Waterworld - The Board Game
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Pennsylvania
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Yes, yes. I know that there was already a board game based on the
 action spectacle starring the dreamy-eyed Kevin Costner, but think of how much better a Waterworld game could be.
Come on, every single scene in the movie just screams "BOARD GAME!" like the obnoxious kids in the back of the theater ruining the majestic experience for all who are there to bask in the glory of King Costner.
Mulling these thoughts over in my brain case, I decided to create this list to convince game developers to create the best movie licensed game EVER!
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The King of Cool
United States
Pennsylvania
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Glorious Setting
Miles Gloriosus? Meet Setting Gloriosus. Something funny happens on the way to the way to the future and it's called "melted polar ice caps cause the entire world to be covered in water (except for the myth that is dry land)". This setting is so superior to every other setting that, by default, a game based on this Waterworld would blow any game with a different setting clear out of the water!
 I kill me
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The King of Cool
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Pennsylvania
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The Map of Sheer Awesomeness
Just think of how manly this map would be. It would be a plain sheet of manly blue - the kind of blue that's so deep it can only be found at the bottom of the deepest abyss where only the strongest of he-men can go. In fact, Bruce Lee faked his own death to go there and have testosterone drinking contests with the likes of Teddy Roosevelt and Rhett Butler. That's how manly that blue cloth would be. Wrap it around your pregnant wife and she'll give birth to five full grown men that will be ready to challenge the gods of Olympus.
Who needs lines denoting spaces when you have eye-ceps strong enough to tell exactly where the lines would be if the game were made for sissies. Rulers work too.
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3.
Board Game: *Star
[Average Rating:7.63 Overall Rank:6877]
The King of Cool
United States
Pennsylvania
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All-Star Cast
Why play Dune with those creepy images of Sting when you can play a game with beautiful images of Kevin "The Coss" Costener and Dennis "I'll kick your bony ass" Hopper. Just imagine seeing their lovely faces every time you pulled out the box to play.
And of course, let's not forget Jack Black! As the third main character in the movie, "Pilot/Smoker" really moved the plot along. His ability to fly a classic-style airplane 500 years after the world was covered in water is simply astounding. No one other than Jack "Attack" Black could have pulled off such an amazing feat.
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The King of Cool
United States
Pennsylvania
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Those Wily Europeans
According to the Great Tome of Knowledge (Wikipedia), Europe and other such "Non-American, Non-Terrorist" areas (are they even real? my geography sucks, but I'm pretty sure that everyone is the enemy) saved the movie from being a complete flop. Thus, to better suit these foreign markets, Waterworld - The Board Game would feature such awesome mechanics as "Cube Pushing" and "Dice Burning" that the Euro crowd loves so much. Of course, to please trashy domestic fans, it would also be DRIPPING WITH THEME and ALMOST ENTIRELY DEPENDING ON LUCK. To draw in those pesky war gamers, it would also come with a 300 page instruction manual, which, unbeknownst to them, would contain about 297 pages of pictures featuring Kevin Costner in a speedo or less, 1 page for the table of contents, 1 page for the credits, and 1 page for instructions on how to mix your very manly Waterworld themed drinks.
Rules are unnecessary, as the movie is essentially a feature-length example of play.
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The King of Cool
United States
Pennsylvania
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Trading Commodities in the World of the Future!
Who doesn't love a good trading game? The best part about Waterworld - The Board Game would most certainly be the rich and complex economic system. "Wood for Sheep"? Hell, I've got Women for National Geographic. Let's see you try to come up with a forward contract taking THAT into consideration Mr. Wallstreet. No bailout will be able to save you from failing to invest in the futures of dirt, limes, paper, and women. Everyone can learn a thing or two about a shifting economy in this family-friendly game!
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The King of Cool
United States
Pennsylvania
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Cigars!
What other game features a box of smuggled Cuban cigars with every purchase? Break out the game, puff on that cigar, and pray to the gods of cancer-assignation that they skip your mouth/lungs. Now you can feel like a real Smoker! All you need now is a Jet Ski and a can of Smeat and your ready to terrorize the peoples of Waterworld!
*NOTE* To become the leader of the Smokers, you must don the Eyepath of Badassness included in the box. If anyone challenges you for it, lock them up in a derelict oil tanker.
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