It's A Wonderful Life
Junior McSpiffy
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Riverton
Utah
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Odd things happen when you fall asleep in front of the television. It's been a very hectic week of getting the house ready, shopping, baking, visiting friends, visiting family, avoiding meeting other friends and other family... and finally last night, I sat down to polish off the process of getting into the Christmas spirit by sitting down to watch It's A Wonderful Life. I promptly fell asleep. The following is, as best I can recall, the dream I had with the background soundtrack supplied by RKO.
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1. Board Game: Be an Angel [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
Junior McSpiffy
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"Clarence? Clarence?"

"I'm here, sir. What is it?"

"Clarence, we're sending you down to help a man."

"What, is he sick?"

"Worse, he's despondent. He's thinking of ending it all and throwing away the greatest gift Parker Brothers could give."

"You mean being on the cover of Monopoly? Well, when do I go?"

"Sit down, Clarence. If you're going to help a man, you should know a little bit about him."
 
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2. Board Game: Advance to Boardwalk [Average Rating:5.35 Overall Rank:14763]
Junior McSpiffy
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"Uncle Pennybags wasn't always an uncle, you know. Oh no. Way back before he could even grow a moustache or afford his own top hat, he was just George Pennybags, simple high school student back in Boardwalk Falls. And when things were just getting started for him, 'Monopoly' was about to fall through the cracks. Oh, it was a flawed game, but it's designer had a love for it, so he had ol' George Pennybags come to fix it and sell it to Parker Brothers. George Pennybags saved that game, that beloved, classic game. Then..."

"Pardon for interrupting, but I thought the designer sold enough homemade versions that Parker Brothers just overlooked the flaws and added Uncle Pennybags later, seeing that..."

"Clarence?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Please quit trying to kill the premise of this bit before it even gets off the ground."

"Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. As you were saying."
 
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3. Board Game: Manhattan [Average Rating:6.70 Overall Rank:992]
Junior McSpiffy
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"Well, George Pennybags had greater ambitions than Boardwalk Falls. We wanted to go to college. He wanted to travel, and to design skyscrapers and bridges. But more than all of that, Pennybags wanted to help people. And all of his dreams and plans couldn't get in the way of him helping others. Well, it seems that just as he was about to leave town for college and to travel, just as he'd always wanted, Granduncle Pennybags died of a stroke."
 
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4. Board Game: Puerto Rico [Average Rating:8.06 Overall Rank:15]
Junior McSpiffy
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"That's when Mr. Potterico, who normally just stood on the edge of his personal wharf with a thick moustache, tried to take over Monopoly, wanting to make it so nobody ever got paid for anything that happened in the game. Well, George just couldn't stand to see that happen, so he persuaded Parker Brothers to save Monopoly, but only as long as he chose to stay on with the game."

"Very noble of him."
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5. Board Game: The Newlywed Game [Average Rating:4.82 Overall Rank:14821]
Junior McSpiffy
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"Well, George stays in Boardwalk Falls, falls in love, gets married, and is about to leave town with his bride and travel the world on his honeymoon, but as they're leaving, there's a run on the bank."

"Why, there's only $15,140 in there. They'll never make it. Mary, Mary... we... we need to go back and give away our honeymoon money to make sure this game survives. "

"Screw you, George. I've always wanted to see the Pacific, and I'm going, with or without you."

"But Mary... the Pacific isn't so far away... we... we can see it whenever... we just need to go to Atlantic, roll a five, turn right, and you practically fall in. Mary... come back!"

"So George Pennybags saved Monopoly, but it cost him his chance at happiness."

"Are you really sure that's how it went, sir?"

"We couldn't find a game with anyone who looked like Aunt Pennybags, so this is what we're left with. Just go with it."

"Just as you say, sir."
 
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6. Board Game: Monopoly: Puerto Rico [Average Rating:3.33 Unranked]
Junior McSpiffy
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"But Monopoly was saved, and for a while, things were going quite well for the aspiring George Pennybags. He had started up Bailey Park Place, which offered affordable housing for the people of Boardwalk Falls. Up until that point, the only option they had was Potterico Field, where all the houses looked like coffee roasters and could only fit two people at a time. And they were all disturbingly close to work. And anyone who wanted to have a kid had to move to the indigo fields on the outskirts of town. Oh, Mr. Potterico was trying to bring down all the good work George Pennybags was doing for the city, and he finally had his chance.
 
