State Penitentiary board game Marketplace report
Bryan Cooper
United States
Portland
OR
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Here is a marketplace report for boardgames at Crookshank Penetentiary. Most everybody would like to give Agricola a try, but nobody has figured out how to smuggle in a 30 lb game that sounds like a maracca on visiting day.

For now, we have a few games hidden away from the guards, and the last price a con paid for them, for you to review.

If you have prices for your games in your state pen, we'd love to see what the going rate is.
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1. Board Game: Citadels [Average Rating:7.12 Overall Rank:320]
Bryan Cooper
United States
Portland
OR
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Last price: 2 quarts of toilet bowl gin, 2 cartons Lucky Strikes

The whole cell block loves this game. The way most cons figure it, there isn't a hand where they don't come out ahead. The guys in for larceny are always grabbing for the 'Thief'. Got a murder rap, you always grab 'Assassin'. The fraud guys pull the 'King' or 'Warlord' cards. If you are in on a sexual assualt charge, then the 'Bishop' is for you. No matter how many times it gets played, the cons get something out of it.
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2. Board Game: Mouse Trap [Average Rating:4.09 Overall Rank:15453]
Bryan Cooper
United States
Portland
OR
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Last price: pack of Marlboros

There was a group down in cell block 'J' that loved this stupid thing, but then Three-Wire Eddie got sent up for his third stint. Everybody likes Eddie, good with a joke. Knows people on the outside to help take care of things from the inside. As stable and straight-up a car jacker as you'll ever meet, but the first time he saw that bowling ball drop through the bathtub onto the diving board launching the little man into the washtub, well Eddie went nuts. Ran around the floor screaming and yanking at his clothes, until the guards tased him into submission. Now they can only play the game when Eddie is being distracted by "America's Next Top Model".
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3. Board Game: Ca$h 'n Gun$ [Average Rating:6.63 Overall Rank:888]
Bryan Cooper
United States
Portland
OR
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Last Price: All issues of Penthouse Forum from 1997 including a stunning letter from a pig-farmer in Wisconsin who had an unnamed state university bus of cheerleaders break down at the end of his driveway during a thunderstorm.

The price on this item went through the roof, when Warden Norton consfiscated this game on the grounds of moral terpitude. Warden Norton finds most things outside of Sunday School terpitudinous, but for some reason gangsters splitting loot ranks right up there with cannabalism, communism, and Milli Vanilli. Luckily, the trustee in charge of the consifiscated items vault is a fan of pig-farmers.
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4. Board Game: How to Host a Murder: An Affair to Dismember [Average Rating:7.18 Unranked]
Bryan Cooper
United States
Portland
OR
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Last price: 8 cigs (unfiltered)

This was popular for awhile. Even climbed up to the top of the list one cold winter, but then some of the lifers started taking to interpretting the rulebook with a little less irony than was intended. Drove the price way down when the game owners kept turning up in various parts of the exercise yard.
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5. Board Game: Power Grid [Average Rating:7.91 Overall Rank:29]
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Portland
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Current price: prison yard dirt

The cons hate this one. A guy named Stew-Pot Pete brought this with him from Leavenworth, but after a couple of plays none of the cons could figure out how to angle the game to their favor. After a couple more plays, where no one could figure a way to queer the odds, they turned viciously on Stew-Pot pummelling him with a dice tower. Warden Norton transferred him to Marion for his own safety. Word is they are keeping him in isolaton up there.
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