I paid to see this? The worst films you've seen at the cinema.
Simon Crowe
United Kingdom
Sheffield
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I've never walked out of a film at the cinema, but it's been close a few times. Last night was no exception, and prompted me to create this Geeklist.

So which films have you wasted your heard-earned cash to go see?

Which movie disasters were 2 or more hours of your life you'll never get back?

What cinematic nightmares had you falling asleep in the cinema seats?




(PS: My first Geeklist! How exciting)
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1. Board Game: Sufferin' Spirits [Average Rating:5.87 Unranked]
Simon Crowe
United Kingdom
Sheffield
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The Spirit

The film that forced me into creating this list. A film of such staggeringly terrible plot, dialogue and pacing it is inconceivable that anyone thought this would be a good idea.

For those who are unaware of this car-crash of a film, it stars someone fairly bland as The Spirit - a pulp hero who can't die. Samuel L Jackson, Eva Mendes and Scarlett Johansson chew the scenery as various improbable baddies. Sometimes it tries to be The Dark Knight, and sometimes the campy 60's Batman. All the time it tries to be funny and clever, but it ends up constantly dull.

Frank Miller is out of control. He has done some good comics (and some awful ones), but he can't translate anything he was once good at to the screen. This man needs stopping before he commits more film crimes.
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2. Board Game: Spooky Scary Math Games [Average Rating:4.00 Unranked]
Simon Crowe
United Kingdom
Sheffield
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Scary Movie

Until I saw The Spirit, this was my choice for worst movie I'd ever paid to see. Now it's a close call.

A parody of teenage horror films (such as Scream) and supposedly packed with gags. I've had more laughs at the dentist. To be honest I can't remember much about it now, I think the trauma of seeing it has affected my mind.

The really scary thing is that, from what I hear, the movies go downhill from here. Scary Movie sequels, Disaster Movie, Epic Movie etc. I can't imagine how films could be worse or have less laughs. And people pay to see these?
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3. Board Game: Equilíbrio [Average Rating:6.75 Unranked]
Simon Crowe
United Kingdom
Sheffield
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Equilibrium

There are people out there who like this film, who think the gunplay is awesome and the plot, like, totally deep. I'm not sure they were watching the same film.

This stars Christian Bale as an awesome gunfighting enforcer in a futuristic society which rips off 1984. I say awesome gunfighter, but a more accurate description would be that he shoots people whilst doing a dance and his enemies fire their guns wildly into the air so as not to hit him.

It's an incredibly serious film that wants to be as cool as the Matrix but has not one original idea. Best scene: Bale is ordered to shoot a puppy but almost starts crying.

(This almost doesn't make the list as it has a 'so bad it's funny' vibe)
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4. Board Game: The 6 Days of Glory [Average Rating:6.64 Overall Rank:5710]
Simon Crowe
United Kingdom
Sheffield
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The 6th Day

An Arnold Shwarzenneger vehicle, released when his early career was flagging, coming out around the same time as End of Days.

I think End of Days had worse reviews, but I can't really remember anything about it, which is odd since I think Arnie fights the Devil or something which sounds awesome. But the 6th Day I remember every brain-searing second of.

A sci-fi 'thriller' with a sort of Total-Recall vibe, and a half-baked plot about cloning. It thinks it has something to say alongside being an extreme action movie. But all the explosions can't hide the clunky dialogue and nonscense script. The bad-guys are idiotic rather than threatening, the comedy cringe-worthy. It even fumbles with giving Arnie one-liners, and that's his speciaility.
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5. Board Game: Batman: The Robin Climbing Game [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
Simon Crowe
United Kingdom
Sheffield
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Batman & Robin

You may notice from my badge that I like Batman. And I'll admit, I even enjoyed Batman Forever. But this film left me speechless.

I don't think I've ever felt more embaressed for actors. I felt sorry for Uma Thurman, Alicia Silverstone, George Clooney - and at least Clooney constantly looked uncomfortable, wondering if he'd been paid enough.

Full of quick fire action, this jumps from scene to scene, none of which matter. It throws at you characters you don't care about, action that's not exciting and awful ice-based puns that make you want to punch someone.

It's saving grace was that it was so bad, no-one would touch Batman for a long time. Without this, we might not have had the Dark Knight. (Ok, I'm reaching a bit here for something good to say)
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6. Board Game: Austin Powers CCG [Average Rating:4.48 Overall Rank:14658]
Simon Crowe
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Sheffield
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Austin Powers in Goldmember

Ok, I'll admit this film has more laughs than Scary Movie, but it leaves me with just a nasty taste in my mouth.

It’s a case of diminishing returns. The original Austin Powers was a fun spoof of the spy genre, the second a decent rehash. But Goldmember is a horrific Holywood-ising of the franchise. It has about a billion celebrity cameos that add nothing, whilst at the same time rehashing the previous one-note characters and situations. Meanwhile it throws out any cleverness the previous two might have had.