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7. Board Game: Loopin' Louie [Average Rating:6.85 Overall Rank:682]
Junior McSpiffy
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"Someone working for George was on his way to the large market to make a payment when he heard that Monopoly had just saved Parker Brothers from kamikaze pilots. He got so wrapped up in the excitement of the news that he forgot to make the deposit properly, and Mr Potterico decided to try foreclosing on Pennybags.

And that is how he has reached this point hanging over a bridge, looking into the river, and thinking of ending it all."

"Well, I better get down there then, hadn't I?"
 
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8. Board Game: Baywatch: The Game [Average Rating:3.50 Unranked]
Junior McSpiffy
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SPLASH!

"What did you do that for... you're... you're crazy, that's what you are!"

"I had to jump in to save you. I'm your guardian angel."

"Well, you never should have saved me. This world would be better off if I had never been trademarked."

"Okay, Pennybags, you've never been trademarked. Let's see how things turned out, shall we?"
 
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9. Board Game: San Juan [Average Rating:7.28 Overall Rank:228]
Junior McSpiffy
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Boardwalk Falls is no more. It's been renamed and is now called Pottericoville.
 
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10. Board Game: Times Square [Average Rating:6.31 Overall Rank:2515]
Junior McSpiffy
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It's mostly a slum now and Main Street is primarily comprised of sleazy bars.
 
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11. Board Game: Phantoms vs Phantoms [Average Rating:6.37 Overall Rank:2255]
Junior McSpiffy
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Bailey Park Place was never built and it was now a cemetary.
 
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12. Board Game: Old Maid [Average Rating:3.58 Overall Rank:15325]
Junior McSpiffy
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George's mother runs a boarding home and life has turned her bitter and cynical. His wife-for-a-moment, Mary is a spinster librarian, lonely and embittered.
 
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13. Board Game: Don't Break the Ice [Average Rating:4.72 Overall Rank:15274]
Junior McSpiffy
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Without George Pennybags around, Monopoly slipped through the ice. Monopoly wasn't there to save Parker Brothers, and they didn't make it.
 
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14. Board Game: Busen Memo [Average Rating:4.80 Overall Rank:15116]
Junior McSpiffy
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Violet was... well...
 
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15. Board Game: Monopoly: Sesame Street [Average Rating:4.50 Unranked]
Junior McSpiffy
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Riverton
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Ernie and Bert are still friends, but they are grim and much darker characters.
 
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16. Board Game: Main Street [Average Rating:3.67 Unranked]
Junior McSpiffy
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Pennybags then prays, begging Clarence to put him back in his old life. He returns, just to the point where he was about to jump off the bridge.... and he starts sprinting home down Main Street
 
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17. Board Game: Dream Factory [Average Rating:7.06 Overall Rank:575]
Junior McSpiffy
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"Hello Boardwalk Falls! Merry Christmas, moviehouse!"
 
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18. Board Game: Car Wars Expansion Set #9, Muskogee Fairground & Family Emporium [Average Rating:6.34 Unranked] [Average Rating:6.34 Unranked]
Junior McSpiffy
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"Merry Christmas, Emporium!"
 
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19. Board Game: Boomtown: The Building of a City [Average Rating:5.70 Unranked]
Junior McSpiffy
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"Merry Christmas, you wonderful ol' building and loan!"
 
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20. Board Game: Don't Drop the Soap [Average Rating:3.32 Unranked]
Junior McSpiffy
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"Merry Christmas, Mister Potterico!"

"Happy New Year to you... in jail! Go on home, they're waiting for you."
 
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21. Board Game: Free Parking [Average Rating:5.16 Overall Rank:14760]
Junior McSpiffy
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Just before reaching home, however, George stopped by Free Parking, stole the city's luxury tax fund, and paid off everyone.
 
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22. Board Game: Hotel Tycoon [Average Rating:5.44 Overall Rank:14997]
Junior McSpiffy
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He then used the proceeds of his company to buy up sections of the town, mortgaged the electric company, built up hotels in all the residential areas, crushed Mr Potterico under his heel and then just kept going. Thus proving no good deed goes unpunished.
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23. Board Game: Pit [Average Rating:6.40 Overall Rank:1352]
Junior McSpiffy
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And just remember... every time a bell rings, an angel earns his wings. And has nine of a kind.
 
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