Cheese Please [Average Rating:4.50 Unranked]
Arthur
United States
California
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I don't want to think of a joke, just give me the game!
 
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17. Board Game: Slapshot [Average Rating:6.32 Overall Rank:2766]
Adam Marostica
Canada
Toronto
Ontario
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How do you know you're playing hockey with a leper?

There's a face off in the corner.
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18. Board Game: It's Alive! [Average Rating:6.29 Overall Rank:2613]
Shawn Bowers
United States
Portland
OR
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What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of body parts?

I don't have a Corvette in my garage.
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19. Board Game: Perfect Bowling Game [Average Rating:3.00 Unranked]
Matthew Frederick
United States
Phoenix
Arizona
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Which is easier to unload, a cart full of bowling balls, or a cart full of body parts?

A cart full of body parts... you can use a pitchfork!
 
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20. Board Game: Football [Average Rating:1.00 Unranked]
Mike P
United States
Castleton
New York
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Stop! That tickles!
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Did you hear about the leper football game?

There was a hand off at the line of scrimmage.
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21. Board Game: It's Alive! [Average Rating:6.29 Overall Rank:2613]
Just call me Erik
United States
Waldorf
Maryland
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A two-fer.

A man an his friend are assembling an old car in his garage. Suddenly it starts to storm outside, and the power goes out. As they bolt the car together by hurricane lamps and candlelight, one man remarks, "I feel like Doctor Frankenstein. Do you know what that makes you?" His friend replies, "...I've got a hunch..."

Now, the real joke.

An RAF serviceman is downed over Germany during WWII. He is quickly interred in a POW camp alarmingly close to Berlin during the closing stages of the war. During one bomber raid, a bomb his his barracks and his arm is blown off. He politely requests to the Kommandant that his arm be airdropped over his home town as a symbol that he has survived. The Kommandant, seeing no harm, agrees.

Sometime later, during a different raid, his leg is blown off. He makes the same request of the German officer and it is carried out. His leg is dropped over his hometown with a note that he is still alive.

The following week, a third raid hits the camp. A bomb severs his other leg. He asks the Kommandant again to drop it over his hometown. The German, however, refuses.

The British officer implores, "My family is probably worried about me."

The Kommandant replies, "I am afraid we zimply cannot take ze risk."

Curious, the Brit asks, "What risk?"

The German counters, "Ve think you are trying to escape!"
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22. Board Game: It's Alive! [Average Rating:6.29 Overall Rank:2613]
Dale Moore
United States
Savannah
Georgia
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The mad scientist In a desperate need for body parts sends his ever faithful assistant Artie to go collect corpses. Being told that if he hurries he will get a gold dollar coin. Very excited to receive this bonus Artie decides to just kill 3 people instead of digging up a bunch of bodies and not even knowing the condition the bodies would be in.
Artie ends up at the Village market and finds three people and kills them and begins to bring them back to the Mad scientist. But to his dismay he is caught. The Mad scientist is at a loss why Artie hasn't returned until the next day when he sees the headline in the paper.

Artie Chokes 3 for a dollar at the market.
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23. Board Game: The Graingrowin' Game [Average Rating:5.80 Unranked]
Hank Panethiere
United States
St. Louis
Missouri
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A mad scientist reanimates the body of a deceased vegetarian.

When the new animated zombie comes to life the scientist asks it a question.

"Now that I have given you life, what do you want?"

The zombie replies...

"Graaaaaains!"
__________________________________________

And just a little added undead fun....consider it a sweetener



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24. Board Game: BattleLore: Call to Arms [Average Rating:7.33 Unranked] [Average Rating:7.33 Unranked]
United States
New York
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the difference between a "crowd" and a "mob" is one push
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Dr. Frankenstein's latest creation, the One-armed Bandit, had been busy terrorizing the local villagers. But soon enough the town's denizens realized that they could harrass the creature by striking him at his armless side, then ducking low when he swung his existing one at them. This made the monster cross.

The creature returned to the good Doctor's laboratory crying and in its inimitible manner explained what had transpired. With each painful groan and grunt the moster got madder.

The doctor and Igor were, at the time, inspecting their latest arrival: a collection of fresh body parts.

The angered moster at long last saw the answer to his problems -- a giant dzwiehander, also called a greatsword, hanging on Frankenstein's wall. But when he lifted it, the thing kept falling, its sound reverberating within the laboratory's stone walls. The beast lacked the requisite number of arms to hold the sword.

Doctor Frankenstein, unable to stand the noise any longer, thrust an appendage into his servant's grasp and screeched, "Igor! Go give that moster a hand."
 
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25. Board Game: Power Grid: The New Power Plant Cards [Average Rating:7.82 Unranked] [Average Rating:7.82 Unranked]
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Unable to give his monster life via lightning strike, the inventor went for a shortcut. He built a capacitor into the creature and added an extension cord, then plugged the creature into a wall outlet.

"Go my pretty," the inventor said. "Terrorize the town for laughing at me and calling me crazy!"

The monster stood and headed for the village. The inventor watched him from the battlements.

The creature was almost at the town's limits when it felt a tug from behind. Someone or something was trying to stop it. Only then did the inventor realize his mistake, as the creature pressed onward then suddenly stopped in its tracks.

The inventor ran down to the outlet and saw that the plug had dislodged.

"Ah, well," he said. "AC come. AC go."
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