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Zack Boatman
United States
Tesuque
New Mexico
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I couldn't resist
The idea of the ad on the main page
that one of the women pictured would love my geekiness...
Perhaps dreams can come true!
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1. Board Game: Electronic Dream Phone [Average Rating:5.74 Overall Rank:12884]
Zack Boatman
United States
Tesuque
New Mexico
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The first step was the most difficult, working up the nerve to actually call one of the girls from the ad on the BGG homepage (I refuse to use the adblocker for a reason).
But which one to call? One of the two blondes or the brunette?
I picked up the phone and dialed the number...
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2. Board Game: Hello! [Average Rating:6.50 Unranked]
Zack Boatman
United States
Tesuque
New Mexico
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She answered on the first ring. "Hello." The voice held the promise of long nights sitting by the fire, a game of Lost Cites between us; or, dare I hope...a game of Hannibal: Rome v. Carthage.
"H-H-Hello," I stammered. My throat felt as if I had swallowed a meeple. My mind froze as if I was playing T&E with Reiner.
I decided to test the waters before taking the plunge.
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3. Board Game: Step by Step [Average Rating:6.68 Unranked]
Zack Boatman
United States
Tesuque
New Mexico
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"So I saw your ad on the Geek..."
"Oh, I just love that website," she purred before I could say another word. The satin of her voice glided across my ears, "I could spend all day there; just spend my time reading. Know what I mean?"
I had to shake myself from my reverie. "Of course I do, I spend an amazing amount of time there on a daily basis." I paused here for a moment and decided to play the joke gambit. If it works, she'll think I'm funny-if not, then the conversation will end like every other call I've made to women I don't know. "If my boss ever found out how much time I spend on the Geek, I'd lose my job."
Without missing a beat, "Oh My God," she said with a merry laugh in her voice, "Me too!"
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4. Board Game: Good Heavens! [Average Rating:5.00 Unranked]
Zack Boatman
United States
Tesuque
New Mexico
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"Am I in heaven?" I thought to myself. A girl that advertises on the website she spends all her time visiting? What a dream come true. But the cynical side of me quickly asserted itself. Was she for real or just trying to run up my phone bill? I decided a test was in order.
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5. Board Game: Action Test [Average Rating:5.00 Unranked]
Zack Boatman
United States
Tesuque
New Mexico
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"So," I said, a hint of reluctance in my voice. "What do you think about Can't Stop?" I gave her an easy one so that when she dropped the ball I could quickly ease out of the conversation. However, I threw in a hint of passion with the question. Would she pick up on it?
To my surprise she said, "I like the game, but it's not one of my favorites. I'm not a fan of the roll and move genre. I prefer a game with a little meat on the bone."
Was that an innuendo? Was she actually using gaming terminology in a sexual manner? Could this possibly be happening to me?
I decided to sidestep the inference and test her once again.
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6. Board Game: One More Time [Average Rating:3.67 Unranked]
Zack Boatman
United States
Tesuque
New Mexico
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I thought about it for a second and decided to go for the throat, to see what she was made of. "So how about Agricola. Have you played it yet?"
"Oh, I played it about 17 time when it first came out. Trust me, making all those mock-ups for the geek was brutal..." I couldn't believe it. She used my word--brutal. What were the chances? "And I'm glad I did the work. So far I've been tipped 72 geekgold. But once I got past the initial fever, I've found myself kind of burned out on it. It's a great game, but it has it's flaws."
Did she say flaws? "What do you mean?" I had to dig deeper to make sure she wasn't just parroting a geeklist. I've been burned by girls that way before.
"Well, when we first used the "I" deck it was fun to play with interaction between players, but I realized that a couple of the combinations were game killers for the other players. And when you add the Village Beauty from the "Z" deck it really makes for unbalanced play."
Holy smokes, she was the real deal.
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7. Board Game: Who Am I? [Average Rating:4.00 Unranked]
Zack Boatman
United States
Tesuque
New Mexico
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Before I could ask her another question she dropped the register of her voice to a sultry timbre and said, "So tell me about yourself."
I have one tried and true way of getting to the heart of the women I talk to, but have never seen me. It's a variation of the joke gambit, but falls more into the nerd gambit. "Well, I teach and am getting my PhD. I fly fish and golf when the summer rolls around and I had a silboat when I lived in Texas." She was muttering at all the right pauses, pushing me to open up more and more so I decided the time was right for the queen's gambit.
"I'm a solid 6 in the looks department. Except for once a year when I'm an 8." Would she take the bait?
"When is that one time a year?" She asked, a hint of curiosity lacing the silk that was her voice.
Now to see if she would fall for me or hang up.
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8. Board Game: Star Wars: The Queen's Gambit [Average Rating:7.55 Overall Rank:544]
Zack Boatman
United States
Tesuque
New Mexico
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"At the Star Wars convention."
I didn't have to wait a second before I heard laughter spill from the phone. She was laughing so hard I think she was crying. Success was mine!
"Now that," she said between each laugh, "Is the funniest thing I've heard in a long time."
Releif and joy swept through my heart.
