The GROAN Awards!
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In honor of the many, many, many organizations taking this moment to recognize excellence in gaming, I felt it time I too share my own Awards with the world. Like many of the decisions on the lists, the winners and nominees and even catagories are completely arbitrary. So, without further delay, the Gamers Against Making Everything Rational Society (or GAMERS) presents Game Recognition of an Outstandingly Arbitrary Nature Awards!

Each category will be called and the nominees listed. I will chose the winner at random. I will then require someone to step forward and give an acceptance speech. I really don't care who. It's all arbitrary to me.

Feel free to add your own categories and winners.
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1. Board Game: Dark Shadows [Average Rating:5.96 Unranked]
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We'll start the evening off on a light note.

The Nominees for Best Game with a Reference to Lighting in the Name are

Twilight Struggle
Shadows over Camelot
Duel in the Dark
Shades of Thought
Christmas Lights

And the GROANer goes to...

Christmas Lights for being last on the list!
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2. Board Game: Die Erben von Hoax [Average Rating:6.07 Overall Rank:8120]
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Our next category is Best Games with German Titles.

The nominees are

Die Macher
Die Erben von Hoax
Funkenschlag
Sticheln
Um Reifenbreite

And the GROANer goes to...

Die Erben von Hoax for having a game ID that just so happens to be my favorite number!

Hold on... We're getting word from the non German speaking judges that this can't be a real game because it has Hoax in the title. I'm afraid it's disqualified on the basis of ignorance and the new winner is...

Funkenschlag, for having the most funk in the title!
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3. Board Game: Agricola [Average Rating:8.03 Overall Rank:17]
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We now take a break from our normal awards to give the Agricola Award. This is a special award given only to games that possess a certain Agricolaness. It has to be the kind of game that people will rate highly based on buzz alone despite never playing it. It has to be the kind of game that will divide BGG into two (more) camps of die-hard fanatics. It has to be the kind of game I make up an award specifically for to keep its fans from stabbing me after the show.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm proud to give this year's Agricola Award winner, Agricola!

*Camera quickly cuts away from a dismayed Puerto Rico to a smiling Agricola*
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4. Board Game: The Big Fight [Average Rating:6.67 Unranked]
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Our next award is the "Most Likely to Win in a Fair Fight" category.

The nominees are
Twilight Struggle (It has stamina as it centers on a forty year conflict)
Killer Bunnies (I think we all saw how they performed in Monty Python's Arthurian Epic)
Pandemic (not afraid of a little biological warfare)
Ticket to Ride (at least as powerful as a locomotive)

And the GROANer goes to...
pandemic for having a name whose anagram is "P mad nice," which clearly shows that P (or pandemic) will fight hard but fair.
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5. Board Game: Territory [Average Rating:6.00 Unranked]
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Our next award for the evening is the Territorial Award, in which we recognize the best game whose theme is based on a United States Territory.

The nominees are
Puerto Rico

And the GROANer goes to...
Puerto Rico!

The judges have informed me that there were originally two nominees: Puerto Rico and Iraq War 2003, but upon remembering it was an election year, decided not to call Iraq a U.S. Territory.
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6. Board Game: Unpublished Prototype [Average Rating:6.96 Overall Rank:2240]
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Here at GAMERS, we like to look to the future, and in the spirit of progress and the future, we present this next award: Best Game of 2010!

The Nominees are
Unpublished Prototype
Unpublished Prototype
Unpublished Prototype
Unannounced Themed Fluxx
Unpublished Prototype

And the GROANer goes to...
Unpublished Prototype!

And remember, 2010 comes quickly. It's not to early to put it on your wish list and buy it on pre-order! Come on! You know it's good! You just don't know what it's about yet.
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7. Board Game: Pit Fighter [Average Rating:6.13 Unranked]
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Some games are more prone to being devious and back handed than others. To honor this dishonorable games, we invite Don King to present our next award.

Gratitudations to you, your most highliferous adjudicator. Our next category of gamastical recognitiation is cardiotastically close to my heart. This most respectiful honorfication falls under the catagorizaionalism of Most Likely to Win in an Unfair Fight.

The nominationees for your remembrification are
Diplomacy
Shadows over Camelot
Werewolf
Reiner Knizia
Prison Bitch

And the most winonstrations of all time pugilistic unfairitude goes to...
Reiner Knizia, most likely to use a shotgun in a fight the way he uses a shotgun in game design.

(Much love, Dr. Knizia. Don't shoot me.).

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8. Board Game: Capes & Cowls: The Superhero Board Game [Average Rating:7.77 Overall Rank:5654]
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Presenting for our next category, we will have Board Game Geek's very own GROGnads!

We "all" have a colorful side. Our next "category" HONORS those who may "be" more "colorful" THAN others. The NOMINEES for Most "likely" TO BE a super hero are

Descent: Journeys in the Dark
Advanced Squad Leader
Last Night on Earth
Monopoly
Candy Land

The "Award" FOR most LIKELY to be A "SupER" Hero goes to...

Me!

*pulls mask from out of nowhere*

I'm Batman!
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9. Board Game: Busen Memo [Average Rating:4.81 Overall Rank:15126]
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And accepting the honorary GeekList Achievement Award for most appearances on any geeklist, BUSEN MEMO! Proving for all time that if you take your shirt off, you will be popular.

(Come on, you knew it had to show up eventually!)
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10. Board Game: Carry On Camping Trivia Game [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
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And next we come onto the Carry On award for the game-title with the best double-entendre.

Without further ado, the nominations are:

Die Fugger
Funkenschlag
Annetteā€™s Secret Passage Game
Hammer of the Scots
Kunst Stucke


And the winner is "Hammer of the Scots" for conjuring up images of what Scotsmen keep hidden under their kilts.
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