Mike Myer has no ideas any more. Comedy accents and vulgarity have fully replaced any fun or wry spoofing. I was actually angry coming out of this movie.
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7. Board Game: Titanic [Average Rating:4.63 Overall Rank:14044]
Olav Fakkeldij
Netherlands
Beverwijk
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Looks like the game isn't good either...
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8. Board Game: Beastmaster Quest [Average Rating:0.00 Unranked]
♪ Isaäc Bickërstaff ♫
United States
Greer
South Carolina
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Beastmaster 2: Portal through Time

This movie starred Kahri Wuhrer (the female co-host of MTV's "Remote Control") as the modern-day sidekick of the guy who played the Beastmaster in the first movie. See, he stumbles across this portal that takes him forward through time....

Yeah.

My dad tells me that this wouldn't be my "Worst Movie Ever Seen in Theaters" if I had gone with him to see Cyborg (we've had this conversation many times before).
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9. Board Game: Budget Battlefield [Average Rating:6.44 Unranked]
Kristian Madsen
Sweden
Bandhagen
n/a
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Battlefield Earth.

I and my then fiancee were visiting here sister in Gothenburg. We decided to go out and see a movie together. Battlefield Earth sounded like a fun sci-fi romp. Halleluja, there was a revelation to be had!

After 45 minutes of trying really hard to see the fun in this turkey it became unbearable. We unanimously decided to go to a pub and try to drink Travolta's gospel out of our recent memory.

To date this remains the only movie I've ever walked out on. I'm proud I did.

/kgm
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10. Board Game: Das Big Bobby Car Spiel [Average Rating:4.17 Unranked]
Mike Cooper
United States
Lewisville
Texas
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Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

One of the only two movies I've ever walked out of (the other was Leaving Las Vegas), and another couple left the same time as we did.

This movie was just mean-spirited and cruel. I left in the middle of the pool table scene. I haven't liked Will Ferrell in anything since Elf (I give Anchorman a pass just because it was so silly), and I lost a lot of respect for John C. Reilly after he hitched his star to Ferrell and the last couple of turds they've been in together.
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11. Board Game: Coolympics [Average Rating:4.79 Unranked]
Laura Lawson
United States
Cincinnati
Ohio
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Cool World (1992)

Is it a comic strip? Is it real life? WHO CARES!!

It was the only time my husband and I agreed with Cincinnati Enquirer's movie critic (back when newspapers had their own movie critics!). He gave it "0" stars, the only time he ever did that (according to my husband's memory), and boy was he was right!!!

Kim Basinger was the "star" of the movie. In looking it up on IMDb, I found out that Brad Pitt was in this bomb, too.

We watched this worthless movie at the cineplex at the mall; it's the only time I've ever considered getting up and walking out. The boredom killed me--I was ready to do ANYTHING besides stay in the seat--but since we had come with friends, I stayed where I was. And I still regret it.
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12. Board Game: Highlander: The Card Game [Average Rating:6.19 Overall Rank:7654]
Lance
United States
Moorhead
Minnesota
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Highlander 2

Thank you Highlander 2, for ruining the background of one of my favorite movies of all time. Freemen of Zeist? What...the...hell?

A plot so stupid, so incomprehensible, you wonder who came up with it and thought it was good idea. You put a giant shell over the Earth blocking out the sun? That's what you did with your ultimate power Connor? So your arch enemy is on Earth and dying of old age, but you decide to send some immortals to kill him anyway, just to show how evil you are? Ramirez is alive because...well who knows.

My buddies had to choose between this and Lord of the Flies one night, and one guy refused to go see the latter. We still give him crap for it.
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13. Board Game: 10 Days in Africa [Average Rating:6.57 Overall Rank:1615]
darren williams
Wales
maesteg
bridgend
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Out of Africa

Just to show my age, the one and only time I ever walked out of a cinema and I do enjoy some trash films by the way was this award winner. Looked beautiful, big cast etc but just had nothing to hold me, and my then date together.
Now if it had been Porkies, Warriors or the Wanderers etc another story!
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14. Board Game: Star Wars: Attack of the Clones Card Game [Average Rating:5.79 Overall Rank:9632]
Richard S
United States
Rensselaer
New York
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Star Wars: The Clone Wars is the single worst movie that I have ever seen in a theater. It was at a cheap second run theater and I had not heard anything about it, so we just went for the heck of it.

You know how some movies go straight to DVD? The Clone Wars was so bad that it could go direct to MST3K. We did stay through most of it, but that was because we bought a big tub of popcorn and it was good unlike the movie.
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15. Board Game: The Propaganda Game [Average Rating:6.81 Unranked]
William Wood
Canada
Toronto
Ontario
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If we're talking ham-fisted, manipulative "non-fiction," Fahrenheit 9/11 wins hands down.