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9. Board Game: Rumors: An Adult Conversation Game [Average Rating:3.25 Unranked]
Zack Boatman
United States
Tesuque
New Mexico
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I can't remember how long we talked, but it must have been hours. We talked about our favorite games (hers is Puerto Rico) and what makes a great game great. We espoused the brilliance of our favorite game designers and denounced the want-to-be designers. But toward the end of the conversation, my geekiness caught me by surprise. Would I be able to seal the deal, would I have the guts?
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10. Board Game: Dream Date [Average Rating:3.00 Unranked]
Zack Boatman
United States
Tesuque
New Mexico
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"So, I was wondering if you would, you know, maybe like to..."
She cut me off before I had a chance to make a fool of myself. "How about if I come over on Saturday night and we can play a game or two?"
It felt like a bolt of lightning had hit me square between the eyes.
I barely managed to get out a, "That would be great." I gave her my address and hung up the phone.
I looked around the apartment, it was a mess. I started cleaning, getting ready for Saturday night. I wanted everything to be perfect.
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11. Board Game: Meeting of the Minds [Average Rating:8.00 Unranked]
Zack Boatman
United States
Tesuque
New Mexico
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The knock at the door was the one I had been waiting for all week long. I ran my fingers through what's left of my hair and tried to suck in my belly. Even though I knew what she looked like because of her picture on the Meet Geek Girls ad, I was bowled over by the beauty before me. Long, straight blonde hair tapering to a low cut dress that hugged her curves with the grace of a Carabande track. Eyes as blue as a blokus piece. And a smile that would make you give her your copy of Risk: Black Ops without even thinking about it.
I invited her in and asked her if she wanted anything to drink.
"Mountain Dew." She was looking me straight in the eye. "It's the perfect compliment to my Roast Beef flavored Pringles."
Holy Crap! She had Roast Beef flavored Pringles. I almost ran to the kitchen. When I came back into the room she had already seated herself at the other side of my game table. I gave her the glass and didn't even have to ask her to use a coaster.
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12. Board Game: This is your lucky day [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
Zack Boatman
United States
Tesuque
New Mexico
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I had set up Twilight Struggle, and she was already looking at her hand of cards before I could seat myself at the table.
Then she looked deep into my eyes and said, "Before we begin, I have to ask you a question."
I could feel myself sinking into the depths of her blue.
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13. Board Game: COPS The Game [Average Rating:4.50 Unranked]
 
Zack Boatman
United States
Tesuque
New Mexico
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She licked her lower lip and leaned toward me across the table. Barely a whisper escaped from her as she breathed, "Are you a cop?"
I looked at her, not sure if I had understood. "What?"
She leaned back and crossed her arms and legs. Her voice took on a decided edge and she repeated with a bit of venom, "Are you a cop?"
I could feel my eyes searching for an answer somewhere in my surroundings. My head was screaming, "What the heck is going on?" What came out of my mouth was a meek, "No, I'm not a cop. Why do you ask?" I was afraid of the answer she might give me.
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14. Board Game: Pros and Cons [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
Zack Boatman
United States
Tesuque
New Mexico
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She looked at me with her newly revealed icy blue stare. "I ask because if you were a cop, I'd have to walk out the door right now. Since you aren't, and you said you are not and if you are that's entrapment, I guess we can discuss my fee."
"Your fee?" I felt as if I was in a crazy movie; on Broadway as a lead without knowing his lines even. I could see the room actually tilt around me.
And then it hit me. She was a Pro. I had heard about them in the darkened corners of the BGGCON and the Gathering. Murmurs of gamers gone bad, whittling out an existence few would care to choose.
"I charge $50 an hour to play a game like this. If you want a quicker game, I drop down to $35 an hour." This time when she licked her lips I was repulsed instead of enchanted. "But if you really want to play a game, and I'm talking old Avalon Hill stuff here, then I'm worth the $100 an hour. Trust me baby, I'll give you the best gaming you've ever had."
It made me cringe when she said that.
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15. Board Game: Pimps and Ho's [Average Rating:2.75 Unranked]
Zack Boatman
United States
Tesuque
New Mexico
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"Ummm, I think I might have made a mistake here." I said as I started to back away from the table. My legs were shaking and she sat me back down with her voice.
"Look geek. I'm not here to waste my time. We don't play, that's fine, but I'm walking out of here with the money you owe me for wasting my time getting over here and getting back home. So pay up or I make a phone call."
I hadn't see her reach into her tiny purse for her cell phone, but magically her thumb was poised over the buttons.
In a moment of uncharacteristic verve I muttered, "I guess you better make the call then."
Looking through her eyebrows she shot daggers at me and pressed a button. She put the phone to her ear. "He's not going to pay." She put her phone away and we both sat there looking at each other. She in her anger and me in my misery.
It seemed like an hour, but only a few minutes had passed. There was a knock at the door. He must have been waiting for her in their car.
I walked to the door on unsteady legs. If I had been able to run, I would not have hesitated.
I opened the door.
It was Aldie.
And all the pieces fell into place.
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