For "entertainment" films, I think it's First Daughter starring everyone's favourite brainwashee, Katie Holmes. Van Helsing and Serendipity are pretty close seconds, though.
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16. Board Game: Lucky Leprechauns [Average Rating:8.00 Unranked]
Phil Shepherd
United States
Arlington
Virginia
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Leprechaun

Easily the worst movie I've ever seen at the theater and the only movie I've ever fallen asleep on in a movie theater.

My best friend still laughs at me for bitching about this turd, saying "what did you expect?" But that same summer he paid to see Jean-Claude Van Damme's "Hard Target" which I later saw on video. Hard to say which was worse.
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17. Board Game: The Shepherd's Game [Average Rating:6.00 Unranked]
Ben Lott
United States
Mason
Michigan
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There are only 2 movies that I've actually walked out on because of how horrid they were, so by definition these are the 2 worst films I've ever gone to:



After 45 minutes of nothing interesting happening, I went to the theater manager and requested the right to go see a different movie. I ended up going into Eragon instead, which still wasn't very good, but it was at least tolerable.



I was only 12 years old when I went with my family to see this movie, and I was already a big Bond fan thanks to my dad. But this one was so collosally bad that my mother and I walked out after a little bit, and left my brother and dad to sit through the rest. After this film I never watched another Bond film in the theater until the new Casino Royale.
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18. Board Game: Disguise [Average Rating:5.33 Unranked]
whistler
United States
West Virginia
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The Master of Disguise

I actually walked out and got my money back for this one. There was also some lady talking back to the movie as if the actors were speaking to her. I don't mean she was simply voicing her thoughts and reactions - she seemed to think she was participating in a conversation.
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19. Board Game: Matrix [Average Rating:3.56 Unranked]
 
whistler
United States
West Virginia
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The Matrix

Great special effects don't make up for crappy dialogue and plot development. I almost walked out of the theater, and probably should have avoided the film in the first place since it starred Keanu. The Thirteenth Floor is a much better treatment of the theme.

Even George Lucas (without Lawrence Kasdan) could have written it better.

On a side note, have you noticed how many games pop up when you search for "matrix"? One even relates to the movie, but it didn't have a picture.
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20. Board Game: Pecos Bill [Average Rating:3.00 Unranked]
Joe Huber

Westborough
Massachusetts
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Kill Bill: Vol. 1

While I don't see enough movies to endure many bad ones, this is the only movie I can think of that my wife and I paid to see - and walked out of. I had the misfortune of watching Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 because my sons were at just the wrong age when it came out - and I'd far, far rather watch Superbabies again multiple times than sit though the half of Kill Bill I haven't seen.
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21. Board Game: Cave Troll [Average Rating:6.41 Overall Rank:1575]
Mike Jones
United States
Gainesville
Florida
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I went to see one of the Earnest movies with a friend in High School, he was commenting on how it was the worst movie he had ever saw. I told noooo way, Cave Girl was the worst. All kinds of 'top' actors doing a horrible job with a really bad script and 80's effects.

I promptly made him go back to my house and watch it. Yes, I had on on tape just to torture people. Which I guess means it must not have beent hat bad.
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22. Board Game: Exit [Average Rating:5.89 Overall Rank:11853]
Tim P.
United States
Thousand Oaks
CA
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Existenz

I didn't walk out, I just didn't turn up.

We had two tickets, bought and paid for and were killing time shopping before the film. Bumped into some friends who advised to avoid the film. So we did.

Saw it later on cable... that was money well wasted.

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23. Board Game: 40 Overs [Average Rating:6.29 Unranked]
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For me that utterly boring, annoying movie was The 40-year Old Virgin. Not only was it not funny for huge swaths of the movie, we were forced (due to it being the last copy available at our local rental store) to watch the edition with "15 extra minutes of hilarity!"

Sadly it was 15 extra minutes of monotony and lame high-school quality jokes. Not funny at all. (Which is odd because normally I really enjoy Steve Carrell)
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24. Board Game: Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids [Average Rating:3.36 Unranked]
United States
New York
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Leonard, Part 6

Bill Cosby, at the height of his popularity, put out one of the ten worst films ever made. It is too bad that this one did not damage his carreer as much as it did the psyches of those that watched this turd. Avoid with extreme prejudice.


The worst movie I have ever seen -- Hudson Hawk -- was, thankfully, not one that I paid good money for, but instead saw on the small screen. Of all the films I have seen (and this includes many turkeys including the Ed Wood films and "Manos: the Hand of Fate") this one ranks as the uber-turkey of eternity.
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25. Board Game: Chancellorsville [Average Rating:5.18 Unranked]
Tim P.
United States
Thousand Oaks
CA
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Gods and Generals

This script was so dry, the acting uninspiring and the film was so long that I was extremely close to walking out at the intermission. I was hating it more than the gf of the time, partly because I knew what was going to happen.

G&G was payback for all the chick flicks, some are mentioned in this list, that I had to endure at the request of gf's or female friends. There are so many that I cannot remember their names.

I have G&G on DVD now, I got it for $9.99 along with Gettysburg, and can only watch it for short periods.

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